The X Factor 2010

[Blue Jam]

I have to start this thread as it's traditional, although if this year's series is as disappointing as 2009's I may not even bother watching. It looks like the X Factor is still broken as the tried-and-tested-and-failed formula of studio audiences at the auditions (and bootcamp) has been wheeled out again. Oh well, at least we may get another Chico/Icaro/Jedward this year, I'm not too hopeful for another Rhydian though, and the audience presence scared off most of last year's Dead Wife Guys.

[Ja'moke]

I don't usually start watching until the live shows, but I actually know someone on it this year! Someone I work with got to the second stage of Boot Camp, but didn't make it to the Judges' houses, but he should be shown on TV.

[switchbitch]

Tonight for our our viewing pleasure, we are treated to Cheryl collapsing with malaria. Also, not sure when this is pencilled in, but this is the season where Simon flips and bans the sob stories.

[Blue Jam]

Did Cheryl ban the contesants from having sob stories so hers could get all the attention? Actually I'm looking forward to Lovely Cheryl™ and seeing how much more horribly manipulative she could be this year. How many more snide comments will she be able to send under the radar of the Adoring British Public?

[Blue Jam]

The auditions are still broken, but G&S* are still one of the most cringe-inducingly painful things I've seen in a long time, and the audience are just making it more so.

^{*Gay and Straight, even less inspired than Two To Go}

[Subtle Mocking]

My girlfriend is on this year, should be...interesting?

[mjki5gs2]

Are these auditions auto-tuned?

[Blue Jam]

The American Idol auditions are autotuned- well, the ones for the contestants they like are, they leave the bad singers to hang. I wouldn't put it past the X Factor team.

[Ja'moke]

My girlfriend is on this year, should be...interesting?

How far did she make it, and where did she audition? As I mentioned earlier, I know someone who made it to Boot Camp. We can sell stories on them to the red tops! ;)

[jakethunder]

Definitely auto-tuned like a motherfucker.
I'm gonna go on X-Factor with one of those guitar tube things like from Bon Jovi and sing the wrong words to Living On A Prayer in a monotone whilst the guitar does the work . Same fucking thing almost.

[Blue Jam]

The guy from Jahm sounds like an internet sex-pest.

[Subtle Mocking]

How far did she make it, and where did she audition? As I mentioned earlier, I know someone who made it to Boot Camp. We can sell stories on them to the red tops! ;)

Haha excellent! Mine didn't get past the audition but apparently she's on next week...I suppose we'll see

[Joy Nktonga]

Jahm FTW!

[Blue Jam]

Loving Jahm backstage behaving like a bunch of divas- "you were projecting too much"

[Blue Jam]

"I want to be a STAR..." and I want to punch Katie in the fanny

[PaulTMA]

"I want to be a STAR..." and I want to punch Katie in the fanny

So do I.  I liked her.

[mycroft]

Has Simon had his nose done? At a glance he seems like a prosthetic-encased impressionist doing their Cowell turn on Dead Ringers - just slightly different enough, if you know what I mean. Like those robots that freak people out because they look too much like humans.

Huq's no Willoughby yet, either. I'll keep bashing on, though. _*titter*

[Blue Jam]

I didn't notice Simon's nose but I did think Louis's hair transplant was looking a bit more luxuriant than it was last year, has he had more hair plugs put in? They've all had "work done", nothing would surprise me.

Not watched Xtra yet but Holly was lovely wasn't she? I just hope Konnie manages to blag her fiancé in so he can furnish us with some behind-the-scenes reviews of his favourite programme.

[mycroft]

Not watched Xtra yet but Holly was lovely wasn't she? I just hope Konnie manages to blag her fiancé in so he can furnish us with some behind-the-scenes reviews of his favourite programme.

Yeah, it'd be fun if he was able to give us some world-weary analysis on the live Xtra shows although, after the time James Corden openly (and, to be honest, very amusingly) laid into Britney, I'm not sure they'd risk anyone likely to do such a thing again.

Oh well. Let's have one last look at the wonderful Holly.

