Author Topic: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories (Read 58657 times)

Captain Z · « **Reply #540 on:** January 18, 2019, 07:57:29 PM »

Currently on BBC site:

IVF couple have triplets after sex mistake

Head Gardener · « **Reply #541 on:** February 01, 2019, 05:00:31 PM »

Norton Canes · « **Reply #542 on:** February 08, 2019, 01:05:39 PM »

Martin Lewis cancels TV work over 'agonising' ulcer

Norton Canes · « **Reply #543 on:** March 12, 2019, 11:41:40 AM »

Ed Sheeran's 'wild lifestyle' pond to be investigated by council

Chollis · « **Reply #544 on:** March 29, 2019, 02:07:34 PM »

‘Ching, wap, ox’: slang interpreters decipher texts for court evidence

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2019/mar/29/ching-wap-ox-slang-interpreters-decipher-texts-for-court-evidence

Glebe · « **Reply #545 on:** April 06, 2019, 02:50:54 AM »

Three arrested after seizure of guns, drugs and monkey in cage.

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #546 on:** April 17, 2019, 03:33:30 PM »

Llangollen priest to bless beer for 'real ale train'

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-47719407

Glebe · « **Reply #547 on:** April 17, 2019, 11:02:41 PM »

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on April 17, 2019, 03:33:30 PM

Llangollen priest to bless beer for 'real ale train'

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-47719407

That's also an Only Fools and Horses in real news story (the one where the priest blesses the trucks of Romanian Riesling)!

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #548 on:** April 18, 2019, 01:30:46 AM »

Quote from: Glebe on April 17, 2019, 11:02:41 PM

That's also an Only Fools and Horses in real news story (the one where the priest blesses the trucks of Romanian Riesling)!

Yes! I was put in mind of “Trotter’s pre-blessed wine” and the shot of the priest blessing the back of the lorry. It also has a Father Ted angle. It’s really quite the story

popcorn · « **Reply #549 on:** April 19, 2019, 12:52:59 PM »

rectorofstiffkey · « **Reply #550 on:** April 19, 2019, 04:45:57 PM »

I never thought I'd read the headline "Did police use Emma Thompson as bait?"

Sebastian Cobb · « **Reply #551 on:** April 23, 2019, 11:30:20 PM »

JamesTC · « **Reply #552 on:** April 23, 2019, 11:41:48 PM »

Wayne Hennessey 'desperate' to learn about Nazis - Crystal Palace boss Roy Hodgson

imitationleather · « **Reply #553 on:** April 23, 2019, 11:54:19 PM »

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on April 23, 2019, 11:30:20 PM

Ah man, they look so happy about it being grey.

(Her husband seems a little young, though.)

BlodwynPig · « **Reply #554 on:** April 24, 2019, 12:12:51 AM »

Quote from: imitationleather on April 23, 2019, 11:54:19 PM

Ah man, they look so happy about it being grey.

(Her husband seems a little young, though.)

I think these type of stories are sinister. There is dumbing down and comfort news, but this seems like it was sent from a malevolent alien race to destroy our minds with banality - unaware that our minds are already destroyed by epsilon less banal stories generated from our own brains.

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #555 on:** April 29, 2019, 03:46:37 PM »

Essex Police misconduct probe over toilet fingertip loss

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-essex-48092601

PlanktonSideburns · « **Reply #556 on:** April 29, 2019, 03:56:42 PM »

Quote from: JamesTC on April 23, 2019, 11:41:48 PM

Wayne Hennessey 'desperate' to learn about Nazis - Crystal Palace boss Roy Hodgson

This image

This image has destroyed me, completely

What's happening with those eyes

St_Eddie · « **Reply #557 on:** April 29, 2019, 06:39:43 PM »

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on April 29, 2019, 03:56:42 PM

What's happening with those eyes

"His Eyes. What's wrong with his eyes? For God's sake, what happened to his eyes?!"

Tony Tony Tony · « **Reply #558 on:** April 30, 2019, 01:05:47 PM »

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #559 on:** April 30, 2019, 05:14:55 PM »

Lesbians the toast of the Two Ferrets

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2001/jul/29/theobserver.uknews2

Phil_A · « **Reply #560 on:** May 01, 2019, 01:15:33 PM »

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2019/may/01/pete-doherty-hospitalised-following-hedgehog-injury

Norton Canes · « **Reply #561 on:** May 13, 2019, 03:38:39 PM »

Ballymurphy soldiers 'out of control'

Sebastian Cobb · « **Reply #562 on:** May 15, 2019, 11:56:54 AM »

Potato-throwing teenagers scaring off town’s tourists

_{A Highland town has been described as a “no-go” area at night after teenagers drove at a group of tourists – before throwing potatoes at them.}

https://www.pressandjournal.co.uk/fp/news/highlands/1746765/youths-drive-at-group-of-tourists-before-throwing-potatoes-at-them/?fbclid=IwAR3DV-y-a4mP1z3cHYv1T5W1M-iHzv3sDv0gXgr43Phrfxa1z43W1l1CIrs

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #563 on:** May 15, 2019, 03:09:18 PM »

^thats excellent

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #564 on:** May 16, 2019, 11:54:01 AM »

Monkeys Can Help Unlock the Secrets of Trauma

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/05/14/magazine/monkeys-puerto-rico-trauma.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage

Norton Canes · « **Reply #565 on:** May 16, 2019, 12:01:31 PM »

Quote from: Norton Canes on May 13, 2019, 03:38:39 PM

Ballymurphy soldiers 'out of control'

Sorry, just realised it's not 'Balamory'

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #566 on:** May 16, 2019, 12:05:14 PM »

You can create/improve any headline by adding “, say scientists” to the end.

My monkey one above is much funnier with that added

Bazooka · « **Reply #567 on:** May 24, 2019, 12:02:54 AM »

Quote

A judge has questioned whether prosecuting a man who was sent "snake porn" via a WhatsApp messaging group was in the public interest.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-bristol-48379744

Ambient Sheep · « **Reply #568 on:** August 09, 2019, 01:05:23 PM »

Helter-skelter 'first' for cathedral

...it says on the BBC News homepage, leading to this.

All it needs is ", says bishop." on the end to make it 100% perfect Chris.

Quote

The Very Reverend Jane Hedges, Dean of Norwich Cathedral, said the installation was "certainly not a gimmick".

Also being discussed here.

oy vey · « **Reply #569 on:** August 10, 2019, 08:12:54 PM »

Badger rescued from pit on military firing range.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-49306466?intlink_from_url=https://www.bbc.com/news/science_and_environment&link_location=live-reporting-story

Admittedly this is BBC Wales and so isn't surreal in that context.

News:

Author Topic: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories (Read 58657 times)