Classic comedy, out on DVD - now!

[Glebe]

The Welsh are known for their good-natured, fulsome chuckles, and nowhere was this better displayed than in Laughter y Cymru!, a kind of Welsh Laugh-In that ran from the 20th century to the valleys beyond. A whole host of soot-faced celebrities popped their noggins up during the shows leeky run, with everyone from Catherine 'Beta' Zeta-Jones to Terry 'The' Jones tossing their tuppence into the pot at one time or another! The fictional town of Llllygochgochgochgochdaihuwjonesllellywn provided the background for a series of hilarious vignettes, with coal, dragons and choir singing the order of the day!

Regular sketches included Antique Leeks, featuring Harry 'seek him' Seagoon and Winsor Davies. It was my way or the 'Highway' with Harry! Meanwhile, Winsor's brother Sallah Griff-Rhys Davies was engaged in an eternal Tommy Cooper-impersonation battle with twin brothers Tommy and Hannibal Hopkins, while Michael Sheen shined umpteen leeks clean! Dame Surely Bassett was forever resisting the advances of sleuth-monk Sadfael, who's brother Sadwell was renouned for his particular brand of 'bedroom poetry'. District nurse Nerys was always ready to cycle to the rescue should a cough or cold take hold, while Rob Brydon could hardly take his eyes off Charlotte's jumblies!

Elsewhere, Huw Edwards displayed the world's smallest Welsh sheep (it's not real!), Sian Lloyd was always showing her arse about town, while Catatonic Cerys was reduced to performing as a cowgirl in the pub toilet. And just as The Tracy Ullman show gave birth to The Simpsons, so too did Laughter launch the career of Ivor The Engine, who could give Tank-Engine Thomas a run for his money – never mind those wimpy 'peep-peeps!', Ivor gave a full-blooded series of 'shiddy-cum's when he build up a head of steam! Other classic sketches included the one where Rhys Ifans has a scrap with The Stereophonics at a Terry Griffiths match, and the one where Richard Burton has a blokey chat with Griff Rhys Jones. Ruth Hadoc played 'miner's camp' announcer Gleaties ("oggy oggy oggy? Ho-ho-ho, campers!"), there was rude nonsense from Mr. Leek the hand puppet and plenty of strawberry jam courtesy of Mr. Shropshires. Not to mention a visit from the Dirty Sanchez boys ("Oh fuck no, I'm not really gonna shove this cactus up me arse am I? Fuck me, noooooooooo!")

Classic lines included "Love-ely!", "I'm quite fond of the vaaall-eys, you know!" , "Holyhead's veeeery expensive these days!", "I'm quite fond of rrrreg-by!", "I'd like to Bangor, I tell you!" and "watch that drrrraaa-gon!", while classic episodes compromised 'Dai In A Fix', 'The Leek And The Freak' and 'Mr. Jones Goes To Cardiff.'

Some more 'clyssic' scenes...



Rhys Jones finds himself up in court for impersonation and theft in the episode 'The Old Bailey'.



Secombe, Zeta-Jones and Gladys Pugh bag themselves a dragon in a rare deleted blooper.



Tom Jones was game for a laugh in the Christmas special 'It Came From Outer Cardiff', in which he is abducted by aliens and taken to the planet Cmyruvio. Of course, Tom ends up saving Earth from certain destruction, forms a truce with the invaders and ends up performing a pop concert to celebrate!



A typically Welsh scene, from the episode 'Fuck Tha Police'.

[StoatStoatKestrel]

As the 80s came to an end, and enthusiasm for the National Front was on the decline, 'Little' Jonathan Richards penned his only sitcom: All Quiet on the National Front. Set in the Last Bastion of Common Sense social club, All Quiet on the National Front introduced us to the abrasive yet lovable couple of Ray and Sheila Babcock. Predictable casting saw Bernard Manning starring as Ray and Bernard Manning starring as Ray's wife, Sheila.

The show ran for only three episodes after the majority of the budget was squandered on pints and pork scratchings. The show remained unaired until the uprising of Channel 5. The loony left had prevented its DVD release until now. The result of a petition championed by UKIP, the BNP and a few anonymous members of the Conservative party.

DVD extras include an interview with the creator explaining his use of post-modern irony as a crusade against the PC brigade. Also: bonus footage of Manning on the toilet.


Darkie Dancing

A hush befalls the social club as a black gentleman enters. Sheila is the first to pipe up with obscenities but Sammy Sambo (played by a blacked-up Manning) sees through her irrational hatred and invites her to jive. Will she accept? What will happen if Ray finds out?


I Can't Believe You've the Front to Wear White

After fifteen years living happily in sin; Sheila badgers Ray into tying the knot. Ray accepts on the condition of a KKK themed wedding and that they get it over with sharpish. Reverend Jeremiah (played by Bernard Manning) objects because his Klan uniform is in the wash. Will the ceremony go ahead?


Say no to Ray's Jism 

Ray is eager to spawn himself a new soldier for the good fight but Sheila is worried about her figure. This episode sees Ray at his hilarious best, trying to introduce his semen into Sheila's tea, clothing and orifices. A little unsure about how reproduction works; Ray tries to cover all bases and certainly does.

[dr_christian_troy]

BLESSED BE THY NAME
SKY 1, October 25th 2007 - March 20th 2008

In light of the popularity of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Sky 1 were eager to create a series rivalling the humour and controversy of the HBO series. After several untitled pilots were made with talent such as Bruce Forsyth (too nice), Ian Smith (popular but was committed to Neighbours) and Bill Oddie (walked out in the middle of filming due to an unprovoked attack from a deranged 'fan'), it was decided that Brian Blessed was the man for the job.

Blessed was concerned that the pilot felt too 'scripted', and suggested they just filmed him on his daily adventures. Patrick Stewart proved to be somewhat of a guide for the audience as Blessed's behaviour became increasingly odd. Stewart was the long-suffering sidekick, and it is still unknown if his breakdown in the penultimate episode ('The Three Musky Queers') was real or not, although it is believed they have reconciled as Stewart got Blessed a bit part on Family Guylater in the year. There was Noel Edmonds, a victim of Blessed's wrath, who tried on several occassions to prevent the show from being aired (but thankfully he gave in and even provides this DVD with a commentary [albeit mostly in tears] on eight episodes. Then there was Alan Davies, with whom Blessed picked a fight with on Twitter, ending in a disturbing confrontation outside of Blessed's home, an incident in which Ofcom received just over 6000 complaints. Guest appearances from a bemused Sir Ranulph Fiennes in three episodes, a rival to Blessed, proved popular with audiences, especially since Fiennes had no interest in being a part of, as he put it, 'such bollocks'.

Highlights include episodes such as:

Episode 3. EDMONDS ALIVE
Brian interrupts a recording of Deal Or No Deal and challenges Noel to an arm-wrestling match. Edmonds nervously accepts, only for Blessed to arrive later wearing a giant nappy, covered in vaseline and swinging a dead midget in a Tesco bag.

