Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 10:57:49 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Amusing Wikipedia Stuff [split topic]

Started by dr_christian_troy, July 25, 2010, 11:46:13 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

buttgammon

Almost laughing myself to death at that one. Unbelievable!

Retinend

Quote from: confettiinmyhair on March 28, 2011, 09:24:10 PM
After hearing Julian Clary on the radio this evening I looked him up and found this

Worryingly this film hasn't been made up.

woooooow. Right now I'm imagining that the prisoner has some kind of special power or technology to steer his ejaculate like a little plane - out of his cell bars and across the roaming hills - headed towards his wife's vagina. The highjacking bit involves numbskulls-like people inside the ejaculate-vehicle and some other small people hired by the prison to bring the operation down from the inside. There would be lines like "we're losing velocity! Keep a hold on that drip!" or "that's gotta stain!".

doppelkorn

I had never heard of Lisa Faulkner and so I looked her up and found this:

QuoteAt the age of 16, she was approached by a modelling scout while she was waiting on the platform of a London tube station. She was not playing the banjo or busking as many people think, something which she referred to as "a myth" when asked about it on ITV1's Daily Cooks Challenge.

Myth: BUSTED!

doppelkorn

Tip: look up the word "bite" on Wikipedia. The picture and its caption are slightly amusing.

Cohaagen

From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special_Operations_Weapon

QuoteThe meat-mangling effect of a scattergun loaded with buckshot is no secret.

Retinend

I imagine that's what the start to an Andy McNab book sounds like

Spoiler alert
can I make that possibly sound more snobbish? Nope... perfect
[close]

andrews122

Very odd:

QuoteJack Andrew Garry Wilshere (born 1 January 1992) is an English footballer who plays for Arsenal and the England national team. However, not long before Wilshere was called up to the England squad for the first time, there was a big secret dispute over which country he should represent. He was born to Nigerian parents, but has persued club football in England for over 47 years and is therefore allowed to represent England at international level. His all-time hero is Superman due to his ability, often described as superpowers. In March 2011, he was linked with a big-money move to Spanish League giants Aldershot Town, who have many times been confused with Barcelona due to their attacking prowess and just amazing football in general.

VegaLA

I've read through that twice now and I think i'll just back away silently.

doppelkorn

So I was legitimately looking at the page for the Devon town of Kingsbridge and clicked on this link under "Notable Residents":

Radio Legend Martin Mills, The pioneer of The Kitesurfing Organisation. He also one part of the Swedish House Mafia.

Only to be met with:

QuoteMartin Mills, born May 12, 1949, is both the founder and chairman of the Beggars Group.

His company is one of the world's most successful independent group of record labels.

In 2008, the labels that currently form the Beggars Group are 4AD, Matador Records, Rough Trade Records and XL Recordings.

In 2009, Martin Mills attempted to buy the patent for the flugelbinder for $4,000,000,000. Sadly, the patent was sold to Mr Chips of Catchphrase fame.

Kazuo Kiriyama

There's a blankly forensic quality to this paragraph from the Krankies entry that is somehow hilarious.

QuoteOn the 12 June 2008 they appeared as guests on The Paul O'Grady Show, where they appeared in character at the beginning, before coming on later in the show not in character. Ian sat in the middle of the sofa next to Ivana Trump, and Janette sat on the end closest to the host, Paul O'Grady. Janette made several jokes about her age and height. Ian made several comments which were feeder lines to these jokes. They were promoting a forthcoming tour in which they performed with other "semi-retired" acts such as Frank Carson, Brotherhood of Man, and Jimmy Cricket (all best known in the 1970s and 1980s).

DuncanC

QuoteCrunchiness is the gustatory sensation of muffled grinding of a foodstuff. Crunchiness differs from crispiness in that a crispy item is quickly atomized, while a crunchy one offers sustained, granular resistance to jaw action. While crispiness is difficult to maintain, crunchiness is difficult to overcome.

QuoteCarlo Gesualdo, known as Gesualdo da Venosa (March 8, 1566 – September 8, 1613), Prince of Venosa and Count of Conza, was an Italian music composer, lutenist and nobleman of the late Renaissance. He is famous for his intensely expressive madrigals, which use a chromatic language not heard again until the late 19th century, and also for committing the most notorious murders carried out by any musician.

Onionlimit

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donkey_punch

Was a GIF really necessary?  (Probably NSFW, but that comes with the territory)

momatt

Quote from: DuncanC on April 01, 2011, 11:55:25 PMCrunchiness is the gustatory sensation of muffled grinding of a foodstuff. Crunchiness differs from crispiness in that a crispy item is quickly atomized, while a crunchy one offers sustained, granular resistance to jaw action. While crispiness is difficult to maintain, crunchiness is difficult to overcome.

Believe it or not my final year Masters project was about this.  I was relating the crunchiness force/distance pattern in biscuits and crisps to the sound that was emmitted.
It was a bloody good project too.

NoSleep

Quote from: DuncanC on April 01, 2011, 11:55:25 PM
Carlo Gesualdo, known as Gesualdo da Venosa (March 8, 1566 – September 8, 1613), Prince of Venosa and Count of Conza, was an Italian music composer, lutenist and nobleman of the late Renaissance. He is famous for his intensely expressive madrigals, which use a chromatic language not heard again until the late 19th century, and also for committing the most notorious murders carried out by any musician.

