Author Topic: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again  (Read 28434 times)

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #300 on: February 05, 2020, 08:56:31 PM »
Christopher Lee introducing and ending a 10:30 ITV show, pretty sure it was Granada since I live in Granadaland then, probably a Hammer Horror TV thing, all sorts of supernatural and demonic things, late 70's and he ending one (or probs all) with...

'.. and remember - there are such things....'

Shit me up well bad, especially as I had a bed with a fair amount of useful space underneath and cat used to move out in there, until I declared it a cat free zone when it started to do it's shits there......

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

  • Well... enjoy your lifetime's supply of virginity!
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #301 on: February 06, 2020, 06:43:32 AM »
Chris Evans and Jonathan Ross naked in front of a studio audience with only ukuleles to save their modesty.  There's, probably unsurprisingly, no video evidence of this online anywhere.

Chris with a towel, Jonathon Ross with an acoustic guitar. After Chris left, Rowland Rivron came on stage, and feigning a " what's going on here?" sort of attitude, tried to take Ross's acoustic guitar from him. JR was obviously very discomforted by this, think it was an unscripted move on Rivron's part.

non capisco

  • automatic writing by phantom limb
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #302 on: February 06, 2020, 08:11:00 AM »
Hahaha, knew I'd be trundling on about that non-existent Eastenders 'Gutbuster' episode in this old thread.

Whenever this one pops up I feel I have to draw attention to ffogems' stellar post on page 3, one of the all time CaB golden greats.

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #303 on: February 06, 2020, 08:29:02 AM »
Chris with a towel, Jonathon Ross with an acoustic guitar. After Chris left, Rowland Rivron came on stage, and feigning a " what's going on here?" sort of attitude, tried to take Ross's acoustic guitar from him. JR was obviously very discomforted by this, think it was an unscripted move on Rivron's part.

Lamentably, it wasn't a faintly remembered dream: I've actually found stills of this televisual feast online.

(not safe for work / eyes)
https://vhistory.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/evans-and-ross.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/hdUWgM9.jpg


buttgammon

  • How thick is wall?
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #304 on: February 06, 2020, 09:05:34 AM »
Whenever this one pops up I feel I have to draw attention to ffogems' stellar post on page 3, one of the all time CaB golden greats.

You're not wrong, what a breathtaking piece of forumming!

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • In France we call it le bellend
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #305 on: February 06, 2020, 10:44:30 AM »
Lamentably, it wasn't a faintly remembered dream: I've actually found stills of this televisual feast online.

(not safe for work / eyes)
https://vhistory.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/evans-and-ross.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/hdUWgM9.jpg

Are they actually naked though? It looks like they've got thongs on. Evans has even tried to cover his up with flesh coloured masking tape.

Famous Mortimer

  • War - it's fantastic!
    • International Syndicate of Cult Film Critics
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #306 on: February 06, 2020, 05:09:24 PM »
.

« Last Edit: February 06, 2020, 05:23:59 PM by Famous Mortimer »

magval

  • Magnum Valentino
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #307 on: February 06, 2020, 06:29:23 PM »
An advert on Irish TV that encouraged viewers to watch programmes in the correct aspect ratio, illustrating this using footage of a man who had recently won the title of best whistler in the country being squashed and straightened out.

This is is ironic as RTE does not always broadcast in the correct aspect ratio.

Ambient Sheep

  • "lazy cunt"
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #308 on: February 06, 2020, 07:51:04 PM »
Are they actually naked though? It looks like they've got thongs on. Evans has even tried to cover his up with flesh coloured masking tape.

Well the weird thing is that in the first pic only Evans seems to have a thong on, and in the second pic only Ross seems to.

Which brings to mind a highly disturbing possibility...

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #309 on: February 06, 2020, 08:22:50 PM »
Christopher Lee introducing and ending a 10:30 ITV show, pretty sure it was Granada since I live in Granadaland then, probably a Hammer Horror TV thing, all sorts of supernatural and demonic things, late 70's and he ending one (or probs all) with...