Episode 7. COLD COMFORT FART
Whilst recovering from his near-death experience, Brian joins Twitter, only to find a strong reaction of comments to his descriptions of his bowel movements. After Alan Davies criticises him, Brian invites him over for dinner, during which he force feeds Alan a baked alaska full of gravel.

Episode 16. ZZZ-CARS
Brian gets caught in motorway traffic on the way to a radio job in Tunbridge Wells. After throwing a lance into a passing convertible, Brian causes a massive pile-up as he rolls from his moving car, walks into the nearest Little Chef and demands a house of cider. His old friend Patrick Stewart is called to pick him up, as he arrives to find Brian drunkenly using a chip fryer as a bidet.

Episode 22. RANULPH HOOD: PRINCE OF FIENNES
Brian attends a celebrity gala for charity, in the hope of encountering his nemesis, Sir Ranulph Fiennes. After a violent fight in Nandos regarding use of the frozen yogurt machine, Brian bets Fiennes he can reach the peak of the O2 before him, goaded on aggresively by the ghost of John Thaw.


Extras include:

'My Dinner with Patrick' - An extended scene from Episode 12 ('Blake's Tavern') in which Brian tries to convince Patrick to get him a part on Star Trek: The Next Generation, while Patrick tries to convince Brian it ended 14 years ago. Brian makes his famous shouting noise until Patrick silences him by inserting a whole poached salmon into his mouth.

'Climb Every Fountain' - Brian gives us a tour of his favourite fountains in and around London, and laments as to how he never reached the peak of Buxton Memorial due to an arrest.

'Blessed be the spear-chucker' - A cut scene considered too risqué to be aired from Episode 15 ('The Black Madder'), in which following Brian's outburst at the Medieval Fayre, Brian steals a lance and declares himself a 'spear-chucker', culminating in an 'unfortunate misunderstanding' with Lenny Henry.

'Brian's Enormous Cottage' - Brian gives us a tour around his country home, in which we see the soft side of his hilarious midget gardener ('he's my little Turd', exclaims Blessed), and Brian demonstrates how he has taught his cat to laugh like him.

[Glebe]

Darkie Dancing

A hush befalls the social club as a black gentleman enters. Sheila is the first to pipe up with obscenities but Sammy Sambo (played by a blacked-up Manning) sees through her irrational hatred and invites her to jive. Will she accept? What will happen if Ray finds out?

Episode 3. EDMONDS ALIVE
Brian interrupts a recording of Deal Or No Deal and challenges Noel to an arm-wrestling match. Edmonds nervously accepts, only for Blessed to arrive later wearing a giant nappy, covered in vaseline and swinging a dead midget in a Tesco bag.

Episode 22. RANULPH HOOD: PRINCE OF FIENNES
Brian attends a celebrity gala for charity, in the hope of encountering his nemesis, Sir Ranulph Fiennes. After a violent fight in Nandos regarding use of the frozen yogurt machine, Brian bets Fiennes he can reach the peak of the O2 before him, goaded on aggresively by the ghost of John Thaw.

Hehe!

Oh yeah I, er, 'forgot' to mention... Laughter y Cmyru! was also noted for the classic episode 'A Child's Thanksgiving In Llanelli' and the memorable line "boyo!"

[Glebe]

"Give a tap on that door... we got room for one more!" Thus went the schmaltzy theme to Five's A Crowd! (1976 – 1983). Set in a Sand Diego apartment, it starred Josh Shitter as a pretend-gay chef who accidentally moves in with a couple of chicks (Missi and Shandi) who must pretend to be lesbian lovers in order to avoid any suspicion that they might be having a threesome with Josh! Sourpuss landlord Mr. Gopher is not entirely convinced, but hey, it's the 70s, y'gotta just go with the flow, baby!

Goofy old neighbour Mr. Furlong (Don Knutts) was always stopping by to invite the gang to a barbeque, but if you thought he was just an old fart, well you got that wrong kiddo! Known as Frisky Furlong, he was the oldest swinger in town ("I gotta date with two hot twins!"), and earned some of the loudest whistles and cheers from the audience. Meanwhile, quarterback jock mechanic Bocce had the biggest mullet and silkiest flairs in town, and was always trying to poach the girls for a night on the town. Little Jimmy Ritalin was always considered the square of the bunch ("ay, what's with the glasses you square?"), until the 80s rolled round, and a guest appearance from Elvis Costello made him seem hip ("hey Jimmy, you ain't so uncool after all!").

This brand new Region 1 NTSC DVD selects eight of the best episodes from the popular show's run. Pardy down!

Bubba, Let Your Hair Hang Down – the first episode, in which Josh cooks up a storm for the girls, but suffers a crisis of confidence when the 'toemaydoes' look overdone. Hang in there! Watch out for Hervé Villechaize as Third Little Chef From Left.

Roll With It, Baby! – the guys hold a roller-skating contest in the dining room, much to the consternation of Mr. Gopher ("you kids are smokin' whacky stuff!"). However, the grouchy landlord soon joins in, and ends up doing the splits right in the face of old Mrs. Minnelli upstairs. Ouch!

You Should Be Dancin' – disco fever hits the apartment block, and once again Mr. Gopher is having none of it. But after accidentally snorting some 'chalk' he soon gets into the spirit of things and is bumpin' butts with everyone on the dancefloor! Oo-ee, you gotta dance, dance, dance!

Burn, Baby, Burn! – the whole block is in uproar when a funny looking guy comes over from Engerland calling himself a 'mod'! What fresh madness is this? Meanwhile, Mr. Furlong bags himself a couple of hot tamales and hits the hot tub, where some crabs are waiting to bite his a**. Geez Louis!

Four More Years – with Mr. Gopher on holiday or dead or something, kooky Lucille Ball steps in to keep things in order ("well if that don't beat the Betsy!"). Meanwhile, mad street prophet Excelsior pops by to warn that "the end of disco is nigh!"

Oo-ee Baby, I'll Sure Show You A Fresh Time – a young Fran Dresher guests as a fire engine siren, but Mr. Furlong has other ideas ("hey buster, get fresh with some other piece of a**!"). A pretend orgy goes wrong, while Missi gets mixed up with a porn flick while dressed as a girl scout. Easy, girl... easy!

Ease On Down The Road – oh guys, you gotta let it slide! Mafioso barman Danny pops around to show the folks some hot new moves ("y'just gotta get down, down, down, baby!"), while the macaroni leaves a lot to be desired! Mr. Gopher smokes a joint and, well, everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey!

Death Disco – well, the 1980s have gotten off to a bad start, and AIDS, coke and cast changes have had a detrimental effect on the folks at Blue Nun Apartments. All things must pass, and this last episode goes out on a poignant note; with all bags packed and the cabs waiting outside, Mr. Furlong sighs and takes one last look around before switching out the lights. "Well folks, it's been one heck of a ride, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world!"

[An tSaoi]

On DVD for the first and last time, it's Norn Iron's longest running, most popular and only sitcom! Containing all 30 years of classic comedic conflict (until the Good Friday Agreement scuppered the whole show) 'What About Ye?' will have yous'ns laughing no matter what side of the tracks you're from. Dead on!

