Author Topic: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories (Read 78165 times)

buttgammon · « **Reply #600 on:** November 06, 2019, 01:26:28 PM »

Speaking of cattle:
https://www.leaderlive.co.uk/news/18017587.rossett-farmers-fed-cows-mince-pies-ice-cream/

"You feed beefburgers to swans."

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #601 on:** November 12, 2019, 12:40:37 AM »

”Pete Doherty hospitalised following hedgehog injury”

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #602 on:** November 16, 2019, 03:21:52 PM »

Royal says in BBC interview that in hindsight staying with sex offender was wrong

Small Man Big Horse · « **Reply #603 on:** November 17, 2019, 01:37:58 PM »

Saw this earlier today thanks to Facebook:

Small Man Big Horse · « **Reply #604 on:** December 01, 2019, 12:30:56 PM »

Just saw this on the town where I grew up's website:

Which includes these earth shattering revelations:

Quote

Send (pronounced Send)
Send seems like an easy one to pronounce, but some have been known to give it an extra 'e' - "See-nd".

Send is a village and civil parish in the Guildford borough.

Redhill (pronounced Red-hill)

Redhill, a seemingly simple place name to say, is sometimes pronounced "Red-ill". You need to work on your diction if you're an offender in this regard.

Smallfield (pronounced Smallfield)

Smallfield, in the Tandridge district, is often pronounced with an extra 's' at the end of it - "Smallfields". It's not a collection of small fields; just the one thank you very much.

Leatherhead (pronounced Leather-head)

Leatherhead is sometimes pronounced "Lev-red" by those of lazy diction. Put some effort in people.

I've seen some tedious shit on websites like this in the past but this patronising nonsense really takes the biscuit.

Head Gardener · « **Reply #605 on:** December 04, 2019, 03:43:36 PM »

I just came across this newspaper clipping from the 70's concerning my dads old 2nd hand shop, he once told me,
"always remember to get a staff member to hold the bomb" of course those were the days when folk were allowed to hold bombs up for the local press.

Quote · « **Reply #606 on:** December 21, 2019, 04:36:48 PM »

Quote

Someone Is Putting Cowboy Hats on Pigeons in Las Vegas

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/10/us/pigeons-cowboy-hats-las-vegas.html

Sebastian Cobb · « **Reply #607 on:** December 21, 2019, 04:51:57 PM »

Quote from: Small Man Big Horse on December 01, 2019, 12:30:56 PM

Just saw this on the town where I grew up's website:

Which includes these earth shattering revelations:

I've seen some tedious shit on websites like this in the past but this patronising nonsense really takes the biscuit.

Work sent me to Leatherhead and tedious was definitely the word. I've seen bleak Travelodges before but this one just had a counter at one end, some lifts and two vending machines, one of which was a hagan daas machine that poured its own cups and looked frankly disgusting.

I went through that thing if having a beer with my dinner in a wetherspoons, then sat there wondering whether to have another bleak solitary pint or retire to watch something I have no interest in on the telly.

They put me in a disabled suite. I slammed my laptop into the panic alarm trying to get a WiFi signal so I could have a wank.

Head Gardener · « **Reply #608 on:** December 26, 2019, 09:03:20 AM »

Sebastian Cobb · « **Reply #609 on:** December 27, 2019, 01:18:46 PM »

Sharon Osbourne forced employee into burning fire to save artwork then fired him for not laughing

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/sharon-osbourne-house-fire-artwork-fired-would-i-lie-to-you-a9261156.html

pcsjwgm · « **Reply #610 on:** January 11, 2020, 12:53:19 PM »

Iran May Have a Fleet of Communist Killer Dolphins
https://mobile.twitter.com/Militarydotcom/status/1215412746663223297

Tikwid · « **Reply #611 on:** January 11, 2020, 07:36:08 PM »

Meet the Devon woman whose knees look like EastEnders hard men Grant & Phil Mitchell

Bazooka · « **Reply #612 on:** January 12, 2020, 01:41:04 PM »

Quote from: Tikwid on January 11, 2020, 07:36:08 PM

Meet the Devon woman whose knees look like EastEnders hard men Grant & Phil Mitchell

The journalist got some real strong mileage out of the story, writing award incoming.

Starlit · « **Reply #613 on:** November 24, 2020, 03:18:42 PM »

John Lydon suffered flea bites to the penis after befriending squirrels

https://www.nme.com/news/music/john-lydon-suffered-flea-bites-to-the-penis-after-befriending-squirrels-2823393

Spoon of Ploff · « **Reply #614 on:** January 10, 2021, 03:05:53 PM »

'Human foot' in Gateshead field turns out to be potato

Starlit · « **Reply #615 on:** February 18, 2021, 06:53:25 PM »

Man accidentally invited for Covid vaccine because NHS believed he was just 6cm tall

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/man-accidentally-invited-covid-vaccine-nhs-believed-6cm-tall-liverpool-b920208.html?itm_source=Internal&itm_channel=homepage_trending_article_component&itm_campaign=trending_section&itm_content=4

popcorn · « **Reply #616 on:** February 19, 2021, 07:39:12 PM »

Members of the public have been urged to be careful what they flush after a “huge, disgusting” fatberg the weight of a small bungalow was cleared from an east London sewer

imitationleather · « **Reply #617 on:** February 19, 2021, 07:45:28 PM »

"The weight of a small bungalow" is an amazing turn of phrase.

But how do they know what one weighs?

popcorn · « **Reply #618 on:** February 19, 2021, 07:56:58 PM »

Well you just start with the weight of a bungalow and then subtract a bit.

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #619 on:** February 19, 2021, 08:05:33 PM »

If you get to the weight of a garage you’ve subtracted too much so watch out for that.

Bazooka · « **Reply #620 on:** February 19, 2021, 09:52:06 PM »

Quote from: imitationleather on February 19, 2021, 07:45:28 PM

"The weight of a small bungalow" is an amazing turn of phrase.

But how do they know what one weighs?

It's very Partridge.

St_Eddie · « **Reply #621 on:** February 21, 2021, 04:00:54 AM »

Quote from: popcorn on February 19, 2021, 07:39:12 PM

Members of the public have been urged to be careful what they flush after a “huge, disgusting” fatberg the weight of a small bungalow was cleared from an east London sewer

Why is The Guardian shaming me for eating that curry?!

Ambient Sheep · « **Reply #622 on:** February 27, 2021, 08:45:53 PM »

https://twitter.com/MysteriosoX/status/1365752460174843908

News:

Author Topic: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories (Read 78165 times)