things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again

[Catalogue Trousers]

Mid to late 90's weird performance art short. BBC2? Basically involved a bald man shagging a bed before bellowing, "I've come mince!". The room then filled up with, er, mince.

Honestly not making that up. I hope.

Sounds a lot like a dramatisation of the Andrew Davies short story, ah, Coming Mince, from his collection Dirty Faxes.

[Shaky]

Sounds a lot like a dramatisation of the Andrew Davies short story, ah, Coming Mince, from his collection Dirty Faxes.

Heh, indeed -  and a bit of delicate work googling suggests that it's this:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0274500/?ref_=nm_flmg_wr_47

Cheers!

[Catalogue Trousers]

Mr Banlon wrote:

'Let's Parlez Franglais' Weird and unfunny programme with Rula Shiksa

Based on a long-running Punch feature by Miles Kington which was, occasionally, funny. Yes, Rula Lenska was a regular, as was Peter Purves, and the theme song was either by Chas and Dave or somebodies very like them.

[Andy147]

Mr Banlon wrote:

Based on a long-running Punch feature by Miles Kington which was, occasionally, funny. Yes, Rula Lenska was a regular, as was Peter Purves, and the theme song was either by Chas and Dave or somebodies very like them.

Instant Sunshine (comedy musical group featuring Miles Kington).

[Noodle Lizard]

A live morning show segment had a female reporter trying yoga and farting loudly during a stretch, apologising, then farting loudly again.  Handled with typical British solemnity, which made it even funnier.  This would've been around 1998, I imagine, long before you could even rewind live TV, let alone archive and share these mortal moments with the world, but it'll live with me forever. 

A man said "fucking hell" on Noel's House Party.  Or something with Noel Edmonds anyway.  It was live.

[Shaky]

A man said "fucking hell" on Noel's House Party.  Or something with Noel Edmonds anyway.  It was live.

Uttered by that guy who died during The Late, Late Breakfast Show, perhaps?

[studpuppet]

Uttered by that guy who died during The Late, Late Breakfast Show, perhaps?

[Absorb the anus burn]

Play in (I think) 1983, in which a blind man is terrorised in his expensive mansion by a thug who he drowns in his swimming pool.

That's a Saturday or Sunday Night Thriller (early 80s anthology series) with Dennis Quilley. The

Spoiler alert

thug turns out to be a deaf mute who kills the blind man's dog.

[close]

Yep... A Walk In The Dark, 1982.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0695035/

[Norton Canes]

Might have mentioned this on the thread already, can't remember.

Afternoon play mid/late 80's, half an hour long, ITV because I'm sure there was an ad break. Two boarding pupils at a private school break into the headmaster's study in the middle of the night and sneak a look at their confidential files. This provides a shock for one of them as it turns out he was adopted.

Can clearly recall one scene where the headmaster wakes up and uses the toilet in a loud and prolonged manner, much to the amusement of the boys.

[NurseNugent]

I'm glad this thread has been revived. There are a couple of things I remember seeing that I've never had an answer on.

I've copy and pasted these from another forum I post on.

1. An advert that was on telly and on billboards in the very early 1980s. I don't remember what it was for but a man who looked a bit like Terry Nutkin bites the ear of his teddy bear. I know I didn't make it up because a friend of mine remembers the bill board which was in the multi storey car park in St Helens. Anyone remember it and know what it was for? Someone on the other forum suggested it might have been Matthew Corbett and Sooty but I don't think it was.
 
2. A sketch in I think the late 1980s. It was a spoof advert for "hangover Sindy" and used actual dolls. I remember Sindy being sick in a toilet and I remember a Ken and two Barbie dolls coming out of a room. I think the programme may have Naked video but I might be wrong. It's been suggested it might have been an Absolutely sketch.

 
3. A scene from a film which I should not have been watching. All I remember is man getting noisily eaten by a tiger and in the end all that is left is the head and rib cage. He's white, thin and with cropped hair. There's a scene a bit later where a man and woman find him. It was on a Friday night on Channel 4 sometime in the late 80s or early 90s. Can anyone help?
   

[phantom_power]

3. A scene from a film which I should not have been watching. All I remember is man getting noisily eaten by a tiger and in the end all that is left is the head and rib cage. He's white, thin and with cropped hair. There's a scene a bit later where a man and woman find him. It was on a Friday night on Channel 4 sometime in the late 80s or early 90s. Can anyone help?
   

