Why do the British have no social skills?

[Pinball]

I've been watching a LOT of Saturday Night Live shows on Paramount 2, and for musical guests there's a load of Brits. But whereas the Yanks are all extrovert social types, the Limeys are awkward and socially inept.

Why are we socially inept???????

[imitationleather]

Oh... Erm... Um... Gosh... Golly, I err.... Don't really know.

[Bill Oddie]

I think you're confusing "being extrovert" with "having social skills".

[Garfield And Friends]

Oh... Erm... Um... Gosh... Golly, I err.... Don't really know.

Hello Hugh!

[Funky Gibbon]

I think you're confusing "being extrovert" with "having social skills".

Agreed. Most Brits find the stereotypical American (which seems quite accurate to be truthful) very abrasive and grating. There is a difference between being outgoing and brash.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I think it's to do with the cynicism that's drilled into British people. If I was in a crowded pub in Britain,  being quite loud and saying hello to people and maybe "acting the fool", I'd get rolled eyes and derision from the 'clever' people, and 'what  a twat, let's glass 'im' from the knuckleheads.
Whereas in America most other people would either join in/laugh along or just keep themselves to themselves and ignore it.
The British are a very judgemental lot, and I think as a result people find it hard to be themselves and let themselves go.
Also, America doesn't have the whole "that's sooo sad" thing that we have. It's kind of a complex issue but I think I've managed to explain it to you all with a few nice soundbites.

American: Yeah man, it's like, so true. :round of applause:
Britisher: Yeah right, really clever aren't you. Twat :rolls eyes:

[gazzyk1ns]

Yeah Bill said it.

It's a coincidence that I was thinking the exact opposite last night, I watched Six Feet Under and a couple of old episodes of "Curb...", and I lost count of the occasions where an English person would have said "Thanks" or "cheers". Obviously some of the time it was because a certain type of character was onscreen, expecialy in "Curb", but I often watch American things and think "Ha, that barman would have spat in your drink over here if you'd have asked like that...", and similar things with restaurants. I used to think it was to convey how "high and mighty" the celeb/character in question was when I watched American programmes and someone would, say... mid mouthfull, snap his fingers and order the waiter over with a grunt without anyone batting an eyelid. I've been to the US a couple of times and was amazed when people actually did it. The closest I come to doing something like that is politely making eye contact with a waitor and saying "Hi, sorry, could we have a jug of water please? Thanks", because surely that's the only way to go about it?

Hehe I suppose this is another one of those "Hey, people from different places behave differently..." threads...

[El Unicornio, mang]

Actually, I've found that Americans say thanks a lot more than Brits, a bit too much in fact. It may just be a southern thing though.

[gazzyk1ns]

Well they say "Have a nice day!" a bit too much but it's not really the same...

[El Unicornio, mang]

One thing they say a lot more of is "how are you?" or "how you doin'?", literally every time I meet someone, stranger or friend, they say it. Listening to other people here, the reply is always "good". I usually say "fine" which gets me a funny look. I just want to say "shit" to see what they say. "Huh? No, I don't really care how you are, it's just something we say"
It's quite annoying actually, moreso because it's meant ot be a friendly gesture which makes me feel more guilty for not liking it.

[butnut]

Talking of friendly foreign gestures that piss you off - I spent a week or so in Japan and was driven insane by all their fucking nodding. You'd walk around almost anywhere and there'd be people who would just stand and bow to you. I know there's a whole big cultural thing over how low you should and to who, and I know they all meant well, but it fucking got on my tits. And after a bit I felt compelled to do a vague nod in return - which made me feel (and probably look) really stupid. I really enjoyed the trip out there, but it took a week for my neck to recover.

[gazzyk1ns]

RE: The Unicorn's post

Yeah exactly, you said it - it's either forced out of habit, or because of your relationship with them - i.e. waitress-customer. I don't really count that as people's individual manners, that's just culture and conditioning, if anything it's "negative manners".

Hehe sounds like a topic for a feedback report - "What do you think about negative manners? And just recently of course, spherical manners..."

Morris loves that word, 'spherical', he mentions it lots.

[Funky Gibbon]

Just curious, but do American drivers do that waving to each other thing that we do when another driver kindly gives way? If so, is it different to the casual raise four fingers from the steering wheel approach of us Brits? I can imagine the yanks doing full waves and shouting 'Thanks buddy' out of the window.

[El Unicornio, mang]

It is a bit silly. Like when you're in a shop, and you say "can I have 20 Marlboro Lights please?" why do we say please? Are they going to refuse to give us the cigarettes if we're not polite? And why are we asking? We're giving them the money, we should expect the product in return. It should just be "20 Marlboro Lights"....."That's 4pound70"...sorted.
I'm very much for politeness in allother areas of life, but with shops and stuff it just seems really fake.
Thing is, waitresses and bar staff are extra nice here because they want a big tip. It's like you're paying them extra to not be rude to you.

