I just killed a bat

[weekender]

One of the pleasures of these longer spring evenings is the twilight.  The sound of birds singing, the lovely summer sun dwindling to a gentle fade on the horizon, it really is beautiful.

So this evening I found myself outside (that's where I was going to have a cigarette, I shouldn't have been so surprised), and I noticed the gentle swoop of the winged birds gently swooping around in the dusk.

Only they weren't birds, were they, dear reader?  No, they were bats.  I found this out when one of them swooped towards me like a bat swooping towards a mouse.

Now, as no regular readers of this board will tell you (only the mad stalker ones who hate me), I don't look like a mouse.  No, I look like a fat man, someone on here came up with a good description a while ago but I can't remember what it was.  Maybe you could use this thread to insult my fat face?

So this bat had continually dive-bombed me for a good five minutes until eventually it tried to land on my face.

"Fuck that"

I thought, and lashed out at the bat quickly and voraciously (for I am a man).  Having only stunned it but clearly having caused it massive internal injuries, I picked it up by the wing and threw it against a wall, really hardly.  It stopped moving after that.

Then I read about bats on wikipedia, and it turns out that bats can see a bit, so I assume that this bat was fucking with me.  That'll teach it.

So, twilight, eh?  A fun time for relaxing and reflection, or a time when fucking bats try and kill you and man versus beast becomes a real-life fight to the death?  Have you ever killed a bat and, if so, how did you finish it off?  Maybe you can remember the insulting name I was once called?  Perhaps you can think of an amusing OFAH tag reference because Delboy and Robin once played Batman and Rodney?  Perhaps you can find a picture of the bat things from Super Mario World (because I bloody can't!)?  Perhaps you're an anonymous tagger cunt who can have a cowardly snipe at me?  This thread is for EVERYONE*!

_{*Apart from people who don't like the fact that I punched a bat to death.}

[Pedro_Bear]

The majority of our bat species are either endangered or actually threatened by extinction. This threat is very real: the mouse-eared bat was declared extinct from Britain in 1991. Habitat loss and in some instances persecution born of human ignorance about the true nature of bats are major causes of the bat decline in Britain; farm and garden insecticides are almost certainly another key factor.

And nutters who don't know better than to move out of the fucking way when a bat is trying to eat it's dinner!!!

Come on then cab, I've got some rope and a baseball bat, let's give London Zoo a visit and smack the panda around a bit...

[greencalx]

http://www.naturenet.net/law/bats.html

[biggytitbo]

Have you just punched a species to extinction?

[Pedro_Bear]

Apart from birds, bats are the only vertebrates capable of sustained flight. They are extremely manoeuvrable, even at low speed, which makes them very effective insect predators. Although they are not blind, as some people may believe, insectivorous bats use echolocation to avoid obstructions when flying in the dark and to find their way to and from their roosts, and to home in on their prey.


I saw an otter today, and stomped the little fucker.

[Deadman97]

Not having a go like, but the fact that you not only punched a bat but then picked it up and wanged it into a wall really, really displeases me in a way that nothing else on this board ever has.

Fingers crossed you're doing that "pretending to do or say something cunty for some sort of reason" thing that you sometimes do.

[Pedro_Bear]

Numbers of bats have fallen in recent years and loss of traditional roosts has made them very dependent on buildings and our goodwill, which is why bats and their roosts are protected under UK and European legislation.


I saw a High Brown Fritillary butterfly land on my sister's arm, so I pushed her into a combine harvester.

[Godzilla Bankrolls]

As the tagger points out, it's bad form not to correctly attribute your quotes, Pedro:

http://www.first-nature.com/bats/

[Pedro_Bear]

^^ I beg you pardon? Weekender wilfully kills an endangered species, and my selective use of google is called into question??? What is this, sick fuck night on my cab?

[Godzilla Bankrolls]

Oh, it's just Weekender's online character. He's trying to stir us into thinking about bats and their plight.

[Morrissey Gran]

What is this, sick fuck night on my cab?

(Checks calendar. It is a day.) Yes.

I can't stop singing this thread title. "Falling, yes I am falling..."

[Pedro_Bear]

Heartless bastards, the lot of you (except those of you who haven't been heartless bastards, obviously...)

