Topic: TV Guilty pleasures.

[Incandenza]

Mark me down as another Don't tell the bride fan. Seen the one with the idiot who booked a 'winter wonderland' theme? Honestly thought that would be the end of the relationship. Perfect tv for eating your tea in front of.
Also love Sweet 16, very cathartic viewing.
And I'm surprised there hasnt been a shout out for Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, particularly the US version. Its got a really comforting structure: Ramsay turns up to a restaurant serving rotten food out a cockroach infested kitchen, acts like a total dickhead, shuts it down, alienates 50% of the staff who inevitably quit, fixes restaurant, then the owners sell the restaurant.

[SOTS]

A lot of the crap on BBC Three, for sure. Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents was a real favourite, if a real confirmation that I shall NEVER go to any of the places they visit. See also Don't Tell The Bride.

Shows that don't interest the menfolk as much, I imagine, are things like Hotter Than My Daughter and Snog Marry Avoid. The former is hilarious because of the slaggy mums berating their relatively normal daughters, and because the makeover lot ALWAYS make the daughters look worse than before. The latter, because of the catch-ups, and the sad reality that no-one ever sticks to POD's makeover, or at last go back to fake-tanning the shit out of themselves.

[buttgammon]

I can't stop watching Neighbours. I went through a few months of not watching it when someone shite died a couple of years ago and they wanked on about her for ages. However as with all the best things in life in Errinsborough anything that happened more than 3 weeks ago is forgotten, never to be mentioned again. I have even begun to download the torrents from Australia, so I am in fact living slightly in the future compared to everyone else I know.

Apart from the torrents, that's me. The only thing is, they definitely broke the three week rule for Bridget (I'm assuming that's a correct guess) as she seemed to get month after month of posthumous mentions. One of my biggest regrets in life is not going to see Dr Karl's band when they came to my hometown.

Although I'm quite willing to admit my love of 'Neighbours' on an internet forum, I'm slightly embarrassed and ashamed about it in real life to the extent that when I was living in halls I would mute the theme tune while watching it in case any of my neighbours heard and ended up taking the piss out of me for it. And I did miss it about three times last week so it might be the case that I'm a rubbish 'Neighbours' fan.

Aside from that, I literally watched a late-night repeat of 'Baking Made Easy' with sign language the other night but that was more out of wanting to see Lorraine Pascale opening her oven door than out of any genuine interest in baking programmes.

[Johnny Townmouse]

I think my most 'guilty' TV guilty pleasure has to be Dirty Sanchez. Now, Jackass is a programme that is quite lovingly crafted, often very funny, and contains some interesting and imaginative set pieces. Dirty Sanchez, on the other hand, features total idiots hurting themselves in some rather uncreative scenes that often seem hastily put together. But about a year ago I found myself late at night in a position to watch one or the other, and I went for the Welsh idiots.

There is something about the reckless stupidity that is compelling for me - and Pancho on a drunken fury bend is extremely hilarious. The non-Welsh one is a total prick - genuinely one of the most unpleasant arseholes on TV, but his ability to drink shitty enema beer and vomit is remarkable. I am informed that the dopey tall taff is one of the best skateboarders in the UK, but there is little evidence of that in the show. The way they hurt each other just reminds me of being at school, and therefore I find it hard not to watch.

[Jake Thingray]

It's just been disclosed that a tacky, made for American TV movie about Prince William and Kate Middleton's 'royal romance', made entirely in the States, is to be shown over here, perhaps unsurprisingly on Channel 5. While I don't give a toss about the Royals and never normally watch C5, I would honestly be fascinated to see this, to compare with that COLUMBO with Honor Blackman, Wilfrid Hyde White and a suspiciously Californian-looking country house, and the 'London, England'-set episodes of THE MAN FROM UNCLE and IRONSIDE that all used the same backlot, and double-decker bus.

