Youtube Comment Nutters

[Jemble Fred]

I just made the very silly mistake of trying to ask a pretty sensible question on a pretty dire Youtube video, and may well have invited an army of morlocks to bombard me with gibbering.

Somebody who seems to find the word 'felching' intrinsically funny – as if it's 1990 and The Mary Whitehouse Experience has just taught them the word but not what it means – knocked up a pretty poor cut-up of Stephen Fry saying the word 'felching' a lot. Now, this thread isn't about Fry, but whether you like him or not, you have to admit that 'felching' is very much a word which he might use. He has also been known to happily say 'fuck', 'cunt' and express all sorts of filthy and twisted sentiments over the years. So what was the point, I wondered aloud in stupid innocence, in making a cut-up to reconstruct a person saying the kind of thing he would usually say unaided? You wouldn't edit porn so it looked like they were having sex, why bother editing someone with a filthy mouth so it seems as if they're saying filthy things? It just seemed a waste of time. I love cut-ups, but unless you have the right target, it's pointless. Attacking Fry is fair game, I couldn;t give a toss and certainly wouldn't bother defending – but to make it look like he can say felching? Why not just sample him saying 'felching'? Or indeed 'cunt'?

When told in a lolzy way by the person who uploaded the vid that apparently I was thinking of another Stephen Fry (presumably suggesting that he would never swear or say anything dirty), I was so taken aback by the stupidity of the reply (and this was very early in the morning, pre-coffee) that I just sort of gave up and called them an ignoramus – I wasn't even meaning it as an insult especially, I could have thought of far better ones than that, but they were obviously just actually ignorant, so that explained everything. I was quite satisfied with that to be honest. Cue returning to find a couple of barely legible messages on there dripping with bloody, frustrated rage that I was some kind of paedophile apologist, and how dare I say that I like Derek and Clive (That would be the Cook & Moore creation which Fry has regularly heaped praise on over the years) when I don't know nuffin, and so on, and so on.

It's a bit of a first for me, that level of complete impotent slavering anger in a personal message, so is it a specific part of Youtube life which I've been safe from for many years? I've hardly ever bothered to comment on videos before, so it's a bit new to me, and to be very much avoided from now on. What's the worst kind of Youtube insanity you've had the misfortune to witness?

[Jake Thingray]

Some pillock failed to see the humour in the first few minutes of a b/w telerecording of Q5 (possibly the first episode), claiming it was just "people behaving like retards."

[eluc55]

My favourite comment about by own videos (on a different video upload site) read: "Kelvin has the voice of a shrieking washer woman, and tubby can't act", which was constructed so perfectly, swinging from vividly descriptive to shockingly blunt, that I've always remembered it fondly.

[Benevolent Despot]

I have witnessed lots of frothing youtube rage, and usually keep my distance. However recently I asked a straightforward question of a frothing commenter, which turned into a days-long 'debate', where I was called, amongst other things: a freekin' nut job, complete moron, fine feathered moron, stuffy 3rd rate cretin, Dick Cheney equivalent, naive, alumni of Buzz Lightyear University, polemicist, a plumber trying to be intellectual, silly, a pedant, bonehead, horrible bastard, scoundrel, elitist scoundrel, a prole, and an ostrich. All by this one guy. Throughout this I endeavoured not to call him any names and tried to plainly answer his rage.

This only made him more angry. I eventually called him a twat. I also persevered to have the last word in the debate, through sheer determination. Thus, I won.

[Jemble Fred]

It certainly does seem to be the place to go if you want to see folk calling everyone else stupid, in unerringly error-riddled ways.

lmfao dunt u even kno that moronz!

[biggytitbo]

YouTube comments are humanities lowest point yet.

[mycroft]

I made some banal comment on a scene from Where Eagles Dare ages ago, and was surprised to see a nice person had replied to it. Out of curiosity, I clicked on his profile to see what sort of fellow war-film fan this person was, and was shocked to discover the swastika-ridden page of a Nazi Canadian (given the number of dead Nazis in Where Eagles Dare, you wouldn't think they'd be fans). I felt a rather uneasy at the thought I'd associated with such a person.

It is a saddening thing when you see people managing to crowbar racist rants into absolutely anything. Even Rolf Harris' 'Boney' has it, for goodness' sake. As biggy said, humanities lowest point.

Although, on the positive side, the comments on wrestling videos are often hilarious (especially if they involve Ric Flair or the Iron Sheik).

[Famous Mortimer]

I used to gently troll the comments of lunatic Gorilla199 (check him out, he's hilarious) until one day I lost my rag, said what I thought of his horseshit and was promptly banned from ever commenting on his videos again.

But yes, expecting anything other than idiocy from Youtube comments is like expecting good acting in porno (the very rare exception, rather than the rule).

[doppelkorn]

I don't get why it only takes a black peson to appear in a video before some racist stuff comes in.

