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Unintentionally Hilarious Songs/Singers

Started by Bollock Chops, May 11, 2004, 12:03:30 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Bollock Chops

You know the type, they think they've come up with a work of beautiful art, when in fact, they've come up with a big pair of hilarious sweaty knackers.

Anything by R Kelly. Especially Bump 'n' Grind. They all sound like a man pleading with a woman to have sex with him. Really BEGGING.

Blazin' Squad and their excellent cover of that 'Crossroads' song. Have teenage girls got no shame.

Ja Rule - Why doesn't someone tell him that a) he can't sing and/or rap, b) he talks rubbish, and c) he sounds like a sea lion.

kidsick5000

Boyz 2 Men

Apart from being named after a dubious sexchat line everything they do is so wet its unbelievable.

And all those videos where its four men crying at one woman. Four  of them doing the whole "why dont you love me? I made you toast. I put clean sheets on the bed"

They come across as the perfect mix of Rn B, Mills and Boon and a 1996 Ikea catalougue.

Schlippy

Someone played me some Guns'n'Roses once, to show me what big 'ard rawk gods they were. One line had me burst out laughing:
Quoteand my mother / she's just a cunt now
Axl strutting round like a big dripping goat's penis, I mean, fucking hell...

'Use Your Illusion', maybe? The one where they cover 'Knockin' on Heavens Door' - oh, do be quiet.

Rats

It's
QuoteI call my mother, she's just a cunt now

I used to love guns n roses, I thought he was coooooool.

Gazeuse

The combination of Starsailor singer bloke's wavery voice and Alcoholic never failed to raise a chuckle around these parts.

@ssmaster

Geri Haliwell singing 'Look at Me' when she sings the loooook at me bit trying to sound all sexy when really it sounds like a fog horn. Always makes me laugh.

Utter Shit

Quote from: "kidsick5000"Boyz 2 Men

Apart from being named after a dubious sexchat line everything they do is so wet its unbelievable.

And all those videos where its four men crying at one woman. Four  of them doing the whole "why dont you love me? I made you toast. I put clean sheets on the bed"

They come across as the perfect mix of Rn B, Mills and Boon and a 1996 Ikea catalougue.
They make great music, but it doesn't excuse the gurning and crying in the videos, I agree.

Morrisfan82

That bloke from A trying to sound like a shouty rawk down-wiv-da-skater-kids geezer, but he can't do it for toffee. It just comes out as the gayest, whiniest, most insincere faux-rock wheezing sound and leaves him without a shred of credibility. Fucking turnip.

Oh, and of course Robbie "Fucking" Williams. Setting aside his pointless wank of a career, whatever style of music he turns his hand to he cannot sing adequately. He has the most unsuitable voice for a solo career. There was a reason you started out doing five-part harmonies in a boy band mate, cos you sound like a fucking wibbling nasal twat.

elderford

My favourite description of the singing ability of Axl Rose, back when G'n'R were dangerously popular was that he sings 'like he is trying to shit through a tea strainer'.

My own reccommendation is the flat as a pancake sustained mono-note singing by that lad from The LIghthouse Family. Lifeless slab of vocal with a hint of nasal.


@ssmaster

Quote from: "de selby"Judas Priest

Lets extended that to most 80's heavy metal wannabees

good ol' Saxon

Then



Now

Hornet

What about "soul man" Ronan Keating.  What a complete tosser.  A member of one of the wankiest boy bands ever (though such is the quality (sic) of the current crop their time now seems like halcyon days).

He straining and crooning to Leanne Rimes (and any other song he sings) makes me want to throw.  Laugh, I nearly shat myself.

chand

Quote from: "Hornet"He straining and crooning to Leanne Rimes (and any other song he sings) makes me want to throw.  Laugh, I nearly shat myself.

Urgh, I hate that thing they do onstage, standing about a foot apart and feigning some kind of deep emotional connection as they sing the words 'lovingly' to one another.

Lumiere

I guess it's intentional, but Les Claypool's voice.

Ever heard Jim Carey doing the tony clifton routine in man on the moon? It sounds like that.

Schlippy

I would also like to nominate any of the petulant tantrums thrown by CEO Fred Durst.

Tho the guy with the makeup & funny contacts always struck me as a nice lad. And the cannons at Reading (2000?) were great.

The lead singer of The Tiger Lillies has a hilarious voice, but I think that's intentional.

