Topic: Friends of the opposite sex

[FrizzBit]

My sons won't kiss me, but they will hold hands with each other.

I dont get it.

Maybe you should waive the 'no tongues' rule. Worked for my Dad.

[Crazy Penis]

Thats not really true because I haven't seen my dad or his other son for years.

I wish I did though because he knows programming and he could teach me a lot quicker than I'm learning on my own.

[thomasina]

i wonder how psychological the 'fewer friends of the opposite sex as you get older' thing is, and how much is the product of circumstance?  I mean, when I wasn't working, most of the people i met (playgroups, school gates etc) were women.  So nearly all my friends were women.  Now I work with a lot of blokes, so nearly all the people i hang out with are blokes.  I have nights out with the lads, as one of the lads.   I don't think there's necessarily anything sexual in cross-gender friendships but its easier to be friends with those who are clearly 'off-limits'.  I can go the the cinema with my 17 year old straight male friend or my older gay male friend, but might be iffy about going with one of the others, even though there's no discernible attraction there.

[FrizzBit]

Yeah. They get snippy when you 'lead them on' by not ignoring them or telling them to fuck off. ;-)
It's easier when there's no possibility of sex rearing its ugly head. Random declarations of undying love can be very messy....
:-D

[thomasina]

Yes!  i just got 2 of those in the last week and a half.  Both from people I thought i was 'mates' with.  Bastards never offered a friendly fuck when I needed one, but waited till AFTER I'd just broken a 6 month drought  and then were all 'but I thought you knew'.

[FrizzBit]

Bastards!

Not even a reach around? A quickie knee-trembler in the ladies bogs? That's just men all over. Selfish. ;-D

[Lt Plonker]

It's not since I've moved out to uni, that I've had any 'proper' lady friends. There are only four girls on our particular branch of the course, and they're the group I'm usually hanging around with. This, to me, is quite bizarre.

There's one in particular who seems to look out for me quite a bit, me being the bumbling oddball I seem to be. For the first time, I've actually had someone to talk to about relationships and girls. I joke about this sort of thing with my best (male) friend back home, but never really talked properly.

With regards to the hugging, I still feel slightly uncomfortable when anyone cuddles me or goes in for a peck, presumably because I've never really been *cough*  touched properly before. *blush* When people come to hug me, I just let my arms hang loose because I'm not sure what to do with them. It's all confusing and uneasy.

[thomasina]

I know!  Bastards.  What kind of mates are they?
Oops, sorry, that was for Frizzbit.

[Crazy Penis]

I've just typed a messed up situation I've somehow got myself in but I deleted it cos it was really long. Just think one up and you're probably right.

[thomasina]

I've just typed a messed up situation I've somehow got myself in but I deleted it cos it was really long. Just think one up and you're probably right.

You had a 'no, of course it won't affect our friendship' night of passion, then you didn't answer her phone calls in case she wanted to get serious and she didn't but got really mad because you assumed she would and were acting unfriendly and now she boiled your bunny?

[Bogey]

presumably because I've never really been *cough*  touched properly before. *blush* When people come to hug me, I just let my arms hang loose because I'm not sure what to do with them. It's all confusing and uneasy.

I know exactly what you mean there, sir. All my female friends, particularly the ones I live with, know well that I'm not particularly keen on being "touched", but then if I meet a friend of a friend, sister of a friend, etc. they'll often do the stupid wanky middle-class fucking wanky stupid thing of saying hello with that sort of cheek-à-cheek "kiss" nonsense, and I'm not sure whether you're supposed to do it once, or twice, or whether you're supposed to actually kiss them or what... ugh.
And I'm always totally unprepared, and left reeling somewhat afterwards, with thoughts like "I hope I remembered not to smear poo on my cheeks today" chugging away in my head.
Bah.

I can only assume I was abused as a child.

[Crazy Penis]

I've just typed a messed up situation I've somehow got myself in but I deleted it cos it was really long. Just think one up and you're probably right.

You had a 'no, of course it won't affect our friendship' night of passion, then you didn't answer her phone calls in case she wanted to get serious and she didn't but got really mad because you assumed she would and were acting unfriendly and now she boiled your bunny?

Yes thats fine. That'll do.

