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Embarrassing self-inflicted accidental injuries

Started by Cerys, February 07, 2004, 07:15:02 PM

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Cerys

Thanks - I'm honoured ... if slightly disconcerted....

blue jammer

It is good that, looks like your about to try and lift your head off though!!

:->

(closest there is the the 'evil' smiley)

Cerys

Um ... 'about to'? Which bit are you looking at?

blue jammer

The hand on the head,, here's both together...



on the photoshoped one, the head is tilted to the right, which gave me the illusion she was about to pull her head off!

she/you ? I'm confused, has the head been 'shoped on, or is it yours with the hair up?

Cerys

They're two separate shots of me ... the photoshopped one has my head already pulled off and about two or three inches away from my body.

blue jammer

haha! oh no :blush:

Curse my monitor settings here, it was really dark, and I've just tinkered with it, it looked to me that she/you had some kind of thin scarf around the neck, now I see it open/hollow with wires!!

:oops:

Cerys

Ah, this explains a lot!  I did wonder for a bit there - how long do you think my neck is?

blue jammer

hehe, thats why I wondered, you know elongated neck, I thought you'd 'shoped someone else on there!!

Ohh I better go re-check my mongs I've done, I bet they'll all be shit, bright and whatnot, I wish people wouldn't mess with the monitor settings (at work at the mo and it's a shared PC)

la la la # I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone# la la la etc

Huzzie

hehe, funny thread.


My left wrist has always been terminally week since I broke it when i was 17, trying to do a flying round house kick on a police van, being drunk and unable to do flying, spinning round-house kicks, i missed, landed on the floor and broke my wrist in two. Thats what you get for trying to impress your friends and show them how much of a keeraazzyyy rebel you are.

Another time i fucked up while trying to impress was round a swimming pool in France. There was a girl in the village we were staying in, I noticed that she had been really giving me the eye for the previous couple of days and she was real purdy. I was on my bike riding round to the other side of the pool where my mate was, I noticed this femme so took a bee-line to pass in front of her so she could notice me riding a cool mountain bike with my cool shades on and my cool nirvana T-shirt flapping around my cool body. BUt, I got to close to the edge, the front wheel slipped in and i fell to the side, cracking my chin right in front of her foot.

I could only giggle, hoping that would be proof that i meant to hurt myself this way and then run away with my poorly chin gurning and twitching while i did all i could to hold back the tears.

I was only a kid, it was when nevermind came out, so i woudl have been 13/14 or summat. Never tried to show off to a girl since then. James Dean I aint:-(

Capuchin

I had one of those child gate things in the doorway of my bedroom when my brother was little.
For some reason I decided to jump over the gate instead of opening it (they're always stiff) so I launched off a handy stool.
Of course, i forgot my doorway had a fram, hit my head on it and lay on the floor unable to breathe as my other brother and mum laughed at me.
Cunts.

And when I was 16 I was very frustrated at a mates house party as it was so boring, so I ran whooping through the house, leapt on the sofa in the frontroom and somehow kneed myself in the face leaving me with a chipped front tooth.

I'm a twat.

blue jammer

I think my most stupid one was at the Big Chill festival last year (I was 30 for fucks sake!)

I fell asleep under the baking sun with minimal sunblock on, might as well have just based myself with cooking oil, as I suffered really bad sun burn to the legs and arms for 2 weeks after it!

As a nipper, I stood on a chair to reach something on top of my wardrobe, and the chair moved slightly, so I got off the chair and turned it round the other way, so I could balance on the top of the back of the chair instead (very stupid) to make me that bit higher, well it worked, but then I grabbed whatever it was I wanted, and wobbled, then fell straight down smashing my mouth on the back of the chair (as it was turned the other way) bursting my teeth through my bottom lip :~(

european son

last november after a particularily drunken smiths disco i came back to my flat with some friends and proceeded to break an already broken glass into smaller bits of glass absentmindedly.

this was fine for the first 5 snaps, but on the 6th i spliced my left thumb right open.

i've never seen that much blood come out of me before. and it was so very very red. went to A&E three days later (i was busy!) because it was still bleeding and oozing then. i'll have slight bloodstains on my wall till i leave here in june, and a rather fetching scar for the rest of my life.

weirdly the scar puffs up quite a bit when i wash/exercise, so i've cut down on both those activities.

Frinky

Quote from: "blue jammer"bursting my teeth through my bottom lip :~(

Aaaaaargh!

blue jammer

Quote from: "Frinky"
Quote from: "blue jammer"bursting my teeth through my bottom lip :~(

Aaaaaargh!

Almost, add some gurgling noises and then that horrible >cant>breathe>as>I'm>crying>too>much sound and you're almost there :)

Huzzie

Quote from: "Capuchin"I

And when I was 16 I was very frustrated at a mates house party as it was so boring, so I ran whooping through the house, leapt on the sofa in the frontroom and somehow kneed myself in the face leaving me with a chipped front tooth.

