Author Topic: How often do you tell your parents you love them?  (Read 1320 times)

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« on: February 07, 2004, 04:03:25 AM »
[sorry, I wish I'd come up with a better subject title for this, but it'll have to do..]

The Unicorn, in the 'Why do Brits have no social skills' thread, wrote:

Quote
I've also noticed that family members seem unable to end a phone conversation without saying "I love you" at the end. Fair enough saying it to your girlfriend or something, but when they say it to their mum or sister it just makes me cringe. If you don't say it, are they going to think you don't love them anymore??


Which got me thinking.

When was the last time you told your parents you loved them?

I'm not sure about you, but it seems to be accepted that they know we love them, and vice versa, without the need to say it, and signing Birthday/Christmas cards "Happy Birthday/Christmas, love from blue jammer, xxx" is fine.

I'm not sure when this starts to happen, maybe it starts in the teens when you rebel, or when you are at some kind of stage where you don't like your friends to see your parents showing affection toward you, or you showing affection toward them?

A little like the different behavoirs of our friends from accross the big pond, where it's acceptable for them to just hung up the phone without saying "bye" maybe? - you get the idea anyway..

What do you lot think?

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2004, 04:09:50 AM »
well, as far as i can see, the actual act of telling a person you 'love them', in sincere and meaningful fashion depends entirely on wether you are dependant (emotionally or maybe financially, in a cynical way but unrelated from the first) on that person, eg, wife, child, parent.  i mean i think nothing of telling my children i love them, anytime, because i really do, y'know, no questions asked, but thats different i suppose.........

i mean we all love our mates and out parents, but its a different kind of love.  a different kind of friendship i suppose.  i mean it is all friendships at the end of the day, just varying intensities.

Cerys

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How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2004, 04:10:19 AM »
I'd never told my parents I loved them, largely because I was shy of the response.  We're quite close, but we'd never actually put it into words.  I think I was scared of embarrassing the hell out of them.  Then, a few years ago, I was on the phone to my mum, and she said it to me.  She said a friend had been reading a book in which it's advised to tell your children you love them at least once a day.  The friend in question had started telling her daughter, and the daughter's smiling response was 'piss off' (in a joking kind of way).  As a result of this, every phone call between me and my mum ends with 'love you!' ... 'love you too' ... and then, in unison, 'piss off!'.  Sickening, isn't it?  My dad, on the other hand, is largely undemonstrative.  I've said it to him once or twice, but he seems to feel unsure of how to respond.  Bless.

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2004, 04:17:27 AM »
Quote from: "Uncle Gripper"
i mean we all love our mates and out parents, but its a different kind of love. a different kind of friendship i suppose. i mean it is all friendships at the end of the day, just varying intensities.


Yeah that's a good point, in a way I suppose it doesn't seem as necessary, as you say it's a different kind of love.

Similarly, how would you think a relationship would survive without either partner actually saying the words "I love you" ? I know this happens a lot too, as you often hear of one half of a couple complaining "ahhh he/she never tells me he/she loves me enough..."

Quote from: "Cerys"
As a result of this, every phone call between me and my mum ends with 'love you!' ... 'love you too' ... and then, in unison, 'piss off!'.  Sickening, isn't it?


Heh! I like that, but I now have this vision of someone saying "Hi mum, love you... PISS OFF" and hanging up!

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How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2004, 05:20:44 AM »
Depends  how much and if you actually care I suppose. Of course I have a somewhat cynical view that people who rely strongly in overt confirmation like this are emotionally unstable anyway. It seems about right to an extent.

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How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2004, 05:39:34 AM »
I agree with that, to a certain extent.  If someone complains that 's/he never tells me that s/he loves me', you can't help wondering what's really wrong with the relationship.  Having said that, I've been in the position of telling a boyfriend (ex, thank goodness) that I loved him, only to be answered with 'I know' - and it still took me ages to admit to myself that something was wrong.  I suspect that for some people the words themselves are the be-all and end-all of a relationship, so if they're not said there's nothing on which to fall back.  Although I have to wonder, when someone complains that whoever it is never tells them that they love them, whether they make the effort to say it themselves - or if they just want to be on the receiving end.

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How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2004, 08:16:34 AM »
My mum once told me "I love you but you're a pain in the arse". Fair do's, really.

My sisters and I often say it to each other though. And my Grandad, when he's been on the brandy.

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2004, 09:39:55 AM »
To my mother: She can go fuck herself with something sharp and pointy. In fact knowing the alcoholic slag, she probably has.

To my Dad: Not anywhere near enough, especially given I'll probably never see him again.

