Common or lazy cliches in Hollywood films

[Saucer51]

I must state first of all that I think most of the best films in existence are American. The innovation of their movie industry has enriched and entertained the world.

That said, there are so many common or lazy cliches in their films. I saw one this evening. Maybe watching a Roland Emmerich flick I'm asking for it but I saw about half an hour of 2012. John Cusack had just dropped off his photogenic children to his attractive ex-wife in her pristine house. Then he went on to pick up two more children. For a split second I thought they were his older kids but I quickly realised that would be impossible. These older kids were plump boy twins with long wavy hair. They didn't fit into the mould of a typical Hollywood hero's offspring. Sure enough they were the children of his Russian billionaire employer. Anyway, there are countless other certainties in these kind of films, such as:

The mother of a hero's children, be it current or ex partner, is always attractive, philisophical, thin, well-dressed, never unkempt or deranged.

The hero's children are never scruffy, fat or nerdish, unless the film is about some road to Damuscus moment that changes the children for good..forever.

Actual moments in history are depicted as having an American helping to save the day, even if the truth is somewhat different.

Most villains are British. That's a given. Or a British actor will be hired to play an American villain or an Eastern European one.

In war scenes, the American CO will be slick, skillfull and gung-ho. Any British counterpart will fuck up campaigns and cause casualties with his poor strategies and stiff upper lip unreasonableness.

[Chutney]

I remember buying a "browse whilst on the bog" book full of these years back.  Some belters in there, my favourite of which was "If an actor is insufficiently skilled to portray shock, the director calls for rain and instructs the actor to make no attempt to avoid getting wet."

[Utter Shit]

Depression = beard. Climbing out of depression = shave off beard. Probably works in real life as well but the government are too scared of letting sad sacks near razor blades to find out.

[Blumf]

Your ass is on the line Fitzwalskie!

http://theangrypolicecaptain.com/

And lock your goddam car door once in a while! That expensive sports car you somehow manage to afford to drive around in was stolen just two days from retirement.

[copylight]

http://theangrypolicecaptain.com/

Good old, omnipresent Helvetica there. Something about the ''arc'' of a standard Hollywood film must play to these conventions - mostly aurally and visually to ''cue'' the intent of the author (music video being an aladin's den). It's actually a reflection of reality - the routines of life for the most part are terribly cliched-ridden and much more so than film.

[copylight]

a predictable double post

[mr. logic]

Kim Newman was great at these in an old Empire feature, the name of which I have forgotten.

[Marty McFly]

All the phrases uttered in this thread

http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=26313.0

[kidsick5000]

Outside of comedies, Phone conversationa re precise, non-meandering and  efficient.

If someone tells you to switch on the news, the news item relevant to you will only just be getting to the key stiff when you switch it on.

[Famous Mortimer]

Kim Newman was great at these in an old Empire feature, the name of which I have forgotten.

But otherwise Kim Newman is the world's smuggest individual, with the least to back it up - a crown he contests with Stuart Maconie every year.

Almost all cop buddy partnerships are one white guy, one black guy.

[holyzombiejesus]

Grocery shopping is always packed in brown paper bags and will have a baguette sticking out of the top. If the bag splits, a good-looking person of the opposite sex will help you to pick up your items, usually an orange that has rolled towards them.

[lipsink]

Grocery shopping is always packed in brown paper bags and will have a baguette sticking out of the top. If the bag splits, a good-looking person of the opposite sex will help you to pick up your items, usually an orange that has rolled towards them.

And the person from the opposite sex will pick up and pass them their genital wart cream while our hero blushes.

[Gulftastic]

And the person from the opposite sex will pick up and pass them their genital wart cream while our hero blushes.

Of course, when you are buying the wart cream, it will not have price on it, meaning that the checkout person has to tannoy a request for it.

[mr. logic]

The messages left on an ansaphone, which have been played absent mindedly by our hero as he potters about the place, will have a mundane message from a boorish sounding friend, an anxious one from an ex wife about a swim meet their child is taking part in, and a final one which sees our hero return to the phone's side with a concerned look on his face.

[holyzombiejesus]

If someone is looking at a mirror that is mounted on a door - usually a bathroom cabinet- then there will be no-one standing behind them in the reflection. They will then open the door and, upon closing it, someone will be there.

[SteveDave]

Anyone asked to speak through a PA system will step up to the mic & it will go "SKRREEEEEEE" blocking out whatever he/she was saying. He/she will step back, pat the mic & then continue with their speech.

[mr. logic]

 Any new recruit to an army regiment will be greeted with dark suspicion bordering on outright contempt until either a huge moment of bravery or a small gesture of kindness wins over the rest of the group.  This new found respect for him will be communicated by the rattiest looking and most sarcastic one saying 'hey, kid, let me get one of those cigarettes'.

[holyzombiejesus]

Ifanyone ever needs to take a pill to save their life, they will drop the bottle and die, often watched over by someone they considered a friend.

[holyzombiejesus]

No matter how badly he's injured, the hero will never cry out in pain, nor will he react or duck when there is a huge explosion behind him. However, if a woman tends to his cuts with a bit of cotton wool, he'll flinch like a girl.

[BlodwynPig]

Liam Neeson / Harrison Ford will lose a wife/child in a European City, followed by a long list of European City cliches

[Famous Mortimer]

Hooker with a heart of gold

[izzy]

LA or New York are always the last fortresses when there is some kind of world invasion. Other cities will be mentioned for window dressing (by means of a phrase like "X has been destroyed" or "we have lost contact with X", or some short news clips), but if a bunch of protagonists in NY or LA manage to survive, the whole planet is safe again...

[lipsink]

There's the bit where someone sees the back of someone's head in the street and rushes towards them, grabs them and says their name, they turn around and it's someone else. They look disappointed and say: "Oh, I'm sorry." The person who turned around gives them a funny look and then walks on.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The way they'll say "them pakis and the wog lot are well taking our jobs we need sorting them out wer bricks and bats like" before the clinch.

[Cohaagen]

If someone falls from a building they WILL land on top of a car, never the pavement.

[HAYRDRYAH]

Or a dustcart and get a banana skin in their mouth!!

[kidsick5000]

Or a dustcart and get a banana skin in their mouth!!

The old cliche of pulling a fish skeleton from the inside jacket pocket needs to make a return

[holyzombiejesus]

I like it when a tramp (or some other bozo) sees something unusual whilst he's eating a sandwich and drinking from a bottle concealed in a brown paper bag. He stares in disbelief, looks at his food, then his booze and opts to throw the sandwich away. I think Neil Israel is very fond of this kind of scene.

Also, any prom/ high school talent contest/ school play will have a ridiculously brilliant stage set,better than anything anyone would ever see in 'real life'.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

I like it when a tramp (or some other bozo) sees something unusual whilst he's eating a sandwich and drinking from a bottle concealed in a brown paper bag. He stares in disbelief, looks at his food, then his booze and opts to throw the sandwich away. I think Neil Israel is very fond of this kind of scene.

That is the greatest cliche in all of cinema ever, and there isn't a film in existence that couldn't be improved by its inclusion.

[CaledonianGonzo]

It's at this point that someone usually mentions the similar-stylings of Victor Tourjansky from the late Roger Moore-period Bond movies.  So allow me: