Author Topic: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories (Read 75760 times)

Lord Mandrake · « **Reply #30 on:** February 09, 2011, 08:15:23 PM »

Inventor to fight giant bear in robocop titanium suit.

Matrix copycat killed by train.

Dog shoot woman.

Man's head found in giant cod.

Pc knocked out by own reflection.

2 Light Ales Please · « **Reply #31 on:** February 09, 2011, 08:53:03 PM »

I saw "MY RAPE TERROR AT HANDS OF PIRATES" on the front of the Daily Mail last year. Dunno if it's exactly the Day Today standards, but it certainly made me chuckle.

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #32 on:** February 09, 2011, 09:30:58 PM »

Local Sheffield News:

PERVERT LOLLIPOP MAN THROWN OUT

Which I'm sure you'll agree is laced with intrigue.

George Oscar Bluth II · « **Reply #33 on:** February 09, 2011, 11:37:03 PM »

Transvestite had sex with a dog at English Heritage castle

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html

Quote

A spokesman for English Heritage said: "This was a very rare incident".

Zetetic · « **Reply #34 on:** February 09, 2011, 11:39:10 PM »

Hooker Overcomes Illness, Slaps Beaver
Or as it later was…

Mister Six · « **Reply #35 on:** February 10, 2011, 10:37:38 AM »

sick as a pike · « **Reply #36 on:** February 10, 2011, 10:48:31 AM »

Not the headline, but this picture caption from the other day:

Panbaams · « **Reply #37 on:** February 10, 2011, 12:42:10 PM »

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #38 on:** February 10, 2011, 12:45:10 PM »

I can actually still remember Mark Lawrenson cutting over Ray Stubbs who had the unenviable job of saying his name, with "What did you say his name way Ray, FUCKS?!"

biggytitbo · « **Reply #39 on:** February 10, 2011, 01:15:07 PM »

Quote from: George Oscar Bluth II on February 09, 2011, 11:37:03 PM

Transvestite had sex with a dog at English Heritage castle

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html

Quote

As the two ladies spotted the cross dresser he ran away. Later one of the dogs chased after the man; by the time the women had caught up, the man was having sex with the pet.

You have to admire how quickly he talked the dog into it. He must be a right charmer!

BlodwynPig · « **Reply #40 on:** February 10, 2011, 01:25:07 PM »

^ Utterly utterly bizarre. How big was the dog?

George Oscar Bluth II · « **Reply #41 on:** February 10, 2011, 07:02:30 PM »

I like how the guy's train of thought must have gone:

"Oh shit! I've been caught outside dressed as a woman, how embarassing! Better run off, the shame, the shame..."

...

"Phwor, that dog's a bit of alright"

Baffling.

Blumf · « **Reply #42 on:** February 11, 2011, 06:36:26 PM »

Kubica gets dead Pope's blood

Chomsky Honk · « **Reply #43 on:** February 13, 2011, 02:31:13 AM »

Not so much Day Today-esque as The Day Today actually happening:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-12429353

Small Man Big Horse · « **Reply #44 on:** February 13, 2011, 02:43:46 AM »

Quote from: George Oscar Bluth II on February 09, 2011, 11:37:03 PM

Transvestite had sex with a dog at English Heritage castle

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html

Quote

A spokesman for English Heritage said: "This was a very rare incident".

Which suggests it's happened at least once before...

Still Not George · « **Reply #45 on:** February 14, 2011, 12:19:27 PM »

He means it's only partially cooked.

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #46 on:** February 14, 2011, 12:33:18 PM »

Quote from: Still Not George on February 14, 2011, 12:19:27 PM

He means it's only partially cooked.

Bravo

Jumble Cashback · « **Reply #47 on:** February 24, 2011, 12:53:44 PM »

Another one from BBC online: Sexy Monkys Wash With Own Urine. At what point did the pronouncement of inter-species 'sexiness' fall under the category of objective reportage. Did I miss a meeting?

