Author Topic: Earth Shattering Local News  (Read 63361 times)

bigfatheart

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BlodwynPig

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Blue Jam

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #902 on: July 07, 2019, 01:27:46 PM »
Pensioner livid after Asda runs out of his favourite 34p Smart Price sardines



Quote
his sardine saga began in March, when to his horror, he discovered the shelves at the Metro Centre store were "totally bare".

"It amazes me in this day and age of computers that anything can be out of stock," claimed the Blaydon OAP.

"But I always get the Smart Price ones, they have a very nice flavour.

"But they went out of stock and never came back, so I got in touch with Asda, but they hummed and harred.

"And it was just these - none of the other tinned fish were out of stock."

But to Harty's delight, the tinned treat returned in May.

"The shelf was full of them," recalled a happy Harty.

But his joy was short lived.

Shortly afterwards, the popular product was gone again


FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #903 on: July 08, 2019, 12:54:55 AM »
^this is terrific.

samadriel

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #904 on: July 08, 2019, 09:05:01 AM »
Quote
"It amazes me in this day and age of computers that anything can be out of stock," claimed the Blaydon OAP.

Brilliant.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #905 on: July 08, 2019, 09:20:16 AM »
To think i once respected The Chronicle. Just emblazon ZRate National Enquirer on the front of all local rags now

Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #906 on: July 08, 2019, 10:37:26 AM »
Pensioner livid after Asda runs out of his favourite 34p Smart Price sardines




Wish I could find a youtube clip of the sardines bit from Ken Loach's The Navigators right now.

Fuckin bollock bastards!

Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #907 on: July 08, 2019, 10:38:21 AM »

BlodwynPig

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #908 on: July 08, 2019, 10:46:07 AM »
'Exotic' bird at Bucks Animal Hospital turns out to be a gull covered in curry or turmeric
https://www.bucksfreepress.co.uk/news/17741769.exotic-bird-at-bucks-animal-hospital-turns-out-to-be-a-gull-covered-in-curry-or-turmeric/

That's how those stories should be done. One paragraph, mildly of interest, but doesn't over-egg it with silly puns or infantile reporting.

Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #909 on: July 09, 2019, 10:47:17 AM »
That's how those stories should be done. One paragraph, mildly of interest, but doesn't over-egg it with silly puns or infantile reporting.

Its also in the public interest, a gull flying around smelling of curry could cause a stir.

Blumf

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #910 on: July 10, 2019, 01:04:23 PM »
https://www.dudleynews.co.uk/news/17760710.hit-and-run-mobility-scooter-rider-broke-woman-39-s-hip-still-not-found/
Quote
POLICE have still not found a hit-and-run mobility scooter rider who left an elderly woman with a broken hip.
...
Police say the woman riding the scooter sped off from the scene

Mr Banlon

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Angrew Lloyg Wegger

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #912 on: July 20, 2019, 10:49:33 PM »
https://www.mylondon.news/news/north-london-news/parts-london-smell-semen-time-16603336

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #913 on: July 25, 2019, 04:46:04 PM »
Lowlives targeting lower lives.

https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/paedophile-hunter-stole-wheel-womans-16643829

A “paedophile hunter” stole a wheel off a woman’s car so he could travel 360 miles to Cornwall in search of perverts, a court has been told.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #914 on: July 25, 2019, 05:50:54 PM »
Lowlives targeting lower lives.

https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/paedophile-hunter-stole-wheel-womans-16643829

A “paedophile hunter” stole a wheel off a woman’s car so he could travel 360 miles to Cornwall in search of perverts, a court has been told.

This is going straight in the desolation thread. Amazing.

touchingcloth

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #915 on: July 25, 2019, 06:55:44 PM »
This is going straight in the desolation thread. Amazing.

Really this whole thread ought to be renamed local deso. Post after bleak post.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #916 on: July 25, 2019, 07:07:43 PM »
Really this whole thread ought to be renamed local deso. Post after bleak post.

Life imitates HS Art

Dex Sawash

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #917 on: July 26, 2019, 12:00:21 AM »
6-year-old, three teens charged in burglary at Wilson gun store
Quote
  A 6-year-old is among four people involved in a break-in at a Wilson gun store last week, where a number of handguns were stolen, police said.

