Valentines Day poo-ems (love....poetry II)

[dandoystevski]

Hot on the heels of this gem in the 'Valentines Day and That' thread, posted by Purlieu:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base
Are belong to you

I want you vh's to imagine yourselves back in school (or not in Jonathan King's case) as the moronic, ill-equipped-for-life, fugly, putrid, unpopular swine you we all were and utilise your powerful (and only) friend the English language, to scribe humourous ditties in the 'Roses are Red' vein, to the really fit one in your class in order to make them see you for what you really are:

Roses are violent
Violets are sad
im sorry but dinner's off
because i'll be sucking off your dad

That kind of thing.
So yeah, get creatine.

Winner gets a relationship.

[Jemble Fred]

Roses are many-coloured,
Daffodils are yellow,
I really am a very very very very
Very well-hung fellow.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Men are from Mars
And women from Venus -
This Valentine's day
Think of Jemble Fred's penis.

[dandoystevski]

roses are red
violets are blue
hello,im a prince from Nigeria
can i deposit all my love inside you?

<phonejacker>sort code,accountnumber </phonejacker>

[Jemble Fred]

Roses are fattening,
Quality Street are too,
But I'm your clueless boyfriend,
So I've bought both for you.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Cock veins are red,
And cock veins are blue,
Now that that's said,
It's time you ate goo.

[koeman]

Roses are red
Violets are violet
Your cunt's the cockpit
And my cock's the pilot

[dandoystevski]

Roses are gay
violets are fail
i bought you this e-card
in an Amazon sale

[Jemble Fred]

Roses are flowers,
Violets are also flowers,
You like flowers, don't you?
Okay, I'll get you some flowers.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Roses are red,
Azaleas aren't -
This Valentine's Day
I'm fucking your aunt.

[dandoystevski]

Rosie was red
And Rosie was blue
Rosie's like a mixer tap
lukewarm for you

[koeman]

Roses are blue
Violets are red
I think I might be colourblind
Do you fancy a bunk-up?

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Roses are rose
And so is that tree
These rose-tinted specs
Aren't quite working for me

[koeman]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I hope you haven't got hay fever
"I have actually. Atchoo!"

[the midnight watch baboon]

Flap wax is clear,
And semen is pearly,
Keep yer glasses on kid,
Cos I'm known to shoot early.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Rosetta Stone
Mavis Beacon
Guide you to it

[Jemble Fred]

Roses are rosy,
Violets are pretty,
You are a lesbian,
Which I think is a pity.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

A date full of love
And lascivious fun -
Happy fourteenth, my darling,
In more ways than one.

[Jemble Fred]

St Valentine was stoned,
In the first century,
And this Valentines Day,
I will be stoned as well.
Man.

[koeman]

Roses are rouge
Violets are bleu
You know I'm bilingual
But Steve, I'm bisexual too

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

The fungus is grey,
And so is the mildew -
This Valentine's Day,
I almost wish I'd not killed you.

[Jemble Fred]

Roses are red,
And also quite thorny...
I can think of a rhyme,
But it would just be corny.

[koeman]

That's quite a coincidence, I was just about to do pretty much the same one myself - expect I was going to go for the corny rhyme.

[dandoystevski]

you're both children of the corny

[Jemble Fred]

That's quite a coincidence, I was just about to do pretty much the same one myself - expect I was going to go for the corny rhyme.

Ah, 'mulligatawny' then?

[koeman]

I was actually going for 'tawny', although it was a bit of a Lee and Herring rip-off.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Violets are blue
And so is my wife -
You stupid fat cow,
You've ruined my life.

[koeman]

Roses are dead
Violets are too
I'm not going to that fucking florist
Ever again

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Have you ever, ever felt like this?
Have strange things happened,
Are you going round the twist?

Have you ever, ever felt like this?
Have strange things happened,
Are you going round the twist?

Well have you heard the word,
About the bird and the spider.
That wiggled and wriggled
And giggled inside her?

Have you ever, ever felt like this?
Have strange things happened,
Are you going round the twist?

Have you ever, ever felt like this?
Have strange things happened,
Are you going round the twist?

If all the king's horses
And all the king's men,
Couldn't put me back together again.
I'd say...

Rain, rain, go away,
Come again another day.

Have you ever, ever felt like this?
Have strange things happened,
Are you going round the twist?

Have you ever, ever felt like this?
Have strange things happened,
Are you going round the twist?

Rain, rain, go away,
Come again another day.

I can hear myself say,
This is not my day.
I'm saying what the hey,
You won't believe me anyway!

I can hear myself say,
This is not my day.
I'm saying what the hey,
You won't believe me anyway!

Have you ever, ever felt like this?
(Rain, rain, go away, come again another day.)
Have strange things happened,
Are you going round the twist?

Have you ever, ever felt like this?
(Rain, rain, go away, come again another day.)
Have strange things happened,
Are you going round the twist?

Going round the twist...

[Jemble Fred]

Roses are red,
And so is my blood,
In which I've written 'I love you'
All over Roy Hudd.