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1001 films that are NOT worth watching

Started by Depressed Beyond Tables, December 15, 2010, 05:28:51 AM

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easytarget

Aniston has done some good ones, People with Money is very enjoyable.

The only film I found so bad I walked out on it was "Tarnation" - which was well regarded and very arty (so watch out if some pseud suggests you see it). It is let down by basically being a detailed self-study of a fucked up youth who thought he was way more fascinating than he was.

Summation (from the first 20 minutes) : "I am gay - can you handle that America? Can you even handle that?"

The Expendables. Biggest film disappointment of 2010.

Queneau

Quote from: thecuriousorange on December 15, 2010, 11:33:30 PM
The Expendables. Biggest film disappointment of 2010.

For me the cast list would the big clue.

gmoney

Quote from: easytarget on December 15, 2010, 11:25:59 PM
Aniston has done some good ones, People with Money is very enjoyable.


And Office Space. Great little film.

Serge

Quote from: Famous Mortimer on December 15, 2010, 03:58:40 PMMore unnecessary than possible. "Mythbusters" devoted a bit of a recent episode to this, and discovered that the sort of gas they use in domestic stuff has such a high ignition point that the muzzle flash from even a gigantic gun isn't enough to set it alight.

Ah, thanks for that. I didn't want to say that it was impossible or anything, only to have somebody prove me wrong (by shooting at me through a milk carton in a gas-filled room, probably.)

Quote from: the midnight watch baboon on December 15, 2010, 01:42:38 PMIts sequel -Along Came A Spider- was much better than KTG, if you could go with the whole
Spoiler alert
teacher turns out to be a kidnapper who's been wearing a rubber mask all year to conceal his real face
[close]
schtick.

I don't think I could go along with that. I think that would be foot through the telly time.

Quote from: Queneau on December 15, 2010, 11:47:12 PM
For me the cast list would the big clue.

But if you like big stupid action films then this looked like it would be THE big stupid action film to end all big stupid action films, with loads of the genre's heavy-hitters turning up. Instead you just ended up with a big turgid shit of a film that couldn't even be arsed to hide the fact that it was going through the motions (eg.
Spoiler alert
giving Jason Statham a girlfriend purely so that he gets to beat up her new boyfriend a few scenes later NO I DON'T KNOW WHY I FUCKING BOTHERED PUTTING THAT IN SPOILER TAGS EITHER
[close]
).

Quote from: Queneau on December 15, 2010, 11:47:12 PM
For me the cast list would the big clue.

It should have been a great guilty pleasure. It wasn't even that.



EDIT - what Waste of Chops said.

Robot DeNiro

Quote from: SavageHedgehog on December 15, 2010, 10:11:27 PM
Surely it's got to be an Aniston flick?

Yup, I think so.  I watched a lot of them to make this video, which I then decided not to do anything with, because it seemed a bit mean.  Out of the movies I watched, I'd say the worst has to be Derailed.  Or The Break Up.  Or Marley and Me.  Or Love Happens...

2.mp4

Shoulders?-Stomach!

I vaguely recall a mid-Friends-era film called Picture Perfect.

I think it might have been about nothing.

phantom_power

i thought the break-up was pretty good

the expendables is awful, a real missed opportunity, and just plain boring. there are a few good knuckle-headed fight scenes but generally it is a mess. a much better old-school lumpen punch-fest is ninja assassin, which i saw last night. some great fights, amazingly violent and a good old-school ninja plot and back-story

SavageHedgehog

It was a missed opportunity but I didn't mind it; I thought the last half hour or so was great fun, and it was a pleasure to see Eric Roberts hamming it up on the big screen. BTW I really object to the way a lot of website critics say I'm a moron for watching it, but I would have been a hip, discerning, intelligent human being if I'd gone to see Michael Cera beating up people with added CGI effects instead.

SavageHedgehog

Gulliver's Travels (the new one). It's not out yet, but I can tell.

Tiny Poster

Quote from: SavageHedgehog on December 16, 2010, 11:39:13 AM
Gulliver's Travels (the new one). It's not out yet, but I can tell.

Bug budget Jack Black, right? I've got a vehicle for him that I want to pitch - Icarus. You've just imagined exactly how the film will go, which means it's a cert to get made.

Oh: Bicentennial Man. Robin Williams stars as an android who gets passed down through the generations of some rich white family, learning what it means to be human. It's not a patch on Short Circuit, and is over- oh, I always remember it as being three hours, but it's "only" 132 minutes. And Williams gets an upgrade after the first hour from 'mildly interesting robot' makeup to '48 year old mawkish Morkalike', so you don't even get to cling to that for long.

TotalNightmare

Quote from: Serge on December 15, 2010, 01:30:14 PM

It also has one of thee most ludicrous moments I've ever seen in a film - when they track Elwes down to his lair, the showdown takes place in a room which he has managed to fill with gas, meaning that Freeman can't shoot him without the sparks from the gun causing an explosion that will kill them all. How does Freeman get around this? He pokes a hole in a handy carton of milk and fires the gun from inside it. Whaaa-?


Weirdly enough, I just watched an episode of Mythbusters that tried to bust that myth... which it did. They basically found out that it would hard enough, but not impossible, to blow up the room - with or without the milk carton.
The mixture of air and gas in the room as well as the fact that unless he was using a Magnum that fires a bullet with a large explosive charge- like an incendiary round - plays a large part in it.
Sure, it COULD've blown the room up with the lighter, but it would have been highly unlikely unless the room was smaller and completely sealed - which means making the same room explode with the micro flash of gun muzzle ka-pow is even less likely to spark it.

