Just a Lyttle Lit-bit!

[Queneau]

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a helicopter.

[Cerys]

'No!' I screamed, and then 'NO!' and furthermore 'NOOOOOO!' as I dropped my last fizzy cola bottle sweet into the curl of stinking dogshit by the dead pigeon.

[sirhenry]

The next time I walked past, they had cleaned all the blood from the shopfront and the only hint of last night's disturbance was the display of half-melted mannequins in Nazi uniforms, all of whom now resembled René.[nb]Apologies for not using the word 'something', which instantly makes any opening sentence utter crap.[/nb]

[Jemble Fred]

"Bring it on!" I shouted – no, in fact, checking my notes, I definitely hooted – "Bring it on, fuckers, BRING. IT. ONNNN!" So they brought it on, and d'you know, it was lovely.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Yes, this is a dirty love story that's set in a morgue- but there're fewer graphic descriptions of sex than the earlier drafts so don't worry too much.

[Cerys]

The alarm clock was definitely broken, like a beetle that has been stamped on one too many times by a small boy in football boots.

[Queneau]

I've always been a breast man, well up until the cancer happened.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Yes, my life is a sordid litany of public wanking and pooing... friend.

[Queneau]

'I know you are but what am I?' he quipped.

[Neville Chamberlain]

Yes, my life is a sordid litany of public wanking and pooing... friend.

I'd read that ;o)

[Neville Chamberlain]

It was a Tuesday like no other. In fact, upon closer inspection of my calendar, it was actually Wednesday.

[Queneau]

It was a Wednesday like no other because nothing happened. Let me tell you about it in detail.

[Neville Chamberlain]

It didn't matter what day it was - I had a murder to commit, er, I mean, solve. I think. I'm not actually sure :o(

[Neville Chamberlain]

I'd just finished off my chicken jalfrezi and was about to get stuck into some pomegranate ice cream when there was a knock at the door. It was the police.

"Are you Raymond Vaux?"

"Yes", I replied, because I am. "Are you the police?" I asked.

"Yes. And we have some bad news."

"Oh God. Has Prince Charles' penis been attacked?"

"No, it's worse than that: Kate Middleton's fanny has gone missing!"

I sprung into action.

[Ginyard]

Dark, night, moon, werewolf, blood, howling, Kajagoogoo, sausage, home....thank god.

[sirhenry]

The twin moons of Phornik 8 were setting as I piloted my gravcar towards the Cybertrax HQ with its quarkogenic thraxilators glowing above the unifrangular hyperaxion snardpods, splayed out beneath like the tentacles of a Hydroxyn spankbeast in thrall - when I realised that the universal translator was fucked again.

[Jemble Fred]

The wolf's supercilious sneer was far more hurtful than any bloody mawling could ever be.

_{Aw this goes nowhere – write a real story instead, mothers! http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=18433.1350}

[Neville Chamberlain]

unifrangular

This is now my favourite word ever. I shall endeavour to use it in conversation whenever I can!

[Queneau]

I paid the checkout girl £34.59 and headed towards the exit, little did I realise that I was actually heading towards hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[the midnight watch baboon]

Judgement Day, and the sun's beaming fingers tickle the earth's sensitive layers as it searches our planet in extremis.

[Ginyard]

The dawn rose over the horizon, but The Rob decided to remain on the floor because he was dead.

[Ginyard]

As the coffin was lowered, so were my spirits (all three bottles), followed by the age of consent and the price of a packet of Beechams flu caplets at Sainsburys.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Stitching his patients back together, Mr Preudhomme contemplated a life with apostrophes.

[Cerys]

I left at nine-thirty; it would have been earlier, but I'd already written this sentence and I don't like editing.

[Kishi the Bad Lampshade]

If only I had known that all spies were deathly allergic to aubergines.

[Ginyard]

Another sunny day, another adventure for Julian, Dick, Anne, George and Chairman Mao the dog.

[Whellybob]

It wasn't until I had successfully tethered the wasp to the dormouse that I was struck by how nakedly inane my dastardly schemes had become.

[Kishi the Bad Lampshade]

"It was a murder!" Maude screamed, thrusting her apidistras at me; "murder! murder!", but I couldn't fathom what any of it had to do with the flowers.

[Ginyard]

Roger Moonraker wanted more from life.

Spoiler alert

PS: Who's kidnapped Mr Baboon? I demand his return!

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