The inability some people have to let go of the past and move forward.

[Searchlight]

You know the kind of people I mean. Im talking about people who admire a form of art to the point that they feel that they have to denigrate anything and everything that is new or modern. Then there are the people who obsess about dead and forgotten struggles from decades in the past. Then there are those who want to settle every score and to get revenge for everything bad that has ever happened to them even though doing so screws up their today.

In my experience living in the past is the first stage of being old and way too many people are old before their time. Spiritual and emotional growth only happens when we let go of the past. By all means people should learn from the past but then they should try to drop the subject and not bring it up every five seconds.

Am I speaking from personal experience? Yes I am.

So try something new today and feel young again.

[Marty McFly]

hmm, maybe I should stop listening to Buddy Holly then?

[Emma Raducanu]

Nice sermon.

[Howj Begg]

This is a good and interesting topic.

But still I must ask what is a dead struggle? And surely if a struggle is forgotten then
nobody cares about it, not even these people of whom you speak? Surely it is because struggles are remembered strongly and with keeness that many or few still care about them?

[Searchlight]

Good examples of dead struggles are people who still moan about the demise of eight tracks or the replacement of British sitcoms by alternative comedy or people who cry into their beer about some closed down coalmine or people who are still trying to refight the US civil war or people who never got over the ending of the Sopranos. The list is pretty much endless.

[Oscar]

But what IS spiritual growth? Do you mean becoming religious?

From what you've written it sounds a little bit like you are clinging onto people who cling onto the past so that you can feel superior to them. People see things differently, some people cling onto bygone days because it makes them feel secure or happy, it's not how I'd want to live but it isn't wrong.

I agree with you about revenge though, in fact any form of bitterness about the past is unpleasant, maybe this is all you're talking about and I've got it wrong. In which case I want to add "regrets about the past", if you hang on to regrets then you become too afraid to make mistakes in the future, which will hold you back. I suppose it's a matter of hanging onto things of the past that still make you happy (eg listening to Buddy Holly) and letting go things that make you miserable (eg getting bullied at school)

Reading back what I've written it all seems a bit obvious, still it's early, I'm not ready to think yet.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

You're only as young as the last time you changed your mind - Leary. <3

[Mary Hinge]

Searchlight, I pretty much agree with what you say there.

The problem I think is when people see an attack on their argument as an attack on themselves. Using the TCRAY model, of the stuff I've read I've usually enjoyed the big polemic two pages of A4 argument he puts forth at the top of a thread. They are often funny and have salient points. The problem is he uses all his ammo up front and has nothing else to add. But instead of saying "Well that's how I feel and I've said it now" or just calmly realising people can have different opinions and discussing it, he hung around trying to browbeat people with nothing better than "disagree with me, then you are a twuntfisting spasprick."

So yes, definitely think finding new pleasures is better. After all adjusting to new things exercises adaptability which is good for your mental health.

[mitzidog]

But I can revel in repeats of Two Ronnnies and still titter at Cheezoid

I can still remember lost loves with fondness or regret, while loving my current partner completely.

And yes I remember old battles, and old wars, and sometimes I can still feel the negative emotions I felt at the time.

There's an important distinction to be made between remembering the past and living in it.

I don't want to let go of my past in the sense that it made me the mess I am today.

I am, however the mess I am today and should deal with today on that basis.

[drberbatov]

It's impossible to completely let go of the past because there are always some vivid memories lingering in your head that 'haunt' you, as mitzi says. It's more a question of accepting time goes on and adapting and devoloping rather than stagnating in nostalgic thoughts of what once was.

[Ginyard]

A bottle of vodka a night seems to work miracles at blocking out the past. Thoroughly recommended.

[Mindbear]

I find certain things from my past very hard to let go of, but thats because the repercussions are still very much ruining my today. If they weren't I probably would be a damn site happier. However, with regards for media etc, I think it's natural for people to look to the first bands they loved with a great affection, same with the first comedy, I mean, I know every word to my first Sebadoh, Pavement and Fall albums, but I don't really know every word to many great albums nowadays, I can reel off the Big Night Out live video to the letter, but I couldn't tell you an entire episode of Arrested Development. I still love new things, but have huge affection for the first things I really loved.

[Starlit]

To go through life keeping one eye on the past is to be blind in one eye,
but to go through life without keeping one eye on the past is to be blind in both eyes.

I can't remember who this pearl of wisdom is attributed to, but I'm determined to find out.

[Steve Thompson Dance Mix]

So try something new today and feel young again.

