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Peter Kay's highbrow material

Started by evelyn_blake, November 27, 2008, 08:22:11 PM

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evelyn_blake


I came across a script I'd wrote a while ago featuring a Parkinson parody where a Peter Kay character performed his new material that more realistically reflecting his current lifestyle. Realising the whole thing was essentially unusable I thought it may be a good concept for a thread, to compose some Peter Kay style stand-up on (slightly) more cerebral issues. Here's my go at it:


Oi, have you read Dune?  It's really good, it's got a pretty entertaining sci-fi plot and it's also quite a potent political allegory. And that Baron Harkonnen, hey you know at football games when they say who ate the pies. Well it was him, fat bastard. We're just lucky he merely ate them on earth and didn't orchestrate a web of convoluted political intrigue to get hold of them that led to the betrayal of the earthly equivilant of the Atriedes house followed by a coup to forcibly take control of the means of production and the
Spoiler alert
subsequent genocide of many a race which was an unfortunate consequence of the elevation of Paul Atriedes to a messiah type figure
[close]
. This is, as you know, what Baron Harkonnen did for to get melange on Dune, or Araknas as is its official name. But of course the space navigators need the melange to move across space at incredible speeds, if they tried to do that on pies they wouldn't get very far, eh, would they. Anyway I'm getting ahead of myself,
Spoiler alert
the genocide happens in the sequel.
[close]


Oi, isn't the Motorcycle Diaries a brilliant film, eh? But they're on a raft for 5 minutes of it. I asked for my money back at the picture house, I said I came ere to watch some blokes ride about on bikes not floating past some lepers and making revolutionary statements, eh. I'm northern me, you tricked me in here with your promise of motorbikes, I imagined it would be a film version of one of those car magazines with naked women in it, I don't know what they're called I read Mojo and Sight and Sound. And the bloke at the ticket office went 'Oh, Mr Kay, you're hilarious. That's even funnier than last week when you pretended you thought Satyircon was going to be like Star Trek simply because in sounds like the make of a digibox. We all know you're a very erudite man with a discerning cinematic taste, you'd come along here to see a 10 hour Danish documentary about a mute man who patholically hugs cameras, you would'. And you know what, he was absolutely right. I did. Only it turned out it was only a half an hour film really, but since after the first thirty seconds the film consisted entirely of the protagonists black T-shirt clad chest cuddling up to the camera we coulden't tell if it had ended or not . I had to staytill I was sure it had definitely finished. What can I say? I'm a fan of cinema.

Hey, remember the Oedipus complex...you do don't you mother.

Eh, never take your father to the BAFTAS the year the cast of Dads Army are being commemorated.

Plays a tape recorder. Peter Kay begins impersonating his father singing and dancing around.

'Who do you think you are kidding Mr Hitler, if you think we're on the run'. Who did he think he was kidding eh, we showed him in the war. Bloody krauts. 'Who do you think you are kidding Mr Hitler'. Yeah, right on. Right on. You tell 'im. Bloody prat he was.

I had to say 'Dad, sit down. This is a £200 a head dinner not fucking Butlins. And Dads army isn't an indictment on Nazism, it's a comedy show Dad. God, you embarrass me. And this has been a comedy show ladies and gentlemen. Thankyou. Goodnight.