Is James Bond A Cunt?

[HappyTree]

It was only today, about 20 minutes ago, that I realised (read) that the iconic image of Bond being followed by a circle, then turning round and shooting, was actually the view down the barrel of a gun.

[biggytitbo]

James Bond is of cource a timelord exiled to earth who helps the British government by doing missions for them. That's why he keeps changing his apperance, he regenerates every 5 years or so.

[copylight]

harry potter's a cunt

[mycroft]

It was only today, about 20 minutes ago, that I realised (read) that the iconic image of Bond being followed by a circle, then turning round and shooting, was actually the view down the barrel of a gun.

I only found that out recently as well, and it also means that at the beginning of Die Another Day, Bond shoots his attacker right down the barrel of his own gun. As if that film wasn't enough of a massive steaming turd, that bloody well confirms it.

[thecuriousorange]

It was only today, about 20 minutes ago, that I realised (read) that the iconic image of Bond being followed by a circle, then turning round and shooting, was actually the view down the barrel of a gun.

Which doesn't even make sense. Would the bullet not block the view at least briefly? And how does the blood of the person holding the gun end up inside it? Unless it's our blood. But then where are we?

I do like that bit though. They better put it back to normal for the start of the next one.

[Cohaagen]

Not wanting to provide any technical justification for anything in that silly piece of shit of a film, but there was actually an incident in WWI where a German sniper put a bullet down the barrel of a British guy's Lee Enfield at the very moment the latter pulled the trigger. Rifle went "BANG" in a way they're not usually supposed to, but the guy survived.

I'm looking around for details on this, I think I had a photo saved on my HD showing the gun in question.

[MojoJojo]

You mean this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upJdIa5gGKo&feature=related

I always assumed is was supposed to be a camera with the shutter around the outside. Which I think is cooler.

[Mark Steels Stockbroker]

Bond, at least in his literary incarnation, is a colonial-throwback and right-wing imperialist.

Actually, the original short story "Quantum Of Solace" specifies that he sympathises with the Castro rebels in Cuba, even when having to do a mission against them.

He was never a spy. He's a meathead special agent. He got the gig by killing German agents in South America in WW2. The films sanitise him and make him reasonably intelligent (linguist, Cambridge graduate, etc.) which was never in the books. The literary Bond is aware of his own limitations and struggles to make sense of his place in the great battle of Good and Evil, but never gets very far.

Fleming was quite aware of his own great inferiority to Chandler.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Actually, the original short story "Quantum Of Solace" specifies that he sympathises with the Castro rebels in Cuba, even when having to do a mission against them.

True dat.

Though interestingly - in one of the short stories, I forget which one - Bond is shown as being sympathetic to the cause of the Batista-era Cuban rebels.

[Ralph Cifaretto]

Bump bump bump.

Really good topic for thread. 1st reply really smart.

Bumping as a reminder to read soon.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I've been watching the first few Bond films this past week, and have been quite started (and slightly amused) by the dodgy sexism. There's Bond slapping a girl on the arse to get her to leave a conversation because it's "man talk", coercing a woman to have sex with him or he'll report her to her boss, and all manner of other dubious behaviour. Certainly the character tones down as the series progresses though. Can't imagine Sean Connery taking orders from a woman (M as Judi Dench), for one thing.

[Ralph Cifaretto]

I've been watching the first few Bond films this past week, and have been quite started (and slightly amused) by the dodgy sexism. There's Bond slapping a girl on the arse to get her to leave a conversation because it's "man talk", coercing a woman to have sex with him or he'll report her to her boss, and all manner of other dubious behaviour. Certainly the character tones down as the series progresses though. Can't imagine Sean Connery taking orders from a woman (M as Judi Dench), for one thing.

I'm going to be doing something similar myself. Have bought the boxset and intend to start.

That's the reason why I've gone off comedy the last couple of years. There's so much rich material (film, novel, whatever) over a long period of time to mine to examine how people's attitudes have changed on certain topics, whether its the producers or society's or the producers guess on what society want/expect that comedy on BBC2, BBC3, Channel4 is just so lacking in depth and perspective that I cant be arsed with.

Having said that today's hacks are tomorrow's treasure, so keep your ear to the ground.

[non capisco]

There's Bond slapping a girl on the arse to get her to leave a conversation because it's "man talk"

Coupled with ridiculously over-exaggerated arse slap sound effect. "Run along now, Dink. **SONIC BOOM** Man talk." He's had quieter punch-ups.

[kidsick5000]

Coupled with ridiculously over-exaggerated arse slap sound effect. "Run along now, Dink. **SONIC BOOM** Man talk." He's had quieter punch-ups.