The O'Taig family (Catholics to a man) have just moved into a new house hise, but little do they know it's in a mixed estate! And shock horror, they're living next to the Black family, the biggest shower of Protestants this side of Portadown! Aw the craiturs. Cue all manner of predictable over-acted cross-cultural malarkey.

Memorable moments include the time UVF man William 'King Billy' Black took a smidgen too much Bushmills and ended up putting a pipe bomb through his own front window (the missus wasn't best pleased, she nagged the lugs off him), or the one where young Tadhg O'Taig and his dissident Republican mucker Malachy McPapist ran out of Semtex and had to make a car bomb by filling it up with Coke and Mentos (needless to say they were totally scundered). There's no end of thrills and spills.

Who could forget such eternal catchphrases as Mad Grandad Black's 'Don't be vague, kill a Taig', or randy Mickey O'Taig's leering call of 'Get your Brits out for the lads'? If you love tedious Catholic vs Protestant jokes, then this is the show for you!

Classic moments:


Jimmy Black gets his marching orders. Sectarian marching that is!


A drugs deal goes wrong when Paddy O'Taig gets cocaine mixed up with sherbet! Can he separate them before the other IRA men break his legs?


The Blacks throw one too many Irish tricolours on top of their bonfire, which causes the whole thing to collapse and burn down their Presbyterian church! Oh the humanity!


Blarney and Odious O'Taig try to rob Ulster Bank, but the sight of the Queen on the banknotes offends them so much that they decide to go in wearing blindfolds!


Scene from Episode 12.07, 'The Sorcerer's Apprentice Boys'.


When the late Pope John Paul II appears in the O'Taig toilet, should Fintan hold it in, or commit the ultimate crime of pissing on the Pope? (From Episode 7.06, 'Floody Sunday')

[Glebe]

the one where young Tadhg O'Taig and his dissident Republican mucker Malachy McPapist ran out of Semtex and had to make a car bomb by filling it up with Coke and Mentos (needless to say they were totally scundered). There's no end of thrills and spills.


Jimmy Black gets his marching orders. Sectarian marching that is!


A drugs deal goes wrong when Paddy O'Taig gets cocaine mixed up with sherbet! Can he separate them before the other IRA men break his legs?

Those are my What About Ye highlights!

[Glebe]

"Oi, those are my bananas!" If you were unfamiliar with that phrase during the 90s, chances are you were living on Mars! The Quickity-Quick Review (1995 – 98) was a fast-paced sketch show that packed in sketches, characters and catchphrases like they were going out of fashion! The show was the brainwave of comedy actor/writer/people Pete Mauvepumps and Farley Tigson, who were joined by the likes of Tommy Peanuts, Mike Milltroubs, Chubby Tomkins, Agatha Queer and Karen Hernia. Although initially slow to take off, the show gradually grossed cult viewing figures and heaped up the ratings, to the point were it was a national phenomenon – and then some!

Soon, the playgrounds, offices and the down-the-pub of Britain was a-ring with the sound of familiar catchphrases such as "Bring uz some jam!" and "I've ownly juzt fixed it!" Tony Blair and Noel Gallagher declared themselves fans, and there was the faint whiff of Britrock about this new rock 'n roll comedy. The show was even a hit on the American PMS channel, where it was known as 'Swell!' By the beginning of the noughts however, the classic was on the wane, but it has forever embedded itself in the head of a nation. Mauvepumps rejoined old partner Henry Anfield, Tigson wrote a book, Tomkins remained fat, Hernia created her own things, Queer disappeared, Peanuts became a right old scamp and Milltroubs did a series about steam engines for The Discovery Channel.

Here is a selection of the show's more memorable scamps:

The Rude Tailors – in real life, this pair of queer-hounds would be done for sexual harassment, but on screen they're outrageous! "Fancy a long 'un?"

Honest Mancunian Girl  - there's no bluffin' with this one, she tells it like it is! "Ooh, you've followed through love!"

Office Prat – we all know one of these! "Morning, he sayeth knowingly!"

Pesatos and Kebabros – "Nah, you crazy!" If you're looking for decent service, don't book a reservation at The Greasy Donkey!

Misfortunate Malcolm – "Ooh, I'd better not do anything today!" Disaster!

Three-legged Jack – Aussie eco-warrior: "yoor amoizing, mate!"

The 'I ain't here, got it?' man – okay, just please don't hurt us mad case!

Sad tramp - "today I eat... gravel!" – another classic.

The 'I'll order a taxi' bloke – social embarrassment!

Pub Bloke – he just won't leave it, will he!

Handy Carman – "If you need a good servicing, pop into my classy outfit." 'Nuff said!

Johnny Depp – big California star Depp loved the show, and appeared as himself. The peculiar actor spent six months preparing for the role, becoming a drug addict and committing murder in his obsessive quest for method perfection.

[Glebe]

The village of Flouncing-on-the-Whimsy was never quite the same after the arrival of Sassi and Chassis (Ruby Wax and Felicity Kendall), a pair of classy dillies who became known locally as The Norfolk Broads (1997 – 1971). These two high-falutin' townies (-one's an American! Crumbs.) stuck out like a pair of sore fingers in the not-very-'broad' minded town. On their arrival in the first episode 'Lovejob', the girls obtain work in the local antique shop, where their new boss Mr. Dipsy Tilly suspects them of being thieving gypsies in disguise! Meanwhile, young trailblazer Cyril Ticcox always had a suggestive wink for the dainty pair of fillies, boasting "I'm assistant manager at the local mini-mart... fancy a Babycham later, m'ladies?"

The girls crazy ways attracted much attention, and they'd get an earful from their condiment-salesman neighbour Sid Cottington every morning – "you're always playing that blooming 'techno' music 'til all hours, Adam And The Ants and Yazoo and all that!" However other locals proved more accommodating - Anglican Ann would bake you a lovely sponge if you happened to turn up on her rustic doorstop! However, the girls weren't the only outsiders in town; with his fake tan, gold watches and cigars, retired northern businessman Terence Hungerfeed certainly made his presence felt, and was outspoken about all manor of topics ("Oh come on Jim, it's only bloody foxhunting!").

Here is just a slight selection of the series most mesmerising epi-sods:

Stop Thief!: this particularly exciting edition of the show kicks off with a stylish chase sequence, as inspector Jim Nettles takes after a young hooligan who has stolen 50 pence off a shop counter! The youth is caught - but in a thrilling twist, it turns out he's the wrong man! But Nettles is in no mood to apologise. "Why can't you lads wear sensible clothes, like a nice light navy striped shirt? That Fred Perry makes you look like a streetwise thug!" The girls don't really appear in this episode.

The Village Fete: It's all go as the townsfolk prepare for the annual frog harvest, and there is much excitement with the news that Geoff Capes and Chris de Burgh will be joining the festivities. Rock on! There's more excitement as the big competition is announced – top prize is a weekend in Guernsey (exotic!), but runner-up prizes include a pair of polyester trousers and a month's supply of preserves. Fancy! The girls watch from the sidelines.

