Blessed Be Thy Name (A Non-Existent Reality Show)

[dr_christian_troy]

So, Brian Blessed is approached by a production company to do a reality TV series, partly in the same vein as I'm With Busey with a hint of Curb.

What shenanigans does the Blessed get up to in the show?

For example:

Episode 1. EDMONDS ALIVE
Brian interrupts a recording of Deal Or No Deal and challenges Noel to an arm-wrestling match. Edmonds nervously accepts, only for Blessed to arrive later wearing a giant nappy, covered in vaseline and swinging a dead midget in a Tesco bag.

[falafel]

Episode Two. OUR FATHER
Brian electrocutes himself in the bath and challenges God to an arm-wrestling match. God nervously accepts, only for Blessed to arrive later wearing a giant nappy, covered in vaseline and swinging Noel Edmonds's head in a fake Burberry handbag.

[dr_christian_troy]

EPISODE 3. COLD COMFORT FART
Whilst recovering from his near-death experience, Brian joins Twitter, only to find a strong reaction of comments to his descriptions of his bowel movements. After Alan Davies criticises him, Brian invites him over for dinner, during which he force feeds Alan a baked alaska full of gravel.

[dr_christian_troy]

EPISODE 4. RANULPH HOOD: PRINCE OF FIENNES
Brian attends a celebrity gala for charity, in the hope of encountering his nemesis, Sir Ranulph Fiennes. After a violent fight in Nandos regarding use of the frozen yogurt machine, Brian bets Fiennes he can reach the peak of the O2 before him, goaded on aggresively by the ghost of John Thaw.

[dr_christian_troy]

EPISODE 5. ZZZ-CARS
Brian gets caught in motorway traffic on the way to a radio job in Tunbridge Wells. After throwing a spear into a passing convertible, Brian causes a massive pile-up as he rolls from his moving car, walks into the nearest Little Chef and demands a house of cider. His old friend Patrick Stewart is called to pick him up, as he arrives to find Brian drunkenly using a chip fryer as a bidet.