Author Topic: Earth Shattering Local News  (Read 55121 times)

imitationleather

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #870 on: January 19, 2019, 02:11:41 PM »
Drug user repeatedly smacked his penis off shop counter before laughing as he left the store

Joanne Hesse, prosecuting, said that on January 20, last year, Mohan had gone into the Lifestyle Express store in Hartlepool at 9am and approached the shop owner. "He exposed his genitals and started playing with himself", she said. He then placed his penis on the counter and banged it against it several times. He then laughed and left the store.

https://www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/drug-user-repeatedly-smacked-penis-15683836

I swear that these stories always seem to be from the North-East.

Dex Sawash

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #871 on: January 19, 2019, 02:14:34 PM »

girth-shattering local news morelike

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #872 on: February 04, 2019, 01:50:05 PM »
Sinkhole near Church and King partially swallows car

Quote
A man was driving along Court St., when the front end of his car suddenly collasped through the road, Toronto police said.

...The sinkhole is roughly 10 inches long, 6 inches wide and 4 inches deep...

https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2019/02/04/sinkhole-near-church-and-king-partially-swallows-car.html

Blumf

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #873 on: February 04, 2019, 02:30:37 PM »
https://www.dudleynews.co.uk/news/17406732.ytytyttyyt/
Quote
3 hrs ago

ytytyttyyt

By Martyn Smith

ytytytyt

Can't say fairer than that


Meanwhile, in more comprehensible news:
https://www.expressandstar.com/news/local-hubs/dudley/2019/02/01/jimmy-carrs-dad-in-row-with-dudley-council-over-roundabout-advertising/
Quote
Jimmy Carr's dad in row with Dudley Council over roundabout advertising

Can't say the adverts are effective, what with being more concerned with navigating the traffic around the roundabouts, I've never noticed the ads.

FerriswheelBueller

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Dex Sawash

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #876 on: February 05, 2019, 12:05:46 PM »

Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #877 on: February 05, 2019, 12:23:55 PM »
The Express and Star is great.

https://www.expressandstar.com/news/local-hubs/dudley/2019/02/04/cheers-for-sale-house-with-its-own-pub/

That's a bar, not a pub. I dare say he's not licensed to actually *sell* intoxicating spirits to his friends. This is far from an unusual feature for a house to have.So, this article fits the remit of this thread very well. Well done, this article!

gilbertharding

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #878 on: February 05, 2019, 01:03:05 PM »
Indeed. "Call that a pub in a house for sale? THIS is a pub* in a house for sale: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/news/articles/celebrity-homes/iron-maiden-star-sells-his-essex-home-pub-included/"



*not a pub either, well, probably.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #879 on: February 05, 2019, 06:53:58 PM »
Sinkhole near Church and King partially swallows car

https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2019/02/04/sinkhole-near-church-and-king-partially-swallows-car.html

A man was driving along Court St., when the front end of his car suddenly collasped through the road, Toronto police said.

...The sinkhole is roughly 10 inches long, 6 inches wide and 4 inches deep...

Sadly, the police issued a correction - they meant feet, not inches. The idea of a 4” deep pot hole being said to “partially swallow” a car is no longer on the table.

Blumf

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #880 on: February 05, 2019, 07:53:57 PM »
Sadly, the police issued a correction - they meant feet, not inches.


Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #881 on: February 26, 2019, 08:47:11 PM »
https://www.blackpoolgazette.co.uk/news/blackpool-takeaway-kebab-at-centre-of-chipped-tooth-row-1-9617646

Fantastic story this one, the response of the take away is brilliantly dismissive.

Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #882 on: February 27, 2019, 04:02:41 AM »
https://www.blackpoolgazette.co.uk/news/blackpool-takeaway-kebab-at-centre-of-chipped-tooth-row-1-9617646

Fantastic story this one, the response of the take away is brilliantly dismissive.
“She says her front tooth was chipped because she bit the kebab. You don’t chew with your front teeth, you chew with your back teeth"

Ha merciless response.

kalowski

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #883 on: March 12, 2019, 07:19:35 PM »
https://www.prolificnorth.co.uk/news/publishing/2019/03/scunthorpe-telegraph-prints-swear-words-obituaries-page


“We were testing the system to see if it would allow those words in and unfortunately it has not been removed. Ironically that word is in the town's name too."