There's a moment in Diamonds Are Forever where he pauses leaving the room only to walk back to Jill St John to say one word: "Bitch!"
I suppose it's not meant to be funny, but it's a jarring word to use in that era of Bond film, possibly the strongest language he used, and it's during a part of the film where the camp-o-meter is in the red.
That, and I an't help thinking of a suave 8-Ace

[CaledonianGonzo]

Though he strangles a woman with her own bikini in the pre-title sequence....

[kidsick5000]

Though he strangles a woman with her own bikini in the pre-title sequence....

Yeah, but not to death...

[Don_Preston]

Have we had him ordering Quarrel around in Dr. No like the slave driver he is yet?

[CaledonianGonzo]

But he seems so jolly pleased about it and calls Bond 'Boss' and everything.

Actually, the Blu Ray of Dr No reveals Bond to be wearing quite a fetching shade of lippy when he first arrives in Jamaica.

[Don_Preston]

He also proved he had a moral compass when he refused the advances of the young girl Bibi Dahl in For Your Eyes Only. Like we would have done the same, eh lads?!

[El Unicornio, mang]

But he seems so jolly pleased about it and calls Bond 'Boss' and everything.

Actually, the Blu Ray of Dr No reveals Bond to be wearing quite a fetching shade of lippy when he first arrives in Jamaica.

I've been watching the Blu Rays and his 'Scotland Forever' tattoo is quite distracting. They tried to cover it up but it's still a big blue blob on his arm.

[Noodle Lizard]

More right-wing Bond fans (i.e. the majority)

Ah.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Speaking from experience of the online fan communities.

The average moviegoer heading to see Skyfall in November won't be there for ideological reasons, but there's something about the character that's very appealing to those of a neocon or militaristic bent.

[thecuriousorange]

Though he strangles a woman with her own bikini in the pre-title sequence....

He did what? That's as bad as listening to The Beatles without earmuffs.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I'm loving the quips after he kills people. "I think he got the point", "Shocking", "He blew a fuse", etc. I'd like to think I'd do likewise after dispatching a baddie.

[Ginyard]

It'd be great to have a Bond that couldn't quip and was really disappointed with himself. eg: "I think he got the blade" when a helicopter lops the cranium off some anonymous twat on a black motorbike.

[Old Nehamkin]

I like to imagine he has a word file of miscellaneous highly specific death puns that he adds to in his spare time and memorises.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Or he has a small number of puns and has to kill baddies in specific ways so they will work. Dammit, I need to kill this man with a fridge so I can say "He got a frosty reception".

[biggytitbo]

The only important Bond fact to know is that is a wig right from day one, scene one, 'the name's Bond'...' etc.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Roger Moore also wore a hair piece, just to cover the baldness on his crown though. So yeah, wig fearers, take note!

[Ralph Cifaretto]

Let me commit this. It's by The Thick of It's Will Smith. It was off his myspace page from years ago:

Problems I Have With Octopussy
Chris Addison reminded me of this and how much he enjoyed it, so I thought I'd put it up. I was watching Octopussy one afternoon, and decided to make a note of all the anomalies. It probably helps if you have more than a passing knowledge of the film and are borderline autistic.

- Why does Bond not arrive at the airbase already in disguise. The reversing jacket is neither impressive nor necessary.

- Surely Bond would be able to grow his own moustache. He is, after all an old man.

- "Toro. Sounds like a load of bull to me." One of the worst jokes in a pre-credit sequence ever.

- Soldier chopped on back of neck falls against direction of blow.

- Second Toro joke even worse than first. How is this possible?

- Non-Latinate guards.

- Why are said guards wearing parachutes in the back of a jeep.

- Utterly unimpressive plane, though dads may laugh at its emergence from a horses arse.

- Sound of propeller when plane is clearly powered by jet engine.

- Why does Toro order men to close the doors of the hangar to trap Bond in plane. Surely resulting crash and explosion would result in maiming, death and destruction of satellite system he is trying to protect.

- Why would anyone hold a gymnkhana at an airbase?

- Not even dads would laugh at "fill her up" joke.

- Average Bond song redeemed only by silhouetted fart flap on Bond's suit.

- "This is the fourth egg to turn up at auction this year. It's from none of the usual sources. Anonymous seller, numbered Swiss bank account. I'd say that the vendor was a Russian." Why?

- Person photographing 009 in morgue has neglected to remove clown make-up (standard practice in body identification procedure). Either that or 009 has very unusual birth marks.

- Steven Berkoff is cast as a Russian Communist, but seems to be playing a Nazi.