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2004, 09:42:42 AM »
well you can say it as much as you want when you are putting flowers on their graves,

silly little people, get it said if you mean it

p.s blue jammer I love you, if your door wasn't locked I'd come in and express it

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How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2004, 10:23:05 AM »
I tell my mum I love her quite a lot because it cheers her up a bit. I tell my dad I love him occasionally, because that's not the sort of thing you do with other men (rolling eyes smiley that no longer exists). I tell my grandad and grandma every time I meet them, but that's because I've been conditioned into doing that since I was a little kid.

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2004, 10:55:47 AM »
Quote from: "splattermac"

p.s blue jammer I love you, if your door wasn't locked I'd come in and express it


That's probably why the doors locked...

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2004, 10:58:24 AM »
--------------

fum

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2004, 04:32:03 PM »
I tell my mom I love her when I see her every weekend ( I see her every week). I also tell my brother and sister each week too.
My dad fucked off to roger some fat tart so don't give a flying fuck about him.

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #13 on: February 08, 2004, 01:48:49 AM »
never have.  probably never will.

mums dead, so its too late now.  If I said it to my dad, there would be embarrassed silence all round.  

He knows it.

I know it.

no need to get all american.

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How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #14 on: February 08, 2004, 02:22:53 AM »
I do it as a knee jerk response when my dad and sis say it to me, but they are so far away it would be rude to say otherwise. I must say I went the other way to normal teens I guess. From my late teens, to when my folks left I really began to appreciate them far far more and empathise with how they feel about me. I was always affectionate toward my mum (no Oedipus shit you pervs). With her I have never said “I love you mum” because there is no Tamil equivalent, the closest is “I am loving you” which has a different meaning all together. So I say it to my dad and sis who speak better English than my mum, but I always feel shy about saying “I love you mam” over the phone. Even though I mean it less when I say “l love you too dad” I still say it.

But In my heart I love them a lot in base comparison to what love “is” I guess. Without their existence I would nae be here, and what ever their inadequacies and flaws are I’ll have to accept they make me who I am. I think there have been three stages in my life thus far, from when I was a child (of what I can remember) I could not stay away from my mum or dad they were really an integral part of who I was, and how I perceived myself.

Then around 10-16 I didn’t want to be seen with them. I wanted to abstain from contact since they were always putting boundaries on my want for exploration etc. Up till I was 16-17 I had really had horrible fights with my folks, windows and doors broken to horrendous fights. All over petit crap too :roll: then when I was 18 I was starting to understand them more but just as that happened I was forced into independence, working for a living had never crossed my existence till then. This is the third phase, and the phase I am in now.. where you begin to understand the overwhelming responsibilities of being a parent are, and how much physical trauma and pain you have to endure to keep a family happy. I suspect the 4th phase will be having the kids (if I get that far) and understanding the whole process.

I love my parents far more now that I am independent of them. I have learnt how hard it is just to survive.. and that budgeting is something real, and not just what “big people” magically do :p I guess from our dependency stage, I.e. food clothing and love part happens when we are young, and that evolves to us trying to gauge how we can do it on our own, then comes the horrible realisation and gratitude to what we had, and what we have to do to get what we had.

It also probably depends on how you were with your folks, and they to you. Even though they have done some questionable stuff to my life and the situation I am in now, I still love em, I am not sure the son of drug ridden mother will utter the same words.

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #15 on: February 08, 2004, 02:30:11 AM »
I never say it. They know how I feel. If I did it now after so long, they would probably think that I was going to go off and cap myself.

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #16 on: February 08, 2004, 07:35:14 AM »
I read your name as "Funky Gibson" at first glance. Too bad it isn't.

How often do you tell your parents you love them?
« Reply #17 on: February 08, 2004, 01:25:12 PM »
Quote from: "Cerys"
I agree with that, to a certain extent.  If someone complains that 's/he never tells me that s/he loves me', you can't help wondering what's really wrong with the relationship.  Having said that, I've been in the position of telling a boyfriend (ex, thank goodness) that I loved him, only to be answered with 'I know' - and it still took me ages to admit to myself that something was wrong.  I suspect that for some people the words themselves are the be-all and end-all of a relationship, so if they're not said there's nothing on which to fall back.  Although I have to wonder, when someone complains that whoever it is never tells them that they love them, whether they make the effort to say it themselves - or if they just want to be on the receiving end.


This gets me thinking about the strange relationship between my girlfriend and those three words.
She says it a lot to me and sometimes it grates, but it's the way she says it.
Basically all she's doing is angling for a response-not saying it because she wants to say it, but because she wants to hear me say it, like she's 'checking up'.
Which is all very well, I suppose, but it makes me cringe as I feel saying it merely because a response is demanded sort of takes the value out of it-it doesn't mean as much as if I just say it when I feel like it (because I do, it's not like I never say it, just not 20 times a day).
Am i just thinking about it too much?
Also, I think it means more to show it than just say it all the time. Surely it's better to treat someone like they're more important than anything than just say 'I love you' all the time like that's enough?

Pah.