El Unicornio, mang · « **Reply #48 on:** February 24, 2011, 09:44:57 PM »

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/02/24/us-man-gets-25-years-for-south-park-threats/

Quote

A US man was Thursday sentenced to 25 years in prison on terror charges, including threatening the creators of the animated series "South Park" for portraying the Prophet Mohammed in a bear suit

George Oscar Bluth II · « **Reply #49 on:** February 24, 2011, 10:48:41 PM »

Kate Middleton launches a boat, then walks about

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/feb/24/kate-middleton-launches-a-boat?CMP=twt_fd

mobias · « **Reply #50 on:** February 26, 2011, 04:39:13 PM »

Trying to link some photos from my facebook page but can't seem to manage it

Famous Mortimer · « **Reply #51 on:** March 04, 2011, 07:26:27 AM »

Not so much a headline, but there's an apparently real academic study into student drinking called

Student Choices and Alcohol Matters.

Ignatius_S · « **Reply #52 on:** March 04, 2011, 03:25:31 PM »

Live sex class troubles university president

Quote

CHICAGO — The head of a U.S. university said Thursday he was launching an investigation into an on-campus presentation of a live sex act performed for students at an after-class event.

Morton Schapiro, president of Northwestern University, a private school in the Chicago suburb of Evanston, said he was “troubled and disappointed” after hearing about the use of a motorized sex toy on a naked woman by her fiancé in front of more than 100 students.

Jim Marcus and Faith Kroll were part of a group of four adults brought to speak about the world of kink and fetish in an optional seminar that followed psychology professor J. Michael Bailey’s popular class on human sexuality, the Chicago Sun-Times reported.

The live sex act featured a sex toy with a power-saw handle and an attachment representing erect male genitalia in place of the saw blade.

Meanwhile, Daily Northwestern reports:

Quote

Bailey has publicly defended the demonstration as educational about sexual diversity, which is a common theme in his classes. He said he has received no complaints about the incident...

...The optional presentation last Monday, attended by about 120 students, featured a naked non-student woman being repeatedly sexually stimulated to the point of orgasm by the sex toy, essentially a motorized phallus.

NoSleep · « **Reply #53 on:** March 04, 2011, 04:12:20 PM »

Quote from: Lord Mandrake on February 09, 2011, 08:15:23 PM

Inventor to fight giant bear in robocop titanium suit.

http://www.inventortroy.com/

This guy was featured on In Bed With MeDinner in his "bear armour". Check out his "Trojan S Series" video.

Lord Mandrake · « **Reply #54 on:** March 04, 2011, 07:37:36 PM »

Quote from: NoSleep on March 04, 2011, 04:12:20 PM

http://www.inventortroy.com/

This guy was featured on In Bed With MeDinner in his "bear armour". Check out his "Trojan S Series" video.

lol, "Sniper's can be fuckers sometimes".

He wouldn't look out of place in fetish club in that Trojan get up.

chocolateboy · « **Reply #55 on:** March 09, 2011, 03:16:05 AM »

Quote from: Small Man Big Horse on February 04, 2011, 02:22:16 AM

That if it's real. And that if it's not.

El Unicornio, mang · « **Reply #56 on:** March 09, 2011, 10:35:59 PM »

More for the mug shot really

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/09/david-davis-stabs-man-whi_n_833520.html

El Unicornio, mang · « **Reply #57 on:** March 14, 2011, 11:49:55 PM »

I actually heard this ad on the radio recently and it made me think of something which would appear in a US-themed segment on TDT or Brass Eye

http://www.wftv.com/news/25775408/detail.html

Only in America!

Blue Jam · « **Reply #58 on:** March 29, 2011, 05:35:18 PM »

This reminded me of the housing estate that shaped itself into a gun:

The Hitler house: Semi in Swansea looks eerily like Nazi dictator (complete with naff side parting)

Er... it just looks like a house to me. Only a Channel Fünf exec could possibly make that mistake.

lazyhour · « **Reply #59 on:** March 30, 2011, 05:24:34 PM »

CLONED MEAT BETRAYAL