'.. and remember - there are such things....'

Shit me up well bad, especially as I had a bed with a fair amount of useful space underneath and cat used to move out in there, until I declared it a cat free zone when it started to do it's shits there......
Tales of the Haunted (1981)?

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #310 on: February 06, 2020, 09:57:17 PM »
Well the weird thing is that in the first pic only Evans seems to have a thong on, and in the second pic only Ross seems to.

Which brings to mind a highly disturbing possibility...

Yeah, I thought that was weird too.  Don't know if those two photos are possibly from two different takes (the former was from a VHS recording from the original broadcast, the latter was from The S*n, no idea of the source), but I always thought Saturday Zoo went out live, or "as if live".  No one really remembers this programme, but it was quite daring TV, particularly for its time.  It was edgy enough that a 16-year-old me figured that I might get to see some tits on it (the joke writes itself), but that night I'm fairly sure I had to make do with a flash of ginger knob as they were going offstage at the end, as the cameras cut back and forth in the chaos.


Bingo Fury

  • Only qualified to work on sailors
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #311 on: February 07, 2020, 12:29:01 AM »
This is a long shot but does anyone else here remember a BBC TV play called Gentle Folk from the very early 80s?  At a country house gathering in 1911, a young man has visions of World War One, World War Two, and 1960s and 1970s rock culture hedonism, all of which clash with the current gentility of the social occasion.

https://genome.ch.bbc.co.uk/1d5e3ab31da74dfcbcec4532b05509f4


Was HG Wells there, and he's fascinated by the visions of the future this young man is having?

And the young man turns up at a woman's bedroom door thinking he's well in there, only to find out Wells is already knobbing her and gets curtly told to stop staring at them and fuck off?

If so, yep, I remember that one.

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #312 on: February 07, 2020, 08:10:42 PM »
Badly Drawn Boy on some shit like Saturday kitchen getting a bit curt with the presenter including mumbling 'is he for real?' and it being picked up clearly by his lavalier.

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #313 on: February 08, 2020, 12:06:12 PM »
Recent news has reminded me of the time Gordon the Gopher recreated the Mr Oizo Flat Eric video from the Levi's advert. Can't find that anywhere.

buttgammon

  • How thick is wall?
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #314 on: February 08, 2020, 01:12:31 PM »
Recent news has reminded me of the time Gordon the Gopher recreated the Mr Oizo Flat Eric video from the Levi's advert. Can't find that anywhere.

This rings a bell but with a later character, not Gordon the Gopher. Can anyone find a YouTube link?

magval

  • Magnum Valentino
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #315 on: February 08, 2020, 07:08:20 PM »
Given the timing it would be more likely to be Otis the Aardvark but a quick Youtube search gave me nothing

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #316 on: February 08, 2020, 07:13:39 PM »
Around the late 00s there was a channel on freeview called TMF and one night they showed a version of Benny Benassi's Satisfaction video intercut with a hardcore porn film, talking up close penetration and money shot. Utterly bizarre and i'm amazed that got on tv as I assumed it was illegal to have hardcore porn on telly.

Would love it if someone else on earth saw this and I didn't dream it.
« Last Edit: February 08, 2020, 07:35:43 PM by bgmnts »

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #317 on: February 08, 2020, 07:30:59 PM »
This rings a bell but with a later character, not Gordon the Gopher. Can anyone find a YouTube link?

In my hazy memory it was 'Monkey' from the Johnny Vegas adverts, but I can't find anything, either.

buttgammon

  • How thick is wall?
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #318 on: February 08, 2020, 07:45:15 PM »
Given the timing it would be more likely to be Otis the Aardvark but a quick Youtube search gave me nothing

Could well be! That sounds about right.

the

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #319 on: February 08, 2020, 08:00:25 PM »
Around the late 00s there was a channel on freeview called TMF and one night they showed a version of Benny Benassi's Satisfaction video intercut with a hardcore porn film, talking up close penetration and money shot. Utterly bizarre and i'm amazed that got on tv as I assumed it was illegal to have hardcore porn on telly.

