Inexcrable Covers

[Nearly Annually]

I searched and to my disbelief found that there was no bad covers topic. I didn't want to sully splattermac's thread because so far everyone on there (and on Garfield and Friends' "Cover, covers, covers" thread) has been listing good ones.

Over these past 50 years of rock'n'roll, there has been a hell of a lot of grist for us to mill.

I would like, but after all who the fuck am I, to encourage a short explanation as to what irks you so about your chosen inexcrable covers, as follows:



It's My Life - No Doubt, after Talk Talk

Mark Hollis' original vocal performance was absolutely essential. He sounded a bit like Kermit's nephew, Robin, singing Halfway Up The Stairs, but with that 8-bit synth pad behind it it worked beautifully. He kind of floated the vocal over the mix like a really good cross from a uniquely talented midfielder. Uplifting, yet quirky. By contrast Ms Stefani's sound, which is admittedly all her own, if you perhaps forget Cyndi Lauper, is utterly wrong for the song. Once she breaks out of her soft verse voice and into her trademark sulky thing, there's some truly hideous double tracking, and to make it worse, and I'm sure we all hate this in a cover, the rest of the sounds, arrangement, tempo, everything, is EXACTLY the same as the original. Down to the self same vintage synth pad, or an emulation thereof. Yamaha DX7 I shouldn't wonder, but Gazeuse might correct me. So all that's changed is the voice, from the perfect fit of the songwriter's own to Gwen's questionable warble. Apparently Talk Talk are No Doubt's favourite band, according to a press release I just read. Well then why fuck their corpse in the eyesocket so? Ah, because the song's a guaranteed hit; I see.



I just went for the most recent one I could think of. Actually I haven't got much against Gwen Stefani, the titless Madonna-faced bint can shove her Marks & Spencer mannequin hips in my general direction any time, with her showing pants and her belly and her many, many moles. I really liked Just A Girl and that Hey Baby one was good too.

I'm not sure of the etymology of the word inexcrable - let's say it means that you couldn't shit a cover as bad as this. Ladies and Gentlemen, start your bile ducts.

[smoker]

oops i never knew it was a cover. i really like that no doubt track, think they're an ace band apart from hey baby whch was just pants

the worst cover EVERRRRRRRR has to be louise footballer's wife doing stuck in the middle with you but lukcily after hearing it once i was wise to the opening strains and was able to switch channel / station every time i heard them before i was subjected to the horror ever again

[european son]

i'll repeat this from Garfield...'s thread because whilst i've said it once before, it bears repeating


i hate Travis - Baby One More Time, probably the most offensive cover version ever that. especially Fran Healy claiming "it's a really good song that, and now there's a version which our fans can listen to "

it was a really good song, filled with energy, sex, melody and youthful wistfulness.... till you made a shit campfire acoustic dirge out of it you wank.

there was a great version which Travis fans could listen to, it was by Britney Spears and it was brilliant. if they can only admit to liking it when wailed over an acoustic then they are snobs who are not worthy of such great tunes.

[imitationleather]

How about Rammstein - The Model? In Wolfgang Flur's auto-biography he says it's the worst cover of a Kraftwerk song ever and oh-ho, the boy ain't wrong.

[Nearly Annually]

Gimme reasons. Gimme critique.


Actually I lied, I have got one thing very much against Stefani:

oops

Well we are allowed to disagree, but find the original and see what you think.

[BaronMunchausen'sSyndrome]

Rage Against the Machine's cover of Street Fightin' Man was misguided and awful, it's on their Renegades album. Way too shouty and disjointed, and the original was truly a song of it's time, released during a crazy summer of protests.

[Malachi Constant]

i'll repeat this from Garfield...'s thread because whilst i've said it once before, it bears repeating


i hate Travis - Baby One More Time, probably the most offensive cover version ever that. especially Fran Healy claiming "it's a really good song that, and now there's a version which our fans can listen to "

it was a really good song, filled with energy, sex, melody and youthful wistfulness.... till you made a shit campfire acoustic dirge out of it you wank.

there was a great version which Travis fans could listen to, it was by Britney Spears and it was brilliant. if they can only admit to liking it when wailed over an acoustic then they are snobs who are not worthy of such great tunes.

