Woodcutter Simulator OUT TODAY!

[jutl]

Surprised no-one's started a thread about this already. Woodcutter Simulator 2011 is released today:

http://astore.amazon.co.uk/cookdandbombd-21/detail/B005PVONH0

What with Battlefield 3 coming out the same day, I suspect that this game has been unjustly overshadowed. I went to the midnight opening at GAME and asked for a copy of this but was told that they were only selling BF3. I objected and pointed out that technically it was now release day and that as they were open I was entitled to request that they go to the stock room and find me a copy. The guy finally agreed, and took ten minutes only to return and ask the other assistant and the manager to come and help him. By this time the queue behind me was becoming surly and numerous, and the shop was due to close in five minutes, so I left without the game. I'm sure one of you must have secured a copy though - so - what's it like? I hope my PC is up to it. My force-feedback chainsaw is a few years old now.

[mook]

bugger, and i was in game this morning too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvgRvAkYrGg

zip forward to 10min 37secs. dat noob totally can't handle the crane.

[turnstyle]

At this point, the makers of this game are just taking the piss, aren't they?

After all the attention that the Street Cleaning simulator got, I wouldn't be surprised if they keep pushing for duller and duller experiences. The more boring the game, the more likely it is to get attention from all the LOL well-randomers out there. I bet this game will be a popular secret santa present.

Like, oh, I don't know. You're a funny bunch, come up with your own mundane tasks.

You cunts.

[jutl]

bugger, and i was in game this morning too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvgRvAkYrGg

zip forward to 10min 37secs. dat noob totally can't handle the crane.

I see they haven't addressed the 'crane grabber getting stuck in shed' bug (at 11min 14secs). I spent hours in Woodcutter Simulator 2009 trying to get that shed off my crane.

[mobias]

I wish I didn't own a Mac, that looks fucking ace! I could quite happily loose myself in that for hours.

[jutl]

I wish I didn't own a Mac, that looks fucking ace! I could quite happily loose myself in that for hours.

Actually I might be able to help there. I downloaded something called 'Boot Camp' assuming it was a game about making boots in an open air environment but found that it was actually a program for the Mac that allows you to play Woodcutter Simulator 2009.

[mook]

I see they haven't addressed the 'crane grabber getting stuck in shed' bug (at 11min 14secs). I spent hours in Woodcutter Simulator 2009 trying to get that shed off my crane.

the sods, and you spent many a sleepless night trying to work your way throw that bit too didn't you? you'll never get that time back now you know.

I wish I didn't own a Mac, that looks fucking ace! I could quite happily loose myself in that for hours.

i must admit i reckon i'd have more fun playing it than i did with deus ex HR.

[jutl]

the sods, and you spent many a sleepless night trying to work your way throw that bit too didn't you? you'll never get that time back now you know.

It was OK once you earned enough to buy the Semplen bolts upgrade for the adjuster arm. That did take me 40-50 hours though.

edit to add: I realise I might be putting WCS newbies off the game with these stories. What is hard to get across in a forum post is how much the time-consuming and tedious nature of the game is an essential part of its appeal. It's brutally boring, but that's how games used to be and it's only in recent years that non-core gamers have forced the industry to cater for those who obsess over  approachability, content and interest.

[Blumf]

Probably the best simulator (I won't say 'game', it's far deeper than that) ever made, and now you can play it in your browser:

http://www.youmustbejoking.demon.co.uk/als/

ftp://ftp.worldofspectrum.org/pub/sinclair/magazines/YourSinclair/Issue28/Pages/YourSinclair2800090.jpg

[mcbpete]

Probably the best simulator (I won't say 'game', it's far deeper than that) ever made, and now you can play it in your browser:

http://www.youmustbejoking.demon.co.uk/als/

ftp://ftp.worldofspectrum.org/pub/sinclair/magazines/YourSinclair/Issue28/Pages/YourSinclair2800090.jpg

I had a port of that on my Amiga - it was wild !

