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Your absolute least favourite song

Started by Jumble Cashback, April 13, 2011, 01:29:40 PM

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Jumble Cashback

I'm sure this thread must have been done a million times before, but I had to start one on the grounds that I think I may have finally decided what my least favourite song BAR NONE will be for the rest of my life.  It's a decision that has been given much consideration and one that has been confirmed over years of never warming in the slightest to the abomination in question.  The total, steaming shitpile in question is My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas. 

Firstly, I should point out that I dislike the Black Eyed Peas intensely.  The single that allowed them to break into the public consciousness, 'Where Is The Love?', was a commercial exploitation of the war in Iraq, pure and simple, and their subsequent output has done nothing but confirm their status as the leading purveyors of music for fashionably stupid cretins.  In particular, I hate Fergie. I have seen no evidence that she posesses anything resembling vocal talent and her aura of ill-deserved arrogance and humourless posturing afford me nothing but the desire to pull out her spine. 

I also hate songs that are predicated entirely on the notion that the person singing them is extremely attractive to the opposite sex.  The idea that people would pay money to hear this orchestrated self-gratification gives me dreams about stabbing and the fact that such bare-faced cuntery hasn't been more vocally decried in the popular media plunges me into deep personal despair.

My biggest issue with this terrible, terrible thing that makes noise is that it sounds like the hideous bitch-queen is making it up on the spot.  There is no discernable structure to it; the rhymes manage to be both hideously contrived and tremblingly tenuous; and, the melody is an arrangment of notes at which a two-year-old with a plastic xylophone could comfortably arrive.

There is NOTHING good about this song - the sentiment is vile, the lyrics and music are ghastly and the performance is utterly unskilled and emotionless.  Everything about this refugee from an overloaded colon is worthy of nothing but the lowest level of respect and the highest level of scorn and venom.  It must never be played again.

momatt

#1
Just typing 'Robbie Williams - Rock DJ' makes me shake with rage.
It just has no redeeming features at all, it's as if it's been specifically engineered to drive me nuts[nb]like a steering wheel in my trousers[/nb].  And he's just so bloody smug and pleased with himself about it.  He's got a terrible voice, can't rap and the production is pedestrian and monotonous at best.
I could never punch that cunt in the face hard enough; even if I borrowed Mike Tyson's arms.

Agree with the BE Peas sentiments too.  I'm pretty sure William is hell-bent on destroying music as an artform.  What a fucking cunt.
Surprised you didn't mention the fact that nobody else in the world has ever used hump as a description of a sexy bodypart.
Rump or bump, possibly.  But HUMP?!  That's what Quasimodo has.  It's not sexy Fergie, you fucking cretin.

Though I would much sooner have sex with a semi-fictional French hunchback than a pant-wetting, screeching, insect-faced moron.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.  That feels much better.  Cheers Jumble!

Serge

I've always nominated 'What's Up' by 4 Non-Blondes as the nadir of all music, but as I type this, I realise I haven't actually heard it for the best part of 20 years and apart from a snatch of the chorus, can't remember anything about why I hate it other than Linda Perry's annoyingly smug 'look-at-me!' face. The sleeve of the single is designed in such a way that her face is practically on it twice. So it's probably Linda Perry I hate more than the single - which is still utter dreck.

So....I'll pick 'Whiter Shade Of Pale', which I can still remember well enough to dismiss as a pretentious meaningless pile of old crap that isn't as clever as it thinks it is.

The Masked Unit

I came here to post this old CaB favourite Catch - Bingo but upon watching the video again I can't hate Toby thingy because he was only 12 when it was filmed. I do think however it should be legal to this day to kick him up the arse on sight just because of the way he minces about in it.

It's very difficult to argue with the two selections so far, but as much as I hate Rock DJ, surely it's only intended as a knockabout party song, which is more than you can say for Angels, which as far as I can tell takes itself completely seriously. The anthem of complete and utter cunts who think it's so bloody profound (probably). I can forgive women for liking Williams because they all love an arrogant twat (plus birds don't really like music anyway, eh lads?) but for me, the single biggest indicator of whether a man should be shot or spared is whether he likes him. My girlfriend has tickets for Take That at Wembley and although I'm tempted to go along just for the spectacle of it, I would find myself in the curious position of wanting an enormous terrorist atrocity to happen there, simply due to William's presence.