The murdering does invariably come up in any mention of Gesualdo as does his non-standard use of harmony in his time.

JesusAndYourBush

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenny_%28album%29
QuoteKenny Rogers - Kenny (album, 1979)

Track listing
"You Turn the Light On" 3:03 (L. Anderson, Sean Geyer)
"You Decorated My Life" 3:38 (Deborah Kay Hupp, Robert E. Morrison)
"She's a Mystery" 2:54 (Larry Keith, Steve Pippin)
"Goodbye Marie" 2:47 (Dennis Linde, Mel McDaniel)
"Tulsa Turnaround" 2:52 (Larry Collins, Paul Cotton, Alex Harvey)
"I Want to Make You Smile" 3:20 (G.G. Allin)
"Santiago Midnight Moonlight" 3:14
"One Man's Woman" 3:45 (Steve Glassmeyer)
"In and Out of Your Heart" 3:23
"Old Folks" 2:44 (Willard Robison)
"Coward of the County" 4:22 Roger D. Bowling, Billy Ed Wheeler

The entry for the Hall & Oates song Method of Modern Love includes this bizarre breakdown of the music video.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Method_of_Modern_Love


Quote
Music video

Technically, the design of action and the music video is kept very surreal. To start discovering Hall & Oates at their cozy evening someone on the roof, throwing them on a guitar and the band does it all on the ground. Get off the roof of the apartment, while they take on four men and both the band and the men perform a choreography. Besides the four men also play instruments. While performing Daryl Hall falls from the roof scared to try John Oates and the men to save him. But in the end, he flies high in the sky and continue to perform his choreography.

JesusAndYourBush

I wonder what language that has been babelfished from.

doppelkorn


Mr_Simnock

Re The Krankies mentioned above, I always wonder how often Janette's school uniform stayed on after work.

Treguard of Dunshelm

Quote from: https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Stunt_cockThe stunt cock is used in an extreme close up so as not to identify its bearer, the goal being to deceive the viewer into thinking that the stunt cock is actually the penis of the main actor. Thus a stunt cock is analogous to a "stunt man," who anonymously does dangerous live action sequences in place of the main actor. However, a stunt cock seldom performs dangerous acts on film.

Johnny Textface

quote from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Blue_Room_(play)
QuoteKidman's brief nudity, the short flash of her buttocks on a semi dark stage caused a hullabaloo and brisk ticket sales. Iain Glen's full frontal nudity while cartwheeling attracted far less attention.

What a happy image.

mycroft

Quote from: Mr_Simnock on April 07, 2011, 12:31:54 PM
Re The Krankies mentioned above, I always wonder how often Janette's school uniform stayed on after work.

Folklore has it that Scottish variety legend Andy Stewart wanted it to stay on. That may have even come from their autobiography, which I'm told is full of naughty theatrical tales. The line I was told from it that stuck with me was Janet's "Don't say you weren't shagging the magician's assistant, you've got glitter on yer balls!"

doppelkorn

On the Quality Street page:

QuoteDiscontinued varieties
    * Purple One (the original 'Purple One' with Brazil nut, replaced with hazelnut version)
    * Chocolate Strawberry Cream (now replaced with Strawberry Delight)
    * Chocolate Toffee Cup (now replaced with Caramel Swirl)
    * Hazelnut Cracknell (red wrapper)
    * Hazelnut Eclair
    * Chocolate Nut Toffee Cream
    * Malt Toffee (replaced with toffee deluxe as a "new" flavour)
    * Milk Chocolate Round (now replaced with Milk Choc Block in green wrapper)
    * Peanut Cracknell (blue wrapper)
    * Coffee Cream (brown wrapper, same size and shape as the strawberry cream)
    * Gooseberry Cream (green wrapper light green fondant with a touch of Gooseberry Preserve covered in milk chocolate)
    * Apricot Delight (blue wrapper, square chunk, apricot flavoured jelly covered in milk chocolate)
    * Toffee Square (metallic pink wrapper, a small square of very hard toffee)
    * Chocolate Truffle (brown wrapper, square chunk, a soft truffle filling covered in milk chocolate)
    * Montelimar Nougat
   * Smarties (ordinary cardboard box of Smarties)

It might be true but does anyone else remember there being a whole cardboard box of smarties chucked into Quality Streets?

NoSleep

Vague, possibly faulty, memory of a tiny cardboard packet of Smarties.

That does ring a bell.

Hold on, I'll just check Wikipedia.

EDIT: I was right!

EDIT 2: Oh.

doppelkorn

Quote from: NoSleep on April 13, 2011, 11:15:25 AM
Vague, possibly faulty, memory of a tiny cardboard packet of Smarties.

As in you remember them existing or remember them in QS?

They definitely exist or existed.

Retinend

Quote from: Steve Lampkins on April 13, 2011, 12:24:46 PM
That does ring a bell.

Hold on, I'll just check Wikipedia.

EDIT: I was right!

EDIT 2: Oh.

haha!

Lyndon

Yeah, they were like a little match-box.

NoSleep

Definitely a faulty memory on my part then; I envisaged them as little cartons, like those ones that they sell currants & raisins in today.

RFT

You can still get the little boxes of smarties. don;t remeber them ever being in Quality street, though (but they were both Rowntrees brands...)