things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again

[George White]

Thanks Peru. No, not Millenium. If you read further down the thread you'll see I found it via an IMDb board.

Sounds like 1986's Annihilator.

A US TV drama from the mid-80s. I think it may have been a mini-series, perhaps three episodes, and it seemed sort of like a male version of Lace. It followed, from what I can remember, three men, perhaps brothers, in a Our Friends in the North type way, as they go off in different directions and have various lives.

The part I distinctly remember is that one of them ends up going to jail. At some point something happens and he believes he can see the face of Jesus on his prison cell wall. He then becomes a born again full-on god-botherer.

I loved it and me and I have fond memories of me and my Mum watching it together (as we also did with Lace).

Found this. Was it Celebrity?

Aloha! I wrote that TV Cream bit, and I *loved* that and Tim Tyler/Secret Of Steel City as a youngster; small surprise then that I went on to become a huge Argento fan. The original movie version did show up on YouTube a while back but seems to have gone again now...

The Baron from Tim Tyler, Horst Frank is even in Argento's Cat O'Nine Tails.

[Sydward Lartle]

An advert for Mars bars from the late nineties, '98 or '99 I'd say. Mars had temporarily (I think) ditched their old slogan "A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play" and had gone for the shorter, pithier "Must be Mars". Anyway, this advert, to the best of my knowledge, was only shown once, on Channel Four, very late at night. I used to have the bugger on tape, but when my VCR bit the dust, it took this tape with it.

The advert featured a lift attendant who was in charge of one of those hand-operated old-fashioned lifts that's designed like a cage, and the lift was full of people, including a stunning, busty brunette wearing a low-cut, close-fitting white top. The attendant took a couple of bites of his Mars bar and immediately started cranking the handle back and forth, causing the lift to shoot up and down like a demented yo-yo, and a little bald fella with a beard to stumble face-first into the busty woman's cleavage. The advert ended with the suitably distressed passengers filing out, only to be replaced by a haughty dowager type. Cue an evil look on old matey's face as he prepares to inflict more lift-related havoc on some unsuspecting tenants... fade to black, cue caption - "MUST BE MARS" - and out.

I've mentioned this advert to countless people, scoured the internet, gone through hour upon hours' worth of YouTube uploads of vintage ad breaks and... bugger all. It's as if it never even existed. The other advert with the "MUST BE MARS" slogan, where a bloke is swallowed by a settee shaped like a giant pair of lips, is on YouTube, but the one with the chesty stunner in the lift... no, mate. Sure you didn't dream it? I'm bloody positive.

[Puce Moment]

Found this. Was it Celebrity?

Fucking hell - thank you. Well found! I forgot it was all based around a 'who-raped-it' storyline.

[mothman]

Sounds like 1986's Annihilator.

Yes, as I said later on. But thank you anyway.

I've asked over at IMDb.

. . . And someone has idenitifed it - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090649/

[biggytitbo]

Richard Madeley cockily trying some extra hot chilli sauce then having to go off camera to be sick live on air. A juvenile Mischa Barton accidentally telling Mel and Sue on Light Lunch that she saw Sam Rockwell's penis. Amanda Hamilton asking Steven Gately if he liked Man Love on Something for the Weekend.

[George White]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cRxO-8_46M  Just remembered that they've remade the Legend of Tim Tyler/Timm Thaler.


Whatever happened to Amanda Hamilton?

[Chriddof]

I might have mentioned this on this forum before, but once I was watching This Morning (mid to late 90s  - around the time Judy was on her extended leave of absence) and Richard Madeley was presenting a phone-in with the surname-less Dr Chris. Some bloke rings up with a health complaint, which at first seemed normal but due to the vague language he was using, it suddenly dawned on me that this was a prank call in which the man was describing getting an erection and then ejaculating as if it were some sort of bizarre and unexplained ailment. Hilariously Dr Chris didn't get it at all, keeping on asking questions about this and that and growing ever more confused, before without explaining anything Richard sharply cut the man off and they went immediately onto the next (genuine) call.