Yep, totally agree with you there!

[MonkeyDrummer]

Oasis - Carnation by The Jam

Fucking Disgrace. I remember buying the single out of curiosity and before I'd left the Virgin they played it. I stood and listened and contemplated returning it, but decided that someone else might buy it so I took it home and immediately used it as a coaster. Immature, clichêd. But it was a nice looking CD, and I wanted to disrespect it as much as I could.

[european son]

Oasis - Carnation by The Jam

not by Oasis..... it had Liam and some OCS folk on it... maybe Bonehead or Whitey as well, but definitely no Noel.

[Garfield And Friends]

Westlife's "Hey, Whatever" pop cover of the rock group Relish's "Rainbow Zephyr". Ugh.

By the way, who'd have thought that fucktards like Westlife would get their own 'tribute' act? Well they do: WestliKe
Fabulously awful...

[Ghost of Troubled Joe]

The Smiths covers of "Golden Lights" by Twinkle and "Work Is A Four Letter Word" by Cilla Black are utterly, utterly awful, and are real blemishes on Morrissey and Marr's otherwise superlative songbook.

[weirdbeard]

not by Oasis..... it had Liam and some OCS folk on it... maybe Bonehead or Whitey as well, but definitely no Noel.

Steve Craddock.  They got in Noel to play on the live version used for the promo video, and they also got him in to play on TOTP where they mimed it.

Sticking with Oasis, and with Street Fighting Man mentioned earlier, I never iiked their version of it.

[european son]

Steve Craddock.  They got in Noel to play on the live version used for the promo video, and they also got him in to play on TOTP where they mimed it.

ew. i stand corrected.

[Peking O]

Completely off-topic, but there was a great bit of Partridge-style footie commentary at the weekend from a Man City game.

The cameras picked up Noel Gallagher in the crowd...

Commentator: "Ahhh, there's Liam Gallagher, lead singer of Oasis, and a big Man City fan"

Cue a few moments silence where his producer is telling him it's Noel

Commentator: "....or is it Noel? It's so hard to tell isn't it?"

[tetoffender]

How about Rammstein - The Model? In Wolfgang Flur's auto-biography he says it's the worst cover of a Kraftwerk song ever and oh-ho, the boy ain't wrong.

I dunno about Rammstein's version, but Ride's cover of the same song is pretty dire as well. Tinny production and weedy vocals in an otherwise fairly straight cover. Urgh.

However, miles worse, but In a so bad, it's gone good, faffed around a bit and become car crash fuck-awful again is Grace Jones's cover of She's Lost Control by Joy Division. It's been reworked as an 8 and-a-bit minute long cod-reggae number, replete with the sound effect of a car skidding off the road every time Grace psychotically wails the phrase "She's Lost Control". Truly dreadful, yet strangely compelling.

You can find a sample on this page. Having just had a listen, I'm annoyed to find that it has made me smile. Eight more minutes of it is more than anyone could possibly take, though.

Ah, balls, I'm going to download it  and give it another try.

I bet it's still, pish, mind.

[Peking O]

Saw Primal Scream doing a cover of "Kick out the Jams" on the MC5 DVD recently. Bobby Gillespie just hasn't got a strong enough voice to pull off that song at all, and the hairy guitarist pulls a few hacky poses like he's some kind of rock God. Quite embarrassing. Even worse, Bobby naturally has to show off his rock knowledge by listing all the members of the MC5 first in his weedy "I'm sooo wasted" voice.  Doing such a lackluster version of a song that was almost a call to arms originally, probably because they think it's "cool" to do so, puts this on my list. Twats.

[Doctor Stamen]

Grace Jones's cover of She's Lost Control by Joy Division. It's been reworked as an 8 and-a-bit minute long cod-reggae number, replete with the sound effect of a car skidding off the road every time Grace psychotically wails the phrase "She's Lost Control"

Good fucking lord.

Someone at college once made me listen to a Green Day (i think it was them, if not some other plastic American 'punk' band) version of 'My Generation' which made me want to burn the college down after a couple of seconds.