[Jemble Fred]

See, now I feel bad[nb]Well, a tiny bit.[/nb] because the video I got the abuse for commenting on has been taken down by force, and I would guess that a Fry fan got it flagged up as abusive. Lucky for me, as there's less chance for one of the "LOLZ! FELCHING! ... er, what's it mean?" brigade to send me shit, but it's almost as annoying to have a load of rabid overly-protective fans out there running round removing anything which mocks their beloved teddy bear. And it annoys me that I'd be lumped in with them, when I honestly felt, in my misguided way, that I was arguing about the niceties of making cut-ups. The vid should have been removed for being shite, not for mocking a comedian.

So, the rule is 1) don't comment Youtube vids, 2) If you insist on flouting rule 1, just check the yobbishness level of the uploader and their pals beforehand. Fail to follow both rules, and watch out...

[Still Not George]

I've actually been amazingly lucky with YouTube comments so far. I've been having a quite interesting discussion on the merits of the HardTalk format on BBC News 24 with an American who's amazingly clued up.

The nearest I've yet gotten to crazies has been 9/11 Troofers sending me links to Troofer vids (pretty much all of which seem to be rehashes of the same footage) for a period of about 3 months after I posted something on a Bill Maher sketch, and since I said nothing even remotely supportive of their crap I can only assume they just spammed everyone on the comments thread.

[Obel]

I used to gently troll the comments of lunatic Gorilla199 (check him out, he's hilarious) until one day I lost my rag, said what I thought of his horseshit and was promptly banned from ever commenting on his videos again.

But yes, expecting anything other than idiocy from Youtube comments is like expecting good acting in porno (the very rare exception, rather than the rule).

http://youtu.be/b7-zPUKvrDY

Astonishing. Surely he's not serious?

[mycroft]

Hah, that's brilliant! Send it in to Top Gear.

[Famous Mortimer]

He appears to be entirely serious.

This Cracked article sums up his greatest hits, and doesn't even have to exaggerate to be funny - http://www.cracked.com/funny-6524-gorilla199/

Oh, and this news article, which shows he may not be all there is worth a read. There's a large supply of bizarre circular logic, utter shite and hilarity to be had.

[mycroft]

Well, he's just got himself one more subscriber!

[Cohaagen]

I've seen the famous Mr Gorilla before, but a couple of days ago I found someone who I think tops him.

http://www.youtube.com/user/refbatch

A totally incomprehensible (in the way that a comedy stereotype might be) Russian woman ranting variously about Chechens, Muslims, UFOs (the old favourite), and other concerns. Francis E. Dec himself would be proud of the paranoia and delusions of persecution displayed in these genuinely insane videos.

Have a look at this sample description:

attn.videos of 22nd aFTER BONE FIRE THREATENS ARE N OT PASSING TO YOU---chechen authorities sent killer to my flat to remove me before i will hand appl.to police about soljenitzin/s funeral arrest of me and drugs influence.---27th,august,2.50p.m.attn.!now man in civvies came to call to my door,introduced as drugs control,while i am going to main police about chechen persecution,threatens.when in tried-to insirt to youtube record of this and this comments compuiter was disconnected by all programs--

Oh, did I mention that there's over FOURTEEN THOUSAND of them?

Jesus.

[turnstyle]

I have to present videos for work, and they end up on our YouTube channel. I can't tell you what a kick in the nuts it is to spend ages working on something, going through the stress of presenting it, doing re-takes and what not, only for some twerp on YouTube to put 'this guy is shit' no less than 5 minutes after the video goes up.

[vrailaine]

I recently replied to some Ron Paul supporter and Sarah Palin hater, asking them what was the big differences in their policies to have such polarizing opinions cos I thought they sounded similarly awful overall.
that was an incredibly stupid move.

[Artemis]

It's a fine art to leave non-complimentary message on YouTube without getting banned from channels. I haven't quite mastered it yet; the creation of made up scripture verses to challenge whackjob Christians ("It's OK not to try THAT hard, because Paul's fifteenth letter to the Theraputians says 'those who take one step towards the LORD will find him jumping ten leaps toward them'") has seen me banned, sadly.

Stalking the loonier elements of YouTube is fun also, particularly when you pop up with a similar question or point to each of their videos. I think it was someone from here who used to (virtually) follow a large gentleman around as he created horribly preachy videos of judgement and hate on others, by commenting each time to remind him that gluttony is also a sin.

[Icehaven]

I don't get why it only takes a black peson to appear in a video before some racist stuff comes in.

And homophobic stuff if the men in the video are a)possibly gay or b) not explicitly declaring and somehow proving their straightness in that particular video direct to camera at that particular moment. I've seen literally hundreds of pages worth of (sometimes hilariously articulated, usually just bitterly depressing) ''gayness is juz wrong/no it iznt/Jezus hates Gays'' debate raging beneath videos focussing on and/or merely featuring (among others) Tom Hardy, Wayne Newton, The Smiths, Patrick Wolf, The Young Knives, Al Gore, Beyond The Fringe, The recent Sherlock Holmes Film, Spongebob Squarepants, Derren Brown and Wizbit.
Actually someone's commented on the Wizbit opening sequence ''haha I beat off to this shit like every day.'' Which was so funny I almost forgot to add my reply that Wizbit is clearly a raging queen intent on turning the children of the 80s into giant cones of gay.   