[gmoney]

Richard Madeley cockily trying some extra hot chilli sauce then having to go off camera to be sick live on air.

Me and my mum saw this when I was off sick from school. It was incredible.

[monolith]

Saw a fucking mental cooking show at about 3 in the morning in the early 2000s when I was a pissed up (and probably drugged up) teenager. It's difficult to describe, I remember they would keep shouting out the recipe name at random points, and then have these weird Batman 1960s style visuals flashing over the screen, often just spelling out the name of the dish they were cooking. I don't think they were very good chefs, in fact the modern equivalent would probably be students making "wacky" cooking videos on youtube except I don't know if they'd actually do that as the internet would probably pour scorn on this sort of thing. Or maybe they'd love it, I never know with the internet.

[chocky909]

Maybe you're joking but that was probably 'Get Stuffed', a well renowned show. Maybe you don't remember Spangles either?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Get_Stuffed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3jJb9TgJcg

[monolith]

Oh, yeah that was it. Didn't know it was well renowned.

I'll quietly exit the thread then...

[chocky909]

Compared to some of the obscure shit bandied about these parts, yes but in real life it's still pretty obscure. I'd have to say it doesn't fit the thread though.

[boki]

It was probably the main inspiration for this skit from The Day Today, though, so at least it's forum-relevant.

[Ambient Sheep]

It was probably the main inspiration for this skit from The Day Today, though, so at least it's forum-relevant.

Oh, that's what it was a spoof of!  I'd always wondered if it was something specific or just a general pisstake of yoof programming.  Thanks for pointing that out.

[jenna appleseed]

Also, slightly off topic but tv related thing nobody else seems to have read - some point in the 90's either the launch of the Saturday Night Armistice or something (probably) Iannucci/bayham/etc. related (can't have been anything Morris or the internet would know wtf I'm talking about)
had an spoof column in the Radio Times by the writers, that led to one of the regular columns/blurb in the next issue including a spoof disclaimer along the lines of 'despite what they told you last week, it doesn't actually contain hidden tabs of acid so you can stop licking Polly Toynbee's face".

Why did none of you bastards tell me that joke was (also) in the first episode of The Saturday Night Armistice?

I liked that bit at the end of the first Armistice show (it was 'The Saturday Night Armistice' for the first series wasn't it?), with Armando saying "Don't forget there's a tab of LSD in this weeks Radio Times - just lick Polly Toynbee's face".

killer insomnia / anxiety reduced me to googling 'licking Polly Toynbee's face' at @6am
& thanks to Nicholas bloody Pegg, whether Bowie really did sing about being married to a Klingon.

fml


(also drove me to  re trawling through bbc genome and somehow actually finding the early sci-fi comedy drama serial thing I really liked when I was about 12, that had mole people, a kind of proto Benny Summerfield wise cracking female character, and android stand up comediennes who riffed on dreaming about (electric) sheep. Anyone know where / if I can find copies of Ruby from BBC radio 5? https://genome.ch.bbc.co.uk/search/0/20?q=ruby&svc=9371570#search
)

[Famous Mortimer]

This may be best in the movies board but a film I saw years ago. It was Australian if I remember and I have a vague memory of it being called road kill or something similar (yeah i've done my googling). It was about a singer from a punk band who was a bit of a legend and ends up committing suicide on stage.

You may well be thinking of Bruce McDonald's "Roadkill", from 1989, a fantastic Canadian indie movie which has...well, it has a band in it. Or maybe the same director's "Hard Core Logo".

Ah, this request was from three years ago. Never mind.

[JesusAndYourBush]

(also drove me to  re trawling through bbc genome and somehow actually finding the early sci-fi comedy drama serial thing I really liked when I was about 12, that had mole people, a kind of proto Benny Summerfield wise cracking female character, and android stand up comediennes who riffed on dreaming about (electric) sheep. Anyone know where / if I can find copies of Ruby from BBC radio 5? https://genome.ch.bbc.co.uk/search/0/20?q=ruby&svc=9371570#search
)

Sent you a pm.