[AsparagusTrevor]

I think my most 'guilty' TV guilty pleasure has to be Dirty Sanchez. Now, Jackass is a programme that is quite lovingly crafted, often very funny, and contains some interesting and imaginative set pieces. Dirty Sanchez, on the other hand, features total idiots hurting themselves in some rather uncreative scenes that often seem hastily put together. But about a year ago I found myself late at night in a position to watch one or the other, and I went for the Welsh idiots.

There is something about the reckless stupidity that is compelling for me - and Pancho on a drunken fury bend is extremely hilarious. The non-Welsh one is a total prick - genuinely one of the most unpleasant arseholes on TV, but his ability to drink shitty enema beer and vomit is remarkable. I am informed that the dopey tall taff is one of the best skateboarders in the UK, but there is little evidence of that in the show. The way they hurt each other just reminds me of being at school, and therefore I find it hard not to watch.

Yeah I have to agree, and I've no idea why I find them so fascinating. I even went to see their live show a few years ago.

[Famous Mortimer]

I like Dirty Sanchez because they don't do those awful bits where they try and rope the public in, like Jackass and Trigger Happy TV did with such tedious regularity. It's just them, loads of drink and stupid cheap violence.

Although two of them apparently did something on Balls of Steel, so I began to like them less.

[dmillburn]

The non-Welsh one is a total prick - genuinely one of the most unpleasant arseholes on TV, but his ability to drink shitty enema beer and vomit is remarkable.

I've not watched it for years (is it even still on?) but when it was first shown I enjoyed watching the non-Welsh one's descent from being shown at the very beginning looking fairly respectable driving about London in a suit when still working as some sort of sales rep to shitting in his hand and throwing it in his own face in the space of a few minutes

[Johnny Townmouse]

There's one episode where the cockney pukes on someone lying in a bath of worms - then the guy jumps out and tries to drop him into the worms and his own puke.

The cockney prick gets a real temper and almost twats the guy - all because his is wearing some expensive chav jacket. SO essentially he thought it was ok to puke on someone's head, but when he was faced with the same thing he became an angry prick.

The episode where they Pancho is in a drunken stupor and they paint him green and cut the bottom of his jeans off to make him look like The Hulk was genuinely hilarious. If you know how he gets after being woken from drunken sleep you will understand why this is funny.

[Blue Jam]

Interesting to see all the Lovejoy love on here, my parents were fans and I remember watching it with them and enjoying it, but I would have been about nine then and I also enjoyed Bread. Seeing Bread a few years back I was shocked at how bad it was and how it could have been so popular at the time, I haven't seen Lovejoy for close to twenty years, I take it it's aged better?

Count me in as another Come Dine With Me fan, I'm obsessed with it. Two friends of mine are even worse and have actually applied to be on the show. Both of them are neuroscientists and met my sister at my graduation. When we were all in the pub afterwards she was shocked and probably disappointed to hear all of us supposedly brainy people discussing Come Dine With Me and The X Factor rather than the origin of the universe and the meaning of life. I told her that after a hard day of lab work people just want to watch crap- which brings me to:

A lot of the crap on BBC Three, for sure. Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents was a real favourite, if a real confirmation that I shall NEVER go to any of the places they visit. See also Don't Tell The Bride.

Shows that don't interest the menfolk as much, I imagine, are things like Hotter Than My Daughter and Snog Marry Avoid. The former is hilarious because of the slaggy mums berating their relatively normal daughters, and because the makeover lot ALWAYS make the daughters look worse than before. The latter, because of the catch-ups, and the sad reality that no-one ever sticks to POD's makeover, or at last go back to fake-tanning the shit out of themselves.

