Defying the BBFC

[jutl]

What was the first film you ever got into despite being too young? For me it was Conan The Barbarian, which I was expecting to be terrifying but was in fact hilarious. It was the first time I had ever seen James Earl Jones and I found his enormous philtrum impossible to take seriously (I now realise that I was being racist, although at the time I had no idea) (and as a result of typing this post I realise that for years I have been mistakenly referring to that sub-nasal valley in which Robert Mugabe stores his entire moustache as a frenulum - which it turns out is actually the part of a penis that looks like drapes - here's a diagram utilising James Earl Jones as a model:)



Buoyed up by my success at being looking fifteen I tried the next year to look eighteen in order to get into Monty Python's Meaning of Life. Unfortunately it didn't work and I had to spend two hours in the park waiting for my brother to come out of the cinema. 

[Catalogue Trousers]

Never did that sort of thing. Oh, hang on, you've jogged a memory...

I did get into one of those "civic hall because the main local cinemas won't show it" screenings of Monty Python's Life Of Brian, and under-age too! By all of about, ooh, three or so months. AND in the company of my Mum and Dad, who both wanted to see it as well.

Yeah, Spalding, Lincolnshire is a great place for a rock 'n' roll upbringing.

[Emma Raducanu]

I can remember our TV in the living room exploding, so we entertained ourselves with candlelight and balancing spoons on our philtrum's. As a bored thirteen year old and Dad's old jokes about Milwall fans wearing thin, I made my way up to the parents bedroom, which had a mini tv and video player.

In went American Werewolf in London, cue the shagging scene and Mother's entering the room. My panicked reaction of juggling the remote control and lunging for the tv didn't help. Many cold nights lay ahead.


Real EDIT:

And why did Mother have to ALWAYS walk in at the worst possible moment. I could be watching a programme about carol singing and she'd walk in when one of them had their cock out. Seriously, it always happened.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Buying Robocop at Forbidden Planet aged 13 spring to mind. "Of course! What country do you think this is, England??" said the ponytailed greasy comic shop bloke behind the counter when I asked if I could buy it.

[Howj Begg]

In went American Werewolf in London, cue the shagging scene and Mother's entering the room. My panicked reaction of juggling the remote control and lunging for the tv didn't help. Many cold nights lay ahead.

She wouldn't let you sleep in her bed after that?

[mothman]

When ITV showed 10 in 1983, and I was aged 12. Videoed it for my parents, as resident VCR-timer-setting expert, then disappeared the tape (claiming to have recorded over it) and watched it endlessly.

[Emma Raducanu]

She wouldn't let you sleep in her bed after that?

Unfortunately not. Thirteen years of sleeping together down the drain.

I wasn't watching the film FOR that scene. It was because is was an 18 and I thought would be scary : (

[Steve Lampkins]

I think I saw Speed at about 12/13 which I think was a 15? But it was with my dad. Saw Se7en (18) at the cinema around 14, again with my dad though.

And why did Mother have to ALWAYS walk in at the worst possible moment. I could be watching a programme about carol singing and she'd walk in when one of them had their cock out. Seriously, it always happened.

Ha, I had this. Thought it would pass, now it's always the wife who walks in to find me entranced by a bevy of topless beauties, when seconds before entering the room it was a documentary on Hitler.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Honestly though, my parents would rent me out any films after about 13, for my 14th birthday my Mam got me Nico and Hard to Kill, both 18, and I remember watching Hellraiser with my Dad. Same with my friends.

[sirhenry]

The first one I saw was Lord of the Flies at age 12. My dad got special permission from the manager, seeing as we had just read it at school and I had to write an essay about it.

The next was when I was sixteen and went to an anarchist/surrealist film festival with my brother. In 2 days we watched most of Bunuel's films, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (shortly after it had been banned), Scanners, A Clockwork Orange (also banned), Pink Flamingos and some bizarre Polish anti-church sci-fi sex movies.

My reaction? That Chainsaw Massacre was one of the funniest films ever made.

[j_u_d_a_s]

Can't remember which came first but I remember being ultra happy to have seen Terminator 2 and Alien 3 as god intended.

[Howj Begg]

in the nude with your genitals dipped in yoghurt?

