Facebook II

[El Unicornio, mang]

I managed to set up a band page on facebook, but a few days later they stopped letting people put music on their band pages (the two events may be connected), which kind of defeats the point...

[chand]

That was the central problem, wasn't it?  That plus the fact that it did seem to crash a hell of a lot, and allowed people to have such overblown settings on their profiles that they were either unreadable, or took a whole minute to load (One particularly cheesy girl I'm friends with used to have a profile where the first thing you'd hear on clicking her photo was an MOR balladeer going "Mmmm, woooahh, yeeeah, noowwww - yeah baaabeeey..."  Then some glitter would slowly start to fall down the screen.  Then the screen would go pink.  Then some text would start flashing. Then finally, eventually, after 30 seconds of this sheer guff, her profile would actually load, and it was largely unreadable anyway.)

Yeah, a lot of people had myspace pages that were ridiculous, people with no idea that their insane moving purple background had made their red font unreadable, so Facebook looked really nice when it started to take over and it was all clean and neat and pages didn't take forever to load. Evidently people actually wanted to turn their pages into monstrosities though, because they cluttered up their Facebook walls with embeds, images, stupid gifs, personality tests and all kinds of pointless crap. The way Facebook is all apps is weird, half the messages I get from people seem to require me to add some app to read them, which then takes you back to your home page and then you have to go back to the original notification so your link works.

That message I got up there could have come on a standard message or wall post, but instead it was sent to me by 'SuperWall', which necessitated me installing some shit which redirected me off facebook to some dubious-looking third-party site; the app system seems kind of open to scamming. The other day I got sent some kind of SuperPoke by an app which wasn't functioning properly, and I never actually found out what the fuck it was. It just said something like 'Please give us a moment while we figure out what Jessica has done to you', and then never loaded.

[The Boston Crab]

I still try to use both sites the same amount.

Same here, bro. Same here.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

'Please give us a moment while we figure out what Jessica has done to you', and then never loaded

I think I played a text adventure where that happened to me.

[aaaaaaaaaargh!]

On Football365, confusing or baffling posts/topics are frequently responded to with the bamlem-esque meme 'wat r these commets mean lol x', derived from the following profound and moving discussion:

The 110 page facebook thread on F365 is totally bonkers, isn't it.  There's a fair amount of shite and cruelty on there, but there are some amusing wind ups among that lost (the Kris Akabusi and Ronnie Corbett ones spring to mind).

[purlieu]

There was a girl in my year at school, Michelle - quite popular without being too much of a dick with it.  We used to get on ok, weren't really proper friends or anything.  Either way, she was normal.  Today I managed to get into this increasingly odd exchange via a status update, which was simply about how my hangover ended, replaced by severe hunger...

Ross Baker  Aaaaaaaand there it is. Now I want a fucking Subway for some reason.

Michelle
They r nice

Ross Baker
Bloody waste of money though.

Actually, sod that, I need to find the nearest one and buy a footlong meaty cheesy melty thing.

Michelle
Quick go!

Ross Baker
20 minute walk? In this state? Ugh, shop on my street has suddenly become appealing again.

Michelle
I couldnt go out walking right now either

Tom
If you're off to the mini-market, get a spicy chicken slice pastry bollocks. They hit the spot

Ross Baker
I was going to, but then I decided on the chicken and bacon instead. Now the hideous wait as the oven warms up. Fuck you, electricity.

Tom
Too much of a pauper for a microwave?

Ross Baker
No, I just don't like them soggy.

Michelle
electricity is actually really useful

Ross Baker
That's what people say but I'm yet to see the evidence.

Eija
This is evil. Now I want some too.

Ross Baker
I'm starting a 'make Subway deliver' campaign.

Michelle
You'll need electric if you want to do that

Ross Baker
I can do ANYTHING without electricity. Just you wait and see.

Now, as far as I can tell, none of this is in jest - she honestly did seem to want to tell me about how useful electricity is.
Then she replied to another status update...

-a load of other stuff cut-

Nestor at 15:28 on 29 March
i bought some pickled onion old style monster munch and some pomegranate rubicon walking home this morning. best decision of my life.

Ross Baker at 15:28 on 29 March
Oh, now that sounds good too.
Dirty stopout.

Michelle at 17:01 on 29 March
My Grans name is Nesta but spelt diff to yours.

I'm really confused. 

[Suttonpubcrawl]

I see no evidence that she's not joking. I've taken to leaving weird messages on people's walls, status updates, etc because really, why not?

[ThickAndCreamy]

purlieu, I don't understand. It all seems like completely ordinary, friendly banter, why is it at all strange?

[purlieu]

I see no evidence that she's not joking. I've taken to leaving weird messages on people's walls, status updates, etc because really, why not?

Because she always talks in a really matter of fact way, and she's never been the sort to have that sort of sense of humour.  I'd really like to think she's playing some sort of trick with slightly weird replies, but... it's not her.  She's just never been this strange before, though.  'electricity is actually very useful'.  Why would you say that?
The Nestor one is stranger, considering there's absolutely no link between them other than myself.  Some people I'd happily believe it was them trying to weird out myself or Nestor, but I really can't see it this time.  I think she's just a little... odd.