[Doctor Stamen]

This reminds me, has anyone heard Tom Jones' abysmal covers album, 'Reload'?  It's worth it for comedy value alone.  I hung around a record shop for the duration of the whole album, just so I could listen to old Pube Head murdering some great tunes like 'Little Green Bag'.



Christ, I hate that leather-faced man.

[morgs]

Easy target but Will Young and his 'Light My Fire'.  Wish I had a flamethrower.

And don't get me started on Spirit in the Sky by Gareth Gates...  Not a great song but at least the original MEANT something!

All the crap that Westlife, Boyzone et al have churned out.  Insipid casio organ shitty remake wank.

Oh my god, just remembered Atomic Shitten.  Lots of choice but The Tide Is High upset me greatly

[chand]

I only ever heard the Fine Young Cannibals' version of 'Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've)' once, and it was enough for me to hate it with a passion. Removed all the energy and actual tune out of the Buzzcocks version and replaced it with some kind of mopey, soporific nonsense.

Much as I hate note-for-note covers and like people to change the arrangement, in that case it was probably better to leave well alone.

I have a mate who comes round with his iPod and plays me endless indie/alt/mall-punk bands doing pop songs in that 'ironic' way that they do, which is terribly infuriating. That goes for The Vines painstakingly extracting all the fun out of 'Ms Jackson' and so on. For every decent one (Eels did an interesting take on 'Get Ur Freak On') there's a million Me First And The Gimme Gimmes speeding up cheesy old songs.

There was also that dreadful Speedway version of 'Genie In A Bottle', an idea they didn't even come up with themselves, nicking the music off The Strokes as per a bunch of dreadful 'bastard pop' remixes. That whole thing went on far too long didn't it? It was funny when you hear one seamlessly-done and interesting mix, but then it was just 'Oh let's take the vocals off 'Crazy In Love' and stick them over some almost-as-massive 'alternative' track by someone like The White Stripes!'.

[chand]

Also, does it count as a shit cover if the original was shit? I just heard HIM cover 'Solitary Man' by Neil Diamond. Christ.

[The Region Legion]

Light My Fire by Massive Attack, for some reason tacked onto the end of Protection. Dreadful, and ruins the album.

Nobody Does It Better by Radiohead. Now, I love Radiohead for everything they've done since The Bends, and they just get better and better. BUT, this song is a monstrosity. It's basically exactly what everyone would take the piss out of Radiohead for being.

[elderford]

Nothing of note to add other than to agree that Tom Jones is responsible for some of the king hell monstrosities of covers. As a Talking Heads fan I was particularly offended by his shouty version of Burning Down The House. Similarly his shouty version of Kiss, beat all the fey subtlety out of the original. I can't bear his giving it 110% pub singer belt 'em stylee.

Beatles covers are usually appalling.

I have yet to hear Grace Jones doing the Mighty Joy Divvy, and I think I had best be sheltered from it, your description was enough for me to imagine its full horror.

But on a similar vein, New Order covering Joy Division. As an orthodox JD fan (Curtis sings in the original latin in my house) I find NO covering them bordering on heresey. I have to resist the urge to destroy stereo equipment whenever I hear their live versions of Atmospshere.

[Ambient Sheep]

Light My Fire by Massive Attack, for some reason tacked onto the end of Protection. Dreadful, and ruins the album.

Abso-fucking-lutely.  My body has now developed a reflex action, in that whenever it hears the words "One more choon..." it lunges for the Stop button.

I have to confess to liking the Radiohead cover though, but their pisstake one of "Wonderwall" is funnier.

I now have a curiously horrible fascination for this Grace Jones Joy Division thing, and am steeling myself to go and listen to it.

[Partridge's Love Child]

Oasis - Carnation by The Jam

not by Oasis..... it had Liam and some OCS folk on it... maybe Bonehead or Whitey as well, but definitely no Noel.

Steve Craddock.  They got in Noel to play on the live version used for the promo video, and they also got him in to play on TOTP where they mimed it.

That song was recorded for a Jam tribute album to which there was an accompanying television documentary.  In this you see Liam and Craddock recording a version of the track with Noel on guitar, Billy Ocean Colour Scene's Damon Minchella on bass, one of the White brothers on drums (off the top of my head I can't remember which one) and Weller himself on the old joanna.