- Orlov has set up remote control moving tables and battleplan screen. Is this scene set in his house or did he get to the meeting extremely early with a crack carpentry/electrician squad?

- Why does Orlov bother to suggest invasion plan to fellow Russians when he's already been getting Khan to copy jewels which Khan sells whilst Orlov gets fakes for inventory thus enabling him to put a bomb in a circus cannon. Did he himself perhaps doubt the efficacy of this previous plan and bottle it only to be turned down over invasion proposition so he fell back to original plan? Or is he just very confused. I know I am.

- We know from Fanning that someone, presumably Khan, has been selling eggs all year. 009 found one in Octopussy's circus. Why has Orlov not planted bomb before? Why wait a year selling eggs and smuggling fakes. I don't understand.

- Fanning is pleased Bond is accompanying him to the auction as Bond can help him spot the buyer, yet when there he castigates Bond for looking as the vendors always buy by proxy. Does Fanning not know his own mind? Perhaps he is the anonymous vendor.

- Why don't Orlov/Khan simply withdraw the egg from sale rather than going through rigmarole of bidding for an egg they already own?

- "He complains, if he's legitimate. I don't think he will complain. According to Fanning this Khan normally sells, now he buys. I believe the fake will smoke him out." Nonsense.

- "Our tail followed him to Heathrow where he caught a plane to Delhi." "You must go there too." Why?

- Snake charmer playing Bond them. Awful.

- Dreadful "asp/ass" cut, with a not even particularly attractive ass.

- Woman who looks like mutant Ripley from Alien Resurrection is member of Octopussy's Circus, yet seems to be working for Khan.

- Veejay tells us that Khan plays backgammon most afternoons and evenings. a) this is a very sad thing to do, and b) how come no-one notices he plays with loaded dice.

- I suggest this whole section would be immeasurably improved if Bond left with the Major and re-enacted the scene with Liselle in For Your Eyes Only - "Oops, me nighty's slipping!" "So is you accent Colonel. Sandhurst?" "Close, Aldershot."

- "Keep you in curry" joke almost as embarrassing as Partition.

- Advanced weaponry of Khan's henchmen.

- Shit visual tennis joke.

- Camel looking at car as flies overhead. Why bother to film that?

- "It certainly pays to advertise". It certainly pays to write decent jokes, cuntface.

- Zooming in on woman's breast. See previous point.

- Unobtrusive tracking signal.

- Thanks for hairdryer-proof listening device.

- Orlov seems to smash real egg.

- Thanks for delay of search for Bond till morning.

- "Sit!" Shit.

- "Hiss off". Fuck off.

- Tarzan cry. Death rattle.

- Crocodile sub. Is this to fool people or crocodiles?

- Jerkin.

- Khan pays for men to attack Octopussy's palace.

- Yoyo Saw accuracy, retrievability and danger-to-user rating very high. Clearly assassin is disciple of Jaws and the "inventive weapon" school of killing.

- Why does Khan bother to go to Berlin with Orlov and Octopussy? Is it so Octopussy can inspect real jewels (detection of fakes would expose Orlov/Khan to her). Seeing as how Orlov swaps jewels anyway, why not simply put bomb in cannon and forget jewels, fake or otherwise?

- How many train carriages with cannons are there? Where do they go? Why do they not block the tracks?

- Why does Orlov run after the train?

- What are two male knife-throwers doing in all-female circus troop? More to the point, what are two knife-throwers of staggering ineptitude doing in a circus, regardless of gender?

- Why would Bond have a watch on the outside of his gorilla costume, and why would he risk detection for the sake of a very weak joke?

- Khan's guard looking at wine bottle when sees acrobats. Neither funny nor informative, this is a waste of everyone's time.

- Why attack in a hot air balloon?

- Why have a Union Jack hot air balloon?

- Why bring Q, who is not a field agent, but is an old cunt.

- Why install close circuit surveillance cameras on a balloon? Their field of vision is no closer than the human eye.

- How can a horse keep up with a plane?

- How can you jump over a horses neck on to the tailplane of a taxiing aircraft.

- Re. the "Plastercast" scene - Either Bond experiences a sudden cure from his injuries, or he faked them for several days to avoid sexual intercourse with Octopussy. Either way he is a cunt of the first order. In fact that is true regardless of the fake plaster cast debacle.

- Plot confusion all due to Fanning and his unfounded claim that vendor is a Russian. This leads us to suspect Orlov is the egg-peddlar, when in fact it is Khan and Orlov is just a two-bit-bomb-in a-cannon-arse-guzzler.

- The best thing about this film is that it is about fake eggs and the mutant Tefal Bond girl used to be a man.