Big Brother 9

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Why are they booing?!

[Kazuo Kiriyama]

Mario's been on TV before. He was on Bravo's Brits Behind Bars, where British thugs went to a harsh American jail. It's quite shameful that I recognised him.

[Tokyo Sexwhale]

Oh great, a "personality".

[Pseudopath]

Grr, wanna watch wanna watch, stuck at work. Please describe each pillock that goes in, giving pillock points where applicable.

Mario - body building dick who sounds like a Chuckle Brother
Lisa - Tesco Value version of Monica Bellucci
Luke - Another Chuckle Brother impressionist. Obviously a repressed homosexual

[Backstage With Slowdive]

Ian Nazis, 35

Self-pitying creationist and globalisation advocate Ian is a fan of Coldplay and collects stamps from Azerbaijan, where he is keen to break in to the buy-to-let market. He does not believe women can swear because "their mouths are the wrong shape inside". He was the cellist in the original line-up of The La's, and he has a degree in Politics from Kettering University.

[RHX]

She's got too many teeth

[Borboski]

"You all right".

"What?"

"All right."

Hhaaha

[Pseudopath]

Phew! At least Heat magazine has found its vacuous cover star for the cold Winter months.

[imitationleather]

First out and suicide by August, anyone?

[joeyzaza]

A bubbly blonde wannabe pop-star? This year's gonna be different then.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Stephanie, 19

Would like to be "the most famous contestant ever". Cameraman made very obvious attempt to do an "up skirt shot" upon entry to the house,

[Neil]

Gawd, Davina's schtick is exactly the same, every year.

No, she REALLY DOES get so caught up in the new housemates going in that she just simply FORGETS that she's hosting a live TV show!! 

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Mario is gritting his teeth as if he has taken shiteloads of cocaine.

[Custard]

These seem quite normal so far, well compared to the past 7 years' lots

Good

[mycroft]

Stephanie, 19

Lists among her skills her ability to perform any sexual act while propped against a skip on a Friday night, and not drop a single chip from her bag.

[Pseudopath]

WTF? A twist already? With only a quarter of the contestants in the house? Boooooooooo!

[weekender]

Did the diary room look a bit goatse-ish to anyone?  With the stairs etc?

[RHX]

Is Mario the British Bulldog?

[Pseudopath]

Did the diary room look a bit goatse-ish to anyone?

Yeah, the door definitely seems to be an homage to Goatse, or that picture of the weightlifter with the rectal prolapse.

[mycroft]

Is Mario the British Bulldog?

Just realised - he's the son of the Bulldog and Steven Moffatt!

[Small Man Big Horse]

Stephanie, 19

Would like to be "the most famous contestant ever". Cameraman made very obvious attempt to do an "up skirt shot" upon entry to the house,

Heh, I noticed that.

As for the twist, Stephanie doesn't understand, does she.

[Custard]

"Is this a task?"

NO LUV YOUR RELATIONSHIP REALLY HAS TO END

[Pseudopath]

Is Mario the British Bulldog?

Well, he's been dead six years, so probably would look something like him by now.

[imitationleather]

"Is this a task?"

YES BIG BROTHER JUST SAID IT IS YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

Totally shit task, but I bet Mario is loving it. The old perv.

EDIT: Damn, someone already made that point.

[TVs Nick Wealthall]

Stephanie is a second rate Zoe Salmon from Blue Peter.

[Tokyo Sexwhale]

And they're trying to concoct a story about him being a footballer?   Yeah, I can't see anyone seeing through that.

[Custard]

Mario looks like Stallone put in a microwave

[Small Man Big Horse]

A better task would have been having Stephanie and Luke as a couple, and Mario and Lisa as brother and sister.

[Pseudopath]

Urgh...did that Creme Egg just transform into a cock and subsequently ejaculate onto the camera? *

_{* I'm on about the adverts, not another bizarre BB twist}

[Backstage With Slowdive]

What happened to that one from a few years ago, that kept calling himself a "diva"?