[jutl]

Probably the best simulator (I won't say 'game', it's far deeper than that) ever made, and now you can play it in your browser:

http://www.youmustbejoking.demon.co.uk/als/

ftp://ftp.worldofspectrum.org/pub/sinclair/magazines/YourSinclair/Issue28/Pages/YourSinclair2800090.jpg

I could never complete it.

[mobias]

Actually I might be able to help there. I downloaded something called 'Boot Camp' assuming it was a game about making boots in an open air environment but found that it was actually a program for the Mac that allows you to play Woodcutter Simulator 2009.

Cheers but Boot camp won't work on my old G5 Mac. Its for Intel machines only.

[Blumf]

I could never complete it.

"If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

[jutl]

"If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

I could never get into Gays of the Abyss.

[Big Jack McBastard]

I keep seeing a spate of weird, shoddy looking simulator games being released for the PC of late 'Forklift Truck Simulator' was the one that stuck in my head but plenty of other unimaginative titles like 'Driving Simulator' or 'UK Truck Simulator', 'Ship Simulator', 'Farming Simulator', 'Bus Driver', 'Rail Traffic Control Simulator' and the like. When I see these titles I think, quite understandably: 'Who the fuck makes or buys these things?' 'How on earth do they expect to make a profit?'. The lack of effort is right there on the box, same font, same shitty picture style, same total lack of interest, same inevitable bargain-bin destination.

There's so many of these 'Really Shitty Thing' Simulator games it's painful and the number just keeps going up at a rather alarming rate.

But more importantly why are they being funded? Like turnstyle said there must be a limit to the amount of people willing to actually buy these things for the WTF? value. I can only imagine they're going to be cobbled together into a massive Terrible Jobs Add-On pack for a supremely disappointing life sim somewhere down the road.

[Slaaaaabs]

Anyone else get the special edition with the "Woodcutters Do It With Eye Protection" hardhat and 500 page artbook? Can't find the download code for the blinged out chainsaw any where! :(

[Consignia]

But more importantly why are they being funded? Like turnstyle said there must be a limit to the amount of people willing to actually buy these things for the WTF? value. I can only imagine they're going to be cobbled together into a massive Terrible Jobs Add-On pack for a supremely disappointing life sim somewhere down the road.

Look at them, the production values on them are the absolute minimum. They probably only have sell a few to even make a profit and keep churning them out.

[Big Jack McBastard]

So they can become the most efficient shitty sim makers in the business... 

What a noble goal, pioneers they are, nay visionaries.

[Big Jack McBastard]

Do they at least factor in the dangerousness of the job so you can become crippled and lose a hand or arm?

The sequel: Workers Compensation Collection Simulator will already be in the works I trust.

[Big Jack McBastard]

and after that Compensation Refusal Appeal Process Simulator will rock our tiny minds.

[Consignia]

So they can become the most efficient shitty sim makers in the business... 

What a noble goal, pioneers they are, nay visionaries.

Hey, if they make a couple of bucks, why not?

[Garfield And Friends]

It was a toss-up between this and Microsoft Non-Flight Simulator for me. In the end I went for the latter, as I thoroughly enjoyed the 'Snowed in at Gatwick' scenario from last year's iteration. Here's hoping the updated 'overcrowded departure lounge' feature and 'frayed temper' mechanic are as good as previewed.

[Goldentony]

NOTHIN' MAKES ME FUCKIN ANGRIER THAN SIMULATED MACHINERY! TWATS!!!!

[madhair60]

Disinterested, Abandoned Wank Simulator would be good.

[mook]

NOTHIN' MAKES ME FUCKIN ANGRIER THAN SIMULATED MACHINERY! TWATS!!!!

hey! don't knock it until you've tried it - the mutli-player horde mode is a blast, not as good as capture the stump mind but really, what is?

[Neomod]

I'm tempted to get this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGmYoRP1jIM

I've always wanted to drive a lorry through the night only stopping to pick up Dollybird hitch hikers and phone local radio sations with my conspiracy theories.

[Famous Mortimer]

Reminds me of this - http://desertbus.org/the-press-release/

I made it about 45 minutes into the game when I tried.

[easytarget]

I'm sorry the DAF Turfomatic is broken at the moment.