So there you go

TotalNightmare

Quote from: TotalNightmare on December 16, 2010, 05:34:00 PM
Weirdly enough, I just watched an episode of Mythbusters that tried to bust that myth... which it did. They basically found out that it would hard enough, but not impossible, to blow up the room - with or without the milk carton.
The mixture of air and gas in the room as well as the fact that unless he was using a Magnum that fires a bullet with a large explosive charge- like an incendiary round - plays a large part in it.
Sure, it COULD've blown the room up with the lighter, but it would have been highly unlikely unless the room was smaller and completely sealed - which means making the same room explode with the micro flash of gun muzzle ka-pow is even less likely to spark it.

So there you go

MUST.READ.THREAD.MORE.CAREFULLY

Subtle Mocking

One on ITV right now, Love Actually. There's a bit where
Spoiler alert
a kid runs through customs and nobody does anything
[close]
for fuck's sake.

Tokyo Sexwhale

Quote from: Subtle Mocking on December 26, 2010, 10:40:45 PM
One on ITV right now, Love Actually. There's a bit where
Spoiler alert
a kid runs through customs and nobody does anything
[close]
for fuck's sake.

I was just going to ask about that, as I'd never seen it.

Right, I'll put a DVD on then...how about..Cloverfield?

Subtle Mocking

Anything other than this. It's like a compilation consisting of everything shit about Richard Curtis sent from the future.

I'm watching that too. Nauseating doesn't even cover it. Just face-meltingly awful.

Johnny Townmouse

Crash
Obviously the Haggis film which appeared to be made purely to pander to idiotic academy award voters. Mawkish and stupid, not even Dillon could raise this sentimental rubbish from the pits of Altman/Anderson-wannabe bargain-bin.

Phone Booth
Awful, awful and fucking boring. One of the least interesting set-ups for a movie ever is executed with a crew seemingly wearing boxing gloves for the entire shoot.

The Book of Eli
Possibly the worst film I saw on my recent Asian trip which involved seeing 14 films whilst airborne. Denzel Washington I have a huge problem with - he is so fucking earnest. A really silly post-apocalyptic, mad max style future gang madness movie that goes nowhere and has an utterly fucking anti-climactic ending.






ThickAndCreamy

I'm glad you mentioned Mad Max.

Mad Max 2: The Road Exploderer
I was told, and I've read online about this being a great dystopian film. It's not, it's just nearly two hours of Mel Gibson parading around a monotonous desert pretending to look stylish with explosions and a lot of ugly children and oddly dressed adults. I watched this with three friends, as a treat, as we thought it would be like Commando with a bit more depth. We expected endless chases, constant explosions and some fantastic catchphrases alliterated with the beautiful narration of the social costs of our current society. Instead, my friends nearly abandoned me and I felt ashamed as I spent the film with my head in my hands wondering how anyone can think watching faux-80's twerps dance about with a few plastic guns in the desert is entertaining.

A PILE OF SHITE.

Johnny Townmouse

Redacted

I knew there was a film I had missed out. I mean, there are hundreds, if not thousands, but I really want to make it clear that this film is total gash. De Palma is a problem for me anyway, as I feel he has only made one good film in his entire career (Blow Out). But THIS piece of heavy-handed, salacious, awfully-executed garbage makes all of us leftie-war-haters look like idiots. Some of the worst acting I have ever seen in a proper big budget film, plus the whole conceit of using a variety of media to tell the story falls flat on its arse. It makes De Palma look like he is making films with Jack Black and Mos Def to try and keep a video shop from closing.

and..

A Serbian Film

Obviously.

Famous Mortimer

The Last Airbender
Should go without saying, but even with sarky commentary by the Rifftrax guys, this film was still so bad I fell asleep to escape its clutches.

SavageHedgehog

I have an inexplicable need to see that film, even though I'm sure it will be as tedious as it is terrible. Has any once popular/acclaimed director alienated audiences and critics with the same speed and consistency as Shyamalan? When I went to rent that it was out so I got The Sorcerer's Apprentice instead which is also not worth watching, although not unbearable

Oh, and Little Fockers. I wouldn't have said the first one was worth watching either personally (never saw the second)

hamble

Gabriel.
One of those films where everyone it it looks like a poor mans version of ....
Apart from the guy who plays the arch angel Michael who looks like Tommy Wiseau's younger brother but acts,and I use the term lightly,less well.

gmoney

Iron Eagle

This was on last night, stars Louis Gossett Jr. The drizzling shits. Some unintentional comedy and dodgy politics make it just about watchable, bit it isn't worth doing so. 

quadraspazzed

Life Without Dick

Just a warning, in case a girl/boyfriend ever arrives home with a copy in the mistaken belief that it may in some small way be slightly entertaining.

Johnny Townmouse

Alien

Nah, not really. I watched the start of it last night before succombing to sleep and had completely forgotten what a masterful piece of cinema it is. I don't think Ridley Scott will ever be able to produce film of the quality of that first hour (yes, I think it is better than anything in Blade Runner). A mixture of Kubrick-whoozy distant, and blue-collar ensemble. Some of the scenes are like the opening scenes of Deer Hunter. Ian Holm for fucksakes. Anyway, this is all stuff you knew before, and I have posted it in the wrong thread. Maybe something to watch when you are not watching the films above!

Famous Mortimer

Quote from: quadraspazzed on December 27, 2010, 04:48:01 PM
Life Without Dick

Just a warning, in case a girl/boyfriend ever arrives home with a copy in the mistaken belief that it may in some small way be slightly entertaining.
Literally everything about that DVD cover screams "avoid".

quadraspazzed

It was an unavoidable situation. Eight years on and it stays with me.