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Top 1000 Simpsons jokes of all time.

Started by small_world, March 11, 2011, 12:14:20 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

The Grinch

#30
#975 from ''Homer Goes To College''

When the nuclear inspection team arrive at the plant, Homer and two of the other "less gifted employees" are hidden by Smithers in the basement, where they are fooled into thinking they have been put in charge of guarding a bee in a jar. When the nuclear inspectors ask where Homer is, Smithers replies, with an openly conspiratorial side-glance to Burns:

''I'm afraid he couldn't... bee here.''

And then him and Burns both chuckle smugly.

===

I know the bit afterwards where Homer actually manages to create a nuclear meltdown in a simulator, despite there being ''no nuclear material in that truck'' (''No! This - can't be happening!'') is really great, as is Burns getting into the two man escape pod by himself and telling Smithers ''I like to put my feet up''. It's hard to narrow down the best moments in a show where (at the height of its powers) almost EVERY moment in an episode was brilliant.

But I just love the way Smithers and Burns laugh after Smithers' appalling and blatantly telegraphed* pun. It's as if the inspectors couldn't possibly notice the way he says it, and the way they laugh afterwards (and he doesn't, in fact!).

* I don't think that's the right word... but you know what I'm telegraphing.

NoSleep

Quote from: 2 Light Ales Please on March 11, 2011, 01:48:43 AM
#986: Bart of Darkness

Can't find the relevant clip, but I've just remembered the bit where Homer's trying to construct the swimming pool and inextricably builds a barn instead.  For whatever reason he's also managed to attract an Amish man whose presence is never explained.  Classic Simpsons and the sort of thing that displays a hell of a lot of imagination that simply doesn't exist in American shows anymore.

Inexplicably

Robot DeNiro

#32
#974

I can't find a video, which is a shame because it's all in the delivery really, but I've always been a fan of this bit of The Lastest Gun in the West:

Kent Brockman is presenting an item about the new cowboy craze that is sweeping the school, and signs off with "So I guess you could say, this barely qualifies as news."

Gulftastic

Quote from: The Grinch on March 11, 2011, 02:51:56 AM
#975 from ''Homer Goes To College''



My favourite ever episode. As you said, it's just full of fantastic moments. Written by Conan O'Brien.

'School Of Hard Knockers' is wonderful. It crams so many things into it's few seconds.

mr. logic

"I love Burns' Al Capone in 'HGTC' and the guy he's 'beating' breaking off from what he's saying to give an irritated 'stop that'.

CaledonianGonzo

# 973

The Flanders Family Reunion Barbeque

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MwNWH4mMjA

Buenos Ding-Dong Diddly Dias!

mikeyg27

#972 "Cape Feare" – The rakes



The grand master of all over-repetitive gags[nb]possible exception: Mr Show - The Story of Everest[/nb], and all because the writers needed to fill an extra 30 seconds...

Gets bonus points for the callback during Sideshow Bob's invasion of the boat during the episode's final act.

spanky

971
Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood


My Dinner With Andre - The Arcade Game: Thirsting for a way to name the unnameable, to express the inexpressible?



Martin: Tell me more!

Shoulders?-Stomach!

970
Brother From The Same Planet



I love this so much. The opening of the episode with Homer forgetting to pick Bart up at the football match leading to all sorts of 'Pick up Bart' moments falls into this ridiculous flight of fancy. As with most of the highest quality examples of these jokes, you wonder how on earth it got through the writing. But thankfully this was still in the era that accomodated.

It's difficult to explain without teary glee just how much this joke pleases me.

Plus the episode itself is a classic, a fucking classic.


SimonJT

968: This wonderful run from "Lisa's Date with Density"

Sherri: She was looking at Nelson!
Kids: [taunting] Lisa likes Nelson!
Milhouse: She does not!
Kids: [taunting] Milhouse likes Lisa!
Janey: He does not!
Kids: [taunting] Janey likes Milhouse!
Uter: She does not!
Kids: [taunting] Uter likes Milhouse!
Mr. Largo: Nobody likes Milhouse!