Oh SOTS, how did it take us three pages to get to Snog Marry Avoid and Hotter Than My Daughter? They're definitely my guilty pleasures, and that's coming from an unashamed X Factor fan who isn't guilty about very much. I enjoy the cheapness of Snog Marry Avoid, with the crap CGI of POD and "her" voice being provided by Dave Lamb's bitter little sister, and some woman who was in Atomic Kitten (I think). I also like observing POD's terrible misogyny- Public Analysis is shocking- "Of all the people we surveyed, 10% thought you looked Top Of The Class, 50% thought you looked like you looked Bottom Of The Class, and 40% thought you looked Back Of The Bike Sheds". Nice... I'm not sure I agree about the makeunders though, most of the standard ones are good but with some of the drag queens, dandies etc they just boring them up. Hotter Than My Daughter is exactly the same programme but even worse/better and the mothers just leave you wondering how the daughters turned out to be so studious and well-adjusted, and how they didn't end up sending their daughters to Brat Camp instead.

For all the criticism of BBC3 it does serve a purpose. I wouldn't miss it if it was scrapped, but... oh alright, I would a bit.

As for more recent programmes, Love Thy Neighbour is a bit disappointing isn't it? On paper it looks like it would work but it just doesn't. It could be partly because the villagers aren't as bigoted as Channel 4's execs had hoped, and the really prejudiced people are most of the contestants for assuming all people in villages are friendly and happy to be aggressively campaigned at by overly competitive city-dwelling wankers. The first episode was horrible, with the Tory guy who was 100% politician and against the welfare state while wanting to be given a free house, and the other couple showing the massive cracks in their relationship, but somehow the whole thing just wasn't too entertaining.

I think I'll have to check out some of these wedding shows you guys have suggested, I have no interest in weddings and I think that's put me off but they sound fantastically bad.

[AsparagusTrevor]

The episode where they Pancho is in a drunken stupor and they paint him green and cut the bottom of his jeans off to make him look like The Hulk was genuinely hilarious. If you know how he gets after being woken from drunken sleep you will understand why this is funny.

The pranks on drunken Pancho were always my favourite parts, the dildo-hands one being a particular highlight, and the one where they tie him to a car and pull him out of his tent (I think they repeat this on Prichard at some point too).

[Famous Mortimer]

There's one episode where the cockney pukes on someone lying in a bath of worms - then the guy jumps out and tries to drop him into the worms and his own puke.

The cockney prick gets a real temper and almost twats the guy - all because his is wearing some expensive chav jacket. SO essentially he thought it was ok to puke on someone's head, but when he was faced with the same thing he became an angry prick.

My least favourite performer, and least favourite part of the series. I hope he's wasted all his money already and is sucking cocks in a bus shelter for spare change.

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

I've been ensnared by 'The Girls Next Door' more than a few times. Wacky music aside, it can be quite tragic viewing. Hef pottering about with withered lust in his eyes, a slave to viagra, while the young 'uns act like imebciles.

I once saw a program with the wife of Perry Farrell (Jane's Addiction). It was probably the lowest I've ever gone. To the makers' credit it did have lots and lots of shots of said wife bending over in compromising positions whist trying to do things like open a tin of pineapple. Perry appeared in it too, just before I turned over. He looked like a waxwork of himself left out in the sun.

[The Masked Unit]

I've found myself watching The only way is Essex on more occasions than I'd normally admit to. For thsoe of you that don't know, it's like The Hills, only based in a shitter placed with shitter characters. Here's a typical scene:

A pretty boy called Joey Essex (I believe he changed it by deed poll) approaches a girl at a bar and tries to chat her up (I think the way it works is that the scenarios are set up, but the dialogue is as it would be if it were a natural situation). She asks him what his interests are, and to try and impress her he says politics. She senses that he's bullshitting and says, "Ok then, who's the prime minister?" to which he replies, "What, of Essex?"

[Ignatius_S]

Interesting to see all the Lovejoy love on here, my parents were fans and I remember watching it with them and enjoying it, but I would have been about nine then and I also enjoyed Bread. Seeing Bread a few years back I was shocked at how bad it was and how it could have been so popular at the time, I haven't seen Lovejoy for close to twenty years, I take it it's aged better?...

