The Joey Barton football brochure

[weekender]

For those of you not in the know:

-Michael Owen is a footballer
-Owen's management company have recently sent out a brochure about him, trying to get Premiership clubs to sign him (your source material is HERE)
-Joey Barton is a despicable cunt of a person who should be in jail, not picking up the wages of a footballer

Vierlo_Berlotti made this amazing pastiche:

http://img31.imageshack.us/img31/4962/bartonbrandvalues.jpg

At that point I had the idea of making an entire brochure about Joey Barton, who really is a cunt.  You can see my idea as the next post on the thread.

Vitalstatistix was good enough to post the following:

http://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee244/RegularChicken/joey.jpg

I have now got round to making the following:

http://week.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/bartonprev.jpg

I think there should be an entire 32-page brochure about Joey Barton, and what a cunt he is.  Imagine the most racist, ignorant thug you know, then multiply them by 20.  That's Barton.  He's actually quite good at football, but I wouldn't want that to get in the way of a good thread idea that Vierlo_Berlotti had.

So even if you don't follow football, can you help make the missing pages of the Joey Barton brochure?

_{Thank you in advance for helping.}

[weekender]

The mistake I've made here is not numbering the pages.  I have therefore renamed the files and uploaded them to my webspace.  So, now we have pages 8,12 and 20 covered.  Only 29 to go!

http://week.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/joey8.jpg - Vitalstatistix

http://week.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/joey12.jpg - Vierlo_Berlotti

http://week.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/joey20.jpg - weekender

I think this is a great idea, and am going to start work on page 1 now.  Please can you help with the missing pages?  I will end up doing all of them if I have to!

_{Thank you for reading another begging post from me.}

[weekender]

I'm not giving up on this, I want a full page Joey Barton brochure.

To make things easier for everyone (by which I mean me, so far), here is a .rar file with all the original Michael Owen jpgs:

Michael Owen source material

_{Thank you for letting me have my own thread, Neil.}

[MuteBanana]

I have no skills to make a page myself, but I feel this picture should be included.

[Vitalstatistix]

Skills!!??!!

[MuteBanana]

I saw Corrina Corrina the other day, then I had Napoleon Dynamite in my head when I wrote that. Skills seemed like a good word.

[imitationleather]

I hope Vierlo doesn't mind but I posted his up on the When Saturday Comes forum.

It's got viral written all over it!

[Viero_Berlotti]

No problem.

I found this one on another Football forum:



EDIT: I'd do some more myself but I'm saving all my monging energy for this years Wimblemong

[George Oscar Bluth II]

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

"A lovely pert pair of cheeks I'd have said." - Ian Holloway.

[Blumf]

For those of you not in the know:

-Michael Owen is a footballer
-Owen's management company have recently sent out a brochure about him, trying to get Premiership clubs to sign him (your source material is HERE)

There are football managers who don't know about Michael Owen? I know nothing of the sport and even I know he exists. Surely all his agent needs to do is slip a postcard through the relevant team's letterboxes saying he's available for signing, no need for a 32 page brochure.

[weekender]

I've made a cover.  I know the left hand side of his face looks a bit weird, but fuck it.



That's pages 1,6,8,12 and 20 out of 32 covered.  Seriously, if anyone can help just by doing one of them, please do.  I promise I will stop that stupid comment at the bottom of my posts if there are three more proper pages posted.

_{Thank you for continuing to read the ongoing saga of the Joey Barton football brochure.}

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Page 10:

[Vitalstatistix]

Love the McDonalds "crest".

[weekender]

Here we are then, page 3.  I was going to just put a pair of tits for a laugh, but I couldn't resist the opportunity to play with the translation tool at Freetranslation.com



For those of you who don't speak Spanish or Italian, or can't be arsed translating, the wording is:

Italian
Joey Barton is a violent criminal who would be equally at home being violent with The Ultras or being violent on the football pitch.  His evil nature would fit in well with the Italian fans.

Joey is able to bring a wide variety of weapons to Italy, including knives, baseball bats and nunchakas.

Spanish
Joey Barton is famous for being racist, and so would fit in well with all aspects of Spanish football.  He does not tolerate black people in any form, and would be a valuable addition to the Spanish fight against the nig-nogs.

Joey is able to make monkey chants of many different varieties, and can also bring pig's heads to games for the fans to use.

_{Thank you for reading the ongoing saga of the Joey Barton football brochure.  I wish some more of you cunts would help.}

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Page 13. Text by weekender (I think it's all a bit mean, personally - poor chap).

[Kishi the Bad Lampshade]

I know literally nothing of this foopball of which you speak, but if weekender's good enough to supply me with a short biography/some fun-filled facts about this Barton fellow I'd be happy to donate a page or two.

[weekender]

Brilliant.  You can get most of it from his Wikipedia page:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joey_Barton

He's a violent, racist, alcoholic cunt of a man who should be locked up, basically.

In 2004, he was also involved in an incident where he stubbed out a cigar onto the eyes of reserve team player Jamie Tandy during a Manchester City Christmas party at Lucid nightclub. This resulted in permanent scarring for the victim although his vision was to return to normal.

What more do you need?  Just think BNP thug and you're there :) .

Please also feel free to mock Newcastle United:

Following offers from Newcastle United and West Ham United,[62] Barton joined Newcastle on 14 June 2007 for a fee of £5.8 million.[4] He said that his desire to win trophies helped him to make the decision

Newcastle did not win a trophy this season, instead they have been relegated.

[Herbert Ashe]

Here's page 14 if this is still going...

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Someone's done something similar for Arsenal's Emmanuel Adebayor: http://www.oleole.com/media/main/podcasts/arsecast/ADE_BROCHURE.pdf

[aaaaaaaaaargh!]

Someone's done something similar for Arsenal's Emmanuel Adebayor: http://www.oleole.com/media/main/podcasts/arsecast/ADE_BROCHURE.pdf

The "brand values" bit from Owen's brochure seems to be a fairly rich seam to mine, it's the funniest bit of the Adebayor brochure.