Holly Willoughby eats a banana whole

[confettiinmyhair]

Did anyone else expect a lot more from the girl with blonde hair who looked like she had come straight from an audition for Fame? Her version of We are the Champions flopped miserably, and then the Etta James song, it was so meh.

[Custard]

Loving Jahm backstage behaving like a bunch of divas- "you were projecting too much"

Ha, yep, biggest laff for me for the 10 minutes or so I was forced to sit through. Also, Gay & Straight's segment were GOLD.

Why was everyone saying Blondie Girl had such a unique, original look though? She was a carbon copy of 80's Madonna, fuck's sake.

Got a lot of giggles out of the bit i saw though, so I just know i'm gonna end up watching most of the early auditions now.

[Blue Jam]

Here's G&S:

G AND S X FACTOR AUDITIONS 2010

"I wish I had a friend like you" never sounded so heartbreaking. Check out the selectively-applied Autotune here. I almost felt too guilty to laugh. Almost... I'm glad I wasn't in the audience for this one, it must have been horrible.

And oo vudge welcome in Jahm... check out Simon Cowell's reactions and the deafening sound of the tumbleweed:

Jahm's X Factor Audition - itv.com/xfactor

[thomasina]

Did anyone else expect a lot more from the girl with blonde hair who looked like she had come straight from an audition for Fame? Her version of We are the Champions flopped miserably, and then the Etta James song, it was so meh.

Yes, but they couldn't really whinge that she was 'unprepared' as Louis did, when they made her change the song in the first place.  That all seemed a bit staged anyway, I don't see why Simon would object to the Etta James song when he tolerates hearing 'get here' and 'You know i'm no good' dozens of times in series after series.

[Subtle Mocking]

After last night's episode I'm really not looking forward to this year's groups. I fear a tirade of fucking Glee fans could steal the whole show.

[mycroft]

I heard they had to use the now-traditional method of creating a group by lumping together a bunch of solo auditionees again this year, so we needn't be bothered by too many of the groups we're seeing at the moment.

[MALCOLM]

you lot should be fucking ashamed of yourselves

[Blue Jam]

That all seemed a bit staged anyway, I don't see why Simon would object to the Etta James song when he tolerates hearing 'get here' and 'You know i'm no good' dozens of times in series after series.

Yes, and Simon usually hates people who announce "I want to be a STAR!". Contestants who fluff their lines usually get a lecture about how a performance like that won't work in the live shows- compare her to Drugsprison in series 5 and the lectures she got about her diva-ish attitude. Maybe she's a plant, even if she isn't I still hope she doesn't make the final.

mycroft, would you agree that it's about time they dropped the Groups category? JLS were unusually good for a group but even with them their category was still the weakest. The entire point of the Groups seems to be to piss off Louis Walsh by forcing him to mentor them.

[waste of chops]

JLS were unusually good for a group but even with them their category was still the weakest.

"Unusually good"? I thought they were fucking shit from the get-go; in fact, "fucking shit" is doing them a favour because they're just so unbelievably BLAND. I swear it's a miracle they've been so successful because to me they're the audio equivalent of magnolia paint. They're no Addictiv Ladies, put it that way.

[Blue Jam]

"Unusually good"?

Compared to The MacDonald Brothers, Journey South, 2 To Go, the Unconventionals, Girlband, Bad lashes, G4, Jedward... need I go on?

Oh gawd, The MacDonald Brothers... just check out the My Lovely Horse-style guitar solo in this and you'll be rushing to find something else- anything else- to listen to instead, even JLS. The look on Simon's face says it all:

The Macdonald Brothers - Week 4 - Fernando

[waste of chops]

Compared to The MacDonald Brothers, Journey South, 2 To Go, the Unconventionals, Girlband, Bad lashes, G4, Jedward... need I go on?

Aw, I quite liked the Unconventionals. Or at least, I would've liked to have seen them get further than the first week of the live shows; no doubt I would've wanted to kick each and every one of them in the face by week three, if they'd made it that for.

I guess JLS weren't BAD as such, simply because they weren't as rubbish as the MacDonald Brothers (yes, I vividly remember that guitar solo) or Journey Fucking South. They're still bland though (and the gimmick of the little one doing a backflip pisses me off every time I see it, for some reason)