[Absorb the anus burn]

I've uploaded videos to Youtube for about five years now. It's been fun.... Mostly fun.

Other than two legal threats, one hard drive meltdown and approaches from annoying hucksters, I've built up two and a half thousand subscribers, some of them oddly loyal - some even pester me for new posts. I certainly think YT is getting a bit more mature, as the amount of idiotic exchanges has decreased, even though I always leave the comments box open and post more and more videos - giving more open spaces for bizarre or offensive exchanges.

90% of my subscribers and regular commenters are fine folk - but every now and again you get hit by curve balls . Like the wannabe serial killer from Milwaukee, who posted the phrase "bacon rind pussy" on over 50 videos... The animal rights nut from Swansea who said she wanted to hang me up and down and cut me because my video featured a dancing dog (filmed forty years before my birth)... The white witch from the Norfolk Broads who said I was interfering with his lucid dreams... I've been called cunt. Fuck-head. Egotist. A misogynist. A queer. A homophobe. A junkie. Cynic. Conspiracy Shill. Tory. Soho pimp (?) Pinko. Shit eater.... (often in languages I don't understand)

Conversely it's lead to a bit of work and great suggestions of music, books and films that I knew nothing about. It's also given fleeting contact with a few musical heroes. And bizarrely one little known actress (70s 80s sitcoms) who wanted to buy me coffee. We spent an afternoon in the rain talking about energy saving light bulbs and French new wave films.

Sometimes I think internet message boards and comments boxes are the virtual equivalent of a graffiti-strewn shithouse wall. Youtube can sometimes be a nasty cottage with accompanying dead rat floating upside down in bog.

[Jamie Oliver is fat]

Not YT I'm afraid, from a Daily Mail article on Pippa's arse

Right, I'm a male & will tell you that her 29-April-dress did not show a nice shape of her bum in any visible way. If you want to see a peachy & slim & shapely bum, ask your girl to wear a pair of tight jeans. Seen Pippa in her white jeans & to be honest her bum is nothing special comparing to the bum of my sister, which is absolutely phenomenal - small, perfectly shape & round. Pippa's rear end is only famous because of Kate & who she married. Otherwise, no one would see her all over the DM, simple as that.
- Carl, UK, 17/5/2011 20:15

Wait...did he say his sister?

[gloria]

I'm often really heartened by the comments left on classical music videos.  Reading that GEMMA91 or whoever thinks the version of the Firebird suite conducted by Stravinsky himself is "by far the best version on here" puts a smile on my face. 

[Benevolent Despot]

This thread has reminded me of this guy: http://www.youtube.com/user/drinkingwithbob

He's like a rabid YT commenter, but one who turns his froth into actual video rants. They're clearly staged and artificial rage, but I think the believes the things he says. The sheer amount of rants he's posted is pretty impressive.

[Pepotamo1985]

Off the back of this thread, I checked out Gorilla199...

The first comment on the first video I watched is;

"I am a christian patriot. The jews are have a lot to answer for. FACT. But I agree Hitler was a pagan and his murdering is not a method I would use to liberate yourself even if it is exaggerated and brought to our attention by those whiners every day in spite of communism killing much more..."

He's actually shockingly articulate, even if what he's saying is absolutely, totally insane.

666 Solved

[doppelkorn]

Comunism, as an ideology doesn't advocate the killing of anyone. Many people acting under the name of communism have killed a lot of people, there is a difference.

[Jemble Fred]

If that's 'shockingly articulate', then every meths-swigging tramp is a budding Wilde.

Besides, anyone who ends a statement with FACT is a cunt. ASSERTION.

[Still Not George]

Comunism, as an ideology doesn't advocate the killing of anyone. Many people acting under the name of communism have killed a lot of people, there is a difference.

Quite so. Stalinism and Maoism both advocate the killing of enemies of the state. I don't tend to see many Maoists round these parts, do you?

[Famous Mortimer]

I've seen the famous Mr Gorilla before, but a couple of days ago I found someone who I think tops him.

http://www.youtube.com/user/refbatch

A totally incomprehensible (in the way that a comedy stereotype might be) Russian woman ranting variously about Chechens, Muslims, UFOs (the old favourite), and other concerns. Francis E. Dec himself would be proud of the paranoia and delusions of persecution displayed in these genuinely insane videos.

At least with the Francis Dec recordings you could tell what he (or the radio DJ who read them out) was saying. This woman is absolutely incomprehensible, I've got her running through decent speakers and it just sounds like she's in a giant copper pot full of water.

[Pepotamo1985]

http://www.youtube.com/user/refbatch

That's the most horrible thing I've ever, ever seen.

If that's 'shockingly articulate', then every meths-swigging tramp is a budding Wilde.

Well, it's all relative innit - generally the people who upload these videos are incapable of stringing a coherent sentence together, so I was surprised at his ability to speak somewhat fluidly and at length.

Of course, he's incapable of constructing a coherent or remotely sane argument and definitely needs psychiatric help, but still - he can jabber with a reasonable degree of fluidity and consistency.