[23 Daves]

Yes!  i just got 2 of those in the last week and a half.  Both from people I thought i was 'mates' with.  Bastards never offered a friendly fuck when I needed one, but waited till AFTER I'd just broken a 6 month drought  and then were all 'but I thought you knew'.

Male signals can be incredibly vague, especially with female friends they're interested in.  Inside it feels as if you're boiling over with attraction and lust, but externally you must look as if you just want to offer them a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.  This is the problem, though- nobody pounces on their mates in polite society, do they (apart from perhaps Almost Yearly).  I've always been astonished that women can't tell exactly what I'm thinking, largely because I think men are lead to believe that their every desire is blatantly obvious.

I went through most of my adolescence and even some of my mid-twenties being the same way, thomasina, and I do know now that I must have seemed pathetic.  I handled the getting-together with my present girlfriend a bit more matter-of-factly with more flirting and upfront declarations, and as a result it wasn't as messy, and in the end she gave in.  I'd rather have a 'messy' situation than never try at all, though.  Ridicule is nothing to be scared of.

I also seem to remember we had a thread on here once where a lot of people said that their present partners (if they had one) started out as friends, so it does seem to be a very common (if potentially dodgy) way of people getting together.  All my dates that I've arranged from meeting people in pubs, clubs or parties have normally lasted for one or two nights at most.  Getting together with friends is messy, but if there are no obvious complications that I wouldn't say anything against it.

One night stands, however, are definitely an appalling idea.

[Nearly Annually]

nobody pounces on their mates in polite society, do they (apart from perhaps Almost Yearly).

Gerroff. There's straight friends and there's sway friends, and never the twain. In fact, the former only have to find out about the latter for hours of boring, frustrated, circular questions to ensue. No, as I said, the hand briefly considers the arse and then rules it out flat.

Ridicule is nothing to be scared of.

:-)

One night stands, however, are definitely an appalling idea.

Because...? No, really, my last civilian one night stand has now lasted eleven years and has been blessed with a child and cursed with a house, car, washing machine, bills, - ah, I see what you mean. Good point.

[butnut]

Are you having problems in that department? Do tell, I could do with a laugh.

Just noticed this, you cheeky bint. No problems there, and sadly I don't have a webcam to prove it.

As for the topic in hand (ho ho), I think I have as many female friends as I did when I was about 18. But something has definately changed. I think it's the hormones. When I was about 18 I fancied most of them - and there was a clear sexual tension when I was with a few of them, but nothing ever happened because one or both of us had partners and we were well-brought up types. Now, a lot more of them are in long-term relationships, but I don't seem to fancy them any more. I've known some of them for 15 years, and I've done all my fantasies with them in my head! We just meet and chat and have a good laugh, which is better in some ways, although, there are still times when I do wish their boyfriends' weren't there...

[Partridge's Love Child]

I find it very strange when women say that "I can't figure him out" or something similar.  I can  only presume that this is because they're trying to work out our actions using their own high standards.  Meanwhile, us gents are wandering around with our minds in the gents.  I consider myself to be a more sophisticated man than the majority, but even I am fairly transparent and uncomplicated really.  "I don't know what he's thinking" - I do, he's thinking about the same thing as me probably - football, beer and Kylie Minougue's bicycle seat.

Male signals can be incredibly vague, especially with female friends they're interested in. Inside it feels as if you're boiling over with attraction and lust, but externally you must look as if you just want to offer them a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.

Beautifully put.  It was a real body blow when, some years ago now, a bird I was desperately trying to make fall for my charming charms by precisely those means -partly because I was so desperately besotted just being friends was better than nothing, and partly through seducing ineptitude - said something along the lines of "it's nice because we're obviously not interested in each other in that way."  Irritatingly I still see her occasionally when I'm back home, and she gets more attractive.

[Lt Plonker]

Male signals can be incredibly vague, especially with female friends they're interested in. Inside it feels as if you're boiling over with attraction and lust, but externally you must look as if you just want to offer them a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.

That's me, is that. I'm awful at showing affection and even worse at flirting. I force it down and just act politely because I then know I won't make a fool of myself. I'm slowly trying to change that though.

[FrizzBit]

I love affection. Nothing nicer than a great big man-hug. You're all hard and solid and comforting. Girl hugs are too squishy and soft.