BlodwynPig

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #884 on: March 12, 2019, 07:25:45 PM »
Beloved Cunt

kalowski

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #885 on: March 12, 2019, 07:29:29 PM »

BlodwynPig

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #886 on: March 12, 2019, 08:52:12 PM »

Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #887 on: March 18, 2019, 06:57:06 PM »
OAPs living at seaside home want 55p refund after TV trouble

The aerial at Cliff House stopped working on Saturday - and no one has switched it back on



There is trouble with the TV at a Tudor-style sheltered housing block.The aerial at palatial Cliff House, in Marske , tripped on Saturday. A "simple flick of the switch" would restore it, but that is locked away in the manager's office - and she's off until Tuesday. It means residents are without "entertainment at night" for a third night on Monday. "I'll just turn this on," said resident Derick Walker, in the home's TV room. "There you go, ITV. Then it comes up 'no signal'."



The problem emerged at 8am on Saturday when Derick switched on the morning news. The 74-year-old said: "I got on to Riverside immediately. They are not prepared to do anything. "All the manager has to do is come in, open the cabinet and flick a switch. Simple." Located on the cliff edge, the Grade II-listed home boasts spectacular sea views. The block, which Derick describes as a "bedsit with 12-foot ceilings", is managed by Liverpool-based firm Riverside.Their delayed response has pushed several of the block's 27 residents to buy indoor aerials, at a cost of £20. But some can't make them work and others object in principle.Residents pay 55p per week for aerial maintenance - and now Derick and his neighbours want it back.

He said: "It doesn't sound a great deal. But if you times that by 27 residents, 52 weeks, it's a lot of money in a year. "I may deny them the 55p, deduct it from my next rent payment. If everyone did that, it would be great." The former naval officer, policeman and social worker said the situation has made him "extremely angry". "I can't manage without my TV. It is entertainment at night. It's quite lonely in here at night."

https://www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/oaps-living-seaside-home-want-15992760

BlodwynPig

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #888 on: March 18, 2019, 07:17:34 PM »

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #889 on: March 19, 2019, 02:25:00 AM »
OAPs living at seaside home want 55p refund after TV trouble

The aerial at Cliff House stopped working on Saturday - and no one has switched it back on



There is trouble with the TV at a Tudor-style sheltered housing block.The aerial at palatial Cliff House, in Marske , tripped on Saturday. A "simple flick of the switch" would restore it, but that is locked away in the manager's office - and she's off until Tuesday. It means residents are without "entertainment at night" for a third night on Monday. "I'll just turn this on," said resident Derick Walker, in the home's TV room. "There you go, ITV. Then it comes up 'no signal'."



The problem emerged at 8am on Saturday when Derick switched on the morning news. The 74-year-old said: "I got on to Riverside immediately. They are not prepared to do anything. "All the manager has to do is come in, open the cabinet and flick a switch. Simple." Located on the cliff edge, the Grade II-listed home boasts spectacular sea views. The block, which Derick describes as a "bedsit with 12-foot ceilings", is managed by Liverpool-based firm Riverside.Their delayed response has pushed several of the block's 27 residents to buy indoor aerials, at a cost of £20. But some can't make them work and others object in principle.Residents pay 55p per week for aerial maintenance - and now Derick and his neighbours want it back.

He said: "It doesn't sound a great deal. But if you times that by 27 residents, 52 weeks, it's a lot of money in a year. "I may deny them the 55p, deduct it from my next rent payment. If everyone did that, it would be great." The former naval officer, policeman and social worker said the situation has made him "extremely angry". "I can't manage without my TV. It is entertainment at night. It's quite lonely in here at night."

https://www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/oaps-living-seaside-home-want-15992760

Extra-strength desolation.

biggytitbo

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #890 on: March 19, 2019, 01:00:20 PM »
ITV isn't working Beryl. Quick, go to the papers!

BlodwynPig

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #891 on: March 19, 2019, 01:35:35 PM »
ITV isn't working Beryl. Quick, go to the papers!

This is the distilled essence of why Britain is fucked.

Head Gardener

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #892 on: March 22, 2019, 06:32:04 PM »

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #893 on: March 22, 2019, 06:44:21 PM »
Ron.



There's a new challenger in town.



BlodwynPig

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #894 on: March 22, 2019, 08:48:43 PM »
I wonder if Ron is still alive

Blumf

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #895 on: March 22, 2019, 09:33:41 PM »
I wonder if Ron is still alive

Forever, in our hearts

Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #896 on: March 22, 2019, 10:19:15 PM »

kalowski

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #897 on: March 22, 2019, 10:50:43 PM »
Ginger Lady Bits

samadriel

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #898 on: March 22, 2019, 11:10:48 PM »
He seemed pretty well-preserved considering he played Dr Who in the '70s.

ToneLa

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #899 on: March 23, 2019, 10:40:30 AM »
There's a porn collection community??

To think I watch porn on my own!