That was a sketch on Blue Jam wasn't it? Can't remember if it was transferred to Jam

[SteveDave]

1- Palace Hill
2- How To Be Cool (written by Phillip Pullman)
3- Mr Wakefield's Great Adventure/Escapade (or sutin)

[Phil_A]

I'm glad this thread has been revived. There are a couple of things I remember seeing that I've never had an answer on.

I've copy and pasted these from another forum I post on.

2. A sketch in I think the late 1980s. It was a spoof advert for "hangover Sindy" and used actual dolls. I remember Sindy being sick in a toilet and I remember a Ken and two Barbie dolls coming out of a room. I think the programme may have Naked video but I might be wrong. It's been suggested it might have been an Absolutely sketch.

This one definitely sparks a memory. My feeling it was something on Channel 4, but I don't know if I'm mixing it up with a clip from Todd Haynes' Superstar I saw once, which I think may have had a doll Karen Carpenter throwing up at one point.

[Johnny Caramel]

In the mid-90's a short sketch was broadcast at about 4am that lasted approx 15 minutes and was about a geordie Eminem. Nobody has ever seen it. It no longer exists.

[Gulftastic]

1- Palace Hill
2- How To Be Cool (written by Phillip Pullman)
3- Mr Wakefield's Great Adventure/Escapade (or sutin)

Featured Ian Kirkby, who went on to find a bit of fame as DC Harry Batt in Da Bungalow. Also starred Steve Ryde. He too found work with Dick N Dom. He produced it, as well as doing various voices and characters.

[ASFTSN]

One of the episodes of The Lowdown featured a stop motion sequence of a rapidly unravelling teddybear marching along in some sort of horrific fever dream and it scared the absolute shit out of me.  I'd love to see it again and rip open the scars of a sheltered child.

[DangledTeeth]

A glimpse of a Lenny Henry sketch.

He was sat on park bench, strumming an acoustic guitar and lightly singing to himself: ''La-la-la-la, park ranger... BAAAASTARD!''
I asked my mum who it was and she said it was Lenny Henry, and from what I know of him now I can say it looked and sounded a lot like him. I've just quickly checked through two series of The Lenny Henry Show (via the timeline frames) and found nothing, including much earlier clips. He didn't look like that Delbert Wilkins character, either.

I must have seen it around '91 or '92 because I distinctly remember thinking - during a school assembly - about that scene and giggling alongside an old mate, then spotting a teacher of our school year looking in my direction.

-

I also remember seeing a part of a film in a hotel's lounge area, it seemed to be a horror/thriller-type film. The lead character was a woman with short hair; she looked out of a bedroom window and observed a man (or creature) wearing a black cloak with an executioners' sack-mask, standing on a corner of a street with a lit old-fashioned lamppost.

[Chriddof]

2. A sketch in I think the late 1980s. It was a spoof advert for "hangover Sindy" and used actual dolls. I remember Sindy being sick in a toilet and I remember a Ken and two Barbie dolls coming out of a room. I think the programme may have Naked video but I might be wrong. It's been suggested it might have been an Absolutely sketch.

Don't think it could have been an Absolutely sketch, doesn't seem like their style. Other than Naked Video, it could have been Who Dares Wins on Channel 4.

[Ambient Sheep]

...it could have been Who Dares Wins on Channel 4.

That sounds plausible, as I do vaguely remember such a sketch, and I used to (mostly) watch Who Dares Wins, whereas I think I saw about half of a Naked Video, once.

[kidsick5000]

Instant Sunshine (comedy musical group featuring Miles Kington).

Who were GPs and the go to TV doctors in the late 70s and 80s. Very Pebble Mill.
According to my memory, most of the humour was based on people taking all medical terminology as innuendo for the nether regions.

Their televised medical careers were scuppered [nb]In the televisual history of my mind [/nb]by the rise of the nice and lovely couch-side doctors
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPa7dsdg34g

[kidsick5000]

I wish there was an archive of the short film series that BBC2 and Channel 4 had.

I'd love to see if these were as good as I remember them.
One had Brian Cox and Press Gang's Paul Reynolds.