Would love it if someone else on earth saw this and I didn't dream it.

We've been through this, the video that exists is a fake that wouldn't have gone out on TV

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #320 on: February 08, 2020, 08:02:12 PM »
Holy shit we have. It was seriously on telly, I remember it on telly.

Fucksake.

the

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #321 on: February 08, 2020, 08:10:48 PM »
Holy shit we have. It was seriously on telly, I remember it on telly.

Fucksake.

If you watch it, you can see how whoever cut it together has overlaid their own TMF caption on top of the real one to hide the edits. That in itself says to me that that version of the video was produced independently of TMF.

So ask yourself why TMF would then get hold of that fake and broadcast it on their own channel. (Putting to one side the massive broadcast regulation shitstorm they would make for themselves.) It doesn't add up. I'm not disbelieving you but... actually yeah, I'm disbelieving you. :)

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #322 on: February 08, 2020, 08:14:34 PM »
I SWEAR it was on telly. I'd put my house on it.

the

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #323 on: February 08, 2020, 08:59:21 PM »
If so you would've been, what, 13 when you saw it? And to be fair you couldn't even recall that you started the previous conversation about this 4 months ago ;)

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #324 on: February 15, 2020, 05:26:02 PM »
Katie Puckrick's nipple making a valiant bid for freedom on The Word. Or was it that thing where they wore pyjamas.

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #325 on: February 15, 2020, 05:46:55 PM »
It's like the whole Captain Pugwash/Seaman Staines/Master Bates/Roger the Cabin Boy thing, I swear it was real and I watched it. I now know it wasn't and I didn't...

False memories.....

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #326 on: February 15, 2020, 05:56:07 PM »
I just want to remind people of this old post.

I can only think of one moment that utterly defies comprehension. It came out of nowhere during those lonely nights pre-internet spent flicking through night-time sky channels. I do yearn for those days, really, when limp memories of old films and tv shows remain just that, just a confusing crease in the ether, rather than a clearly labelled boxed-off relic now sullied by the internet's unending ability to savage the sanctity of everything in existence with clinically outlined statistics and trivia that fill the gaps in my memory that I didn't need to know I had. I've stopped buying dvds of old films and tv shows now, as my hazy experience of them was better, more meaningful. I don't need to see youtube clips of them above columns of ill-judged venerative cockery, and I certainly don't need to go to a female actor's imdb page, scroll down to the message board section to find somebody's started a thread titled 'TITS', and think 'oh for fuck sake. Someone got there first'. I think these things should just free-float in the context they occured. Bringing them into starker up-to-date relief ruins it. The internet has already fucked the following in the face -

The Ewoks films
Little Monsters
Stoppit and Tidyup
Russ Meyer's Supervixens
The Wiz
Poison Ivy
Dare to Believe

