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Twats on show in public

Started by Robin Goodfellow, April 09, 2008, 02:22:46 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
A nomination for Übertwat.


John Loughrey is a Diana superfan

"I'm going down in history for this," says John Loughrey. "It wouldn't surprise me if there wasn't a portrait of me hanging in Kensington Palace in 100 years time."

The 53-year-old chef is serious; he always is when it comes to the Diana inquest. Covered in fake tan with her name written in shaky blue letters across his forehead and Dodi on his cheeks, he's been a constant - and very conspicuous - presence in the public gallery.

He gave up his job to attend every day and is the only member of the public who has. He got up at 5am every morning and even slept outside the Royal Courts of Justice for three days to secure a seat on the first day.

"Everyone knows me here, they all talk to me and say hello," he says. "I've been here so long I notice when people have had a hair cut. I've become part of the fixtures and fittings."

He even got a mention in the coroner's summing up to the jury. "No one except you and I and, I think, the gentleman in the public gallery with Diana and Dodi painted on his forehead has sat through every word of evidence," said Lord Justice Scott Baker.

That pleased the Diana fan and ardent royalist, who decided to attend the inquest after receiving "a sign" outside Kensington Palace on the anniversary of Diana's death last year. He felt four fingers rest on his left shoulder but no one was near him.

He's funded the whole thing by renting out his flat in south London and moving in with his sister in Enfield, north London.

He backs the "no murder" verdict and is dismissive of those who think it was some sort of conspiracy, saying there's "lots of paranoia" among Diana fans.

For him it's been about tying up loose ends and putting Diana's memory to rest. Despite the fact he has made the inquest his life for six months, he is very nonchalant about it ending.

"It's fine, I move on very quickly from things," he says. "I have plans, firstly I'm going to go on holiday with my sister. Then I'll think about getting another job."

And the Diana and Dodi written on his face?

"I just I woke up one day and decided to do it, I don't know when I'll wake up and decide to stop doing it," he says.

biggytitbo


Neville Chamberlain

Bah!

What a swiz this thread's turned out to be!

etc etc

SetToStun

I'm in the process of contacting Trading Standards over this.


Neville Chamberlain

Quote from: SetToStun on April 09, 2008, 02:38:18 PM
I'm in the process of contacting Trading Standards over this.

You have my full support, SetToStun!

I had in my hand a piece of kleenex etc etc

boxofslice

#6

Neville Chamberlain


mothman


boxofslice

Quote from: Neville Chamberlain on April 09, 2008, 03:12:31 PM
Good lord! It's all wonky!

Well to be fair to her, it has been used in both directions.

Neville Chamberlain

It probably doesn't know whether it's coming or, er, not coming!


SetToStun

Quote from: Neville Chamberlain on April 09, 2008, 03:12:31 PM
Good lord! It's all wonky!

She's definitely at least 30% Chinese, by the look of it.

Vitalstatistix


alan nagsworth

HEY WHOA NOW, there's only one place I want to see Gervais looking like a twat and it's in my thread.

http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=17913.0

What I'm saying is, this has already been done. Do I really make so many threads you guys are forgetting them to make room for the new ones? :(

Neville Chamberlain

No, of course not!

*skips off to start a thread about irritating things my neighbours get up to!*

Vitalstatistix

Quote from: nagsworth on April 09, 2008, 04:33:07 PM
HEY WHOA NOW, there's only one place I want to see Gervais looking like a twat and it's in my thread.

http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=17913.0

What I'm saying is, this has already been done. Do I really make so many threads you guys are forgetting them to make room for the new ones? :(

I'll keep my input to this thread on a purely 'vagina sightings' basis from now on, I promise!

El Unicornio, mang

THis reminds me of the time I was in this grotty little kebab shop in Newcastle at 3am and this drunk middle-aged woman in a short leather skirt came and sat with me and my friends with her legs spread wide open so we could see her axe wound. Put me right off my kebab.

SetToStun

Are we talking the full butcher's dustbin experience here, or was it more of a barber-shop floor?

El Unicornio, mang

From what I recall it was shaved. Her boyfriend seemed fine with it, I think he wanted to get us all back to theirs for some kind of "sex party".

CaledonianGonzo

Quote from: boxofslice on April 09, 2008, 03:03:56 PM
Here you go
NSFW

I'm not wanting to be the porn police, here, but NSFW images should be linked to rather than posted behind spoilers - images behind tags still download to work servers.

Though admittedly the thread title itself should act as a warning not to browse it whilst clocked on.

boxofslice

Quote from: CaledonianGonzo on April 09, 2008, 06:17:12 PM
I'm not wanting to be the porn police, here, but NSFW images should be linked to rather than posted behind spoilers - images behind tags still download to work servers.

Though admittedly the thread title itself should act as a warning not to browse it whilst clocked on.

Quite right. Amended.

Saucer51

As twatty as John Loughrey is, he is a poor loser to both Mohammed ("al" omitted) Fayed and Paul Burrell.

Creepily though, all three appear to be obsessed with Diana and assume important positions in her living and post-living years.

Her poor sons.

Other twats on show in public:

Football club managers chewing manically during a game
Traffic wardens
The Apprentice candidates
Private sector security personnel

People who spend Christmas day outside Balmoral church in sub zero temperatures.


greencalx

Having been treated to about 3/4 of a teenage girl's arse on the way home on the bus just now, I was pondering to myself when it would become fashionable (as it inevitably will) to be greeted by some cheeky front bottom one a casual basis. And then I find this thread has started here.

Koant

Quote from: mothman on April 09, 2008, 03:13:08 PM
What on earth?! Is that a How-To guide, or a How-Not-To guide?!
It's a how-to guide. It's obviously tongue-in-cheek, the title is something along the lines of 'fun science project competition'.

Evil Knevil

Actually it's in Korean. Its just a mathematical explanation of how and where to position oneself to get a glimpse of snatch on the tube

alan nagsworth

I think it's a joke based on a common occurence in more adult mangas wherein the male catches sight of a woman's undercrackers and is entranced and becomes profusely sweaty and irritable. They used to show a lot of clips similar to that description as intervals on Scuzz, that rock/metal music channel on Sky.

The Duck Man

This thread could never live up to it's title, to be honest.

Anyway, the chap there's quite interesting, in that you'd imagine that anyone who'd follow the Diana case so obsessively would also believe that she was murdered. Incidentally, the article from which the thread start derives contains a man who does, of similar fruitloop proportions.

Quote"I did like the princess, but not obsessively,"
says man who spent every day outside inquest with a placard saying, quite simply, "They were assassinated."

Mindbear



Is it me, or does the above photo, on first glance, look like this chap is fondling the disembodied head of a princess?

chand

Quote from: The Duck Man on April 10, 2008, 01:51:41 AMAnyway, the chap there's quite interesting, in that you'd imagine that anyone who'd follow the Diana case so obsessively would also believe that she was murdered.

Yes, that caught me by surprise, the bit where he starts saying that the Diana conspiracists are a bit paranoid. Seems kind of strange to obsessively attend an inquest where you want and expect the most mundane outcome. Kind of like going to watch a football match every week hoping for a 0-0 draw and no-one on either side to get booked.