That's Showbiz'nezz!: Edmonds guest-stars as Daz Tuccocks, 'roving' reporter for local TV show 'Wake Up, Anglia!' He smells a hot story cooking with Sassi and Chassis in town, but as it turns out the two have gone home for the weekend. Your Edmonds is left to report on a local 'cat' burglary - a young infant taking a kitten out of Mrs. Pingle's garden but immediately putting it back, that is! Mrs. Pingle is slightly annoyed and the child starts weeping, but the cat is safe and sound and the story is no longer newsflash-worthy. Easy-oasy!

Oh England My Lionheart: surprisingly, the two 'broads' of the punning title do actually turn up in this episode, which sees likely lad Cyril flashing his Rolex in an attempt to woo the duo. Down the local it's all "I've scored with this pair! Back of the onion!", but young Cyril is left blanching when the pair walk in and pretend to be lesbians. As a consolation they jokingly offer to give Cyril a "private" show, but he has already arranged a casual golf game with Terrence. Easy teasey!

I'll Pull The Bloody Lever Myself: Claire Balding and John Craven cameo in this Christmas special, which sees much excitement as a local colt bolts from it's stable! Crikey! The cheeky mare makes for Tiggle-on-the-Bumtox, but is headed off at the pass by Balding. There are lemon fingers all round when the frisky horse is returned, and Craven plays us out on a 1982 Casio! The girls are absent once again, as they were only really necessary for the jokey Norfolk 'broads' title.

All Things Bright And Beautiful (Must Pass): the final episode, as Sassi and Chassis prepare to leave the town they have spent maybe three days in. During that time there was much excitement, but the townsfolk seem to be glad to settle back down to a life of sponge cake, seed growing and tax evation. A sort of baked-pie fart smell permeates the air.

[Nelson Swillie]

Join Graeme Garden as he forces four supposed 'comedians' at gunpoint to gobble down huge piles of elephant shit until they meekly agree to stop trying to be celebrities and clean up some public toilets instead in this hilarious stage show, recorded in front of an appalled audience at Spunkbridge University's Raoul Moat bar. Bonus footage includes Noel Fielding wittering on about monkeys to the obvious delight of a couple of doughy female media students at the bar, Ross Noble looking like a cro-magnon pict twat in a BHS jumper, Peter Kay wondering what GAF viewmasters "were all about", Josie Long losing her rag with a less than generous critic and calling him a "sexist cunt" and an audio commentary track from Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran, who whinge on and on about how popular everything they've ever done is to the delight of absolutely nobody before having their smug faces belted flat with a sledgehammer.

[Glebe]

Sure be me forty pints and me fifty pockets, if it isn't one of Ireland's longest-bumming sitcoms! Radeo Telefeesh Airin's Bless Us And Save Us! has been blessing the good Catholic terrorist people of the Emerald Isle with fun and laughter since the 1970s to the backa beyond! Set in the fictional Dublin neighbourhood of Dunkillmountstown, it featured a plethora of begorrah and more!

There was always something going on about the place, whether it be Dara O' Brien checking his black skull moneybox, Harris 'Bullshit' McCabe mocking Dave Allen ("look! Ten full fingers!") or Pearl Jam groupie Ed Byrne sporting a top hat! Michael Hammbon would be sat in his chair going blind with existential angst, and sure'n ye'd need to be blind not to spot 'Bonoso' and 'The Edges' flying up the Liffey in their million-euro speedboat!

Meanwhile, there were plenty of other shenanigans going on elsewhere. Missus O' Dowdle would reward you with a nice cup of "d'oul tae" if you popped down to fix her radiator of a Sunday afternoon, and sure there might be a lovely ham sandwich in it for ye as well! You might see Jake Stephens-Green out for an oul stroll – after his coffee at eleven, he was fairly ginger! Mick Aloysius Odysseus Kelly O' Toole could usually be found wolfing down his Hafner's sausages with a jar of the black stuff down in Gaffney's Lounge, Mr. Gaffney himself being the gaffer of the gaff and all!

After supper, there'd be a bit of a row and sure herself would go off in a snot, and sure you're a terrible ratty individual this weather! If you got the hump, you could hump off down to Fippney's, for a pint of Liffey water. Oh be the hokey, you're an awful bleedin' man!

And with the lighting of the oil lamps, sure that's the end of another terrible bleedin' excitin' episode! May I strongly suggest you might like to take a glimpse at some of the highlights:





The episode 'Brendan's Disgrace' saw the local Garda startled by one Ireland's many mischievous leprechauns, while 'Waiting For Gaybo' saw a renowned Irish chat show host cameo on a big trundle trike!





Colin Harp-Murphys would occasional pop down on the Ulsterbus, with arch-rival Sammy Molyneaux in hot pursuit. It was left up to Irish R.M. Colonel Cuntblimp Bowles to act as diplomat and with everything settled over a pint, it was thumbs up from Jakers O' Kane! Meanwhile, former Tea-shock Bertie Ahern cameoed in an hilarious episode where his scriptwriter - played with élan by Neil Delemere - forgot the speech!





While Ireland has its fair share of skangers, there are certainly a few 'lovely girls' about the place, and Dunkillmountstown is no exception! However, they require wooing with a nice cup of tea, as young Maxwell found to his chagrin! Meanwhile, a typical scene is taking place at the local pub, where sports pundit Ramon Duffy is giving Father Kelly a racing tip, while Christy Day-Brown's ma looks on in anger!





The show was always noted for its gritty social realism, and the top image depicts a typical Dublin household. The guy in bed is probably reading Joyce or something. The Irish are known for their 'crack', and here we see Irish actor Pierce Brosnan cameo with a dodgy Irish accent. Plus there's a special apperance from Knacker Bergin, who is having the time of his life.





The renowned Graeme Garden contributed to the show on occasion, under the pseudonym Arthur Goodie. He had a falling out with former writing partner Tim Brooke-Lineman, but Lineman was honour-bound to appear for this rare photo, and dutifully made himself present and correct along with some other ones. Meanwhile, a rare still from the show depicts alcoholic actor Dylan Moran surrounded by the ghosts of some Irish heavyweights, including pirate-captain Joyce, Brendan Beamish and Molly Malone probably. In this case, the white lines around some of them is not the result of poor Photoshopping, but rather an eerie, ectoplasmic glow.



If you a need a job done, ask Big Ronnie of the Irish Mafia! Meanwhile, Trevor 'Patio' Murray chokes the chicken!





The team behind BUASU also gave soap a try, with the long-running Unfair, Shitty. Note the logo hanging ominously in the street. And in a final bizarre twist, here's the never-seen moment where a freshly-shaved Joyce (played by Brendan Moody) reveals the dark secret beneath the eye patch.

[Glebe]

BBC Two's Leeroy's Caff (19?? – 19??) is a forgotten sitcomical gem that brought comedy faces old and new together for an outrageous and farcical run! Leeroy was played by the West Indian granddad bloke off Eastenders, and his all-night London 'caff' was the center of activity for all number of wild and woolly characters! The show's theme song was 'In The Midnight Hour', and that was exactly when things started to kick off chez Leeroy! Poor old waitress Shazza (a young Caroline Quentin) was run off her feet trying to serve everyone, whether it be Charlie Chizzworth (a young Harry Hill) looking to 'wet his whistle' or Frankie Howard's Maximus Titter calling for another tot of rum in his cappuccino!