I'm a twat.

You were "whooping"??

YOu ARE a twat.

ANyway, you have reminded me of LOL NO first time i broke my nose. Me and a mate broke into LOL NO school locker room at dinner and decided to try and jump off this ledge, onto a crash matt whilest spinning in the air (the technical term is "a summersault". He managed it, being a good half foot smaller than me but i landed on my back, with my knee crashing down on my nose. My nose was bent intop the shape of me knee.

Worst pain in the world when the doctor tried pushing it back into place.

Capuchin

Well, I may have been making monkey noises but I think whooping covers it.

gazzyk1ns

I was running in a race once, not particularly in a pack... and I ran into a fixed bollard (the rubbery white/yellow ones which are illuminated at night). That bloody hurt.

axel

After drinking a huge amount one Saturday evening (good start), i wet back to a mate's house to 'try out' a bottle of absinthe he had brought back from the Czech republic. After finishing it i felt extremely unwell and decided to stumble back to my parents house (about a ten minute walk) where i was living at the time.
Unfortunately i tripped and fell over a loose paving stone. Usually i'd at least try to stop my fall, this time i just fell flat on my face. I broke my nose, got two black eyes and a huge gash in one cheek. There was blood everywhere.
Now it was about 3 am, so i just lay there for a bit quietly weeping at my predicament, whilst chuckling at my total stupidity and drunkeness. Now at this point i couldn't really see due to the blood in my eyes and the general darkness, but a drunken women who was also walking home helped me up and took me home.
Don't remember what she looked like but i'm intensely grateful for her help, despite me trying to shag her later on.
I also tried to make myself look harder at the time by telling my mates i'd been beaten up. I still feel ashamed today.

Huzzie

axl.

You know you can put a claim in there dont you?


In my first post on this thread, I mentioned when i broke my wrist because i was being daft when drung. I put a claim in saying that it was a loose paving stone and would have won a lot of money if I hadnt kept fucking the solicitor about.  

Make sure you take some photos of the flag tomorow. Get a mate to say he was a witness and claim that you are more injured than you are (though you seem quite injured to me), especially mentally.

Do it, shold get your self a good few grand!

23 Daves

I've got a stupid accidental injury at the moment.  On Saturday night I was at a party and chatting to someone, but I was so drunk and unco-ordinated that as I was about to say a word I instead bit right down into the inside of my lip.  It's swollen now, and everytime I eat food I end up biting into the wound again, and causing more blood to flow.

It's not pleasant, though I'll admit it's a relatively mild injury.

hencole

Quote from: "Hairy Chin"I injured my mouth on wednesday night.

, I put the coat hanger with the suit on in my mouth for a second  

I've injured my mouth doing that before, and to think I thought I was the only one stupid enough to do it.

axel

Quote from: "Huzzie"axl.

You know you can put a claim in there dont you?

Thanks for all the advice Huzzie (welcome back to the board), but i should have said this accident happened about five years ago. I'm ok now, despite the mental scars. Think it's a bit late to claim.

DistantAngel

I don't know whether this counts as self-inflicted, as it was primarily Mrs. Angel's fault, but I suppose I can shoulder some of the blame as it was my idea to ... ahem ... change position (I don't think I need to explain any further).  Suffice to say, it was an injury (sort of) and it was embarrassing when Mrs. Angel sideswiped my nads with her knee.

As we didn't have a car, and it was way too late for buses to be running, and a taxi would take too long, we had to call on a nearby friend to drive me to the hospital.  I was doubled-up on the floor in pain (it was so bad I was close to passing out) and I figured that hospital was a good move just in case anything had gotten, well, twisted.  Cue much sniggering from my best friend (and his girlfriend, who came purely for the entertainment value) as we sat in A&E for over two hours (during which time the pain lessened considerably).  All checked out okay, but I now have "Injured groin post-coital" on my medical records.

I guess my best embarrassing self-inflicted injury would be when I was about 13, and I was sat in the window sill of our downstairs toilet.  Directly beneath me was a plastic milk crate (you know the kind) and, when called to dinner, I jumped down, my foot jammed and locked in the crate as I descended, and twisted round as I fell, spraining my ankle quite nastily.  That was a New Year's Eve I won't forget in a hurry ...

Jet Set Willy

I have got two examples of having fallen out of bed in rather stupid ways.

a) whilst on a school trip to wales, I fell out of bed onto a big metal basket thing that we were meant to keep out clothes in. It was kind of a wire mesh, with the 'spokes' sticking up further than the horizontal frame. As you can imagine, this resulted in a number of large cuts down (or across? I cant remember) my back, which have resulted in scars. These scars have been taken as proof of my sado-masochistic leanings by both friends and family. Apparently they look like whip marks!

b) Whilst stoned I knocked my watch off my bedside table. Reaching down to get it I fell, with my nose smashing into the aforementioned table. There was a hell of a lot of blood, but I was laughing so much that it didn't hurt. I got three friends out of bed just to see my blood. They laughed too.