[ThickAndCreamy]

I have a friend who is exactly like that though, she always speaks in a matter of fact way and her jokes are just extraordinary due to it because her mannerisms are funnier than her actual wit. Also, on facebook she usually would comment in ways like "michelle"* has done but it's usually down to her not seeing it as odd, and neither do I really. For more similarities she also seems to recall stories and not understand if certain subjects are boring or fun to talk about, I mean she could talk about paper or roads for ages and enjoy it hugely.

_{*She's not in inverted commas to make her existence seem questionable, or her name, it's that without them it seems too personal as if I know her.}

[rudi]

purlieu; did your mother teach you how to handle your guns?

[alan nagsworth]

I love these people on Facebook who type their posts like this:

Hi How Are U? Im Great I Am Just Getting The Hang Of This Punctuation Buisness And I Think I Have Properley Got The Hang Of It But. I Dont Think Ive Got The Grammer And The Spelling Right Yet Lol

[The Boston Crab]

You've nailed the style there, Nadge. How Tiring It Must Be To Type Like That All The Time.

[alan nagsworth]

You could do some serious damage to your pinky, stretching over to the shift key every 2 seconds.

[Uncle TechTip]

COULD IT NOT BE LIKE ON DIGITALSPY WHERE POSTS IN ALLCAPS ARE FORMATTED TO CAMEL CASE? (and not here evidently) Nobody Is Stupid Enough to Type Like This, Nobody!

[purlieu]

I have a friend who is exactly like that though, she always speaks in a matter of fact way and her jokes are just extraordinary due to it because her mannerisms are funnier than her actual wit. Also, on facebook she usually would comment in ways like "michelle"* has done but it's usually down to her not seeing it as odd, and neither do I really. For more similarities she also seems to recall stories and not understand if certain subjects are boring or fun to talk about, I mean she could talk about paper or roads for ages and enjoy it hugely.

_{*She's not in inverted commas to make her existence seem questionable, or her name, it's that without them it seems too personal as if I know her.}

Well, you never know.  But from my perspective, and knowing her, that really is her telling me electricity is really useful after my jokingly telling it to fuck off, and then telling someone she doesn't know her gran has a similar name to him.
Which, to me, is a bit strange.

[Backstage With Slowdive]

Have you noticed how that Rufus Hound looks like that one on Hollyoaks? lol

[Caroline]

As far as I can tell, purlieu thinks this 'Michelle' wants to fuck him, but he's being a bit coy about admitting such. I think I am right.

[purlieu]

No!  I just think she's a bit potty.
I hope she doesn't.

[ThickAndCreamy]

Gah.

[Lee Van Cleef]

That's a healthy attitude, I say go with it.

[Small Man Big Horse]

For some reason this update that a friend made is really annoying me:

...had a lovely time at Godstone Farm, followed by a fab traditional pub lunch with a scrummy pint of ale.

I think it's the usage of the word 'scrummy'. Does anyone say that anymore? Bar some upper class twat, which makes you want to kick them? Or am I going quite insane?

She's someone I really like too, so it's odd for me to have this reaction. But to be on the safe side I may have to ask her never to use it again or she'll risk being punched up the arse.

[wherearethespoons]

For some reason this update that a friend made is really annoying me:

I think it's the usage of the word 'scrummy'. Does anyone say that anymore? Bar some upper class twat, which makes you want to kick them? Or am I going quite insane?

I always have this type of reaction. I get angry at the word, or whatever the hell it is, 'drinkypoos'. How often, I see people saying how they must catch up for a 'drinkypoos' sometime or I enjoyed our 'drinkypoos', it drives me crazy.

Recently I got chatting to a girl in a club and, after she had given me her number, we started texting each other.  However, I promptly severed contact with her when she used the word, or whatever the hell it is, 'chillaxing'.  Is that me being a snob or what?  It just made me cringe.  And hateful.

[Lady Beaner]

I just got this in my notifications... what the bloody hell?!

[buttgammon]

April Fool?

Or long-lost relative.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Lady Beaner's worried, as it isn't socially acceptable these days to fancy a cousin.

[Lady Beaner]

That and I am surprised he has foudn the time to add me as a relative inbetween having brekkie with the PM and tea with the Queen.

[OG Mudbone]

I hope my facebook acquaintance Thomas meets biggy one day. They'll get on like a house on fire, I reckon...

[wherearethespoons]

The most annoying part, for me, is 'ass'. What a twat.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I always have this type of reaction. I get angry at the word, or whatever the hell it is, 'drinkypoos'. How often, I see people saying how they must catch up for a 'drinkypoos' sometime or I enjoyed our 'drinkypoos', it drives me crazy.

Recently I got chatting to a girl in a club and, after she had given me her number, we started texting each other.  However, I promptly severed contact with her when she used the word, or whatever the hell it is, 'chillaxing'.  Is that me being a snob or what?  It just made me cringe.  And hateful.

I'm glad I'm not alone in this, and I don't think it's snobbish. Both those words grate on me as well, especially 'drinkypoos' which summons up much anger. For me I think it's tied in with a strong dislike of upper class twat speak, which there's never ever any need for.

The same girl refers to sex as 'rumpy pumpy' which sets me on edge too, though I've told her in person that if she says it whilst I'm present that she'll be in for a beating. Or a stern look at the very least.