At some point Cryer and Rushton would waft in like a couple of old farts in the night, while Kenneth Williams – in one of his last great roles as Mr. Fernickity - was always game for a nightcap! Tim Brooke-Taylor's Lord Gumdrops was a scream, while Young Tiggins (a young Eddie Izzard) was always cooking up some crazy scheme! Bob Monkhouse occasionally poked his head round the door as Uncle Kippers, while Ronnie Barker's myopic Terrence was a terror with a tray full of shandies! Kindly Leeroy was always willing to provide 'tramp duo' Benny and Selwyn with a free cuppa, and more's the pity!

The show finally came to an end some time in the 90s, but its cult status was assured – few TV fans can pass a café nowadays without quipping "mind the fort, Captain Gumdrops!"

Here a just a few 'early bird specials' off the classic-episode menu:

With A Little Help From My Friends: Leeroy needs to paint the front of the café, but he's got no-one to hold the ladder! Fortunately, the gang chip in, and the job is done in no time.

Barker Plays A Blinder: The first apperance of Terrence, who's short-sightedness results in a sexual harassment claim from Shazza! The whole episode is wrapped up over a plate of currant buns, and with charges dropped, Terrence can go back to pretending to be blind!

Special Brew: A rare cup of tea goes missing, just as Leeroy is expecting a visit from Her Majesty The Queen! Nobody's fooled by Leeroy's fake stand-in cuppa, and Leeroy is only saved from beheading thanks to the timely intervention of Lord Attenborough. Norks-a-lordy!

The Spaghetti Incident: Lord Gumdrops complains about noise pollution during a punk festival, and ends up with bolognese down his shirt! That's Entertainment!

Your Starter For Ten: It's quiz night down at the caff, with Cryer in fine fettle, anecdotes from Rushton and a visiting Graeme Garden firing on all cylinders! However the hamper goes to Tiggins, who knew that the Isle Of Wight was founded by ducks!

Aye Fond Farewell: All good things and all that, with the final episode rivalling Blackadder Goes Forth for tear-shedding. The comrades-in-arms go over the top for the last time, and there's a frisson of sadness in the air as Monkhouse hums 'We'll Meet Again'.

'Remastered' DVD features:

*Commentary on the first and last episodes by director Peter Hodginbottoms and producer Anthony Sideways.

* Vintage featurette 'A Visited To Leeroy's' (6 min).

* All-new featurette 'A Return To Leeroy's' (5 min).

* PDF script of lost episode 'Musical Fruit'.

Plus here are a collection of classic rare stills...



Leeroy gets his autograph book out for UFO expert Dr, J. Allen Hynek, in the episode 'Close Encounters Of The Curd Kind'.



'I Wish I Could Fly' saw surprisingly downbeat cameos from Keith Harris and Orville. The episode ended on a stunning climax, as Harris confronted a shocked café with some dark revelations. There were record complaints from viewers, and the episode has only ever been repeated once, with the message 'This episode may shock and appal' continuingly flashing throughout.



A deleted scene from 'All That Jazz!', which saw a cameo from Woody Allen via live feed. Trumpets, recorders and kazoos ahoy!



More tooteledge in the Christmas special 'Oh Come All Ye Flutefull'



The shocking moment from 'On The House' when Leeroy's alcoholism finally gets the better of him.

[An tSaoi]

Wow, I love Bless Us and Save Us. I think it has every Irish person ever in it! You have a real way with funny names. Jakers O'Kane is so simple yet brilliant.

[Glebe]

Thanks tSaoi... just noticed with a tinge of sadness old Hurricane Higgins in What About Ye! Actually, must admit a lot of my things are kinda messy and overindulgent... probably seem funnier when I'm making them.

Any more mongs? I can't carry this thread on my own!

[Nelson Swillie]

I would have watched Leeroy's Caff. I'm sure it would have been better than Wilderness Road!

Quick and dirty...

[An tSaoi]

Any more mongs? I can't carry this thread on my own!

I disagree. Although I'll think up something as soon as I can. Nice to see other people joining in.

[Glebe]

Infantile 'humour' was the order of the day in Channel 4 (who else?!) 'shit-com' The Smallest Room In The House (2024 -1824), which brought together an eclectic bunch of loonies for a show that came with the tag-line; 'Toilet humour... quite literally!" As its title would suggest, much of the 'action' took place in or around the lavatory, with the likes of Billy 'Jobbies' Connolly helping to lower the tone. Ben Elton supplied "a liddle bit of toilet politics, 'lavvies' and gentlemen!", and was always going on about "the condom that won't flush", while Alan Davies supplied fresh toilet paper, often reaching round the door with a new roll, his face going 'flush'!

Yank comic Rich Szyslak was always "gonna take a leak" in the "John" (as he termed it), and pretend 'doctor' Gillian McKeith was always checking everyone's stools (i.e. starring at shit) for fibre. Jason Manford couldn't bear to look! Having spent time in India during the colonial wars, Melvyn Hayes wasn't half used to curry, mum, so he rarely suffered with the squits, but Sean 'break the' Lock would often use force if you made him wait – "heeeerrrre's Seannie!" Small boy comedienne Holly Walsh was often bursting for a pee, while Brian Conley – surprisingly! – was oft left to chuckle cheekily in the corner! Meanwhile, Stuart Hall would be in uncontrollable kinks as he commentated from the bathroom shelf.

Here are some of the show's more palatable episodes:

What's Good For The Goose: The toilet's overflowing, and not even a full bottle of bleach and a good dig around with the toilet brush is going to shift this one! Fortunately Connolly knows a good plumber, and the day is saved!

Episode Number Two: Hayes treats himself to a nice, hot vindaloo, but it turns out to be infected with salmonella! Make way!

Turd Time Lucky: After three tries, Conley finally manages to clear his system out, but it takes a good dose of McKeith's natural yogurt to do the trick!

A Penny Saved: Sean Lock is desperate to 'spend a penny' in the 'goose', but Ben Elton is holding a comedy club night in there and he's doing three encores! Fortunately, the feeling subsides and Lock is able to wait a little longer. Nevertheless, he pisses on Elton's shoes in revenge!

Just Go In The Bushes!: The team decide to have a day out, but problems arise when they encounter George Michael in a public toilet, doing sex with a male policeman!

Coprophagia: Everyone decides to go out for dinner, except McKeith – but the gang return early and discover a dark secret!

Going Through The Motions: There's a 'log jam' on the landing, as Jason Manford spends a good half hour trying to squeeze out a particularly large shit. Alan Davies voluntaries to play wet nurse, mopping Manford's brow and offering words of encouragement, and the ordeal is soon over.