I've tried but I still can't appreciate Girls Aloud.

[Searchlight]

In reply to those who have problems with letting go of bad experiences because they keep reliving past events I have the following advice.

It is a peculiarity of the human nervous system that it generally cannot tell the difference between a real and an imagined event and this is especially true for vivid memories (as traumatic memories so often are). We quite literally relive the event because as far as our central nervous system is concerned the event is happening all over again and we react accordingly.

The solution to this problem is to "tag" the memory as a memory and not a true, actual event. This is achieved by adding nonsense imagary to the relived event such as fading it to black and white, flipping the image over, inserting impossible events such as flying pigs etc. As soon as you do this the memory will no longer be a relived one but a remembered one. Over time the memory will have less power if it is "tagged" in this way.

If the consequences of a past event are now affecting your life just remember that SOMETIMES there are no victims, only volunteers. Ask yourself how much the past event are REALLY affecting your day to day existence.

Above all remember this. The best revenge is to live well.

[Mindbear]

Is that NLP kind of stuff you've just written there? My boss does that and he's told me to do the same things. The stuff that still affects me is a lot of mental illness stuff that happened due to a big horrible shock that happened in my life and the person that perpetrated it started working, very successfully, in the same field, and whereas due to my problems I have huge limitations in what I can achieve (although admittedly, I've done bloody well for a person in my position), they have become hugely rich, admired, revered and very much publicised on an almost daily basis.

Actually, you can give me some advice perhaps? Since all this, I can't read any music websites, any facebook, or myspace stuff, not even friends, or any music press, and I can't listen to a bunch of records, regardless of how good they are due to this persons involvement. I don't go to 90% of the places I did because this person now goes to them, and I can't talk to nearly all the friends i've made through work due to this too. When I see any of these things I get a full blown panic reaction, I can vomit, have passed out on quite a few occasions, get numb limbs, all sorts, how would you suggest I deal with this because I can't bear the least bit of exposure, and unlike most things where I've gradually exposed myself to them and overcome the fear, this I just can't seem to get any more okay with this.

[Oscar]

Have you seen a trauma therapist?
There are quite a few different ways to deal with trauma, and post traumatic problems, but you can't get the information off the Internet or deal with them yourself, you need a proffessional, objective person to help you through them and decide the best course of action for you.
Actually, now I think of it, I think you said you're on medication for mental problems, so you probably have seen psychiatrists and psychologists, but if you feel they haven't helped you enough, to the extent that you are asking untrained strangers for advice, then you need to find new psychiatrists etc and get better help.

[Searchlight]

Mindbear. Your problems sound too severe for a non professional like me to help you. Sometimes people are hostile to the idea of getting professional assistance but trust me, its the right and best thing to do. These people are good and you are not the first person to go through what you are currently experiencing.

If you choose to get that kind of help you will almost certainly hear the solution to your problem at some point in the process. The chances are you will be initially dismissive of the idea the first time you hear it but it will hopefully grow on you.

What Im trying to say is that if you are going to have any happiness in the future you will have to go through a lot of pain but it will be worth it in the end.

You do have my sympathy. I have known people go through what you are currently experiencing.

Take care and good luck.

Searchy.

[mitzidog]

Really can't agree enough about getting someone who knows what they're doing to talk you through this.

I had a small brush with Post-trauma after a motorbike accident a few many years ago, and then certain "issues" which I managed to get some sessions with a counsellor for a few years later.

Both times it was immensely helpful having someone tug the root of the problem out of me and it helped the perspective and accepting that there was a resolution albeit some way down the line.

[Mindbear]

Thanks so much for your lovely replies. I did have a therapist but I stopped seeing her before this person came into my work arena, she was just around when I had achieved what I have with my job so it was all mostly positive. I did try CBT but there isn't much funding for it where I live so I was having it once every six weeks and to be honest, I don't think having a gap like that helps at all. I am on meds, but they don't really deal with this side of things much so I've been put on a list for an assessment and I'm hoping that once I get that things will start coming on leaps and bounds. I thank god for my tolerant boyfriend because most men wouldn't have been able to deal with this I don't think. I don't want to spend the rest of my life sat in my flat because I'm too scared to see this human, if it was just fear, yeah, I could deal with it, but the being sick, the passing out, it's ridiculous and obviously it's something I want to avoid at all costs. I shall hang on until i'm assessed and see what comes of it.

[Searchlight]

Well good luck Mindbear. Lots of people are thinking of you.