Release the Edward Lear Five! Limericks Redux

[Cerys]

The Hashisheen, they liked a puff

Preferring the skunky green stuff

[mook]

Then pull out their knives

[Morrisfan82]

(And also their wives)

[Johnny Yesno]

As if the weed wasn't enough.

---------------------------------

And when these chaps got the munchies

[the midnight watch baboon]

They eat limited edition Crunchies
Which were champagne, by claim
But tasted the same
So those lying twats need some big punches

-------------

My fave chocolate bar is the Boost

[Morrisfan82]

So much so, my undies get juiced
So I went out to buy
The entire supply
Of a sweet shop whose owner I goosed

---

I once heard a goose begin honking

[Cerys]

(That's the noise that they make when they're bonking)

[the midnight watch baboon]

It filled me with joy
To hear geese sexing, oh boy!
So I soundtracked it on my piano, plink-plonking

--------------------

[Joy Nktonga]

For a laugh, because the ASD boy I work with wouldn't come up with one of his own Jesus poems for an easter card in school today, I wrote the following Christ-based limerick:

There once was a man from Nazareth
Who made alive a once-dead Lazarus
He turned water to wine
Which clearly weren't fine
Cos he was killed to save every one of us.

-------------------

As you were:
-----------------------------------------------------

[Ginyard]

Neil was in a delete sort of rage
He wasn't feeling too sage
When he saw red
He fucked up a thread
That was nearing its 200th page!

-------------

I'm jesting, I'm glad this is new
Like a fresh pair of pants in the dew
Hanging from a clothes peg
With just traces of smeg
Lets hope this reaches 182 too

----------------

[the midnight watch baboon]

We're stuck here, like fools, on page one
Like War and Peace it's no fun

[Ginyard]

its a ghost town right here
so I'm off for a beer
and some peanuts, some crisps and a bun

-----------------

[Cerys]

I've only just got out of bed

[the midnight watch baboon]

And already my panties seep red

[Cerys]

I hope not, cos they're white

[the midnight watch baboon]

But when held up to the light...

[Cerys]

They look like I've bludgeoned them dead.

[Cerys]

My last line was doggéd with Fail

[Kishi the Bad Lampshade]

But really, I've no need to wail
For I'll just start another
Then go with my mother
To the DFS closing-down sale.


That was my very first limerick.

[Joy Nktonga]

The rhymes worthy of Slick Rick

[the midnight watch baboon]

Who was a supa-dope rapper

[Joy Nktonga]

Unlike Fiddy who is much crapper

[Cerys]

And Vanilla Ice who's just a prick.

--------------

Under pressure he may well have been
But he still swiped that bass beat from Queen

[Ginyard]

and ten $ from his mum

[Cerys]

To spend on cheap rum

[the midnight watch baboon]

Whilst being mimicked by that Michael Sheen

---------------------------


If I had to marry a fly

[Cerys]

I'd get a webcam on the sly

[the midnight watch baboon]

So the wankers could see

[Cerys]

As we buzz like a bee

[Ginyard]

how we shit on your average pie

-----------------

I ate lunch with two people who are famous