AsparagusTrevor

967: "D'oh! A Deer! A Female Deer!" from 'Bart Gets an Elephant'

They love their movie/musical references on The Simpsons, and I think this quickie is one of the funnier ones, nice twisting of the famous catchphrase.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvph0eSb-Hg

SimonJT

966: A great joke from the otherwise dismal Season 12, the epsiode where Springfield is divided in two. Structurally it's the same as "Boo-urns": set up something ridiculous, then immediately prove it right. But it's really funny:

Brockman: Scientists say they're also less attractive physically, and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use lowbrow expressions like, "Oh, yeah?" and "Come here a minute."
Homer: Oh yeah?  They think they're better than us, huh?  Bart, come here a minute.
Bart:    You come here a minute.
Homer: [shakes fist] Oh yeah?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXb8b6J8vUc

Utter Shit

It isn't going to work written down but I'm sure everyone will recognise this one, presumably from the same episode SimonJT mentioned above.

Lisa asks Millhouse to tell Nelson she likes him. Millhouse writes a secret note in class, folds it up and passes it down the room to Nelson. Nelson opens it up to reveal the words "someone likes you", and looks back at Millhouse, who raises his eyebrows with a sly grin. Immediately cut to loud ambulance siren and Millhouse being carried out of the school on a trolley. Absolutely fucking fantastic.

Subtle Mocking

Quote from: Utter Shit on March 11, 2011, 12:10:34 PM
It isn't going to work written down but I'm sure everyone will recognise this one, presumably from the same episode SimonJT mentioned above.

Lisa asks Millhouse to tell Nelson she likes him. Millhouse writes a secret note in class, folds it up and passes it down the room to Nelson. Nelson opens it up to reveal the words "someone likes you", and looks back at Millhouse, who raises his eyebrows with a sly grin. Immediately cut to loud ambulance siren and Millhouse being carried out of the school on a trolley. Absolutely fucking fantastic.
#965
Lisa's Date With Density
Milhouse gives the note to Nelson


Best. Jump cut. Ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpoYYC7lut8

Utter Shit

YES! Ahahahaha it's so perfect. The eyebrow raise is what gets me most I think.

Harpo Speaks

Quote from: Utter Shit on March 11, 2011, 12:10:34 PM
It isn't going to work written down but I'm sure everyone will recognise this one, presumably from the same episode SimonJT mentioned above.

Lisa asks Millhouse to tell Nelson she likes him. Millhouse writes a secret note in class, folds it up and passes it down the room to Nelson. Nelson opens it up to reveal the words "someone likes you", and looks back at Millhouse, who raises his eyebrows with a sly grin. Immediately cut to loud ambulance siren and Millhouse being carried out of the school on a trolley. Absolutely fucking fantastic.

'I'm afraid he can't hear you now. We had to pack his ears with Gauze'

CaledonianGonzo

# 964

Marge : You know, Homey, there's so much more two wives could do for you ...
Homer : I hear digging, but I don't hear chopping!

ThickAndCreamy

You know whenever I watch the actual show I rarely laugh, but reading this quotations and thinking about the show itself makes me smile and have to stop myself from bursting out.

This whole thread has just made me smile constantly and made me burst out in laughter multiple times as well. The Simpsons is one of the main reasons I love comedy and even just remembering how beautifully and intricately created it once was leaves me in awe.

mr. logic

Marge : Have you noticed something about Bart?
Homer : New glasses?
Marge : No. It seems like something could be troubling him.
Homer : Probably misses his old glasses.

SimonJT

Quote from: CaledonianGonzo on March 11, 2011, 12:23:03 PM
# 964

Marge : You know, Homey, there's so much more two wives could do for you ...
Homer : I hear digging, but I don't hear chopping!

And then he gets stung by a bee, which jolts him out of his dream and turns him against the idea of two wives. So stupid, and so funny.

Harpo Speaks

#963
Homer Badman
Homer appears on 'Rock Bottom'


In an attempt to clear his name after being falsely accused of sexual harrassment, Homer appears on the television show 'Rock Bottom', only to discover that his appearance has been heavily edited to suggest he is in fact a guilty pervert. Highlights include an interview so obviously edited that the time on the clock on the wall behind him clearly jumps backwards and forwards, and a slow-zoom of a still of Homer that the interviewer uses to suggest that he is being attacked:

Jones: So, Mr. Simpson: you admit you grabbed her can.  What do you have to say in your defense?
Homer: [looking lustful in a clearly-paused VCR shot]
Jones: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further. No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me.  Get back!  Get back!  Mist -- Mr. Simpson -- nooo!
Man: [quickly] Dramatization -- may not have happened.

Harpo Speaks

Quote from: ThickAndCreamy on March 11, 2011, 12:25:57 PM
You know whenever I watch the actual show I rarely laugh, but reading this quotations and thinking about the show itself makes me smile and have to stop myself from bursting out.