and I can't let it keep happening. These are my memories, internet. My childhood. Stop filling the gaps of wistful bliss with cheaply-manufactured dvds and incriminating clarifications regarding the age of dubiously dressed girls in children's television.
But this moment was different, and can never be explained.
It was a normal night, during a time before internet porn could be grabbed in full files with swift ease and was still storyboarded in 10-second catch-up clips of the best bits, when I still had the habit of recording onto video or dvd whatever scrap of pout or nipple I could find on late-night TV to make long compilations of something resembling a conspiracy theorist video to convince the disbelieving; a time-capsule of tit-twiddling.
And there I would sit until the early hours, rapidly flicking from channel to channel, one hand round the remote, the other round my penis, and eye sight flitting from TV to living room door with manic unease as I expected it at any moment to open wide to reveal a whole bundle of laughing people with inverted Baftas and ignominious Gotchas held out for me.
In the event of such a thing happening, I had a repertoire of responses to avoid being caught red-wristed. Part of this set-up involved keeping the penis area in my pants so that I was operating with the kind of blunt, folded erection that makes me rue the lack of a voluntary penile elbow. If we all adhered to this cramped set-up, then maybe evolution would take note and provide a better future for our children. Although, if we all actually did do this, humanity would probably die naked and alone in a chair.
Of course, this wasn't an ideal situation, as the yielding of an erection was often followed by frantic fumbling but the knowledge that I couldn't do anything about it until I'm out of the family living room and in a safer place (like the bathroom), which made the whole bleak practice feel like chewing food and then walking around with it in your cheeks for hours before swallowing.
I felt like the boy from Flight of the Navigator (1986) at one with the controls of his ship, with my multi-task button pushing, cranking up and down the channels, tapping in memorised numbers to unlock 10 free minutes, flicking the center stick to bring up the programme information and scan-reading for any hint of a tit, jamming the back button to remove it from view if the current on-screen action suddenly proved promising, then dragging up the volume with slick caution. The volume was always kept low, but if I was feeling daring I would draw it up a notch to just catch a minor earful of the sensual soundtrack of whatever had been laid down to cover the anechoic sound of the cavorting woman whimpering with continued regret.
Another tactic was to have safe-zones established, channels I could retreat to if someone came into the room. One of these was a now-dead channel that seemed to have empty-schedules for most of the day, and then a quiz late at night. During this particular night I touched-base with the channel, just popping in like a gangster stooge nabbing a bun from the display of an under-the-thumb bakery, and saw nothing. The quiz had finished, but the camera continued to film from a high angle, looking down on a white-walled set that was empty but for a single podium. I turned the volume up until I heard static then turned it back down, changed the channel and continued to fumble. I kept coming back to this baffling channel where nothing was being broadcast whenever I heard the catflap go or caught my reflection on the telly screen. The volume was as low as my esteem, and consequently my reaction to what happened next as late as the lonely night. I was about to flick to another channel. I’d brought up the information box and was suggesting to myself that, come on, perhaps I should just give in for today and go to bed, in a nobly weary way as if doing the night shift on the search for Maddy. But then something entered my vision, and I jammed the ‘back’ button. A man had walked onto set dressed as a policeman. He removed his hat, stood by the podium and then said something with gurning indignance as if acting out a scenario in which he wins an argument to great public acclaim. It lasted mere seconds. He picked up his hat and walked off set before I could get the volume up to hear what he said. And then nothing. Who was that man? What had he said, and why?
I sat for about an hour watching the empty white set in transfixed bafflement, waiting for Act 2. But nothing happened. I didn’t record any more porn that night. It just didn’t feel right.
Then came the early hours of daylight. The screen faded to black with text saying something like ‘programmes begin again at 7pm’. It may as well have said ‘oh dear, you’ve pushed through the night with your cock out’. I went to bed floppy and chagrined.
I kept up the routine for some weeks after, but I’d lost my enthusiasm. I was probably only in it for the empty set now, with occasional reluctant, limp titty base-touching, but there was never an explanation for what had happened. I waited every night, hope in place of penis, for at least a gesture of some sort. I didn’t care if I’d missed the whole drawn-out spectacle and the meaning of the titbit’d performance, but if I could just see this man run on in his police uniform and bow as the credits rolled then I’d be happy. But every time I flicked over it was always the same white set, the same static, the same stubborn lack of answers, and no man ever returned to fill the holes.

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #327 on: February 15, 2020, 05:57:52 PM »
If so you would've been, what, 13 when you saw it? And to be fair you couldn't even recall that you started the previous conversation about this 4 months ago ;)

A 13 year old seeing hardcore pornography is more memorable than a 27 year old posting on a forum I say!

kalowski

  • the Zone of Zero Funkativity
Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #328 on: February 15, 2020, 06:52:36 PM »
Very young Steve Coogan impersonating Brian Glover as a Bond villan. Some late night ITV comedy show.

Re: things on tv you know only you've seen and you'll never see them again
« Reply #329 on: February 15, 2020, 07:31:37 PM »
There was a BBC crime series, late 90s and each episode was different. Can't remember what it was called, but I remember one episode neighbours having a house party, block goes nuts and kills . them, driving off laughing.

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