Author Topic: Spam! Nostalgia  (Read 1125 times)

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
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Spam! Nostalgia
« on: February 04, 2004, 06:11:08 PM »
These days the only spam I ever seem to get is offers of midget porn or whatever fetish is currently "in". Obviously, these sorts of emails do nothing except for desentisizing me even more and acting as a slight annoyance.

However, when I first got the internet in 1998, the situation was quite different. I used to get spam that was amusing because it demonstrated just how stupid and gullible people can be. I'm sure that more will come back to me over time, but here are some of the classics that I remember:

1. Missing persons pleas
I got quite a few of these back in the old days. Basically, they were descriptions of children who'd gone missing in Michigan in 1996. The problem with this method of finding lost kids is firstly that no child from Michigan is going to end up in London and secondly because of the amount of times the email had been forwarded, there was virtually no way of contacting the original sender if you ever found the lost sprog. However, all of this is of course irrelevant because the child never existed anyway.

2. Free Disneyland holidays
This one was sent to me by a group of people at my school who were about two years older than me. What happened here is that someone had told them that if they sent this message to a simply ludicrous number of people, they'd get a free holiday. I can't believe anyone was actually taken in by something so obviously false and unworkable, but there you go.

3. Bad luck/death threats
These were my favourites. At the end of a neverending list of names and email addresses was a message saying that you had to forward the email on or else some ghastly things would happen to you. An example is:
If you send this email to 100+ people: You will have a very good life!
If you send this email to 50-100 people: You will have one month of bad luck!
If you send this email to 25-50 people: You will never get married!
If you send this email to under 25 people: Your legs will fall off!
If you send this email to nobody: You will die of cancer!

4. Chain emails
I loved these. They were just like chain letters except on the internet. They were clearly started by someone trying to see just how stupid the general public is because the accompanying message explaining the history of the chain email said it started in the year 1889! I once pointed out to some minion that this was clearly a lie and they still wouldn't accept that it wasn't genuine. Some people...

Does anyone else have any fond memories of spam from times past?

Sherringford Hovis

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Spam! Nostalgia
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2004, 06:52:22 PM »
I used to get his one a lot in 2001... I never read it all the way through until I saw this thread - I used to just 'dip in' to it once in a while, like one would a jokebook if looking for a quick chuckle...