[Glebe]

E4's Heir To The Throne! was the short-lived follow-up (or rather follow-through) to The Smallest Room In The House, and rather weak it was too. It starred James Corden as 'Toilet King' Rodney Cavendish, whose 'toilet manager' Brian Conley (the only returnee from the previous series) has to protect him from his greedy relatives, who will go to great flatu-lengths to inherit the loo all for themselves! Brother Bewley (Johnny Vegas) was rarely out of the tub, while Uncle Twitcher (Bill Oddie) was always using the bathroom as a sort of bird-watching hut! Great Aunt Victoria (Penelope Keith) was shocked by modern toilet habits, while Rodney's Mum (played by Sandi Toksvig) cast a doubtful eye on proceedings! Meanwhile, scheming Cousin Bertie Chalfont (Jimmy Carr) was always keen to get his hands on those 'toilet millions'!

Good old Uncle Muggins (Neil Morrissey) could be found enjoying a pint down at The Turtle's Head, while Gary Wilmot was good value as next door-neighbour Buttons (a role he essayed with much panache). Kevin Day played wry psychic Chivers, who would stand outside the toilet door guessing who was inside, while Michael Barrymore made a poignant appearance as troubled lunatic Armitage Shanks.

None of the six episodes in HTTT!'s lone series could be described as classic (or even 'glussick'), but here they are nevertheless:

The Royal Flush: His Royal Highness The Duke Of York pays a visit, and a royal carpet is laid out before the bathroom, while Boycie wins big in a game of cards... but which one is the royal flush?! Or are they?

Touching The Cloth: Following a torturous bus journey it's a quick dash to the door, keys in the lock, straight up the stairs and sweet nectar! A full loo roll is the comforting icing on the cake!

Forget Paris: A trip to France ends in misery, when Rodney discovers French toilets are merely weird holes in the ground! Sacré bleu! Next year, it'll be a trip to Toyko, with their comfortable automatic loos and everything.

Bidet As They May: The wet wipes have run out, but Mum has just installed a new bidet, much to the chagrin of Aunt Victoria! She soon discovers that this strange new device holds unknown pleasures, however.

Country Piles: A trip to Cousin Bertie's stately Sussex home results in all kinds of arse-ache, thanks to a long bus journey and a hard seat! Bertie replaces the Anusol with Deep Heat, causing all kinds of co-nip(sy)-tions!

A Strain In The Ass: Dropping the kids off the pool proves hazardous, as someone has left wee on the lid and Rodney is struggling with a load! Meanwhile, there's only cheap Aldi toilet paper, and the chain is broken! Have mercy!

[Jake Thingray]

Honest to God, the nutter who believes she will marry Michael Barrymore and have his babies, thought the above was real and didn't realise it's all a send-up. After I posted a link to it on the forum where she lurks, making the comment that it's highly appropriate as she cleans toilets for a living, she put on Facebook:
#
Michael is on a new DVD heir to the throne,you can buy it now.
Yesterday at 11:20am ·
#
Michael is rebuilding his showbiz career.
Yesterday at 12:03pm ·

[Glebe]

Flippin' heck, you're kidding, right?

Although of course it is real... I just copied the photo of Amazon.

[Jake Thingray]

Honestly, she really did. I almost wish I was joking, she is beyond a joke. Look at the first two of the last three comments, she's presently calling herself 'Michaela Jackson' (all her "idols" have to have bad publicity and career disasters, seemingly);

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Michael-Barrymore/39894220044?v=wall&story_fbid=122463024460674

And it isn't the first time jokes about the lanky prat have gone over her head, admittedly she must have a rubbish sense of humour, as well as a low brain cell count, if she thinks Barrymore dragging old ladies out of the audience to do the Lambada constitutes comedy or entertainment. When someone else on the forum put a link to this;

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2006/big-brother-cluedo-p1.php

Again, she thought it was real and, on one of the largely neglected sites on which she bleats her "love" for the happy-go-lucky fister, posted the following;

>>>christine says:
November 1, 2008 at 6:33 pm

Fantastic news again about the new cluedo game,I have my purchase on its way.
Michael my love,you have made my day.
I have the mouse mat now to.
You see my love you know i love you every word I said to you I meant love.
well done.
xxxxxxxxxx>>>>

[Glebe]

My stars, but what's this? With the success of Last Of The Summer Wine in the early 70s, The Beeb immediately commissioned spin-off series Sallis & Staff (1975 – cancellation), which put Peter 'Clegg' Sallis and Kathy 'Batty' Staff together as an aging Yorkshire couple - have mercy! It was little seen, but it's small but hardcore following of fans kept in on our screens for so long, it has beaten Summer Wine, The Simpsons Family or Gunsmoke as the longest-running show ever.

But while S&S may have had an uneasy-yet-probably-loving on-screen relationship, behind the scenes things were less than rosy. Sallis, who very famously announced on BBC News that he didn't like Kathy Staff when she died, barely spoke with his co-star, despite more than three decades of working with her. "Grumpy Staff would arrive on set at 6AM, not speak to me all day – except in character – then at 6PM sharp would be on the bus home, a sour look on her face", recalls Sallis, 112, who may have died a few years ago or is still with us. Staff, who died a while ago, is still apparently less than enamoured with her on-screen hubby. "He was a callous, monstrous figure", she says today. "I kept my mouth shut around him because he had that look... you knew he'd belt you one if you so much as said hello. One time he tried to kill me by pushing me down a dale in a bathtub. The bastard", she lied.

A remarkably open, honest and candid Sallis is appalled by these remarks. "She was a cold, cruel mistress", he remembers, tears welling up in his sweet old man's eyes. "Every time I knocked on her dressing room door to see if she'd like to join the crew for a nice cup of tea, she would hit me with her broom and shout "Oh, give over!"

Sallis remembers how he would often settle down for a spot of lunch during filming, when midway through a nice cup of tea, Staff would steal his jam tart. "She'd just stand there munching away, a big, greedy grin on her face... I was too old, feeble and frightened to defend myself." The show is to finally end after it's current series, but it's clear the scars on Sallis' psyche will never heal. Meanwhile, Staff remains the rotten, cruel bitch we always knew she was. Case closed.

Here are just a sampling of the classic episodes down the decades:

Oh, Give Over!: The very first episode, which saw Sallis bring a nice tray of tea cakes from Sid's Cafe, only to be beaten to death on the doorstep by a vicious Staff.

A Private Function: This 1982 episode had the Falklands War as it's backdrop; with rationing in place, Sallis attempts to smuggle a pig home for supper. But will he succeed? Who knows!

System Of A Down: This 1991 Christmas Special saw Sallis dress up as Santa, with some lovely gifts for his wife. However, there are no chimneys in Yorkshire, so Staff deliberately scrubs-down the front steps, knowing her kindly husband will slip and break his neck. The last shot sees Staff smiling cruelly from behind the net curtains.

Crocodile Tears: Sallis is home nice and early, and is planning to cook his wife a nice supper. Staff greets him on the front steps, a surprize smile on her face. But what's this? It's all a cruel trick, and Sallis ends up in A&E with 'broom abrasions' to his face and chin.

Death Valley '69: Sallis goes off up a glen to try a wacky experiment with a bathtub. But disaster! He lands right on Staff, who is having a picnic with friends from the Victorian Values Cruel To Be Kind Tough Love Association. The coming punishment is almost too unbearable to contemplate...