Cox (not the scientist) is a notorious gangland killer - high end, Mr Wolf type - has tried to keep his work and family separate. His son - Reynolds - has twigged it and wants in.
So dad reluctantly arranges for an initiation - grand country house locale etc.
Turns out all the kindly, gentle men he grew up calling uncle are part of the crew.
It's all clinking of glasses and welcomes until dad takes eager son to a separate room for the big test.
There is his favourite uncle, tied to a chair, wide-eyed with panic, gagged, beaten. Dad tells son that fave uncle has wronged the firm, time to end him. All the glamour of international asssassin dispatching the anonymous has been blitzed in that moment.
Son protests but dad tells him either uncle dies or son won't be allowed out alive.
You wanted in, you have to do any job etc. Hands the son his tool of choice - a cut-throat razor - a leaves uncle and son in the room.
Son in tears agonises as Uncle pleads through the gag.
Back in the stately lounge, Dad is having a laugh and a chuckle with his pals saying how good an actor Uncle is and he's a great friend to pretend like that. It's all a ruse. He just wanted to scare his son straight by giving him an impossible dilemma. Haha, he'll pop back in 5 mins and let him off the hook.
Just as he gets up, his son comes in - drenched in blood - to tell him the job's done.

[olliebean]

One had Brian Cox and Press Gang's Paul Reynolds.

The Cutter, which I was sure would be listed on IMDb, but evidently not. Here it is listed at the bfi website, though: http://www.bfi.org.uk/films-tv-people/4ce2b7c8ab7da

[jenna appleseed]

3- Mr Wakefield's Great Adventure/Escapade (or sutin)

Mr Wakefield's Crusade!

Loved the book (Bernice Rubins) one year I'm going to actually watch the programme (only ever got to see a trailer clip of what turned out to be Pete Capaldi stumbling into a tent, and it's kind of a thing that got away that I've been scared to actually watch in case they fucked it up).

Part 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KfgEE5hwo8
part 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz0Y6nm5pW0

part 3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqO5YXZFOow

(don't even remember it being a 3 parter)

eta: Richard Griffiths is in it as well!

eta2: promo image stolen from imdb

[Jockice]

Who here saw Tommy Cooper die on live television? I did.

Weird how no clips of it have surfaced (as far as I know), in this Youtube age and all that.

Not only that, I went out to the pub straight after he'd 'finished' saying to my mum on the way out: "He's a genius." I genuinely thought it was part of the act and strolled up to the Highcliffe with a big grin on my face. The best death ever.

As for footage of it, I was chatting on Facebook to a Canadian friend of mine a few years ago and mentioned him. She was young (No, not that young before you call the police, we're talking mid-20s) and had only vaguely heard his name, but a few minutes later she sent me footage of his death. It wasn't on youtube though. It was on Vimto or whatever it's callled I think.

[mothman]

I used to love The Shooting Gallery, C4's all-night short film marathons. At its best in the first iteration in 1995 or 1996. Would record the whole thing (thank heavens for 4-hour VHS tapes) then watch the next day. Done good stuff there but can only remember a few bits. The Portishead short film To Kill A Dead Man, for one.

[spamwangler]

Only me and my brother have seen the special edit of the terminator my mum made, taping over the more gory/violent bits with eastenders, and in the grand finale in the steel works, coronation street. Since we more the tape out, t2 has never been the same

[Glebe]

Who here saw Tommy Cooper die on live television? I did.

Weird how no clips of it have surfaced (as far as I know), in this Youtube age and all that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWutUMkqA_c

And I saw it as a nipper too.

[Peru]

I hesitate to resurrrect the Hazy Television Memories thread, but can anyone else remember a US TV film from the 80's I think, presumably intended as a pilot for a show that didn't get picked up. It featured an airliner full of passengers which vanishes mid-flight then reappears shortly after and lands, with no explanation. The main character is the boyfriend/husband of a passenger on the flight, and he first notices how different she is before discovering she's an alien replicant. He kills her in self-defense and is farmed for murder and was presumably then intended to go on the run, tracking down other passengers from the flight and seeing what their plan is, and whether the real passengers can be rescued.

Was it Millennium, with Kris Kristofferson and Cheryl Ladd?

[Puce Moment]

Coping With...

A series of comedy episodes screened during half-term in, I think, 1998, which featured dramas about kids/teens made by kids/teens. It featured different themes they were coping with (Parents, Schools, etc). Produced by Sue Nott who did Palace Hill (mentioned above) with some of the same actors.

[mothman]

Was it Millennium, with Kris Kristofferson and Cheryl Ladd?

Thanks Peru. No, not Millenium. If you read further down the thread you'll see I found it via an IMDb board.