Topic: Earth Shattering Local News

[imitationleather]

Drug user repeatedly smacked his penis off shop counter before laughing as he left the store

Joanne Hesse, prosecuting, said that on January 20, last year, Mohan had gone into the Lifestyle Express store in Hartlepool at 9am and approached the shop owner. "He exposed his genitals and started playing with himself", she said. He then placed his penis on the counter and banged it against it several times. He then laughed and left the store.

https://www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/drug-user-repeatedly-smacked-penis-15683836

I swear that these stories always seem to be from the North-East.

[Dex Sawash]

girth-shattering local news morelike

[FerriswheelBueller]

Sinkhole near Church and King partially swallows car

A man was driving along Court St., when the front end of his car suddenly collasped through the road, Toronto police said.

...The sinkhole is roughly 10 inches long, 6 inches wide and 4 inches deep...

https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2019/02/04/sinkhole-near-church-and-king-partially-swallows-car.html

[Blumf]

https://www.dudleynews.co.uk/news/17406732.ytytyttyyt/

3 hrs ago

ytytyttyyt

By Martyn Smith

ytytytyt

Can't say fairer than that


Meanwhile, in more comprehensible news:
https://www.expressandstar.com/news/local-hubs/dudley/2019/02/01/jimmy-carrs-dad-in-row-with-dudley-council-over-roundabout-advertising/

Jimmy Carr's dad in row with Dudley Council over roundabout advertising

Can't say the adverts are effective, what with being more concerned with navigating the traffic around the roundabouts, I've never noticed the ads.

[FerriswheelBueller]

The Express and Star is great.

https://www.expressandstar.com/news/local-hubs/dudley/2019/02/04/cheers-for-sale-house-with-its-own-pub/

[Dex Sawash]

The Express and Star is great.

https://www.expressandstar.com/news/local-hubs/dudley/2019/02/04/cheers-for-sale-house-with-its-own-pub/

The writer looks like  CaBber

[Jittlebags]

Meanwhile, in sunny North Wales..

https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/a55-driver-stripped-naked-simulated-15781112

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

The Express and Star is great.

https://www.expressandstar.com/news/local-hubs/dudley/2019/02/04/cheers-for-sale-house-with-its-own-pub/

That's a bar, not a pub. I dare say he's not licensed to actually *sell* intoxicating spirits to his friends. This is far from an unusual feature for a house to have.So, this article fits the remit of this thread very well. Well done, this article!

[gilbertharding]

Indeed. "Call that a pub in a house for sale? THIS is a pub* in a house for sale: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/news/articles/celebrity-homes/iron-maiden-star-sells-his-essex-home-pub-included/"



*not a pub either, well, probably.

[FerriswheelBueller]

Sinkhole near Church and King partially swallows car

https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2019/02/04/sinkhole-near-church-and-king-partially-swallows-car.html

A man was driving along Court St., when the front end of his car suddenly collasped through the road, Toronto police said.

...The sinkhole is roughly 10 inches long, 6 inches wide and 4 inches deep...

Sadly, the police issued a correction - they meant feet, not inches. The idea of a 4” deep pot hole being said to “partially swallow” a car is no longer on the table.

[Blumf]

Sadly, the police issued a correction - they meant feet, not inches.