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Artists Endorsing Products

Started by alan nagsworth, March 18, 2010, 09:17:27 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

alan nagsworth

'Cause they're all doing it now aren't they! You can't escape! So, here are some classic endorsements that have occurred through the ages:

Lady Gaga is the most obvious recent endorser, changing her name for an entire week in order to big up her favourite ladies sit-down sport. The infamous week-long transformation to Lagy Gala also saw the star re-recording one of her hits as a tie-in. The song, 'Bingo Face', reached #72 in the UK Singles Chart.

Another obvious nomination would be miserablist Smiths singer Morrissey. Twice in recent years, the celibate ponce has been seen to alter his songs in order to promote a product. The first was part of the American soft drink spot-check taste test. Morrissey, who took to the streets with two mystery bottles of carbonated liquid and a blindfold, tested yer man on the street and then shocked them by revealing that 'William, It Was Really Pepsi'! He was subsequently joined by nosey arsehole Sting who penned another jingle, entitled 'Pepsi In A Bottle'. The campaign effort plummeted disastrously thereafter.

The second promotion was for a flawless slab of dairy product that did not tarnish or crumble when hastily or clumsily sliced with an inadequate knife. The accompanying track, entitled 'Cheese Cheese Cheese Let Me Get What I Want' featured such lyrics as 'Haven't had a brie in a long time / Seems the knife I had / Could make a good cheese bad'.

Among these foul and soulless wretches, it has recently emerged that 'King Of Pop' Michael Jackson had penned an alternative to his classic hit 'Billie Jean' whilst trying to design the perfect blend of tea which would never require milk or too much sugar in order to taste nice. The product never reached our shelves, however, as the research was buried with Jackson as a mark of respect, but I can exclusively reveal a snatch of the lyrics to his unfinished alternative, 'Milky Tea': 'Milky tea is not my cuppa / She adds two sugars, but I wanted just one / Take your mug back, 'cause I'm done!'

Other lesser-known endorsements have included:
Blur - Mr. Robinson's Tango
Johnson & Johnson's 'No More Tears For Fears' Anti-Anxiety Shampoo
Live Aid Middle Class Appeal: 'Do They Know It's Tesco Wine At All?'

Can you think of any other such endorsements throughout the years?


alan nagsworth

Come on you slags! Show me some love.

The one which springs to mind for me is Mud's Tizer Feet. I remember writing them off for it at the time but the strength of composition endured. It still gets my mum moving, nonsensical lyric and all.

After that, I suppose the most unlikely example was Bobby Brown's ode to the savoury biscuit  Tuc Can Play That Game. When I heard he was a wife-beating crackhead, it made sense in retrospect.

Only once, however, has a product been completely ruined by celebrity endorsement. I never bought another packet of my all-time favourite chocolate chews after I had the displeasure to hear Boyzone's Love Me For A Riesen.

Spoiler alert
I'm so proud of each one of those.
[close]

the midnight watch baboon

Hell Alan, I remember back when girlband Wilson Phillips cashed in on their worldwide smash, 1990's Hold On, and with a cheeky lyric change the ladies promoted Leicester's second most famous foodsters, Pukka Pies!. Italia'90, Thatcher's tears, er... et cetera, were all soundtracked thus:

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and bake a pie
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and deprive you pie?
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change?
Things'll go your way!
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Then you can eat a pie.
A lovely Pukka Pie pie.


The girls penned a six-figure contract and got 300 free chicken & mushrooms each.


I hope ^ is proud of Riesen, I'm proud of it for them if they're not.

alan nagsworth

Quote from: the midnight watch baboon on March 20, 2010, 11:43:40 AMSome day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and bake a pie
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and deprive you pie?
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change?
Things'll go your way!
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Then you can eat a pie.
A lovely Pukka Pie pie.

Tears in my eyes, mate. Fuckin' crikey.

the midnight watch baboon

it's all for you. although I don't think it's approved in the cosmos, us speaking during daylight (ish) hours... we should leave that to THEM <- ^ v -> bastards

NoSleep

Surely this is most obviously the domain of comedians rather than musicians? In Britain, at least.

Hamlet Cigar Adverts


Glebe

Just saw that new car ad with James Brolin tonight. Ugh.

alan nagsworth

Remember Billie Piper? Who Doesn't?!, I hear you cry. The famous pop star had a string of three UK #1 singles before she disappeared into the obscure realm of low-budget kids TV and soft-core pornography, so where did it all go wrong?

Her sensational pop career took a sudden nosedive for the nasty when Piper was asked to re-record her 1998 hit 'Because We Want To' for a 2001 footwear commercial. She eventually refused on moral grounds, claiming that "shoes are the bourgeois sin of a man who walks unburdened to the land of filth and damnation". Conflicting religious beliefs aside, she also said that the revamped edit would "detract gravely from the message of peace and clarity through pilgrimage and sacrifice originally depicted in the song".

Here now for your eyes only is a snippet of the re-penned lyrics for that proposed ad:

"Why you gotta stomp around so loud?!
Because it's Clarks Shoes! Because it's Clarks Shoes!
Why you always run around so proud?
Because it's Clarks Shoes! Because it's Clarks Shoes!
How you do that comfy dance all night?
I'm wearin' Clarks Shoes! I'm wearin' Clarks Shoes!
Why you let the Devil rape your mind?
It's all the Clarks Shoes! It's all the Clarks Shoes!"


NoSleep

The penny's just dropped. Ignore my last post. You young people and your 'pop' music.

The Real Thing are an important act in musical history for two reasons. First of all, they were the first all-black British band to top the UK Singles charts. Secondly, they were true pioneers of popular adhesive endorsements. Their grammatically-incorrect legacy is, forever, 'UHU To Me Are Everything'.


alan nagsworth

Dear Consignia,
Do it yourself you lazy toe-rag. That was the original intention but I get carried away with my writing so I made a long opening post innit. Now get yer arses in gear.
Love,
   alan

Consignia

Sorry, that tag was a little snide. It just took me a while to get the gist of the point of the thread.

As for the topic; Blur getting in on the bovine meat marriage scene with "Porkwife".

the midnight watch baboon

And of course, The Bee Gees (The Brothers' Gibb) with their NHS (National Health Service)-backed campaign for people to regularly check their slashes for signs of discolouration, foreign bodies and/or blood (port-wine urine), with a re-jigging of their classic chart song:

Ur-ine Again


Repentia

Oasis flogging no nonsense Wonderwall, does exactly what it says on the tin*, matching nicely with the new White Stripes forty-four part collectable series on DIY, I Just Don't Know What To Do With My Shelf (free binder with issue one). Might find a use for Live and Let Dye, all organic pigments blended with Paul's own tears following the unfortunate divorce settlement.

*by now, you should've somehow realized what you gotta do...


Lull-layby, the new roadside services offered by former members of The Cure, launched in the same month as Robert Smith's very own in-situ, nautical lifestock tether restoration service, Bouys Don't Dry (so we repair them in The Same Deep Water As Ewe).