Still Not George

Hmm. Took me a while to think of a self-inflicted injury, and this one isn't really entirely self-inflicted, but it was embarrassing...

As those of you who were at the Brum meet may or may not remember, I'm something of a headbanger. In fact, it might be said I never escaped from the late 80s. Anyway, about a year and a half ago I was frantically headbanging at the first decent-sized rock night we'd managed to set up that year, when some random bintage (whom I later discovered was called Emma) wandered her elbow in the way. At the time I was stupid enough to be headbanging with my mouth open, due to bellowing along drunkenly to some metal classic or other - a textbook error, but I was too drunk to care.

Jaw met elbow on the downstroke, jaw clamped shut very quickly, teeth came down on sides of tongue. My mouth filled with blood and I discovered very quickly that I could no longer speak. That was probably the quietest I've ever been in my life that night.

Most embarrasingly of all, 2 days later I had to give a safety presentation to a bunch of freshers... complete with swollen, useless tongue. "Under no thirthumstances mutht you do thith..."

Des Nilsen

I was once tying to cut an apple (very young, and very naive) with the biggest bloody knife in the kitchen and ended up after applying lots of pressure slicing through the apple into my hand between thumb and index finger.
It was silly, and painful, very much like an occasion when I fell over and wedged a cocktail stick into my palm - pulling it made the skin pucker and so I was sitting umming and ahhing on my bed for a while trying to pull it out gently. Horrid.
As for genital injury there's the commonplace accidental thwack that lays you out moaning for a good ten minutes.
I let my fist fall into my lap for some strange reason, just relaxing perhaps, and it hit dead centre in the crotch and my first thought was 'Hmm, suprisingly painless.'
Within 30 seconds the pain started to reach my brain and it kept building. Horrible achy, ticklish pain.

-

Krang

My favourite self-injury story, was the one about the kid who had a home-made bike, and his scrotum got caught between the mud-flap and wheel at 15mph. (sorry i cant remember who's story it was, but it was brilliant)

As a young lad, i remember deciding to try some traditional crafts... woodcarving, with my swiss army knife... to cut a short story even shorter...

ow my thumb!.

always cut AWAY from you...

Ok its not me that did this, but the story's worth telling.

My mate Kevin was at a party and as you do at these things, drank too much and few asleep resting against a radiator.

Imagine the fun we all had to discover that  when he woke in the morning (shortly after the radiators came on) he'd burned his nose on it.

Frinky

Quote from: "Des Nilsen"I let my fist fall into my lap for some strange reason, just relaxing perhaps, and it hit dead centre in the crotch and my first thought was 'Hmm, suprisingly painless.'
Within 30 seconds the pain started to reach my brain and it kept building. Horrible achy, ticklish pain.

Similarly related to that - I can fathom your pain... My first girlfriend had never really seen a pair of nuts before, so one morning was twiddling with mine, so to speak. I was mostly half asleep at the time anyway, so I wasn't too aware she had a bollock in between her finger... she twisted it around a little bit (for reasons I'll never know), untill there was a "click" (the kind the muscley bits make). "Hmmm," I thought, waking up, "How od--" que that strange, slow, creeping groin pain that you mention, except this was unbearable, the one that makes you feel like you've been winded so you gasp for breath... Jesus. I spent the following hour lying face first on her wooden floor, naked, hoping to numb the pain.

fat handed twat

When I was about 5 or 6 I had just moved homes onto a street where many of the houses were not fully built. I quickly made friends with another kid from across the road and as entertainment was a bit thin on the ground we decided to go exploring in next doors unfinished house. We found a bag of cement powder and began hurling handfuls of it at the walls and ceiling, which to our delight seemed to stick. Unfortunately as I looked up to admire my handiwork a big clump of the stuff fell off the ceiling and landed right in my fully opened eye, leading to a quick trip to hospital to have it washed off my eyeball. Quite painful from what I can remember.

A few years later I was with the same friend (older but sadly no wiser) when we decided to build a rope swing across the river near our street. We were having a great time until the rope suddenly snapped while my friend was on it and he went flying into the river, just at the point where there was a small man-made waterfall type thing (only about a foot deep). The edge was lined with a sort of corrugated metal which ripped an enormous gash across the side of his stomach (It was at least 8 inches long). As he lifted up his t-shirt the blood had not yet started to pour out and you could see the yellow/white fat cells of his stomach, at which point he began crying and I had to pretty much carry him all the way back home where his mum called for an ambulance.