The 21 Words Of Xmas...

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

as JK unsubtly sniffed his elven ass.

"Oh well," chortled Father Christmas, "Let's just blooming well have a Merry Xmas in

Barbados!"

"Yee-haw!!!" whooped the Verbwhores and all the other cunts in Tits-Titsford. "You know," smiled Shuffletips, as he wiped a massive

[no_offenc]

glob of the shit previously intended for [banned troll] from his midgetty Dudley Mooreish face, "This is fucking typical of you,

[Sexton Brackets Drugbust]

you donkey pederast !" he ranted, "But I can't stay mad at you guys... lets all eat jelly and dance!"

The music

[no_offenc]

stopped abruptly, though this didn't stop everyone from heeding Shuffletips' advice, and so they boogied and scoffed jelly silently 'til dawn.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

"Is this the end?"* asked Santa, wistfully. "Looks like it, fuckface," replied Shuffletips with a mouth full of jelly and JK.

_{*Jemble? Anyone?}

[Jemble Fred]

But the truth is, there was no end to that party. All through the Summer and Autumn they kept on boogying,

_{Any minute now should do it.}

[the midnight watch baboon]

their heartbeats rhymicalliy booming through the whore-ish street of a suburban, sub-standard town, until two became one. And died.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

                                                      THE END

[Jemble Fred]

^{Good-oh, that'll be with Apex by the end of the day, and hopefully ready to broadcast by this time next week.}

Back to the old thread? Or how about we start a yuletide poem? No rules.

VERBWHORES XMAS POEM 2008

The stockings were hung on the radiator,
Dripping with wet from the snow,
When suddenly up popped

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Tom Baker, roaring a great "Ho-Ho-Ho!"
The children were tim'rous and freezing,
Their nut-sacks and botties all blue

[no_offenc]

Tom Baker, roaring a great "Ho-Ho-Ho!"
The children were tim'rous and freezing,
Their nut-sacks and botties all blue

Along came a King with a stick in his ring
With a tip of his hat, "How'd'ya do!!"

"Oh bugger off John" said the children,
"You'll not get a thing out of us!"
With a frown on his face and a tear in his eye
Poor old Johnny got back on his bus.

[Sexton Brackets Drugbust]

The bus was enormous and speedy
And Johnny had nothing to lose
So he ploughed it right through all the children
While drugged up and stinking of booze

"This just isn't on" said a copper

[no_offenc]

"There was no need to kick up a fuss,
now instead of his cock he'll go into the dock
just for fucking some kids with his BUS!"

"Excuse me, good sirs, this is libel,"
said a blubbery, lawyery sort.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

"I'll see you in court!" and with that tart retort
He shat out a Gideon Bible

King Johnny climbed out of the wreckage
His robes smeared with blood, shit and piss
And with nary a care, did his best Lionel Blair

[Sexton Brackets Drugbust]

Danced over and gave him a kiss

The lawyery chap was quite livid
And he gave poor old Johnny a punch
The king felt abused, upset and confused
While he vomited blood and his lunch

"I'll see you in court Mr. Lawyer"
"Oh, I think not," the lawyer replied
"For my lack of a name means you've no one to blame"

[no_offenc]

And with that he fell over and died.

"Well what a weird day," said the children
As a chorus, they sounded quite odd
Then they hovered about and with one deaf'ning shout

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

cried "KNEEL BEFORE GENERAL ZOD!"

For the children were evil Zod's minions
Sent to the earth with a plot
To obliterate Christmas forever
About which they cared not a jot

The cops and King John they looked baffled
"Who is this Zod wanker?" they cried

[Jemble Fred]

And then Patrick Troughton was clearly heard shoutin',
"Check out my new Box of Delights!"

So into the box they all goggled,
And the story of Zod was unfurled,
How he came from the Moon, and had promised that soon,
He would wipe all the joy from the world.

Zod's real name, of course, wasn't Zod though,
He's actually called Stephen Green,
But he changed it by poll

[Sexton Brackets Drugbust]

With some cash from his dole
(Even though Terence Stamp wasn't keen)

So with all his ghostly child minions
And with an unspeakable roar,
Zod's war was declared while Johnny just stared

[the midnight watch baboon]

At a passing boy's open back door

But King-O had changed his demeanour
And the youth sidled by with no probs
In Johnny's pants stayed his ole weiner
Sooo all boys' bums were spared tongues 'n' nobs

The lawyer said 'hey let's get all festive'

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

even though he'd expired five posts up
King Johnny just couldn't digest it
"It's a miracle, by Christ, fuck a duck!"

"Behold, I have risen again!" cried the lawyer
"For I am the true son of God!"
So he rose from the pavement, to gasps of amazement
Before being killed once again by bad Zod

Yes, he had arrived
Via Mitchell Self-Drive 
To take charge of his final solution

[no_offenc]

But now he was gone, JK'd have to count on
His one other skill - male prostitution.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS KIDS!!

[no_offenc]

And for your listening pleasure, because I was quite bored just then, have a listen.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Very good, what a well-spoken young man!

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

And for your listening pleasure, because I was quite bored just then, have a listen.

Marvelous! And yes, what a rich, mahogany brogue you have. Maybe you should record every single post on the board from now on?

[no_offenc]

Mahogany?  That's certainly a new one.  Thanks muchly, though.

[Ginyard]

And for your listening pleasure, because I was quite bored just then, have a listen.

Very good!. You would be excellent for voice over and audio book work. Have you ever considered it?.

[no_offenc]

Very good!. You would be excellent for voice over and audio book work. Have you ever considered it?.

You're at least the third person to say that in nearly as many weeks.  I haven't, but I'm beginning to...