I would also like to mention that song about rockstars by Nickelback. On first listen you could be forgiven for thinking that it's a clever satire, but the second time around you realise that no, this is actually meant to be taken at face value.

I think this thread needs Nelson.

Petey Pate

Anything by Borgore.  I'm not a fan of mid range wobble dubstep which is seemingly made so that the bass can be heard on laptop speakers, but I'd suffice to say that he's the worst offender of that ilk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJYfOXe5zLc#

It's probably the fans that annoy me more than the music though:

Mate, this is a well sick choon. It's so filthy I want to crawl back into my mum's vagina and when I'm up there I'll rape a dog and give birth to a baby made out of shit and then eat it's umbilical cord. I can totally feel the bass and it's getting me rared up for a mad night out on the sesh. Gonna be a messy one. Standard banter eh lads? Lolz.

I recall there was a time when various internet trolls were attempting to discredit this dubstep artist called Mt. Eden by uploading intentionally awful remixes on youtube under his name.  Some actually believed that they were genuine and posted praising comments.

An tSaoi

My #1 most hated song of all time has to be the quadruple-platinum Single Ladies by Beyoncé[nb]or "Sasha Fierce" because supposedly she's using some half-assed alter ego where she looks and sounds exactly the same as the always does.[/nb]. I suppose there are some songs which are technically worse, but everyone recognises them as such, so there's no point nominating them. What irritates me about this hape of shit is that lots of people listen to it voluntarily, and indeed like the bloody thing. They choose to play it, out loud and everything.  While I understand that people have wildly different musical tastes, and even if I don't like a song I can usually see why others do, I honestly cannot work out how or why anyone could possibly think Single Ladies is anything other than a grating, screeching clanger. Rolling Stone apparently said it was the best song of the year, the gimps.

Wikipedia describes it as "a dance-pop-R&B song, with dancehall and bounce influences", whatever that means. I know nothing about music, so I'm afraid I can't accurately describe what's wrong with the melody or rhythm or anything like that. All I know is that it greatly irritates my ears and my head. The whole thing annoys me. There's not a single nice bit in the song; not a solitary second. The bit where she howls "all the single ladies all the single ladies" over and over is terrible. The bit where she yelps "Uh uh oh, uh uh oh oh" over and over is terrible. The bit where she wails "you shoulda put a ring on it" over and over is terrible. Her voice is too high and sharp sounding for my liking. The lyrics are dung. The music video is crap (right, you can't hold that against the song itself, but everyone seems to think it's great when it's anything but).

I wish someone who understands music (and R&B[nb]Boom boom![/nb]) could properly highlight all the things that are wrong with it, because I feel like I'm walking in the opposite direction to everyone else. It is shite isn't it, I've not just gone mad or something?

momatt

Nah you can't have Borgore, not allowed.  He's a lot easier to avoid than Blobbie Williams or the Black Eyed Peanises.
Mid-range wobbly dubstep is rather predictable on the whole though.

Agree with what you said about Angels and terrorist attrocities Masked Unit.

Single Ladies is proper shit, you've not gone mental.  Your reasons seem perfectly justified to me.
On a musical level - it's only got about two notes in it.  Which doesn't help.  Believe it or not, there's a popular house remix that speeds it up, making it even more irritating and shit.
I reckon I could've wrote a better song when I was 5.

Yeah the video too - let's have some birds dancing about a bit and jiggling.  But in black and white so it looks all arty and that.
How jaw-droppingly fucking original.

The Masked Unit

The worst thing about that Beyonce song is the stupid screeching/squelchy synth noise that is prominent throughout. Just imagine being the mix engineer, having to listen to it on repeat for days on end.

Subtle Mocking

Ah yes, Bingo by Catch. The song famous for being cut short due to Diana's death, poor sods. Agreed with Single Ladies too, massively overrated. Not a patch on Crazy in Love.

Anyway, here's my nom:
Vanilla - No Way No Way (Music Video)

It easily walks away with the award for the most tuneless pop song of the 90s. It's coma-inducing in it's emptiness and tunelessness. I think it was around 1997, the Spice Girls were dominating the charts and there were countless other girl groups trying to pick up on some of the cash. Thankfully, not many did, but we were still left with some of the worst pop songs ever produced as a result. Remember B*Witched's 'C'est la Vie'?

small_world

Quote from: The Masked Unit on April 13, 2011, 03:43:54 PM
The worst thing about that Beyonce song is the stupid screeching/squelchy synth noise
That's odd. That's my favourite thing about that song.