This whole thread has just made me smile constantly and made me burst out in laughter multiple times as well. The Simpsons is one of the main reasons I love comedy and even just remembering how beautifully and intricately created it once was leaves me in awe.

Indeed, there's a similar thread here:
http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=23763.0]
[url]http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=23763.0
[/url]

CaledonianGonzo

#962 - Sacrilicious
Homer Loves Flanders


Homer: God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game.
Ned comes to the door: Hidely-ho, neighbour.  Wanna go to the game with me?  I got two tick-
Homer: [slams the door and shouts into the sky] Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God.  That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.
[Cut to the waffle.  Marge scrapes it off into Homer's hands]
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but -- [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.

mr. logic

Quote from: Harpo Speaks on March 11, 2011, 12:35:59 PM
#963
Homer Badman
Homer appears on 'Rock Bottom'


In an attempt to clear his name after being falsely accused of sexual harrassment, Homer appears on the television show 'Rock Bottom', only to discover that his appearance has been heavily edited to suggest he is in fact a guilty pervert. Highlights include an interview so obviously edited that the time on the clock on the wall behind him clearly jumps backwards and forwards, and a slow-zoom of a still of Homer that the interviewer uses to suggest that he is being attacked:

Jones: So, Mr. Simpson: you admit you grabbed her can.  What do you have to say in your defense?
Homer: [looking lustful in a clearly-paused VCR shot]

Jones: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further. No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me.  Get back!  Get back!  Mist -- Mr. Simpson -- nooo!
Man: [quickly] Dramatization -- may not have happened.

I've mentioned before episodes I loved watching when I was too young to appreciate the overarching point/satire and how amazing it is to watch them again at an age to understand (mainly) everything that's going on.  That's definitely one of those episodes.

Subtle Mocking

#961
22 Short Films about Springfield
Skinner and the Superintendent


I love Chalmers in just about any situation but this set-up is brilliant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fO2P-RO7UVA&feature=related (Audio only, sorry)
QuoteSkinner: [faking a yawn] Well, that was wonderful.  Good time was had by all.  I'm pooped.
Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be -- [notes entire kitchen is on fire] GOOD LORD, what is happening in there?!
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis?!  At this time of year?!  At this time of day?! In this part of the country?! Localized entirely within your kitchen?!
Skinner: Yes!
Chalmers: ...may I see it?
Skinner: ...no.

Subtle Mocking

Quote from: Harpo Speaks on March 11, 2011, 12:35:59 PM
Jones: So, Mr. Simpson: you admit you grabbed her can.  What do you have to say in your defense?
Homer: [looking lustful in a clearly-paused VCR shot]
Jones: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further. No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me.  Get back!  Get back!  Mist -- Mr. Simpson -- nooo!
Man: [quickly] Dramatization -- may not have happened.

The Masked Unit

Quote from: Harpo Speaks on March 11, 2011, 12:35:59 PM
#963
Homer Badman
Homer appears on 'Rock Bottom'


In an attempt to clear his name after being falsely accused of sexual harrassment, Homer appears on the television show 'Rock Bottom', only to discover that his appearance has been heavily edited to suggest he is in fact a guilty pervert. Highlights include an interview so obviously edited that the time on the clock on the wall behind him clearly jumps backwards and forwards, and a slow-zoom of a still of Homer that the interviewer uses to suggest that he is being attacked:

Jones: So, Mr. Simpson: you admit you grabbed her can.  What do you have to say in your defense?
Homer: [looking lustful in a clearly-paused VCR shot]
Jones: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further. No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me.  Get back!  Get back!  Mist -- Mr. Simpson -- nooo!
Man: [quickly] Dramatization -- may not have happened.

That whole Rock Bottom sequence is exquisite; I love the bit with Homer digging his keys out of his pocket in slow motion, ending with a shot of him looking completely deranged. From the same episode (my favourite of all time), I nominate the bit with the infra red camera, when Kent Brockman speculates that a chicken roasting in the oven might be Homer "roasting in his own juices" (or words to that effect, I can't find the exact bit). See also the TV show "Ben" from the same episode.


Phil_A

#959
Home Sweet Home-Diddily-Dum-Doodily
Rodd and Todd Flanders watch Itchy and Scratchy for the first time




No clip sadly, but this whole sequence is just amazing, from Scratchy's agonised wailing of "Why? Whhyyyyy? My only son!" to the looks of uncomprehending horror on the faces of Rodd & Todd. And Bart's expression of uncontained glee at the end just kills me.