Quote


Did u know that if you put your fingers in your ears right now you can speak to God of Abraham, Allah, Adonai, Jehovah, Creator of the Earth and Universe , God of Buddhists,Hindus and all religions the same as Moses on the mountain ? It is your bloodstream rushing.God speaks in all languages ,is funny, and you can keep your slang/foul mouth/dirty mind. Every person on earth can speak to God 24 hours a day.God is incorporating this into all religions and is not canceling any religions.How did God come?How did this happen? I do not know but God is so funny,such a big help ,and like your best friend.This is like so AWESOME. This is the same way Moses, Adam and Eve,and Mohammed spoke to God .I think they listened to the wind and trees rustling (leaves hitting each other in trees and bushes making syllable noises). It is your brain and Gods brain similar to that STAR TREK where the green big head aliens think to each other and do not speak out loud .How else do I listen Im at work you big dummy? you say. Put both of your fingers in your ears right now and listen for a minute. WAITING. Hear it? It is your brain and GODs brain one at a time.It is your thoughts and gods thoughts like a walkie talkie conversation one at a time.This will teach you like school. Jingle your keys around GO WILD. Drum your pen like you were in Greenday, Ringo Starr, Puff Daddy, or Timbaland etc. Hear the syllables? Take your pulse with your thumb while putting your hand around youre your wrist , your temple on the side of your head, between your pointing finger and thumb, and your fingertips together (except your pinky ). GOD said no person needs to rebuild the temple and then god will come.He is already here.
Who is god like ? GOKU s Master Roshi on Dragonballz (cartoon) and Yoda (STAR WARS). How else do I listen? One drip of water dripping on an (near center) upside down aluminum pie pan in your shower/bathtub and/or in your sink,and a chicken pot pie pan upside down dripping on the rim . My favorite is to put pieces of plastic or paper cut up 1 or 2 inches times 6 inches folded in half in 2 places(ziplockbags/notebook paper) in the back or front of an oscillating or box fan and the clicking is(talking) very fast.Foam earplugs are good also.You can get them at a music store (Sam Ash.com/Guitar center.com) and use them while your walking with a hat on.Walmart has them in the bbgun isle.I think the higher the rating the more noise they block out. People around here have lots of jingling keychains on their belt, purse, and bookbags. Flipflops (between your toe) sandals are awesome. Drag your feet. All accidental noises: computers beeping, typing , farting, cleaning banging noises ,bags crinkling, hammering, rain,thunder,animal noises(dogs,birds),walking, all things talk. Dont say bad things in your brain to trick people please. Try not to laugh out loud at the noises you hear. DO NOT SPEAK OUT LOUD. ONLY CRAZY PEOPLE TALK OUT LOUD to GOD . THINK IN YOUR BRAIN.
WHAt does GOD do that wild and crazy guy. He is your best friend. He helps /cures the handicapped, saves lives, and gives you good morals.He answers all questions -write a list. He helps with decision making (car,house, loan,mate, spouse ,louse?). God is as funny as your favorite comedian- I SWEAR. God loves every person on the face of this earth equally.You can listen 24 hours a day ,before work,or at work. Judges and Lawyers can make perfect decisions with perfect questioning and an answer if necessary. Doctors/paramedics/ER can make a 100% correct diagnosis. Firemen will be safer. Police/FBI all people are caught.All people in prison are repented with a new direction and innocent are freed. Employers and Teachers can keep employees and students interested in their work God knows if they are bored. Diplomats, Un , Govt. ,please pass this to local groups this is WORLD PEACE. Reverends ,Priests ,Rabbis ,Clerics ,Nuns ,please help the LORD .PASS THIS OUT AT BEGINNING and/or END OF SERVICE. You can say someone handed this or emailed this to me. This is the coolest thing in history. When you die you get a hallway in heaven with windows and you get to watch your loved ones twenty- four hours a day forever and ever and ever ever. It is like you are a born again Jew, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu etc.. It is like that Footprints poem . Dude is walking and he looks back at the footsteps in his life and sees only one set of footprints and says lord why was there only one set of footprints at the worst times in my life. God says dude thats when I carried you- you big dummy. When you listen to GOD many good paths will appear in different directions and you can still pick your own choice and make your own decisions. The difference is that all your decisions will be- like perfect -that you ask about- because GOD will tell you the outcome of your choice. Remember he knows you and what you like in your heart. God is FUN, FUN, FUN .
When you give this to people youll be as cool as Beastieboys,Madonna,Maxwell,Beck,James Bond,Batman,Ellen,Martha Stewart,Shaft, you speak to GOD!!! Make a bajillionzillion at work.Buy a WEBBOUND. COM book at Books-a-Million/Comp Usa, Website Contact Book from Barnes and Noble, Select- a-Fax, ETC. Each site in those books can be emailed and there are millions upon millions to be derived. THE COPY MACHINE IS YOUR FRIEND. Leave a stack somewhere. Help GOD out . Send this with your mail.PLEASE : EMAIL, PRINT, FAX, HAND THIS OUT to: friends, strangers ,GOVERNMENTS ,PRESIDENTS, fireman,drivers,airline/mechanic/pilot, school/city bus,taxi/train, life/coastguard, employees(payroll/paychecks)-coolest boss ever ,charity, doctor,nurse,sale-put in bag/box/mailorder ,holiday, birthday, sale-put inbag/box/mailorder,holiday,meanies,,janitors/teachers/carwash(putondesk/seat)neighbors, strange people (yourfamily),coworkers, bosses, children, schoolboard,mayors, county commissioners,police chief, students(student Govt /life),Church,surgeon,paramedics, psychologists, Mosk, Temple,PTA, enemies(you wont have any),elderly center, hospital, Police(domes.disputes/pullovers), FBI, all Law Enforcement, YMCA, UNIONS, Associations ,Big brother and sister, mentor, REPORTERS (contacts), Boyscouts, Girlscouts, Military, Daycare, united way,nightclub/business flyers(back of ad),Homeless people(self sufficient), shelter, Covenant House, headstart, maternity ward, Jewish Federation, DARE program- god will save peoples lives zero crashes/accidents. DISEASE RESEARCHERS all diseases are cured or there is a vaccine. God will help children.Tell them to call 911 ,scream, be happy, be good,good morals, not use drugs.NOW START Forwarding, Select All/Copy/Print, FAX, (save as word doc.) and Handing these out. LEAVE A STACK. Throw this letter in with candy for Halloween give out all holidays. TAKE OUT A FULL PAGE AD.Call your TV station/ get on TV/.Make A TV COMMERCIAL /PUBLIC SERVICE /CHURCH/ PUBLICIZE THIS. For Gods sake dont keep your fingers in your ear. WORST of all do not move your mouth like a dubbed Cantonese karate movie in English or vice versa. Put this on your server likehttp://how2listen2god.tripod.com HAVE FUN!!!! BE GOOD!!!!
 
 


This is the short version!

The full one is STILL ONLINE at http://how2listen2god.tripod.com - if you want to know how to really listen to God...

Spam! Nostalgia
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2004, 07:16:58 PM »
oh balls, i never noticed this spam thread before i gone started another one... spam spam spam spam...

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Spam! Nostalgia
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2004, 07:54:39 PM »
Obviously the world just isn't yet ready for two threads about email spam...

JesusAndYourBush

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Spam! Nostalgia
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2004, 11:56:42 PM »
An old chain letter which was sent to me and I still have...