[Paaaaul]

Can't remember which came first but I remember being ultra happy to have seen Terminator 2 and Alien 3 as god intended.

Did god intend Alien 3 to be hacked to fuck and made incomprehensible by the studio?
Fuck god.

[Ginyard]

Alien when I was 10. Scared the absolute shit out of me.

A year or two after I saw my first porn film. It was called Mr Marco and his ten-and-a-half-inch penis and consisted of lesbians blow drying their muffs and this Mr Marco guy standing on a bed looking stoned as fuck while all these women got it on. I was a cauldron of weird feelings that day.

[j_u_d_a_s]

Did god intend Alien 3 to be hacked to fuck and made incomprehensible by the studio?
Fuck god.

To be fair, it was followed by Alien: Resurrection.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I remember my first porn film (that I watched!), it was at my cousin's when I was about 12 or 13, he was a couple of years older than me and had a dodgy VHS copy of some stuff. One I remember was a bloke dressed as Superman, and this woman giving him a BJ, then saying "Oooh Superman, give me that Supercock". I also distinctly remember eating a Toffee Crisp but not being able to finish it when he spunked all up in her arse.

[boki]

Yeah, Spalding, Lincolnshire is a great place for a rock 'n' roll upbringing.

My friend's dad saw Jimi Hendrix play a gig in Spalding, which he mentions pretty much any chance he gets.  Just think people once travelled to Spalding for Rock 'n' Roll.

Spoiler alert

italics, motherfucker

[close]

[biggytitbo]

I went to see ET when I was about 6 and accidentally went into Nightmare on Elm street instead.

[Catalogue Trousers]

boki wrote:

My friend's dad saw Jimi Hendrix play a gig in Spalding, which he mentions pretty much any chance he gets.

Digression: as said somewhere before on here, my old Latin master from Spalding was at the Isle Of Wight festival, at the bar, enjoying a pint, when someone rather impolitely tried to swipe it while his back was turned. To which he politely asked, "Don't drink my beer!"

The stranger - to his credit - apologised and gave him back his pint, before disappearing as silently as he'd appeared.

Only a little later did a friend of my somewhat ignorant Latin teacher inform him in shocked tones that he'd just reproved Jimi Hendrix...

[Small Man Big Horse]

When I was about nine a friend invited me over to watch Pirhana 2, which sounded like an exciting fish related thriller to us, but within about five minutes of the running time a naked woman began swimming around. The moment we saw her bush, we both knew it was somehow wrong to be watching the film, and turned it off, and never spoke of the matter again.

I saw an American Werewolf in London about two years later at my step-brother's house in Milton Keynes, it was the highlight of a horribly dull weekend, but it led to nightmares for a few weeks afterwards.

Then when I was about 13 we got our own video at home, and upon trying to rent out Pyscho 2, the bloke who ran our local video shop asked my Mum if it was okay if I watched 18 rated films, and she said yes, as long as they weren't blue movies. Of course the joke was on her, as most tacky horror films of the time were filled with nudity, you just had to knock one out before the girl was speared through the chest or torn apart by a hedgestrimmer.

[j_u_d_a_s]

When I was about nine a friend invited me over to watch Pirhana 2, which sounded like an exciting fish related thriller to us, but within about five minutes of the running time a naked woman began swimming around. The moment we saw her bush, we both knew it was somehow wrong to be watching the film, and turned it off, and never spoke of the matter again.

Was it too small?

[lactating man nips]

I recall I used to like Doogie howser MD and i think my mum didn't want me to watch it, I don't think she banned me in the end though. I started watching crap like Nightmare on Elmstreet over a mates at around age 8 and after that she pretty much gave up on trying to prevent me watching stuff I was too young for after that.

[weekender]

When I was about 7 or 8 I was round a friend's house watching Police Academy on video.  There's this one bit where a woman takes her top off on the beach to reveal her sumptuous breasts.  It's only about a second long.

Being '7 or 8', me and my friend didn't realise this was somehow erotic, and thought it was tremendous fun watching the lady's breast bounce up and down for one second.  So we did what any normal '7 or 8' years olds did and kept rewinding the video and playing that part again and again, whilst giggling profusely.

That was until Mrs Woods shouted down the stairs "I know what bit you're watching!" so we just carried on watching the rest of the film.