[no_offenc]

The majority of our bat species are either endangered or actually threatened by extinction. This threat is very real: the mouse-eared bat was declared extinct from Britain in 1991. Habitat loss and in some instances persecution born of human ignorance about the true nature of bats are major causes of the bat decline in Britain; farm and garden insecticides are almost certainly another key factor.

Are any of your posts NOT made up of stuff you've copied and pasted from elsewhere?

[Suttonpubcrawl]

I think he probably did kill the bat.

However, I don't think his actions are that terrible.

You're probably thinking, "What? Has SPC gone mad?"

No. I haven't gone mad.

It seems to me as though Weekender killed the bat by accident.

Sensing the bat's approach, he instinctively moved to defend his face from an incoming object. This involuntary action wounded the bat severely.

Not wanting to prolong the animal's agony, he decided to end its life quickly and, err, humanely. Oh, alright, chucking it against a wall is pretty bad.

Well, either the above or he's a cunt who deliberately killed a bat. It's definitely one of those two possibilities.

Oh well.

[no_offenc]

Well either that or Weekender's fakeposting again (like that time he 'killed' a burglar... that was him, right?).

[Godzilla Bankrolls]

And the 'pakis' thread. He's the original Pedro, in a way.

[Viero_Berlotti]

Bats aren't as rare or endangered as some of the bearded "PC Brigade" would have us think. Common bats are everywhere, we just don't see them as they are often invisible to the naked eye.

Bats are foul creatures that spread Vampirism and other diseases, and I for one applaud Weekenders actions and only wish more members of the public had the courage to stand up to these lefty Bat loving whackos and their so called "endangered species lists".

[Fry]

Hey, the bat started on HIM.

Flightless Cunt.

EDIT: Oh no that's penguins isn't it.

[biggytitbo]

My favourite episode of Terry and June is the one where they're trapped in a Belfry.

Terry Scott would have punched a bat no problem.

[chocky909]

Do bats have a history of attacking humans then? If it was going for the face then weekender was well within his rights (not sure legally but that hardly matters if there were no witnesses) to have a go back. Stupid bat needed to be put in it's place. Animals will take the piss if you let them. I don't believe you should abuse your power but if a big dog ever goes for me I'll kick it's face off.

[Saucer51]

My father has bats lodging in his roof. If you go out after twilight and make a bit of  noise, they fly out of the chimney and swoop around. It's their jagged wings I hate. If you google cats and bats, you'll find stories of pussycats capturing bats and bringing them home as booty. Yuk. I'm not sure if it's the Halloween PR but bats are pretty sinister. They have something of the Michael Howard about them :)

Are you a cat, by the way?

[boxofslice]

Do bats still get tangled up in womens hair?

[Saucer51]

Do bats still get tangled up in womens hair?

I know one narrowly missed getting entwined in Mrs Richard's nightdress.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

It was "BLOATY FACED ALBINO"

ps I'd like to know who put that in the tags and whether they got it wrong on purpose

[lactating man nips]

It would be the ultimate irony if Weekender had killed the bat using a bat. Dressed as Batman. In a cave.

[simondykes]

Don't let Roy Cropper know.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Rabies is transmitted through a bite or a scratch from an infected bat, or by saliva from an infected bat getting into an existing cut or coming into contact with a person's mucus membranes. It is not spread through urine or faeces. Therefore you are at no risk if you do not handle bats. Should you ever need to pick one up, for example if you find an injured one, then the BCT recommends you should wear protective gloves to do so.

(my italics)

Weekender I would be worried if I were you.

[MissInformed]

Someone at last November's Brum Meet discovered that you should never get in Weekender's face, for fear of getting punched...







...she's smiling now, but I fear that a wall-slamming is mere moments away!

[Small Man Big Horse]

Christ, weekender is even more scary looking than I imagined him to be. I can't stop loving the fucker for making me smile so often though.

On topic, I'm scared of bats, so I think it's completely reasonably to do such a thing to them. And swans too, because I've been attacked by two in my life, for no good reason. I don't blame the donkey's for kicking me though. I shouldn't have got so close to their arses.

[sick as a pike]

My friend once accidentally caught a bat with a fishing rod.  He cast, and on the way snagged a bat in mid-air.
He reeled it in and removed the hook. Apparently it felt like it was "made out of testicles."  Anyway, it flapped off but apparently didn't look all that chipper.
He's been on TV and everything.  Maybe I could blackmail him!!  "TV's person-on-TV-sometimes in Bat slaughter shocker!"