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Excuses Excuses

Started by 23 Daves, February 11, 2010, 06:07:42 PM

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23 Daves

Excuses - we all get them. For work, for our birthdays, for people who don't show up when they're supposed to, from people who don't want sex... the list goes on.

Once every so often, however, an excuse comes up which sounds ridiculous but is entirely genuine, and the person clearly enjoys telling everyone it a bit too much.  This happened to me today when somebody phoned me to say:

"No, I can't possibly come along... you see, I've got a bit of a problem.  I've got two Labradoodles, and one of them is on heat".

This is officially the best excuse I've been given in years.  Both genuine and absolutely fucking ridiculous, conjuring up an image of absolute chaos of the most hilarious kind - far better than "sorry, my boiler's bust".

Have you heard any genuine but ridiculous excuses recently?  Or even just ridiculous ones?  Or useless ones? 

koeman

The best excuse I've ever heard for not turning up to a game of five-aside football, from a man who has henceforth become known as Grouter, was that he couldn't come because he had some emergency grouting to do.

We also had a lad turn up late once because he'd stayed home to catch the end of Harbour Lights with Nick Berry.

CaledonianGonzo

I once had to take the afternoon off work to go to the hospital as my other half had dumped paint-stripper in the bath and I'd stood in it when taking my morning shower.

The above story may or may not be true.

biggytitbo

"I fell over backwards whilst decorating in the nude and got this massive dildo stuck up my arse!"

Still Not George

Quote from: biggytitbo on February 11, 2010, 07:23:43 PM
"I fell over backwards whilst decorating in the nude and got this massive dildo stuck up my arse!"

Along the same lines, "I was using it to push my piles back in and I slipped."

Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: 23 Daves on February 11, 2010, 06:07:42 PM
Or even just ridiculous ones?

I took a day off work once after having one of those "Full English Breakfasts In A Can" for brekkie, and being immediately sick afterwards. No one believed me, but it was the truth. Has anyone successfully eaten one of those without feeling ill afterwards?

Quote from: 23 Daves on February 11, 2010, 06:07:42 PM
Or useless ones?

It'd take too long to list them, but basically every single excuse Lady Beaner has made for not making it to a meet falls in to this category! ;)

rudi

Quote from: Small Man Big Horse on February 11, 2010, 07:53:44 PMevery single excuse Lady Beaner has made for not making it to a meet falls in to this category

Oh I don't know; I thought "I've forgotten how to put on my pants" sounded entirely plausible...

Serge

Keith Richards once claimed he was late for a court appearance because he couldn't find his trousers. Even the judge had to point out that, rich as he was, Keef surely had more than one pair.

Of course, being Keef, it's entirely possible that he had a thousand pairs and literally couldn't find any of them.

Lady Beaner

You bastards. It's true though... so many men, so little... oh I am wasting time posting when there are cocks to suck.

Full English in a CAN, SMBH? You deserved illness for that. Though I am intruiged, what exactly was in it?!

Ginyard



Winjer

"Soccer's Ashley Cole"! He isn't a person any more! He belongs to the entity known as soccer?