[thomasina]

Yes!  i just got 2 of those in the last week and a half.  Both from people I thought i was 'mates' with.  Bastards never offered a friendly fuck when I needed one, but waited till AFTER I'd just broken a 6 month drought  and then were all 'but I thought you knew'.

Male signals can be incredibly vague, especially with female friends they're interested in.  Inside it feels as if you're boiling over with attraction and lust, but externally you must look as if you just want to offer them a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.  This is the problem, though- nobody pounces on their mates in polite society, do they (apart from perhaps Almost Yearly).  I've always been astonished that women can't tell exactly what I'm thinking, largely because I think men are lead to believe that their every desire is blatantly obvious.

I went through most of my adolescence and even some of my mid-twenties being the same way, thomasina, and I do know now that I must have seemed pathetic.  I handled the getting-together with my present girlfriend a bit more matter-of-factly with more flirting and upfront declarations, and as a result it wasn't as messy, and in the end she gave in.  I'd rather have a 'messy' situation than never try at all, though.  Ridicule is nothing to be scared of.

I also seem to remember we had a thread on here once where a lot of people said that their present partners (if they had one) started out as friends, so it does seem to be a very common (if potentially dodgy) way of people getting together.  All my dates that I've arranged from meeting people in pubs, clubs or parties have normally lasted for one or two nights at most.  Getting together with friends is messy, but if there are no obvious complications that I wouldn't say anything against it.

One night stands, however, are definitely an appalling idea.

i agree that the best relationships start with being friends - its not the overall principle that I'm objecting to, more the appalling timing and the fact that they both took me totally by surprise.  The 'cup of tea and a biscuit' analogy was really spot on.  And I'm a little annoyed with them for showing a bit of petulance and resentment when I went out with someone (again, someone who i'd known for quite a long time, although hadn't been part of the 'crowd') who'd bothered to ask me out.  

I don't really believe that their now-burning passions would have been anywhere near as hot if I'd came on to the buggers when i was still single. I still think of them as mates, and they'll soon get back to lusting after strange women and telling me about it.

[Gazeuse]

Not all good relatioships begin as friendships. I first clapped my eyes on Mrs. Gaz at a school disco twenty-seven years ago and apart from a few minor hiccoughs, we've been happily ball and chained ever since.

I just shot her in the arse with my spud gun, so things could change.

[butnut]

I just shot her in the arse with my spud gun, so things could change.

Is that a euphemism, or were you just pleased to see her?

[23 Daves]

i agree that the best relationships start with being friends - its not the overall principle that I'm objecting to, more the appalling timing and the fact that they both took me totally by surprise.

I kind of guessed that, I think my comments were directed more towards FrizzBit than you.  It's not that much of a squirm-inducing situation when someone you're friends with says they fancy you, not unless they start stalking you, sending endless e-mails and making silent phone calls anyway.  I hate turning people down as well, but I respect their honesty.  I think it does take courage to admit that you see someone as more than a friend, because it could absolutely bugger everything up.  It's a tough gamble, and I respect people who wear their hearts on their sleeves.

I don't really believe that their now-burning passions would have been anywhere near as hot if I'd came on to the buggers when i was still single. I still think of them as mates, and they'll soon get back to lusting after strange women and telling me about it.

Here's how I reckon it works (for most people I know at least).  You quite fancy a female friend.  You say nothing.  Another male comes along and claims them.  You suddenly get incredibly jealous, and decide to let them know of your feelings.  They tell you to bugger off and ask you why you hadn't said anything a long time ago.  It's the jealousy factor.  A female friend did it to me once as well when I suddenly got a girlfriend, so I don't think it's exclusively male behaviour, either, just the behaviour of people who (for whatever reason) like to deny their true feelings for the people in their lives, and when they finally realise it's too late they try to stick in a last minute bid long after the auction has closed.

[Johnny Yesno]

One night stands, however, are definitely an appalling idea.

Because...? No, really, my last civilian one night stand has now lasted eleven years and has been blessed with a child and cursed with a house, car, washing machine, bills, - ah, I see what you mean. Good point.

Haha! I've just seen this. My longest relationships have started out as one night stands. I think I get on with people who can't work out what we're waiting for.