[Timmay]

I deal a lot with our HQ in Colorado, and *none* of them know how to end a phone conversation. No byes, no speak soons, nothing. Just stop talking, and hang up. But that's just the way they do it over there. In face to face conversation they're okay though, very polite then... "Have a great day!"

I've had many calls like the following, from people in the US...

American: "Could I speak to Mr so-and-so."
Me: "I'm afraid he actually works in our HQ in Colorado, would you like their nu..."
<click... beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep>

[Kyle]

gazzyk1ns .

I can relate to the whole "Please and thank you" thing. I am engaged to an
American, and for quite a while (when in this country) she would never say
please or thank you etc when in restaurants shops etc.  It was only after
an embarrassing encounter at a mobile doughnut stall in Coventry
that she changed her "ways"

She asked for a bag of doughnuts and the bloke at the stall said
"A bag of doughnuts please"
I walked off in embarrassment. A while later I explained how things are different over here,
( As well as saying how fucking embarrassing it was for me).

Anyway in America I noticed none of them seem to care about such things, I said my
"Please" and "Thankyou" as normal while I was there.Occasionally you get "You're welcome"
which is nice. 90% of the time it was "umhmm" which to me personally sounds
ignorant. A point I remind the girlfriend of every time she does it. ( Only to get a "fuck off" death stare every time.)

Ps. I know this does not apply to every American .

[El Unicornio, mang]

Just curious, but do American drivers do that waving to each other thing that we do when another driver kindly gives way? If so, is it different to the casual raise four fingers from the steering wheel approach of us Brits? I can imagine the yanks doing full waves and shouting 'Thanks buddy' out of the window.

Yes, in fact they drive up alongside each other, give a high five out of the window and go "Woohoo!!! Yeah!!!! USA!!!11"  :-)

Seriously though, I don't think I've seen the situation arise yet, maybe cos there's not so many narrow roads here. I think there's impolite/polite people anywhere you go. I've noticed a few people who haven't said thanks when I hold doors open for them, which makes my blood boil, but people are generally grateful for stuff like that.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I deal a lot with our HQ in Colorado, and *none* of them know how to end a phone conversation. No byes, no speak soons, nothing. Just stop talking, and hang up. But that's just the way they do it over there. In face to face conversation they're okay though, very polite then... "Have a great day!"

I've had many calls like the following, from people in the US...

American: "Could I speak to Mr so-and-so."
Me: "I'm afraid he actually works in our HQ in Colorado, would you like their nu..."
<click... beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep>

I've noticed that. I've also noticed that family members seem unable to end a phone conversation without saying "I love you" at the end. Fair enough saying it to your girlfriend or something, but when they say it to their mum or sister it just makes me cringe. If you don't say it, are they going to think you don't love them anymore??

[danielreal2k]

American: Yeah man, it's like, so true. :round of applause:
Britisher: Yeah right, really clever aren't you. Twat :rolls eyes:

True in a way, I prefer neither personally - somewhere inbetween
not too cynical or judgemental , and not too over enthusiastic  = Canadians
they seem to have the welcomeness amd friendliness of ther Americans, but also the sarcasm, irony and sense of humour of the brits.

perfect combo

[Funky Gibbon]

perfect combo

Or it would be without the links to the French.      ;)

[easytarget]

One thing they say a lot more of is "how are you?" or "how you doin'?", literally every time I meet someone, stranger or friend, they say it. Listening to other people here, the reply is always "good". I usually say "fine" which gets me a funny look. I just want to say "shit" to see what they say. "Huh? No, I don't really care how you are, it's just something we say"
It's quite annoying actually, moreso because it's meant ot be a friendly gesture which makes me feel more guilty for not liking it.

I've noticed this. It seems "how ya doing?" in the US is just a greeting – I never know how to answer this, sometimes  people say it to me as I pass them in the corridor at work and then speed on before I can answer.
That could just be me.

Anyway in America I noticed none of them seem to care about such things, I said my
"Please" and "Thankyou" as normal while I was there.Occasionally you get "You're welcome"
which is nice. 90% of the time it was "umhmm" which to me personally sounds
ignorant..

I still haven't got used to this, if someone holds a door open for me and I say "Thanks." they reply "uh-huh." It just sounds like a rude and unnecessary noise.

Having said that, the Americans I know seem to be a polite and civilized bunch.

[Rats]

I think it's because over there, in schools, everyone is encouraged and praised and made to realise their self worth. Made to feel like their opinion counts and that everyone is equal and so on. Over here, you only get praised if you do something brilliant or you're top of the class, they always say "this is what you're aiming for". The british are very bad at taking compliments, they either ignore them or get embarassed if they think they're deserved whereas you're average american loves them.

[Cerys]

Possibly the British get all confused in social situations unless they're talking about the weather....