Also, I love What's Up. My GF does it on karaoke. Although, saying that, I wasn't overexposed to it at any point.

My old music teacher always said his most hated song was Extreme's More Than Words.

I don't know if I have a song that I HATE, but Tom Jones songs always get stuck on repeat in my head. All of his songs.

The Masked Unit

Wasn't the rumour about that Vanilla song that the producers had a bet that they could get the intentionally most dire song in the charts? I could of course Google this, but I wont.

Retinend

This turd:

Noah and The Whale - 5 Years Time

The hollow romancing of utter inanity. It comes across all cute whistles, ukes and woodblocks, but there's something insufferably smug about the "our perfect west country upbringing" lyrics. "Twee" doesn't even begin to describe it. "There'll be love in the bodies of the elephants too" is a crayon-doodled love letter, written by a 20-something, in audio form; and is a ukulele string's breath away from triggering my gag reflex. The entire song spans about 4 notes and the sections clunk atop each other like duplo.

Actually this is the one that actually makes me grit my teeth:

Deep Blue Something - Breakfast At Tiffany's

There is not a single good thing about this song. The lyrics make my brain bleed picturing how the writer could have thought they were cute - whimsical - true to life? The singer switches from barely holding onto the tune in the hushed verses to piercing-as-an-alarm-clock in the pathetic attempt at an anthemic chorus. The chorus basically is an alarm clock; circling the same few notes at grating pitch again and again and again, differing only in cumulative irritation. Shit-weak solo.

Jemble Fred

Interesting how you've chosen two songs which seem to be happy-go-lucky pappy light love songs, but are both actually pretty miserable lyrically, either concerning failed love or love that probably won;t ever exist. I'm not a fan of the former – though I always took its shallow stupidity as very deliberate and knowing – but I have a lot of time for the latter. That may be largely due to when it came out though, it's a very evocative song to someone who'd just turned 18 when it hit the charts.

EDIT: I've written my 'It's Raining Men' rant so many times on this site, no point in airing it again. It is the worst song ever though, just that bit worse than fucking 'Love Shack'.

Utter Shit

I love C'est La Vie, What's Up and Breakfast At Tiffany's. Pure reminders of my youth, if they came out now I'd probably hate them. Same with You're Gorgeous by Babybird, you will never convince me that these aren't great songs. Mmmbop by Hanson as well.

I would nominate 'Get Right' by Jennifer Lopez.

Jennifer Lopez - Get Right

It's the only song I can think of that irritates me on such a fundamental level, that I hate it as soon as I hear it not because I know what's coming, but because it's terrible RIGHT from the start, for the ENTIRE song. There's no let up. It's that incredibly annoying saxophone bit that plays throughout the entire track and bores right into your skull. I genuinely almost feel like it gives me a reflex headache as soon as it starts playing.

It's so bad that the fact that Jennifer Lopez, who is possibly the least talented singer I have ever heard (that is not even an exaggeration), doesn't stand out as terrible on it. Where the shitness of the song is concerned, her vocals are neither here nor there. It's awe-inspiringly bad.

Subtle Mocking

Quote from: Retinend on April 13, 2011, 04:27:56 PM
Noah and The Whale - 5 Years Time

The song I personally hold responsible for the current surge in fucking twee ukulele music used in just about every single advert going. Overly childish lyrics are something that grate on me too, just look at any Scouting for Girls song and notice how both the lyrics and the tune itself sound like something you'd write when you were about 11.

Jemble Fred

Well Scouting For Girls songs only have about one phrase repeated endlessly for four minutes.

Gradual Decline

What's Up? by 4 Non Blondes.

God, I loathe Linda Perry's voice. An awful, grating hellishness. Couple that with the genre of yawing none-rock the tune festers within and we are talking a true, evil musical endeavor.

Scouting for Girls, She's So Lovely. This song feels like the final twisted article that Mills and Somerset might have uncovered in the apartment of the killer in Se7en, both of them recoiling in horror.

Jemble Fred

Scouting for Girls are so transparently poor that they actually inspired me to write a very deliberately Philip-Pope-wannabe-style spoof song, entitled 'DJ Please Play This Song On The Radio Now Please, You Bastard'. It's the only specifically aimed angry spoof song I've ever written. Luckily I haven't recorded it properly, so that remains a purely anecdotal admission from me.

