Chris Morris is a wanker!

[astrozombie]

That's right, you read correctly!

I've been holding this in for too long now, but I feel the time is right for me to verbally pounce on the man you all deem to be the master!

I went to a Q&A screening of "Four Lions", I was very excited about it. I had my question ready. I asked when there would be a second series of "Brass Eye". He seemed like a real gentlemen, in the bar afterwards I saw him having a drink with Sam Bain. I walked on over and asked him to sign a copy of a BE DVD I have brought along with me, he did so. However he didn't write his name he just wrote something that looked like 'Pev'. I didn't say anything at the time just politely said thank you and went back to the bar. I looked over at him later on, he was laughing and drinking a glass of red wine in a wankerly fashion. This annoyed me.

Earlier on that day when I arrived to the cinema I parked my car in a multi-storey, on my way out I saw Morris parking his silver Audi on the lower floor. Equipped with this knowledge I went back to that spot and waited. Eagerly.

After about . . . 2 hours I looked and at the entrance I saw a tall figure with curly hair walking in, he dickishly pressed the unlock button. I approached him and said "Could you please put your actual name on this because people will think some bloke named 'Pev' signed this?" He said no and that he signed ALL autographs that way. I pleaded and pleaded for about 30 minutes and the man actually told me to go away, WHAT KIND OF POSH PRICK DOES THAT!? I then asked him to refund my DVD as he had ruined it. He started getting into his car at this point so I kicked the prick and ran away.

Now the fun part for you guys. I have recently entered money troubles and am selling the shoe I kicked Chris Morris, that's right this shoe touched Morris.

Here's an image. Anyone who is interested I will post you my email and we will work it out from there. The opening bid is £150.

http://tinypic.com/r/24e72v4/7

[I accept the terms of the]

Is this a parody of something/somebody specific?

[Jack Shaftoe]

I pleaded and pleaded for about 30 minutes

That's one of them things people say in books, and you think 'no, that's too long, thirty minutes, that's a hell of a time'.

THIRTY MINUTES IS TOO LONG.

[BlueCrayon77]

I don't know what to believe, but I do know that a DVD signed 'Pev' by Chris Morris is far more believable than a shoe that kicked Chris Morris. 
What on earth was in the shoe video, it doesn't seem to work any more.

[I accept the terms of the]

Crispin Glover Kicks A Shoe Part 2

They didn't find a particularly good actor to play Morris in this Crimewatch reconstruction.

[jutl]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-414413418960249102#

[Glebe]

I once asked Peter Egan - of 'Ever Decreasing Circles' fame - to sign my shoe. After an hour of arguing, he signed Richard Briers name instead. That's the last time I stand in his garden all night!

[Queneau]

At no point in the above story does Chris Morris have a wank.

[wheatgod]

I think he might have been having a splink?

[Nelson Swillie]

This post is actually very funny. Chris Morris does strike me as a total shit.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

he was laughing and drinking a glass of red wine in a wankerly fashion. 

he dickishly pressed the unlock button.

What exactly is a 'wankerly' manner of drinking wine-and how do you 'dickishly' press a button?

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Now the fun part for you guys. I have recently decided to auction my ass to be entered, to solve my money troubles . The opening bid is £150.

[Nelson Swillie]

What exactly is a 'wankerly' manner of drinking wine-and how do you 'dickishly' press a button?

A wankerly manner of drinking wine is when you hold the glass like a girl and affect a snobby disdainful manner. As for dickishly pressing a button, I imagine that means doing it in a very feeble, effete way.

[mook]

nelson, you push my buttons "in a very feeble, effete way." but i like it.



x

[Edible]

how do you 'dickishly' press a button?

Perhaps he meant it literally, that morris actually whipped his cock out and pressed the button with it?

[Icehaven]

Be grateful he wasn't holding a glass of Ribena during all this. When I spied Luke Haines at Reading in the late 90s and I asked him for an autograph, he grumpily told me to hold his Ribena while he was writing. I couldn't really enjoy the moment as I was so worried about dropping it, it just made the whole situation very stressful. In hindsight I'd recommend always checking to make sure celebrities aren't holding anything before you ask them for an autograph. Obviously CM was holding his car keys, so there you go, further proof if there were any needed. 

[daisymaycooper]

I went to see a shitty pantomime in weymouth starring Martin Plaitt from coronation street.

I wasnt bothered about going but my friend was a massive fan..

She asked him whether she could get a picture and he PUSHED her out the way.

He was also wearing a FUR coat... What a prick.

This ACTUALLY happened.

[Lollypopthecat]

I once freaked the shit out of Paul Jones. I was fairly out of it after a Blues Band gig and managed to get past the security. I had a brief chat with him about Brian Jones (for brief read me blabbing on, him politely smiling and nodding).

He then told me he had to go and more or less ran out of the venue. The things you do in altered states, eh?

[daisymaycooper]

Paul Jones?.. was he as rock and roll as Martin plaitt?

[Lollypopthecat]

I've never met the guy who played Martin Platt, so I couldn't possibly comment.

However if rock n roll is based on how much of a dick you can be, then I would say Platt (taking it to be true about the panto), as Jones was incredibly nice.

However Jones did play in a groovy RnB band, and some people might consider that rock n roll.