Lovejoy has aged very well – a very decent light comedy-drama. In fact, when it was shown not that long (on ITV3 or 4, I think), my impression was that if the BBC repeated now would still do well – perfect for Sunday early evenings. I caught one show out of curiosity really, but was very surprised to see how well it stood up today and ended up watching as many as I can.

Production-wise, it looks good with great location scenery and is nicely shot.

The core cast was pretty solid, particular Dudley Sutton as Tinker. On a complete tangent, there’s a Joe Orton connection between Sutton and McShane – Sutton was the first actor to play Sloane in Entertaining Mr Sloane, whilst McShane played Hal in the original and unsuccessful production of Loot and was also cast as Caulfield in Funeral Games, which Orton wrote for television, but I digress…

However, the supporting cast was top-notch and boasted some fantastic guest stars, such as Dinsdale Landen (stealing the show in two episodes) and Maurice Denham. When I watched some of the repeats, I was amazed by the actors cropping up and I think this was a reason why I caught so many.

Ian La Frenais developed the series (Dick Clement also wrote some episodes) and I suspect that a lot of the show’s success is down to him.

[Famous Mortimer]

Ah, Dudley Sutton. I was just watching a documentary about "The Devils", and he referred to tha haterz as "a bunch of cunts", which made me smile. Good guy.

[Blue Jam]

Thanks for the Lovejoy summary Ignatius, this thread has made me feel a bit nostalgic, I may seek out some episodes.

Just watched Don't Tell The Bride for the first time. It really is impossible to feel sorry for the bride in this isn't it? There are some truly awful people on this. It's wonderful.

[mycroft]

I like this picture of Lovejoy having a shit:

[Maybe Im Doing It Wrong]

Yup, me and the missus also watch Don't Tell The Bride, which seems to have a strangely-high percentage of very thick black blokes on it, leading us to believe that BBC 3
is funded by the BNP. Also Three In A Bed and that one where a useless bloke does up his girlfriend's house and then she hates what he's done.

I like to think there's a level below which I would not sink. I'd never watch Hotter Than My Daughter for example.

[RFT]

The wife really loves watching The Biggest Loser. her favourite is the Australian series, but the recent UK series was hilarious for simply how half-arsed all the contestants were about it. on the US and AU shows, you do see a big change in people, but the UK show seems mostly to be "very fat" changing to "not quite as fat as before, but still fat". Either that's down to national psychology or the fact that perhaps UK helth and safety rules wouldn't let the contestants on the UK show go on quite the extreme weightloss rates that the others do.

My wife also has what seems to be an insatiable appetite for

a: Gltizy US crime dramas (in increasing order of rubishness) : Bones, the Mentalist, NCIS, Lie to Me, NCIS: LA, the new Hawaii 5-0.
b: Awful syfy channel TV movies, which she geefully calls "cheese", but I just find shit and annoying. with the only entertainment value being to try and spot the continuity errors and wonder how serious a brain injury I'd need to sustain before writing something that bad.

Personally I'm a sucker  for Wheeler Dealers and Dogfights.

[Jaffit]

There's a mediocre quiz programme called The Chase on ITV presented by Bradley Walsh. The concept is : team of four people competes against one of three 'Chasers'. The Chaser is a quiz expert. There's a fat one, a black one and a woman. No one ever wins.

I cant stop watching it.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Aside from that, I literally watched a late-night repeat of 'Baking Made Easy' with sign language the other night but that was more out of wanting to see Lorraine Pascale opening her oven door than out of any genuine interest in baking programmes

Ingredients:

Cakes
Hot black woman
Risible segues involving emails/picking up loaves of bread from unlikely boutiques/suspicious visits to France/awkward end scenes with friends going 'mmm delicious Lorraine'

Pop in the oven for half an hour on gas mark come.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

And I'm surprised there hasnt been a shout out for Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, particularly the US version. Its got a really comforting structure: Ramsay turns up to a restaurant serving rotten food out a cockroach infested kitchen, acts like a total dickhead, shuts it down, alienates 50% of the staff who inevitably quit, fixes restaurant, then the owners sell the restaurant.

