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Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories

Started by Jumble Cashback, February 03, 2011, 08:08:53 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

George Oscar Bluth II

Norwich puppet man shows "new lease of life" after death rumours

SetToStun

Is he the guy who pops up in Great Yarmouth as well? Old mini-boom-box, waves cloth "puppets" up and down with no regard to the beat of the music?

HAYRDRYAH

PM just did an 'audio metaphor' with a reporter walking around and around in the revolving door at the Audit Commission. Pure Austen Tasseltine

George Oscar Bluth II

Quote from: SetToStun on March 31, 2011, 09:58:10 AM
Is he the guy who pops up in Great Yarmouth as well? Old mini-boom-box, waves cloth "puppets" up and down with no regard to the beat of the music?

Yes he is. And he's not dead.

chocolateboy

I've just googled "Armacession". 0 hits. Modern Chris Morris dues-paying is rubbish.

Queneau




hummingofevil

On the front of one of those mental women's mags.

"Wind of doom; my farty bum was cancer!"


Jerzy Bondov

Quote from: hummingofevil on July 29, 2012, 12:17:50 AM
On the front of one of those mental women's mags.

"Wind of doom; my farty bum was cancer!"
Ah yes, the current issue of Chat if I'm not mistaken. I was reading it in the chinese takeaway the other night, it's absolutely amazing. Another headline from the same cover:

"My bangers went bang!"

There's also a page where you can touch a photograph of a key and it'll give you good luck. To prove it, they tell you somebody who touched it in a previous issue went to a haunted house and saw a ghost! What luck.

castro diaz

The first and last time I read the South Wales Echo.  What a scoop!


QDRPHNC

From the Daily Mail:

"Man who pretended to be blind to get sympathy and carers found dead in a ditch."

A tragic tale I'm sure, but it's the bluntless of the headline that appeals to me.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: QDRPHNC on July 30, 2012, 08:35:30 PM
From the Daily Mail:

"Man who pretended to be blind to get sympathy and carers found dead in a ditch."

A tragic tale I'm sure, but it's the bluntless of the headline that appeals to me.

Incredible. This is wonderful, what happened?


DrGreggles

It appears that whoever chose that photo was actually blind.

BlodwynPig

QuoteBut the inquest was told he could see perfectly well and if someone dropped money on a pavement he would be the first to pick it up.

A common occurrence.

sirhenry

BBC News website continue with their misleading headlines:

Replies From View

Quote from: hummingofevil on July 29, 2012, 12:17:50 AM
On the front of one of those mental women's mags.

"Wind of doom; my farty bum was cancer!"



sirhenry

The BBC were at it again today with Man killed after glider crash. First he crashes his glider, then some fruitbasket killed him. It wasn't his day. Or the truth.

Hymenoptera

#80
A couple from the BT Yahoo homepage:

Birds' Heads Torn off in Zoo Rampage
Well Done... Now Are You On Drugs?

Just saw this an' all: "What if Michael Phelps Were a Country?"


Jemble Fred

Quote from: Slaaaaabs on August 09, 2012, 03:03:27 PM
Madonna Appeal Over Pussy Riot

I did note Elton John calling her a 'fairground stripper' the other day... what kind of fucking fairgrounds has he been going to? Hook the duck yes, strippers, no.

Mr Eggs

Quote from: Replies From View on July 31, 2012, 08:18:58 PM


CHAT magazine has a companion publication that is far more focused on providing factual journalism


Jerzy Bondov

Right that's brilliant, I'm going to go and buy it because it looks amazing. Sincere thanks

mrfridge

Quote from: Mr Eggs on August 09, 2012, 03:47:19 PM
CHAT magazine has a companion publication that is far more focused on providing factual journalism



Jesus Christ, how are these magazines successful? It genuinely boggles the mind that this shit gets read. I mean I understand that people leading god awful lives need to feel better about themselves by reading how even more tragic other people's existences are but it's a sad state of affairs when a front cover splash consists of a paedo's list of conquests.

"Oooh Kelly, look, let's see what the nonce did, quick before Kenny gets back and punches me in the face". Fucks sake.

Dark Sky

Quote from: mrfridge on August 09, 2012, 04:46:30 PM
I understand that people leading god awful lives need to feel better about themselves by reading how even more tragic other people's existences are

I dunno, the farty bum cancer woman looks jolly happy to me

Replies From View

Quote from: Mr Eggs on August 09, 2012, 03:47:19 PM
CHAT magazine has a companion publication that is far more focused on providing factual journalism



Because of the farty bum cancer one from earlier, I read one of the ones on that cover as "I was farted to get cancer".

Jerzy Bondov

They don't have Chat It's Fate in Waitrose, just normal Chat. I'll have a look in Tesco tomorrow if that's alright with you lot.

I saw normal Chat and said to my girlfriend 'ha ha look at this magazine, it's mental'. We could only see the headline 'You've GOAT to be kidding' with a picture of a goat, which we enjoyed, but then I pulled the magazine down, still laughing, and the main headline this month is RAPED AS MUM SLEPT. Made me look like a right nutter.

BlodwynPig