Fucking AWFUL Dance Remixes

[Bollock Chops]

I've just had the misfortune to hear the new Dance 'Remix' of Tracy Chapman's 'Fast Car'. Which basically means that they've speeded it up and put a bum-tish beat over it. That other one's fucking abysmal as well, that 'Sunny' Boney M one.

Fucking awful.

[Lt Plonker]

I once heard a dance remix of Que Sera Sera in HMV.

Jesus wept. As did I.

[chand]

Haha, I had a feeling that song would have prompted this. It's fucking god-awful. And I didn't like the original.

[SnapperOrgans]

There's a trance version of the Braveheart theme tune doing the rounds at my local ten pin bowling. Whoever is responsible for it deserves worse than William Wallace ever got.

[TotalNightmare]

this new track by Special D sounds like some piece of shit that failed to break the top 50 a few years ago and was sped up and given an early 90s dance groove to it to make it sell...

...that sadly, it has...

Like i give a fuck any way.

[imitationleather]

Have you seen the video to that Special D track? It's horrible!

There's loads of women who we're supposed to find sexually attractive except for the fact that one of them looks like a scary tranny and another one suffers from Alicbeeritis and so her face is all weird and angular. Oh yeah, and the DJ looks like the biggest prick who has ever been born in the world ever. He's Dutch, apparently.

In 2002 some dance remixes of 'God Save the Queen' by The Sex Pistols were unleashed on an uninterested public who proceeded to be completely unmoved and weren't shocked at all. I think it might have just made the top 20, which was far far higher than it deserved to be.

[phes]

The recent 'remix' of Jefferson Airplane's 'Somebody to love' was bloody awful. Being 25 it was no surprise to hear some of my friends saying, " Have you heard that great new........"  

Yuk, yuk, yuk (spits on floor).

[imitationleather]

Was that the Boogie Pimps thing with the video where the giant woman's in her underwear and a load of babies parachute onto her? I can't believe that got past the censors, in one bit she's rubbing a milk bottle over her breasts and in another bit her massive legs are open as some parachuting babies fly into shot! I mean, are we meant to get turned on by that? Us men should all feel outraged and manipulated. But we don't, do we? No, we just tape it, watch it over and over again whilst masturbating and try not to look at the babies and their little parachutes.

I've noticed that all these terrible dance remix videos are getting increasingly explicit with their videos.

Anyone seen that Narcotic Thrust video?

[Jimmy]

The recent 'remix' of Jefferson Airplane's 'Somebody to love' was bloody awful. Being 25 it was no surprise to hear some of my friends saying, " Have you heard that great new........"  

Yuk, yuk, yuk (spits on floor).

And interestingly enough that cover was done by the same people who've done the "Sunny" one mentioned in the first post...

[Jimmy]

Anyone seen that Narcotic Thrust video?

Is that the one with absolutely gratuitous up-skirt shots?

[Ambient Sheep]

I know it was a dance record to start with, but I've never quite forgiven New Order for what they did to their own Blue Monday in 1988.  The extra drums were fine, but the strange samples of kids / pitch-shifted voices going "Aye--yaah!" all the way through - well they can fuck RIGHT off.

[TotalNightmare]

The recent 'remix' of Jefferson Airplane's 'Somebody to love' was bloody awful. Being 25 it was no surprise to hear some of my friends saying, " Have you heard that great new........"  

Yuk, yuk, yuk (spits on floor).

that one made me want to vomit. A weak remix that intentionally stalls at the chorus to remind us that its a remix... nasty stuff!

Dont you want.. dont you want want, dont you want, dont you want want...

FUCKING GET TO THE CHORUS AND STOP FUCKING ABOUT...

Don't you want some body to love...

AND another thing... why is it that on all these remixes where they have blatantly stole the voice track from the original... why are we forced to enjoy some big titted vacant eyed bitch miming to the track?
I'm not stupid, i know it isnt her singing on the video or on top of the pops... but then, a lot of the people who think its a new original track will buy into it...

GOD i hate shitty Ibiza lead club remixes!

FUCKHAMMERS...

I'm tired

[Partridge's Love Child]

I picked up a copy of ChangesBowie - the Best Of compilation that was released in 1990 - for £1 at a car boot sale at the weekend.  I'd never realised how rubbish Fame '90 was before.

[TJ]

They can all fuck off.


It's no better than 'colorizing' films. If you're so good at 'music', write and record your own fucking song.

[Rats]

Hehe, don't half of them just put more drums on anyway?
The video of bjorks violently happy has a crappy drummy version on it instead of the real song.

[Morrisfan82]

It's disappointing how this euro-dance cover-version mini-industry has been floating around for about ten years now (remember the remix of Zombie by the Cranberries? Or Some Might Say by The Oasis?). I can only postulate two factors that keep it afloat: 1) DJ Steve from Shiners nightspot ('rated most violent Stella-fuelled nightclub in the region for the sixth year running!') has to buy a copy to play at the Saturday night pre-kebab riot, and 2) the 'oh, have you heard this, it's so terrible' notoriety factor (fuelled in part by shit local commercial radio stations) which helps publicity.

Shite cover version = Impact + Familiarity = Sales.

[The Boston Crab]

That said, if I could do it, I'd probably make some quick cash and run with it.

I think that Somebody To Love actually had pretty tight production.

I even quite liked the choppy vocal bit that made most people with any sense want to smash up every copy of the record.

I guess it's the downside of 'everybody can make 'music' these days at home.'