Vermschneid Mehearties

I don't know who this is, but the lyric was "I know how Robert Browning must have felt".

Whatever it was, it was on Radio 2 and Wogan called it one of his most favourite tunes.

It was so pretentious it was actually funny. I felt quite ambivalent actually because it was a mixture of giggling at the songs pomposity, and wanting to reach through the radio and smash his vocal cords through with a bayonet.

Michael Jackson's Ben: Ode To A Rat always makes me giggle...

QuoteIf you ever look behind
And don't like what you find.
There's something you should know
You've got a place to go.

The law courts presumably.

System Of A Down's Toxicity is the most ludicrously awful piece of music I've heard in years, particularly that bit that sounds like a sort of heavy metal/morris dancing cross-over.  Makes me want to shake my black handkercheif and mosh around a maypole.

dan dirty ape

I caught Peter Andre doing his 'Insania' song on TOTP last week, which contained the sage lyrics

'Take a look around
At what technology has found
Is it what we need
Or is it killing the seed?'

What seed does he mean?

Sperm count is down.  It's all the fault of estrogen in the water, plus munters like Jordan cause sperm to commit suicide.

What a pointless post.  Go home.

Purple Tentacle

The guy from Snap singing

"Thief!
Stay off my back
Or I will attack
and You. Don't. Want. That!"

in "I've got the Power"


Or Ini Kamoze claiming that they call him "hotstepper (murderer)".

Why haven't they police got round to arresting him? It's a conspiracy worthy of Aileen Wuornos.

dan dirty ape

Quote from: "Purple Tentacle"The guy from Snap singing

"Thief!
Stay off my back
Or I will attack
and You. Don't. Want. That!"

in "I've got the Power"


.

'I'M the lyrical Jesse James!'

lazyhour

Quote from: "@ssmaster"

When did Edwyn Collins join Saxon??  And why is he wearing that ridiculous bandana?

chand

Quote from: "dan dirty ape"I caught Peter Andre doing his 'Insania' song on TOTP last week, which contained the sage lyrics

'Take a look around
At what technology has found
Is it what we need
Or is it killing the seed?'

What seed does he mean?

The whole thing is cringe-inducingly awful. I expect it to feature in dozens of 'Haha look at the shite we listened to in 2004!' programmes in a few years.

mayer

Quote from: "Purple Tentacle"The guy from Snap singing

..."i'm as serious as cancer when i say "Rhythm Is A Dancer"

the hum

Justin Hawkins and his wonderful comedy falsetto.  Gets me every time.

weirdbeard

Quote from: "Partridge's Love Child"System Of A Down's Toxicity is the most ludicrously awful piece of music I've heard in years, particularly that bit that sounds like a sort of heavy metal/morris dancing cross-over.  Makes me want to shake my black handkercheif and mosh around a maypole.

I remember hearing the first time Mark and Lard played that on their show.  That ending was greeted with uncontrollable laughter that was finally broken by Lard saying "What a load of shit".

Purple Tentacle

Quote from: "mayer"
Quote from: "Purple Tentacle"The guy from Snap singing

..."i'm as serious as cancer when i say "Rhythm Is A Dancer"

Is that really what he says?? I can hear it now.

I've never concentrated on the lyrics for that one before, because my dad always used to sing "Rhythm is a dancer, you're a fucking prancer", and it's stuck in my head forever.  (As well as "EastBENDERS more like!!!!)



In "Ready or Not" by The Fugees, why does Lauryn Hill say

"I'll do a Nina Samone
And defeacate on your microphone"

Is it supposed to be funny, because I always get a ghastly image of her smeary anus bearing down on a microphone in front of my mouth, and it's not very nice.


edit: "One Tiiiiime" is still worthy of a good giggle.

Vermschneid Mehearties

QuoteThe whole thing is cringe-inducingly awful

PAH! where's your sense of irony? Peter Andre is an absolute hero, and I hope he is popular for years to come, after all- he's giving entertainment to everyone. I'm sure that he knows that he's a laughing stock, and I bet he loves playing up for the camera. So it's entirely intentional.

mayer

Quote from: "Purple Tentacle"
Is that really what he says?? I can hear it now.

it really is. and the more i think about it, the more i think that its the best/worst lyric ever.


from a website about insulting lyrics....

Quote from: "one Andy Merret"This line always made me shudder. I really don't think rhythm being a dancer is *that* serious - in fact nowhere near as serious. Rather unimportant compared to cancer.

heh, you don't say.