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Earth Shattering Local News

Started by Blumf, June 23, 2011, 04:34:22 PM

Previous topic - Next topic


Blue Jam

Pensioner livid after Asda runs out of his favourite 34p Smart Price sardines



Quotehis sardine saga began in March, when to his horror, he discovered the shelves at the Metro Centre store were "totally bare".

"It amazes me in this day and age of computers that anything can be out of stock," claimed the Blaydon OAP.

"But I always get the Smart Price ones, they have a very nice flavour.

"But they went out of stock and never came back, so I got in touch with Asda, but they hummed and harred.

"And it was just these - none of the other tinned fish were out of stock."

But to Harty's delight, the tinned treat returned in May.

"The shelf was full of them," recalled a happy Harty.

But his joy was short lived.

Shortly afterwards, the popular product was gone again


Ferris


samadriel

Quote"It amazes me in this day and age of computers that anything can be out of stock," claimed the Blaydon OAP.

Brilliant.

BlodwynPig

To think i once respected The Chronicle. Just emblazon ZRate National Enquirer on the front of all local rags now

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Blue Jam on July 07, 2019, 01:27:46 PM
Pensioner livid after Asda runs out of his favourite 34p Smart Price sardines




Wish I could find a youtube clip of the sardines bit from Ken Loach's The Navigators right now.

Fuckin bollock bastards!


BlodwynPig

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on July 08, 2019, 10:38:21 AM
'Exotic' bird at Bucks Animal Hospital turns out to be a gull covered in curry or turmeric
https://www.bucksfreepress.co.uk/news/17741769.exotic-bird-at-bucks-animal-hospital-turns-out-to-be-a-gull-covered-in-curry-or-turmeric/

That's how those stories should be done. One paragraph, mildly of interest, but doesn't over-egg it with silly puns or infantile reporting.

Bazooka

Quote from: BlodwynPig on July 08, 2019, 10:46:07 AM
That's how those stories should be done. One paragraph, mildly of interest, but doesn't over-egg it with silly puns or infantile reporting.

Its also in the public interest, a gull flying around smelling of curry could cause a stir.

Blumf

https://www.dudleynews.co.uk/news/17760710.hit-and-run-mobility-scooter-rider-broke-woman-39-s-hip-still-not-found/
QuotePOLICE have still not found a hit-and-run mobility scooter rider who left an elderly woman with a broken hip.
...
Police say the woman riding the scooter sped off from the scene


Stoneage Dinosaurs


Jittlebags

Lowlives targeting lower lives.

https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/paedophile-hunter-stole-wheel-womans-16643829

A "paedophile hunter" stole a wheel off a woman's car so he could travel 360 miles to Cornwall in search of perverts, a court has been told.

Ferris

Quote from: Jittlebags on July 25, 2019, 04:46:04 PM
Lowlives targeting lower lives.

https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/paedophile-hunter-stole-wheel-womans-16643829

A "paedophile hunter" stole a wheel off a woman's car so he could travel 360 miles to Cornwall in search of perverts, a court has been told.

This is going straight in the desolation thread. Amazing.

touchingcloth

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on July 25, 2019, 05:50:54 PM
This is going straight in the desolation thread. Amazing.

Really this whole thread ought to be renamed local deso. Post after bleak post.

Ferris

Quote from: touchingcloth on July 25, 2019, 06:55:44 PM
Really this whole thread ought to be renamed local deso. Post after bleak post.

Life imitates HS Art

Dex Sawash

6-year-old, three teens charged in burglary at Wilson gun store
QuoteA 6-year-old is among four people involved in a break-in at a Wilson gun store last week, where a number of handguns were stolen, police said.

Police responded to an alarm at Dunham's Sports, at 2800 Raleigh Road Parkway, at about 2:15 a.m. on July 16 and found two glass doors had been shattered and 10 handguns missing. 

https://www.wral.com/police-6-year-old-three-teens-broke-into-wilson-gun-store/18525941/

bgmnts

America will always trump us when it comes to genuinely mental.

Ferris

seepage's post fits in here pretty well - a mass-brawl on a P&O ferry from Bergen.

Quote from: seepage on July 27, 2019, 05:02:21 PM
"things kicked off when another passenger appeared dressed as a clown. This upset one of their party because they'd specifically booked a cruise with no fancy dress. It led to a violent confrontation."

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49137520

a duncandisorderly

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on July 27, 2019, 05:15:00 PM
seepage's post fits in here pretty well - a mass-brawl on a P&O ferry from Bergen.

"local" is a bit of a stretch, though, when we're talking about international waters...

Ferris

Quote from: a duncandisorderly on July 27, 2019, 05:18:57 PM
"local" is a bit of a stretch, though, when we're talking about international waters...

...it's local to err *checks story* Bergen, Norway? Or possibly Southampton?

You're right, it's a bit of a stretch but I stand by it

a duncandisorderly

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on July 27, 2019, 05:20:31 PM
...it's local to err *checks story* Bergen, Norway? Or possibly Southampton?

You're right, it's a bit of a stretch but I stand by it

you'll drown unless it's parked up.

BlodwynPig

A tragedy obviously

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-49147369

QuoteGarlic festival shooting: Three dead in Gilroy California

Quote"What's going on?" a woman can be heard asking in one video, "who'd shoot up a garlic festival?"

Quote"Americans", a man calling himself Count Dracula replied

Dex Sawash

The venue map has random elements labeled that are not mentioned in the story


Blumf

https://www.dudleynews.co.uk/news/17812174.sandwell-council-admit-losing-tractor-hopeful-will-turn/
QuoteSandwell Council admit losing tractor but hopeful it will turn up

Red-faced council bosses in Sandwell have had to admit that they have 'lost' a £10,000 tractor and don't know where it is.

The ride-on unit went missing earlier this year and despite an exhaustive search and a police investigation its location remains a mystery.

Probably down the back of the sofa.

Blue Jam

Does it count as local news if it makes the front page of the BBC website?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-49254511

QuoteIt is the "Holy Grail" of gooseberry growing, according to the man who has broken a world record for the heaviest gooseberry.

Graeme Watson's prize-winning fruit weighed in at 64.56g, beating the previous record set in 2013 of 64.49g.

The 59-year-old, from Ainthorpe, North Yorkshire, is a member of the Egton Bridge Old Gooseberry Society.

"I have been trying a long, long time. It's probably a once-in-a-lifetime gooseberry for most growers. It's the Holy Grail of gooseberry growing."



Just realised I have never eaten a gooseberry. I haven't lived.

Blue Jam

Quote from: Blumf on August 06, 2019, 09:39:23 AM
https://www.dudleynews.co.uk/news/17812174.sandwell-council-admit-losing-tractor-hopeful-will-turn/

Sandwell Council admit losing tractor but hopeful it will turn up

Probably down the back of the sofa.

It was a magic tractor. It turned into a field.

Seriously, what a wasted opportunity to use "Dude, where's my tractor?" as a headline.

samadriel

Quote from: Blue Jam on August 06, 2019, 10:35:49 PM
Just realised I have never eaten a gooseberry. I haven't lived.

You really haven't, they're delicious!  I don't know about this freak gooseberry though.  IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM.

BlodwynPig

mackerel berries in French

Disgusting things