We knew it was probably wrong somehow, but it was mesmerising all the same.  To this day, I am for some reason mesmerised by the sight of ladies' breasts bouncing around, and I often wonder if it's related to the Police Academy incident.  Actually, I've never wondered that, I've only just made the connection.  Fuck you, you make bollocks posts all the time, don't have a go at me you cunt.

[biggytitbo]

When I was about 7 or 8 I was round a friend's house watching Police Academy on video.  There's this one bit where a woman takes her top off on the beach to reveal her sumptuous breasts.  It's only about a second long.

Being '7 or 8', me and my friend didn't realise this was somehow erotic, and thought it was tremendous fun watching the lady's breast bounce up and down for one second.  So we did what any normal '7 or 8' years olds did and kept rewinding the video and playing that part again and again, whilst giggling profusely.

That was until Mrs Woods shouted down the stairs "I know what bit you're watching!" so we just carried on watching the rest of the film.

We knew it was probably wrong somehow, but it was mesmerising all the same.  To this day, I am for some reason mesmerised by the sight of ladies' breasts bouncing around, and I often wonder if it's related to the Police Academy incident.  Actually, I've never wondered that, I've only just made the connection.  Fuck you, you make bollocks posts all the time, don't have a go at me you cunt.

That would also explain why your mesmerized by massive black men and small squeeky voiced women who suddenly start shouting for no reason too?

[weekender]

Aye, that and 'FIRE~!'.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Last week I was round a friend's house watching Police Academy on video.  There's this one bit where a woman takes her top off on the beach to reveal her sumptuous breasts.  It's only about a second long.

Fixed.

[weekender]

Yes, because I'm far more likely to masturbate over a one-second clip of a woman taking her top off instead of the hours of porn that I have available on broadband, aren't I?

_{Jutl: starts wanking threads.}

[steve98]

There were no videos when I was a kid, my first attempt at accessing porn was "carry on up the Jungle", at the local odeon. Barbara Windsor was supposed to be in a sex scene, but all you got was a two second glimpse of the side of ONE tit, as she took a shower. Overrated film.

The second time was an improvment: Roman Polanski's: Macbeth- Tits, minge, and even a bit of shagging, although the ambience wasn't great: fifteen spotty adolescents, shouting ribald humourless shite and the chourdouroy clad, art-house brigade staring daggers at us.

Also the teacher accompanying us, she was from some genteel, rustic part of Aberdeen-shire: probably imagined THE BARD might have charms to sooth the savage Glasweegie breast, aye right!! she aged a decade that afternoon.

[simondykes]

It's interesting that so many people remember seeing 'An American Werewolf In London' as a kid - I can add myself to that list - does this mean that this whole forum is full of people in their mid thirties who've all led exactly the same lives???(Don't answer that.)

My parents were pretty relaxed about letting me and my brother (two and half years younger than me) watch films which were definitely rated above our age range.I definitely remember seeing 'Alien' when I was young too.The one that sticks in my mind is 'Jaws' because my parents happily let my brother and I sit there and watch the famous (surely I don't have to add a spoiler here?) 'head-popping-out-of-hole-in-bottom-of-boat' bit.The twisted swine - two seconds later there were cartoon-style holes in the wall where we'd jumped backwards into the neighbours house.
Funnily enough,the film that scared me the most when I was a kid was 'Close Encounters Of The Third Kind'.I love the whole film,all of the UFOs,the Flight 19 bits,everything - except the aliens,which used to completely freak me out.I know they're friendly and all that,but they are scary looking bastards,or at least they were to my 10 year old mind.

First porn film?'Inside Desiree Cousteau' - and obviously the last one whose title I could recall.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I definitely remember seeing 'Alien' when I was young too.

I didn't see it when I was young, but after seeing Star Wars when I was about six or so, my Mum bought me a sci-fi magazine which also had a huge feature on Alien. Unfortunately it was a fairly adult film mag, with a huge amount of detailed interviews and articles, but also with an enormous amount of pictures from the film including the infamous chest bursting scenes. And they were pictures that horrified and disturbed the young me, and which led to nightmares for months afterwards.

So, erm, yeah, don't show a six year old Alien then. I think even by today's standards it's bound to fuck them up.