I'm still working on a Scouse House version of the Deacon Blue song, gonna call it 'Real Gone Kidder'. Just for experiment's sake. My mate came up with idea, looping up the 'woo-woo-woo!' bit and throwing a few arpeggiated synths at it and some trancey stabs. It'll be vile, but I bet the chavs would lap it up.

For the record, the worst one I've ever heard is the Scouse House version of Careless Whisper, which my brother often wakes me up with on a Sunday morning after he's been out all night.

[Morrisfan82]

I guess it's the downside of 'everybody can make 'music' these days at home.'

Ah, that old load of bollocks.

I wonder if they used to say the same about skiffle groups?

[The Boston Crab]

Err, why is it a load of bollocks? I'm saying it's the 'downside'. Obviously, I think it's briliant that anybody with a bit of software and a tiny bit of kit can enjoy making music for themselves and sometimes other people if they're very good at it, i.e. Daft Punk's Homework was made in a bedroom studio (even though they're dead rich and could afford an ace set-up) and it's one of the best things ever in my opinion.

I also have a lot of respect for people like Dizzee Rascal, The Streets, even though I don't much like the music, because it's very much the bedroom attitude.

On a French house forum I visit frequently, there are always people posting their tunes for criticism and I think it's fantastic. Some of the best house music I've heard in a while has come from some of those guys.

So don't get me wrong, I'm all for supporting people who make music without the aid of an expensive professional studio set-up. However, it is also much easier to peddle crap these days. Especially in the world of dance/electronic music.

I don't really know what you thought you were arguing against there...

[Ambient Sheep]

Hehe, don't half of them just put more drums on anyway?
The video of bjorks violently happy has a crappy drummy version on it instead of the real song.

Yeah, but on the other side of the coin, the video for "Big Time Sensuality" has a superb third-party remix of the song that isn't on the album.  The album version is, quite frankly, pretty dull.  The good version's only available on one of the two CD singles as a "B-side" track.  (Apparently Björk liked it so much that when she heard it she decided to use it for the video rather than the album / "A-side"-single version.)

[Lumiere]

The Pink Floyd DSOTM remix is so bad I wanted to smash my stereo. They fucking butchered 'Breathe' and every other classic on there.

[Rats]

Yes, you're right sheepy, that's very true, it's much better. You have to spoil everything, don't you?

[morgs]

I just find so many of these remixes TOTALLY unnecessary and unsuitable in the extreme.  Tracks that spring to mind are INXS Greatest Hits CD i got for Christmas a few years ago.  My mum was excited that it was a "Limited Edition 2CD version" that I was "sure to like".  The 2nd CD was a streak of bats piss.

Didn't much care for that remix of War of the Worlds (Jeff Wayne) that was a top 10 hit many years later.

I don't mind if a band try to "reimagine" one of their own songs in a different way, but I can't be arsed with lazy dance beats shoved on top of songs.  In nearly all cases, leave it alone!

[Goldentony]

i cried in pain at the original tracy chapman song, dance remix aint gonna change that

[Schlippy]

Whoever butchered The Flaming Lips' 'Do You Realise' with a 4/4 beat and identikit-bass-synth wanknazsm needs their face re-arranged.

Although what really gets me is why the artists themselves allow these travesties to be released in the first place. Don't they have veto over these kinds of things?

[The Boston Crab]

Apparently U2 gave the big thumbs-up to that piss poor recent number one with the black bird wailing over it. I hate U2 but it made me want to die anyway.

Plus, they changed the key.

[Mediocre Rich]

The Paul Oakenfold Remix of Lemon was good though.

The worst remix I have ever owned has got to be the 'We are Raving' 12" remix of 'We are Sailing' that my brother bought me for Christmas.

I was never quite sure if he was taking the piss or not.

[Morrisfan82]

Boston Crab: sorry, I thought you were employing the snobbish attitude of "Well, anyone can do it these days, that's why there's so much crap". I have heard people talk about this as if making music should be some sort of elite and it makes me very very angry.

My anger also stems from the other no-brain 'argument' that used to make me see red in my youth about electronic music, which was "That's not music/skill, you just push a few buttons and it does it all for you!".

I think you went a bit askew when you said it's much easier to peddle crap these days though. Technically true though that statement is: 1) it somehow implies that an era when making music was less accessible produced no 'crap', which is entirely untrue, and 2) it completely negates the fact that there is now the potential for anyone to make brilliant interesting music as well (which would never have come into existence otherwise). Two sides of the same coin.

It's home alchemy, baby!

And lest we forget that just one guy with a cheap plywood guitar and some ideas could make blues records in the early 20th century. And a guy in a forest rhythmically banging a hollow object with a skin stretched over it thousands of years ago is a musician just as much as a classically-trained pianist (perhaps even more so). Anybody has the right to make music, regardless of how.

[The Boston Crab]

I think we agree completely here actually, I just didn't mention certain things.

Of course there was plenty of tripe before making music in a 'home studio 'became widely available. I think I said that now the doors are opened for people (c.f. Daft Punk example) to produce brilliant inventive music on a budget.

By the way though, a caveman banging his wives' skulls together isn't music. Nor is 'bagpipe music.'

[Ambient Sheep]

Yes, you're right sheepy, that's very true, it's much better. You have to spoil everything, don't you?

Sorry.  But not as much as my day was spoiled when I bought the album purely on the strength of that track, only to find it wasn't bloody well on there.  Took me years before I finally tracked down a secondhand copy of the CD single with it on.