Goodbye To All That: The final episode, due to air later this harvest semester will see the whole cast and crew group together to raise their glasses of champagne to the audience at home. All except Staff, who huffily jumps on the No. 43 back to her little curmudgeon hovel.

Some rare productions stills:



The episode 'Dead Ringers' featured a rare appearance by the Triple Cleggs.



A typical on-set photo... Sallis looks friendly as ever, yet Staff can only grin sarcastically.



The episode 'Flutes At The Ready' saw a surprise appearance from some old friends!



Again, Sallis shows kindness, but there is clearly some dark evil lurking beneath Staff's miserly glare.



David Jason made a surprise appearance in 'Group Sex'.



This on-set photo was apparently taken on the day Sallis' real-life family was murdered by the Yorkshire Ripper. Staff's genuine satisfaction is chilling.

[Glebe]

Long before Through The Keyhole and Fawlty Towers, there existed a pioneering topical satire broadcast that cultivated a hotbed of comedy writing and performing talent. Hosted by inventor-of-modern-comedy the iconic Sir David Frost, At Last, Do Not Adjust Your That Was The Frost Report, That Was! lasted for the entire sixties, and was the talk of the town all over the town – and Britain – and even the world! At eight o' clock every Saturday night, some dolly bird would come out and sing the catchy theme-song, before Sir David Frost addressed the live studio audience. After a funning round-up of the week's fudge-ups, it was onto the sketches, which stabbed the very heart of the establishment with a dagger of vengeance, plus some laughs! Roy Kinnear rang Harold MacMillan to complain about his wife at breakfast, Willie Ruston pretended to be Ted Heath, Lance Corporal Percival kept an eye on things at the back and Bill Oddie kept busy seeing if he could 'twitch' out a sketch or two!

Cleese, Barker and Corbett made their TV debut, while Bird, Fortune and – of course – Rory Bremner held their own! Marty Feldman couldn't keep his eyeballs under control, while sketches for the kids were provided by David Jason as an uppity gent! The show was augmented by Terry Gilliam's early silly cut-out humour, while there was wise wit from the likes of Frank Muir. But it wasn't all fun and games; John Betjeman controversially called for bombs to be dropped on Slough, while a live debate about the 7 'n 6 and the shilling caused a man to say 'shit' to another man's wife, causing a punch-up.

And then of course there were the big, memorable moments. The week Kennedy was shot, a sombre mood permeated the show, and some bird sang the Stars And Stripes - there was no laughter that week, I can tell you! There were bitter tears. Sir David Frost's interview with presidential candidate Richard Nixon caused quite a stir, with Nixon noting how he'd like to fornicate with Sir David Frost's shoes. However, the mood following even the heaviest of debates was always lightened by a young-yet-aged Denis Norden, who always had a cock-up or two wryly tucked away behind his clipboard.

The show was hugely influential, inspiring the biting, take-no-prisoners political satire of US beatnik show Ronan & Marlin's Laughter-Feast, and modern shows like TGI Friday and KYTV. The show may be dead, but Sir David Frost is still alive. Long live Sir David Frost!

Some classics...



Icon pop group The Beetles made their last concert apperance on the show, performing Maxwell's Silver Hammer. Lennon was on acid form, and called Sir David Frost an "old bastard", much to Sir David Frost's good-natured approval.



The famous 'I'm A Better Class' sketch... all together now, "I look up to him 'cause he looks up to his class 'cos I have to look up to 'em both 'cause I'm small little Corbett!"



Sir David Frost shares a joke with Jackie Onassis the day after Kennedy is shot.



The much-loved 'Four Lancastrians Living In A Matchbox!" sketch. Note Bill Oddie acknowledging an owl in the corner.

[Nelson Swillie]

"Bill Oddie acknowledging an owl" finished me. Honestly, that was fucking brilliant.

[Glebe]

He he, thanks! That photo is just naturally funny, I had to stick it in somewhere!



Inspired by The Sopranos, the Brian DePalma-produced mobcom How You Doin'? ran for a coupla fuckin seasons in the early 2000s. It Starred Scott Baio and Tony Danza as brothers Peter and Paulie Vinzenda, a coupla mamaloogs who was neva gonna become made guys! Still, they tried, and there were plenty of wacky mishaps involving fake diamonds, wire taps and missing corpses! Oh brother!

After a short run, HBO failed to renew the shows contract and ended up actually taking out a contract on HYD? itself and having it wacked. Because you don't earn the rating, you don't make the grade, capice? You fuck.

Here's just a coupla classic episodes:

Ave, Maria!: Pete and Paulie have to go confess their sins, but fortunately the padre turns out to be Fadda Vito Scugnelli, who lets them off with two Hail Marys and a bada-bing!

Salt And Vigorish: Some Jew motherfucker refuses to pay up, instead offering the brothers a caper he has set up. But it turns out the inside man is a cokehead FBI informant, and they all go up the river! Oyyyyyy!

Buried Alive: The brothers hire mick thug Teddie Costello to sort a guy out, but he fucks the job up and they end up squeezin his head in a vice. "We shoulda hired that Polack instead of this Irish prick", notes Petey.

Joannie Loves Cha-Cha: Petey asks Paulie to look after his girlfriend while he's out of town, y'know show her a good time and keep other guys away from her. But they end up going dancing and falling in love! The bosses don't like this, and they all end up buried in the Nevada desert, hundreds of miles away from New York! Maronna Mia!

Oh A Wiseguy, Ah?: The brothers use cousin Curly to help them dump a guy in the river, but Curly steps in to the concrete boots by accident, kicking off a slapstick row! Eyes are poked, faces are slapped and there is much "nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!"-ing before they decide to chop the guy up and disperse him around New Jersey.

Diagnosis: Murder: The boys try to go straight, with Pete taking a job at the local hospital and Paulie joining a taxi rank. But Docter Van Dyke catches wind of what's up, and the boys are shaken down by a ball-bustin prick cop. Thank you veddy much!

Start Spreadin The News: The boys are enlisted to show cousins Ba-Beep and Ba-Boop around town. They're all havin a good time, when Frank suddenly asks the boys to get him a role in a new picture; Ba-boop turns nasty and the great singer's head turns up in some poor fuckin producers bed! I mean, whadda ya gonna fuckin do?

Three Lemons: The boys again get cousin Curly involved, this time in a Vegas scam that ends with a big payout at the fruit machine – ten quid in £2 coins! Heads are gonna roll!

[Glebe]

You'll Be Lucky! ran from the seventies to the eighties, and existed only in the mind of famed Swiss psychiatrist Dr. Carl Gustav Jung (1875 -1961), the "founder of analytical psychology", according to Wikipedia. It starred a veritable plethora of sitcom farce standards and Geoff Capes, who appeared as a friendly jolly giant ("Fie, fae, foo, frum, I can smell the blood of an Anglican!"). Politician/boss/scoundrel or antiques shop owner Donald Sinden was a howl, dishing out his usual indignant nonsense noises on many an occasion ("Wiegh! Niegh! Blaaaauew! Braaaaaa!"), in stark contrast to retired sergeant major/fellow antiques shop owner Windsor Davies – to misquote Kipling, one ate lean and one ate pork and never the twain shall meet!