Gulftastic

'Bad' by Michael Jackson. I fucking hath him anyway, but this song cheeses me off like no other he's done. And I include unspeakable shite like 'Earth Song' and 'Man In The Mirror'.

'Bad' makes me think they were sat in studio and tried to work out what the 'cool' word was amongst ver kidz, then wrote a shit song around it.

If it had been the sixties, it would have been called 'Fab' or 'Gear', in the 70's 'Ace', nowadays 'sick'.

Unless Jackop was being ironic of course, in which case, I hate him even more cos now I look a fool.

But surely that song is so BAD it's good! Eh pop-and-pun-fans?

2 Light Ales Please

One terrible attrocity is "Saturday Night" by Whigfield.  Not only is the song utter hoseshit, but her name is crap too.

Anyway, for any audio-masochists who want to be reminded of this horror: WHIGFIELD - SATURDAY NIGHT

Quote from: Subtle Mocking on April 13, 2011, 03:52:55 PMRemember B*Witched's 'C'est la Vie'?

Yes I do! I have an unfortunate condition which causes me to hear this song in my head for days at a time every six months or so.  I would like to suggest it's as bad as "Saturday Night" purely because of the mental anguish it causes me.

It's hard to think of just one.

Big Jack McBastard

The over saturation of Madonna's American Pie when it was released made me want to kill her and never hear the song ever again.

Also everything by Coldplay (especially 'Sing') and Robbie Williams (as has been said Angels and Rock DJ are in particular torturous). Oh god and anything Missy Elliot has been involved in.

This is more 'artist' hatred than song hatred, s'all hate, s'all good.



derek stitt

Was going to put Fyfe dangerfield's 'she's always a woman' as my absolute least favourite song. However, this named after a banana growing cunt has nothing on Black Box's 'Ride on time'. This song has haunted me for twenty years and has the habit of coming on the works radio whenever I am at my lowest ebb. Her wailing of whoah oh, whoah oh over and over again actually has a banshee like effect on me. The song honestly makes me tense up and think ill of the world. I can't even joke about it and react angrily when people start taking the piss about my reaction (especially cunts who turn the song up to amplify my misfortune). It is actually making me mad now just thinking about it.... goes of to make sandwich boards with evil prophesies.

Big Jack McBastard

Oh I also recall seeing something on one of the sub-MTV channels where NDubz appeared and made some sort of noise at the camera.

I'd also like them to die horribly.

CaledonianGonzo

Quote from: derek stitt on April 13, 2011, 05:59:59 PM
Black Box's 'Ride on time'. This song has haunted me for twenty years and has the habit of coming on the works radio whenever I am at my lowest ebb. Her wailing of whoah oh, whoah oh over and over again actually has a banshee like effect on me. The song honestly makes me tense up and think ill of the world. I can't even joke about it and react angrily when people start taking the piss about my reaction (especially cunts who turn the song up to amplify my misfortune). It is actually making me mad now just thinking about it.... goes of to make sandwich boards with evil prophesies.

Oi! Loleatta Holloway's only been dead a couple of weeks!


Famous Mortimer

The "No Way No Way" from above (my least favourite song of the 90s) has to bow down to this fucking atrocity:

3 Of A Kind - Babycakes

No.1 in the pop charts. A nothing song, with tunelessness elevated to an art form.

Melth

My skin crawls whenever I hear anything by Glasvegas but I can't decide whether Daddy's Gone or Cheating Heart makes it to Bottom of the Pops.  Unironic self-pity is an emotion which has absolutely no place in music (or in actuality, for that matter). If Peep Show hadn't got there first with the pun, I can well envisage Glasvegas releasing a double A-side entitled "Poor Me / Another Drink". Starsailor's "Alcoholic" is beaten into a very close second.

Petey Pate

Quote from: momatt on April 13, 2011, 03:15:20 PM
Nah you can't have Borgore, not allowed.  He's a lot easier to avoid than Blobbie Williams or the Black Eyed Peanises.
Mid-range wobbly dubstep is rather predictable on the whole though.
Fair point.  I thereby nominate the often-heard-in-pubs (at least in my area) disaster - Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer, the most incredibly irritating overplayed shit 'anthemic' song.