Police responded to an alarm at Dunham's Sports, at 2800 Raleigh Road Parkway, at about 2:15 a.m. on July 16 and found two glass doors had been shattered and 10 handguns missing. 

https://www.wral.com/police-6-year-old-three-teens-broke-into-wilson-gun-store/18525941/

Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #918 on: July 26, 2019, 12:03:50 AM »
America will always trump us when it comes to genuinely mental.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #919 on: July 27, 2019, 05:15:00 PM »
seepage’s post fits in here pretty well - a mass-brawl on a P&O ferry from Bergen.

"things kicked off when another passenger appeared dressed as a clown. This upset one of their party because they'd specifically booked a cruise with no fancy dress. It led to a violent confrontation."

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49137520

a duncandisorderly

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #920 on: July 27, 2019, 05:18:57 PM »
seepage’s post fits in here pretty well - a mass-brawl on a P&O ferry from Bergen.

"local" is a bit of a stretch, though, when we're talking about international waters...

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #921 on: July 27, 2019, 05:20:31 PM »
"local" is a bit of a stretch, though, when we're talking about international waters...

...it’s local to err *checks story* Bergen, Norway? Or possibly Southampton?

You’re right, it’s a bit of a stretch but I stand by it

a duncandisorderly

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #922 on: July 28, 2019, 03:25:05 PM »
...it’s local to err *checks story* Bergen, Norway? Or possibly Southampton?

You’re right, it’s a bit of a stretch but I stand by it

you'll drown unless it's parked up.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #923 on: July 29, 2019, 08:45:36 AM »
A tragedy obviously

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-49147369

Quote
Garlic festival shooting: Three dead in Gilroy California

Quote
"What's going on?" a woman can be heard asking in one video, "who'd shoot up a garlic festival?"

Quote
"Americans", a man calling himself Count Dracula replied

Dex Sawash

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #924 on: July 31, 2019, 10:07:24 PM »
The venue map has random elements labeled that are not mentioned in the story


Blumf

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #925 on: August 06, 2019, 09:39:23 AM »
https://www.dudleynews.co.uk/news/17812174.sandwell-council-admit-losing-tractor-hopeful-will-turn/
Quote
Sandwell Council admit losing tractor but hopeful it will turn up

Red-faced council bosses in Sandwell have had to admit that they have ‘lost’ a £10,000 tractor and don’t know where it is.

The ride-on unit went missing earlier this year and despite an exhaustive search and a police investigation its location remains a mystery.

Probably down the back of the sofa.

Blue Jam

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #926 on: August 06, 2019, 10:35:49 PM »
Does it count as local news if it makes the front page of the BBC website?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-49254511

Quote
It is the "Holy Grail" of gooseberry growing, according to the man who has broken a world record for the heaviest gooseberry.

Graeme Watson's prize-winning fruit weighed in at 64.56g, beating the previous record set in 2013 of 64.49g.

The 59-year-old, from Ainthorpe, North Yorkshire, is a member of the Egton Bridge Old Gooseberry Society.

"I have been trying a long, long time. It's probably a once-in-a-lifetime gooseberry for most growers. It's the Holy Grail of gooseberry growing."



Just realised I have never eaten a gooseberry. I haven't lived.

Blue Jam

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #927 on: August 06, 2019, 10:39:26 PM »
https://www.dudleynews.co.uk/news/17812174.sandwell-council-admit-losing-tractor-hopeful-will-turn/

Sandwell Council admit losing tractor but hopeful it will turn up

Probably down the back of the sofa.

It was a magic tractor. It turned into a field.

Seriously, what a wasted opportunity to use "Dude, where's my tractor?" as a headline.

samadriel

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #928 on: August 07, 2019, 08:45:34 AM »
Just realised I have never eaten a gooseberry. I haven't lived.

You really haven't, they're delicious!  I don't know about this freak gooseberry though.  IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Earth Shattering Local News
« Reply #929 on: August 07, 2019, 09:31:13 AM »
mackerel berries in French

Disgusting things