Date: Mon, 8 May 89 12:22:11 PDT
From: Bill Nye <sda!nye@edu.berkeley.cds598>
Message-Id: <8905081922.AA19887@cds598.noble>
To: primea.leeds-poly.ac.uk!CMP1D10@edu.berkeley.cad
Subject: Re:  greetings
Sender: sda!nye%edu.berkeley.cds598@edu.berkeley.cad

Here is my original mail that I sent out in 1985 (!!!).
(And send me the lightbulb and funny cow guide, thanks)


Date: Tue, 20 Aug 85 22:05:21 PDT
From: nye (Bill Nye)
To: boulder-lightner, debby-gordon, imperial-hanna, sda-jimbo, umandre
Subject: Well, I'm passing it on to 4 more people!
Cc: landers, nye, optcadgroup

Date: 20 August 1985, 16:52:18 EDT
From: Nanni.De.Micheli.945-1417.HNANNI@YKTVMX.T.J.Watson.Research.Center.
      P.O.Box.218.Yorktown.                    (914)
To: William.T.Nye.642-1891.IC.NYE@UCBJADE.BERKELEY  (Bill)      (415)

 Do you know who in 1923 was:

  1. President of the largest steel company?
  2. President of the largest gas company?
  3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
  4. Greatest wheat speculator?
  5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
  6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

 These men should have been considered  some of the world's most success-
 full men. At least they found the  secret of making money.  Now about 60
 years later, do you know what became of these men?

  1. The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a
     pauper.
  2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is insane.
  3. The president of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from
     (an institution) to die at home.
  4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Coccer, died abroad insolvent.
  5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.
  6. The greatest Bear of wall street, Cosabee Rivermore, committed
     suicide.
 The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship,
 Gene Sarazan, won the  U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. Today  he is still
 playing golf and is solvent.

 CONCLUSION
 ----------

 Stop worrying about business AND PLAY GOLF.
 -------------------------------------------

 This letter  originated in  the Netherlands, has  been passed  round the
 world at least 20  times, bringing good luck to everyone  who passed it
 on. The one that breaks the chain  will have BAD luck.

 Do not keep this letter. Do not send any money. Just have your wonderful
 efficient secretary  make four additional copies, and send  it to five
 of your friends to whom you wish  good luck. You will see that something
 good happens to you four days from now if the chain is not broken.  This
 is not a joke.

 You will receive good luck in four days!!!

 Put your name at the bottom of this letter and leave the top name off.

  Doug Knowles
  Fred Hing
  Desmond Kirkpatrick
  Jae K. Kim
  Edith Wang
  David Mitzi
  Paula Sweeney
  Ralph Otten
  Nanni De Micheli
  Bill Nye

NaN

    • http://www.silvereye.co.uk
Spam! Nostalgia
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2004, 12:45:22 AM »
I was once sent an email informing me that $29 was succesfully paid and that a bunch of child porn DVDs are rushing themselves to my home address as we speak....

the internet is a horrid invention

Spam! Nostalgia
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2004, 10:52:34 AM »
Quote from: "NaN"
I was once sent an email informing me that $29 was succesfully paid and that a bunch of child porn DVDs are rushing themselves to my home address as we speak....

the internet is a horrid invention


That reminds me of a scam I heard about.  

Some guy decided to rip some people off by selling pornography through the post.  He's advert read something like "Top quality pornography descretly delivered to your door, Cheque only. £25".  Thousands sent their money to him expecting to get some film through the door in 24 days.  None of them did, but all of them had their £25 taken out of their accounts.  When nothing arrived people started to write to him to ask him where their film was.  What they got was a letter back headed, " Child Pornography productions " or such like.  Which further went on to explain that there had been unavoidable problems and that they could not supply the video or a refund.  Of course, no one went to the police to complain.

MojoJojo

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Spam! Nostalgia
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2004, 11:11:20 AM »
Quote from: "New World Order"
Quote from: "NaN"
I was once sent an email informing me that $29 was succesfully paid and that a bunch of child porn DVDs are rushing themselves to my home address as we speak....

the internet is a horrid invention


That reminds me of a scam I heard about.  

Some guy decided to rip some people off by selling pornography through the post.  He's advert read something like "Top quality pornography descretly delivered to your door, Cheque only. £25".  Thousands sent their money to him expecting to get some film through the door in 24 days.  None of them did, but all of them had their £25 taken out of their accounts.  When nothing arrived people started to write to him to ask him where their film was.  What they got was a letter back headed, " Child Pornography productions " or such like.  Which further went on to explain that there had been unavoidable problems and that they could not supply the video or a refund.  Of course, no one went to the police to complain.


Sounds a bit like the scam described in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Spam! Nostalgia
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2004, 11:33:06 AM »
I heard it described by some aging guy on television who had been in prison for lying and cheating his way into different positions of power and getting away with it.  I cant remember his name, they were thinking about making a film of his life though, im not sure if thats still the case or not.  He said it was scam he wished he had though of himself.

Ooops going a bit off topic, sorry.

Edit:-  My best spam was the one advertising " Weight Loss Soap "....

Spam! Nostalgia
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2004, 11:34:43 AM »
The only thing I've ever learned from spam is that my cock is very very small, I'm impotent, and I need to spend $30 to have a wank. (With my tiny, impotent cock.)