That album is largely gash - Buffalo Tom murder Going Underground, Ben Harper blahs his way through This Is The Modern World etc.  Noel does a nice version of To Be Someone though, and the hidden track of Weller doing No One In The World (one of my favourite b-sides) is class.

On a similar vein then, I would like to nominate M People's version of The Small Faces' Itchycoo Park.  That M People trademark bass sound that sounds like a bubble coming to the surface of water will probably torture me in hell after I depart.  My mate Dave (of Do You Have A Mate Called Dave? fame) once said that he loves Heather Small's voice, but then he knows nowt about music, so I had to slap him asunder.  Her voice makes me want to eat razor blades whilst fucking a smashed bottle neck, and even if by some stretch of the imagination you do like it, Steve Marriott she ain't.

I also hate No Doubt by the way.

[tetoffender]

But on a similar vein, New Order covering Joy Division. As an orthodox JD fan (Curtis sings in the original latin in my house) I find NO covering them bordering on heresey. I have to resist the urge to destroy stereo equipment whenever I hear their live versions of Atmospshere.

I kind of know what you mean, but when I was at their gig a couple of years back, the moment Hooky played the first few notes of "Transmission" was sheer shivers-up-the-spine-style joy. On listening to the bootlegs of the shows, though, I can see why you might have an urge to see solenoids and lasers flying around your bedroom, but then, Barney's live singing has always had a "you had to be there"-ness about it.

Where do you stand on New Order doing Ceremony?

I now have a curiously horrible fascination for this Grace Jones Joy Division thing, and am steeling myself to go and listen to it.

Oh man! I hope it doesn't put you off music for good.

[weirdbeard]

That song was recorded for a Jam tribute album to which there was an accompanying television documentary.  In this you see Liam and Craddock recording a version of the track with Noel on guitar, Billy Ocean Colour Scene's Damon Minchella on bass, one of the White brothers on drums (off the top of my head I can't remember which one) and Weller himself on the old joanna.

Yeah, it's the same performance on both documentary and promo video.

[jutl]

Deacon Blue's version of Julian Cope's Trampolene was a bit of a cunt's trick.

Also, not wanting to be a pedantic shitbag, but isn't it 'execrable', meaning cursed? 'Inexecrable' is an interesting word, but to quote Inigo Montoya: "I don't think it mean what you think it mean." The OED says:

In quot. 1594, a misprint for inexorable; in quot. 1596, Folios 3 and 4, and some mod. edd. have inexorable; but some would retain inexecrable in the sense, or as an intensive, of EXECRABLE.

 1594 CONSTABLE Diana VIII. i, Though shee protests the faithfullest severitie, inexecrable beautie is inflicting. 1596 SHAKES. Merch. V. IV. i. 128 O be thou damn'd, inexecrable dogge, And for thy life let iustice be accus'd.

...so it's a word which has quite likely only ever been a misprint.

[Lord Spong]

Anybody heard that Ryan Adams version of Wonderwall yet?  Myself, I couldn't stand the Oasis version, but Adams has topped it by turning out an eye gougingly boring, too-serious maudlin dirge.

Oh, and the Mike Flowers' Pops version was shit as well.  Noel should have relented and let The Smurfs have had a go.

Also, The White Stripes' version of I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself.  To hear Dusty Springfield's wonderful soulful voice, replaced with the horrible reedy shriek of Jack White, terrible.  The video for the song, with the whole atmosphere of 'look, we've got Kate Moss in our video, she's our friend, we're dead cool we are' sums up why I dislike The White Stripes so much.  I don't think that song lasted more than nine seconds whenever I caught it on MTV.

[european son]

Anybody heard that Ryan Adams version of Wonderwall yet?  Myself, I couldn't stand the Oasis version, but Adams has topped it by turning out an eye gougingly boring, too-serious maudlin dirge.

heh, i wrote a bit in another covers thread about how good i thought the cover was.....

and Noel agrees with me on that, he's played Ryan's version himself live a few times.


on The White Stripes, it was a bit of a strange release, seeing as it had already been a B-Side on an earlier single... probably should've stayed as one. and yeah, the video was wank. i never thought a girl in her pants dancing could be so un-erotic,