Elsewhere, Penelope Wilton had ever decreasing circles under her eyes as she kept watch for a dishy unmarried man to move in next door, while Richard O' Sullivan and Peter Egan had their hands full with dolly-bird Paula Wilcox. Richard Briers would occasionally potter round to complain about the rhododendrons, but there was no sapping the energy out of Margo Keith, who's upper-class Tory bravado won the day! Politician/boss/or whatever Paul Ledbelly was the hen-pecked hubby. Oh, Yes, Prime Minister, it's not a bad life! It's The Good Life.

Margo's next of kin William Gaunt also showed his face on occasion (when not busy with 1960's espionage work!), while Fellatio Kendal stayed glued to the couch, her martini and sex line addiction insatiable! But the most unsettling element of the otherwise quite cheerful light entertainment show came in the form of Peter Bowles, whose shifty Argentinean cousin Stavros Bowles would sometimes pop around – not to mention a disturbingly moustache-less Bowles, who would occasionally beam down creepily from the top-left of the DVD cover.



The show as it may have appeared inside the mind of it's architect, Carl Jung.

Here are just a sampling of the classic episodes:

The Bishop And The Showgirl: Kendal takes a trip round to Tesco for her namesake mint cake, and is delighted to discover some organic produce! She vows to start growing pigs in the garden, and make her own mint cake.

To The Manor Bourne: Gaunt's spy activity comes to the attention of Bowles, who knows that his typical English gentleman façade can't hold up forever. With his cover about to be blown, he murders some stuntmen and hijacks a plane bound for the Czech Republic. The second and third parts of this episode are coming soon to an Odeon near you.

The Camel's Back: Margo hosts a homecoming party for a dromedary relative, but Kendal causes a scene when the geese get loose! Briers is on hand with the blunderbuss, and its goose pudding for supper!

Jung At Heart: Briers spots a UFO, and feels that it may be a projection of his subconscious desire. A Jungian conceit indeed!

The MILF Of Human Kindness: A rainstorm causes Richard O' Sullivan's car to break down on the way to his dolly bird's flat, but thankfully Margo is on hand and invites him in for a nice mug of cocoa and some exploratory sex.

Look Back In Anger: Settling down in his study to begin his memoirs, Donald Sinden is disturbed by an eco-warrior in a tree outside. Fortunately Briers comes to the rescue, shooting the worthless crusty fucker in the head and earning an agreeable noise from Sinden. "Briiighhh!"

Wilton Towers: A weekend break goes sour for Penelope, when she walks into the wrong room and discovers Paula Wilcox giving Peter Egan a blow job. Thankfully, Windsor Davies comes to the rescue, using his army skills to tear Egan and Wilcox limb from limb, then comforting the heartbroken Wilton with a bit of how's your father.

[Glebe]

The moment former Labour MPs John Prescott and Peter Mandelson stepped out of the time machine they'd accidentally gotten inside and stepped into the office of Hollywood agent Hal Mogulstein, they were destined to leave their former Labour political careers behind and become comedy legends. "From the moment I clapped eyes on these future former Labour MPs, I knew they were destined to become comedy legends", says the 140 year-old Mogulstein today. "They had the chutzpah, the gusto, and I new there were gonna be big schtars!" he continues, while chewing on a giant cigar. "These were the new cheeses, the fresh kahunas! Za-za!"

The future former Labour MP for East Hull and the slimy little cunt found themselves on an alternate timeline, where they were destined to overtake other legendary double-acts such as Abbott & Costello, The Three Stooges and Little & Large. In next to no time, they were "choo-choo!"-ing there way across the US, while a superimposed montage of newspapers headlines such as "Prescott & Mandelson a hit in Philly!" and "Prescott & Mandelson knock 'em for six on Broadway!" spun up on the screen. Soon, they were making classic motion picture movie feature presentations, and the two were the toast of the trinkle. But it was not to last. 'Babe' Prescott began spending too much time playing golf on the racetrack, while Mandelson – surprisingly, the brains of the bunch – got hooked on Coca-Cola™ and was convicted of the manslaughter of some broad. The pair made a final apperance on The Dick Cavett Show in 1973 – they may have looked old and wrinkly and fat/thin, but there was still a knowing glint in their eyes! And at the end of the show, Doc Brown came and rescued them.

While many of the pair's finest works have perished, some still survive, albeit in a parallel universe. Here they are:

Smooth Operator: As shown on the DVD cover, Johnny tries to call Cincinnati long-distance while hiding his moustache – and ends up swallowing the receiver! The fat bastard.

A Cunt At Oxford: Pete slimes his way back to England, only to fall at the last hurdle. This BAFTA-winning short was produced by David Puttnam's grandfather. The British are coming!

Another Nice Mess: The boys attempt to sell hot stoves – during California's hottest summer on record! James Finlayson ends up squinting like billy-ho, and the supporting cast help destroy his house using custard pies. D'ooohhhhhhhh!

The Muesli Box: This Academy Award-winning short is ranked as one of the greatest pieces of comedy of all time (in a separate time-quadrant, of course), as Pete and Johnny attempt to push a huge box of Alpen up a flight of stairs. Oh, doing your best as elected representative for your local constituency in a future parallel existence was never as hard as this!

Way Out Weist: Inexplicably, future actress Dianne Weist (Bullets Over Broadway, Edward Scissorhands) has also got mixed up in the space-time continuum, and ends up helping the boys return a deed in the Old West. All together now... "On the blue-rinse mountains of Virginia...!"

Sappy Sons Of The Legion: With the wives away, the boys try and sneak out to the annual fraternal brotherhood meeting, but Johnny ends up in the arms of a dame in a nightdress! Her husband comes home from a hunting trip, and all hell breaks loose! Johnny accidentally jabs the wife with a left hook, while Pete lights his thumb and sets the place on fire! "What is the meaning of this?!" Indeed.

Two Jags: The boys hit the town in their latest snazzy motor vehicles, but Johnny ends up punching a protester in full view of the news cameras! Meanwhile, Pete slimes his way out of trouble once again – "say, that's a good idea!"

Cock Heads: Nobody told Mandelson that the Iraq War had ended, so Johnny has to go pick him up! He takes him home for a feast of Pukka Pies, swallowsa harmonica, and fuck me I can't think of anything else to add!

[Rowlands]

Heh, wonderful. Could you fill in the blanks for me? My L&H knowledge isn't what it was -

?
A Chump at Oxford
Another Fine Mess
The Music Box
Way Out West
Sons of the Desert
... Twice Two?
Blockheads.

[Glebe]

Heh heh, your L&H knowledge sounds fine to me, Rowlands... I must confess that the two that caused befuddlement are not L&H titles; 'Smooth Operator' was inspired by the mongy pic itself, while Two Jags is a Prescott reference - you may recall he punched a bloke in retaliation for an egg in the face on the Labour campaign trail some years back, and got nicknamed 'Two Jabs' by the tabloids... that was followed up by 'Two Jags' when they apparently discovered he owned a couple of Jaguar cars!