It should be, but I find the ads and the constant trailers before and after every break ruin it. You feel like you've seen everything before it happens. Plus because of the extra edited down nature, there's no story arc. One episode the entire thing just seemed to resolve itself with no explanation and it cut to the credits. It's a shame because the jokers who run these shitty restaurants are comedy all by themselves, and seeing someone as big of a cunt as Ramsey in a standoff with them is hilarious.

[AsparagusTrevor]

It should be, but I find the ads and the constant trailers before and after every break ruin it. You feel like you've seen everything before it happens.

Never watched Kitchen Nightmares, but my wife watches the Hotel Inspector which it does my head in because of the constant fucking previews, recaps and other padding which drags a half hour show out to an hour. Since the breaks are every 15-20 minutes, and there's a preview before each ad break and a recap after. Add to that the parts which show what will happen next week, what will happen the whole series and what happened last week and you find yourself watching the same parts about 30 times.

[Detective John Kimble]

I wouldn't class the original UK Kitchen Nightmares as a guilty pleasure, really - it was good for the format.  Ramsay's more helpful and encouraging (although in the usual Gordon way - he isn't going to break the lifetime habit of swearing at someone for being shit, and god bless him too), and the restaurants generally benefit from him being there.  Never really liked the US one...I'm not sure if Kitchen Nightmares ever topped the first episode though - the nightmare that was Bonaparte's.  The young head chef who'd clearly conned his way into the kitchen and couldn't even cook an omelette right, making Gordon vomit with a rancid scallop...things almost seemed like they were going to go ok by the end, but of course it all went tits up the moment Gordon left.  Bloody magic. 

Really, I guess I could just put cooking shows in general.  Good cooking shows, anyway - the food's got to be up to scratch.  Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets is 'triffic, and I highly enjoy MasterChef (although I much prefer Top Chef) - especially MasterChef: The Professionals.  Of course, there's the fantastic Michel Roux Jr., but best of all there's his sous chef, the utterly frightening Monica Galetti. 



Nothing puts the shits up quite like Monica's wide-eyed stare of horror as another potential contender makes a pig's breakfast out of filleting a fish or carving a chicken or whatever task they've been lined up to do. 

[doppelkorn]

Personally I'm a sucker  for Wheeler Dealers and Dogfights.

Wheeler Dealers is fucking wicked but they only ever make about £500 quid on each 2-week project! At the end he always goes "well, I was 'opin' for more bat it's jast great to see one of these kerlassick motahs back on dah road!". His inexplicably posh mechanic Ed must still live with his parents.

[The Tourist]

Nothing wrong with a bit of Australian soap action.

I also like Pointless, the BBC Two quiz show with Alexander Armstrong. It's not on this week, though.

I never miss Points of View, even though the people that write (and inexplicably, send in videos of themselves) are the most boring set of weirdos alive. I suppose I'm probably a bit more boring for enjoying it, though.

Lorraine Pascale is captivating.

[Famous Mortimer]

Ah, NCIS. Politically, absolutely appalling – America no.1, everyone else sucks (although their terrorists are only Arabs about half the time, from what I remember). Also, all the main cast have murdered at least one person in cold blood. Oh, if you’re a woman on the show, chances are you’re going to get shot in the head by one of Gibbs’ enemies. But it’s guaranteed to rip along, not leave you bored and be occasionally good fun.

[buttgammon]

I never miss Points of View, even though the people that write (and inexplicably, send in videos of themselves) are the most boring set of weirdos alive. I suppose I'm probably a bit more boring for enjoying it, though.

I did watch POV but the ever-changing Sunday timeslots wrongfooted me and accidentally dipping into 'Songs of Praise' or 'Countryfile' was wearing me down. It'd be worth the risk and planning if it was half as good as Ofcom's regular broadcast bulletins.

[rudi]

NCIS makes me physically ill.