[Billy]

Dom from 'Dick & Dom in da Bungalow' walking round a shopping centre asking random strangers "Excuse me, do you find this funny?" and waggling his hand under his chin making an "Ehh" sound.

I remember one couple sarcastically responding "Yeah, that's genius" and one terrified child hiding behind his parents.

[That_Boy_Marner]

I remember the openings to a cartoon, I called it bendy legs. Must have beeb early 90s I just remember some red and white stripes and then a pair of  legs or black lines would do that naff dance I do in a nightclub where you bend your knees in and your hands swap legs.

[Bently Sheds]

An Australian or New Zealand film involving two blokes driving around in a Mini having adventures. One of the guys was in a wheelchair and quite small. As the film went on the Mini got more and more destroyed and the final scene was the Mini with no body panels belting down a hill, the bloke sitting in the wheelchair strapped to the roof screaming and waving a sword.

A French-Canadian film about kids, one had a pacemaker. They befriended an older guy who had a wank as they - off camera - lost their virginity to each other. Later he redeemed himself by restarting the dying kid's pacemaker with the battery from his Vespa.

[George White]

An Australian or New Zealand film involving two blokes driving around in a Mini having adventures. One of the guys was in a wheelchair and quite small. As the film went on the Mini got more and more destroyed and the final scene was the Mini with no body panels belting down a hill, the bloke sitting in the wheelchair strapped to the roof screaming and waving a sword.

A French-Canadian film about kids, one had a pacemaker. They befriended an older guy who had a wank as they - off camera - lost their virginity to each other. Later he redeemed himself by restarting the dying kid's pacemaker with the battery from his Vespa.

the former os Goodbye Porkpie. Was recently remade. An influence on Hunt for the Wilderpeople too

[Darles Chickens]

Chris Evans and Jonathan Ross naked in front of a studio audience with only ukuleles to save their modesty.  There's, probably unsurprisingly, no video evidence of this online anywhere.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Live and Kicking, mid 90's. Peter Andre was answering phone in questions from the public, and somebody rang up and said something like, "On your latest album you've decided to work with some well known and respected hip hop stars. Is this to cover up the fact that you're a total commercial bore?". Andre got all flustered and offered to fight the guy in the studio if he showed up.

Also on Live and Kicking, same time period, Zoe Ball interviewing Mo Mowlam. New Labour were in power, so 97 onwards. Zoe Ball asked if people in the government liked any of the Britpop bands around at the time. Mowlam said something like, "Oh yes, we love Verve, and Manic Street". Fuck me, the cringe was strong there.

Early 2000's I was channel surfing and found Peter Simon on some shopping channel. Thing is, Simon has always been a bit of a loon, but this evening he seemed particularly bad. It was like he'd received some very bad news just before going on air, and was on the verge of a major nervous breakdown, almost breaking into tears at several points.
The film crew however were having none of it, and started laughing at him whenever he said something particularly crazy. He really wasn't making a great deal of sense. After a while he walked up to the cameraman and punched him, presumably in the guts, as the camera wobbled and you heard an audible "Oof!". They finished up the program shortly after that. To sign off, Simon said, "And there's a security guard just arrived in the corner, so it looks like I'll be walking home tonight". (It might even have been a policeman, I can't remember).

I've tried for years to find footage of that last one, but there was probably only a few hundred watching, so sadly it's been lost to the mists of time.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

This is a long shot but does anyone else here remember a BBC TV play called Gentle Folk from the very early 80s?  At a country house gathering in 1911, a young man has visions of World War One, World War Two, and 1960s and 1970s rock culture hedonism, all of which clash with the current gentility of the social occasion.

https://genome.ch.bbc.co.uk/1d5e3ab31da74dfcbcec4532b05509f4

[Chriddof]

Live and Kicking, mid 90's. Peter Andre was answering phone in questions from the public, and somebody rang up and said something like, "On your latest album you've decided to work with some well known and respected hip hop stars. Is this to cover up the fact that you're a total commercial bore?". Andre got all flustered and offered to fight the guy in the studio if he showed up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3WFBNY6F9g

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Haha cheers! I always thought it was bore.