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Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories

Started by Jumble Cashback, February 03, 2011, 08:08:53 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Isnt Anything

fuck thats awful

not sure i needed to read that

perhaps im getting too old and soft for this site

or life

Isnt Anything

i mean, things you didnt know could actually happen. you think at my age youve heard it all but no fucking no.

'pparently there was a case in argentina in late 2017 and another in missourI in march 2011.

fuck me


Norton Canes

I know the S*n is a contemptible rag but I'm surprised that made it to the front page.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Norton Canes on May 11, 2018, 02:54:56 PM
I know the S*n is a contemptible rag but I'm surprised that made it to the front page.

Yeah, I thought it was a really horrid bit of shaming, could quite easily directly result in something really nasty happening to the doctor.


MoonDust

Quote from: Gonk on April 17, 2018, 10:58:36 PM
Girl death bouncy castle 'blown 300m'.

I've moaned about this before but why are BBC headlines written in such basic English that it stretches the boundaries of what makes sense? Like, that's not even a sentence.

"You hear about that bouncy castle?"
"Which one?"
"Girl death bouncy castle."
"You mean... the bouncy castle that killed a girl?"

Just irks me to no end. It's as if their headlines are just twitter tags made into a sentence.

See also when the BBC use a country name as an adjective. So you get "Ireland election. Live updates." not "Irish election. Live updates." or something.

Fucking type properly! Gah.

Uncle TechTip

It's to fit them into limited space on tickers, index pages and the like. A hangover from Ceefax days.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Uncle TechTip on May 12, 2018, 06:07:58 PM
It's to fit them into limited space on tickers, index pages and the like. A hangover from Ceefax days.

Ceefax didn't scan the same though. Perhaps the medium selects...

kalowski

Quote from: Uncle TechTip on May 12, 2018, 06:07:58 PM
It's to fit them into limited space on tickers, index pages and the like. A hangover from Ceefax days.
But Irish elections is shorter than Ireland elections.

asids

Man makes £1,000 a year from moans about mayo and shoddy service

magval

Rights To 130 JUDAS PRIEST Songs Up For Sale After K.K. DOWNING's Golf Dream Comes To An End

Twist ending to that sentence, isn't it?

http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/rights-to-130-judas-priest-songs-up-for-sale-after-k-k-downings-golf-dream-comes-to-an-end/

Norton Canes


Zetetic

Quote from: Uncle TechTip on May 12, 2018, 06:07:58 PM
It's to fit them into limited space on tickers, index pages and the like. A hangover from Ceefax days.
And newspapers. It's not just the BBC: http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?cat=118

Preference for punchier language - favouring shorter verbs (which are often ambiguous with nouns?) and combinations of nouns over adjectives-as-modifiers - not just space-saving, I think, that's now gone a bit up itself over the decades.

Rocket Surgery

There was one in the i last week: Man awarded $10m for false testimony

The paragraph below clarified that the man in question had spent several years in prison because of somebody else's false testimony, hence the big payout.

Incidentally, the wrongfully-incarcerated fellow's name was Khanefah Boozer, which is pretty Morris-esque in itself.

asids

London mosque becomes first to accept cryptocurrency after bitcoin declared halal

MoonDust


saltysnacks

Quote from: MoonDust on June 12, 2018, 06:19:24 AM
Swarm of angry bees attacks Colombian presidential election rally

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jun/11/colombia-bees-attack-rally-presidential-election

How do they know they were angry? It could have been a perfectly methodical affair.

Although I can definitely imagine our Morris delivering this line: Some even suggested that the Farc had a hand in the incident, though experts say the mostly likely explanation is that the gust generated by Uribe's helicopter upset a nest in a nearby tree.


Isnt Anything

Bakewell pudding 'lost in space'

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-44536052

full title -
Bakewell pudding sent to the edge of space goes missing

Cold Meat Platter


Bhazor




Captain Z

Quote from: Bhazor on July 04, 2018, 03:19:27 PM
Star Wars: Jar Jar Binks actor Ahmed Best considered suicide


https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-44708983

These new Oscar categories are certainly controversial.


magval


Bhazor

Quote from: asids on July 06, 2018, 10:55:33 AM
'Curious' boy, 13, gets USB cable stuck up his penis

https://metro.co.uk/2018/07/05/curious-boy-13-gets-usb-cable-stuck-penis-7687456/

Good job he wasn't bicurious.

Because he would have tried to shove a bike up there.

Fuck it, post.

Head Gardener


Clownbaby

That lil shark that got smuggled in the pram

alan nagsworth