[fanny splendid]

Why do the French stink of garlic & onions, and wear berets?

[hoverdonkey]

Give me a fake 'Have a Nice Day' over a genuine British scowl anyday. In terms of the service industry - they have it down.

[danielreal2k]

The Americans will praise over the smallest thing too, I had to design a poster (knocked up in photoshop in about 5 mins)  for my ex american boss  - and he was so delighted , it was as if Picasso himself had designed the poster - he really went overboard on the praise, I of course being typical brit thought "yeh whatever get over it"  

but..  when it came to taking an afternoon off due to Flu,  he went fucking apeshit - (Americans dont like let downs, even the smallest ) it was as if I had said "Can't work this afternoon i have to kill your mother"   - he reacted very badly to what most brits managers would say "ok fair enough, take the afternoon off, see you tommorow hopefully"

[23 Daves]

Mmm. I'm surprised nobody's mentioned the fact yet that the Scottish and Welsh, and even a lot of northerners, are quite friendly and outgoing.  I've always thought the 'socially inept' tag applied to southerners, and Londoners in particular.

I do feel more socially inept than most folks, though.  If I'm out of London and a stranger talks to me on a bus or train, my first reaction is to be very shocked.  I may then find myself worrying for approximately 30 seconds about whether they're violent or mad.  When it transpires they're probably not, I relax a bit but don't give too much away about myself.  This happened once on a bus on the way back from doing a live gig - a perfectly friendly woman asked me what I'd been up to for the evening and what I did, and instead of saying I'd just done some spoken word event and I worked in publishing, I lied because I didn't want to sound like some North London ponce.  I told her I worked in admin and I was just coming back from the pub from a drink-up with some work friends.  Call me odd, but I hate cynical assumptions and prefer to curb them as soon as possible.

I'm fine with compliments, and I'm also totally fine with people who just get up and get on with life and 'have a go' - I've always been on the Yanks side where this is concerned.  I fucking loathe the English attitude that if you think you can do something (such as, for example, be in a successful band, become an artist, start a business) you're just getting 'above your station' and 'being a wanker' or an 'arty farty cunt'.  It's a classic put-down slammed in place to ensure that nobody gets anywhere, and they're disliked if they do.  Very self-defeating and self-imprisoning in its working class origins.  If anyone wants to make something of their lives and they maybe don't even have the talent in place yet, I'm quite happy to wish them all the luck in the world.  Everyone has to start somewhere.  If they're still shit a year later, then I might make my opinions known.  I do find the cynicism of England boring.

There's also the "nothing ever changes" shoulder shrugging attitude we have as well.  That's why we've got the social infrastructure of a country equivalent to Spain despite being the third wealthiest nation on the planet, because we're far too complacent and backwards about coming forwards.  It's not that the English don't complain (they do, they never stop whining) they just don't complain to the RIGHT PEOPLE or organise themselves in a way that makes a difference.  That's the bottom line.  

Realise I've strayed off the point a bit here, but ah well.

[twatloops]

One thing they say a lot more of is "how are you?" or "how you doin'?", literally every time I meet someone, stranger or friend, they say it. Listening to other people here, the reply is always "good". I usually say "fine" which gets me a funny look. I just want to say "shit" to see what they say. "Huh? No, I don't really care how you are, it's just something we say"
It's quite annoying actually, moreso because it's meant ot be a friendly gesture which makes me feel more guilty for not liking it.

A couple of times I've done that embarrassing thing where you kind of predict a meeting and get it wrong.  Usually;

A) Hi!
B) Fine thanks.

It makes me seem really shallow and ignorant.  sob.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I fucking loathe the English attitude that if you think you can do something (such as, for example, be in a successful band, become an artist, start a business) you're just getting 'above your station' and 'being a wanker' or an 'arty farty cunt'.  It's a classic put-down slammed in place to ensure that nobody gets anywhere, and they're disliked if they do.  Very self-defeating and self-imprisoning in its working class origins.  If anyone wants to make something of their lives and they maybe don't even have the talent in place yet, I'm quite happy to wish them all the luck in the world.  Everyone has to start somewhere.  If they're still shit a year later, then I might make my opinions known.  I do find the cynicism of England boring.

.

I totally agree with that. It's especially true oop north, where it seems that the only way to be considered a "decent person" is to be working class, doing a shit job for not much pay.
I was watching a show about these two guys from Newcastle who had invented this  new game with marbles, and they had been on the news, and one of them was in town one night and got the shit beaten out of him just because he had made a success of himself. In America he'd have people shaking his hand and congratulating him, in Britain he's looked at like he's the scum of the earth.
On the flipside, though, I do find the worshipping of anyone who's remotely famous in America to be a bit grating.

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

I guess it's about media culture. People are always going to respond best in an environment they're comfortable with, and if that isn't a presenter cracking jokes about the British and crawling up their arse, that's fair enough.

I wouldn't say there is much difference overall.