What films need to be remade?

[kidsick5000]

Spinning out of the "pointless" remakes some films would benefit from a remake.
I'll start the list with:

Highlander
Great concept but ropey as anything with incredibly slow, poorly shot swordfights. Time hasn't been kind. Not even quaint or dated in a charming way. If it wasn't for Sean Connery I'm not even sure the film would be as well remembered as it is.

[Chutney]

Be nice to see The Black Dahlia done properly, although "properly" would probably be a TV miniseries of at least 8 episodes...

[BlodwynPig]

Blair Witch 2 - done with a lot more respect for the original.

[momatt]

Transformers: The Movie (1986).  It doesn't need it as such and I wouldn't want a scene-by-scene remake; but something along the lines of the original apocalyptical hugeness of this film, only live-action would be incredible.
Obviously Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg would have to be beaten to death pre-production, to avoid them attempting to ruin it.  Someone like Guillermo del Toro or Neill Blomkamp would do a nice job of directing it I think.

[The Boston Crab]

Psycho (Gus Van Sant version)

[Egyptian Feast]

Instead of remaking classic horror films with a large fanbase, who are likely to find the new version objectionable, it would be great to see new versions of movies where the execution didn't quite live up to the concept, such as:

Blue Sunshine – A strain of LSD causes unexpected side effects to users a number of years down the line – their hair falls out and they become wild-eyed psychopaths! Interesting concept, but not a memorable film.

Fade To Black – A delusional movie buff takes on the persona of his favourite movie characters – such as Tommy Udo from Kiss Of Death or Cody Jarrett from White Heat – and seeks revenge against those who wronged him. A young Mickey Rourke is shot dead by 'Hopalong Cassidy' and a Marilyn Monroe lookalike re-enacts the Psycho shower scene, but the script is much weaker than the concept deserves.

Patrick – A bed-ridden, unibrowed vegetable takes revenge on those who wronged him using his psychic powers. Spawned a hilariously terrible Italian 'sequel', Patrick Lives Again, in which sleaze icon Mariangela Giordano is raped to death by a flying poker.

God Told Me To – Normal people (including Andy Kaufman as a police officer who freaks out during a parade) begin committing motiveless murders under the influence of a messianic figure, stating 'God Told Me To' when pressed for the reason behind their atrocities. Interesting and unusual, but messy and unmistakably cheap.

[BlodwynPig]

Instead of remaking classic horror films with a large fanbase, who are likely to find the new version objectionable, it would be great to see new versions of movies where the execution didn't quite live up to the concept, such as:

Blue Sunshine – A strain of LSD causes unexpected side effects to users a number of years down the line – their hair falls out and they become wild-eyed psychopaths! Interesting concept, but not a memorable film.

Fade To Black – A delusional movie buff takes on the persona of his favourite movie characters – such as Tommy Udo from Kiss Of Death or Cody Jarrett from White Heat – and seeks revenge against those who wronged him. A young Mickey Rourke is shot dead by 'Hopalong Cassidy' and a Marilyn Monroe lookalike re-enacts the Psycho shower scene, but the script is much weaker than the concept deserves.

Patrick – A bed-ridden, unibrowed vegetable takes revenge on those who wronged him using his psychic powers. Spawned a hilariously terrible Italian 'sequel', Patrick Lives Again, in which sleaze icon Mariangela Giordano is raped to death by a flying poker.

God Told Me To – Normal people (including Andy Kaufman as a police officer who freaks out during a parade) begin committing motiveless murders under the influence of a messianic figure, stating 'God Told Me To' when pressed for the reason behind their atrocities. Interesting and unusual, but messy and unmistakably cheap.

they all look terrific conceptually, shame that none of them cut the mustard.

[Ignatius_S]

Instead of remaking classic horror films with a large fanbase, who are likely to find the new version objectionable, it would be great to see new versions of movies where the execution didn't quite live up to the concept, such as...

Absolutely agree – although I'm less inclined about And God Told Me To. Incidentally, I don't know if you've seen but very recently it's been reported that Gaspar Noé wants to remake it.

they all look terrific conceptually, shame that none of them cut the mustard.

In the case of And God Told Me To, you'll find a hell of lot of people who disagree that it doesn't.

[Famous Mortimer]

I love the original Highlander. I think it gets a rough ride because of its cheesy 80s clothing and lighting – but the film itself is, I think, still a legit classic. As a person who knows nothing about swordfights, I'm also sure that a more realistic fighting style would do absolutely nothing to my enjoyment of it. Also, some of them might just be crap at swordfighting – it's not like you have to practice, being an immortal and all. You're not the first person I've heard criticise it, but I still think you're all wrong.

I think the 80s-ness of it was why people wanted to remake "Manhunter", even though that film is many orders of magnitude better than the remake.

And I'm also the only person I've ever met who enjoyed Blair Witch 2. I thought it was an interesting sequel, personally. Not a classic, by any stretch, but I've got no idea how else you'd make a sequel to the first one.

[BlodwynPig]

I think the 80s-ness of it was why people wanted to remake "Manhunter", even though that film is many orders of magnitude better than the remake.

And I'm also the only person I've ever met who enjoyed Blair Witch 2. I thought it was an interesting sequel, personally. Not a classic, by any stretch, but I've got no idea how else you'd make a sequel to the first one.

Manhunter (1) - in my top 5 films of the 80s for sure. Was it Red Dragon that was the remake - pile of cock.

There was supposedly a Blair Witch 3 announced around the time that 2 was also muted. I think that was a prequel (i.e. set at the time of the real witch was alive and the events that led to the "myth"). BW2 was ok as a stand-alone modern horror movie - the scene in the ruins with the white ash was particularly good, but overall it gave too much, whereas the beauty of BW1 was the horror not seen.

[madhair60]

mannequin

[Egyptian Feast]

Absolutely agree – although I'm less inclined about And God Told Me To. Incidentally, I don't know if you've seen but very recently it's been reported that Gaspar Noé wants to remake it.

Wow, that sounds intriguing. I'd be very interested to see his take on it. I imagine he'd retain a lot of the weirdness that a straight Hollywood remake would immediately discard. I like the original a great deal, but like a lot of Larry Cohen's films the ideas transcend the execution.

A few of his other movies could be remade quite effectively: It's Alive, The Stuff, Special Effects. Anybody who wants to remake Q, however, can fuck off.

[Jemble Fred]

I preferred Blair Witch 2 to the original, but then I have always despised the original, and the sequel had a sexy lady in it.

Theatre of Blood definitely does not NEED to be remade, but I've still always hankered after a new version, a bit darker and slightly less camp and dated. The bits of the original which are dated are also charming, of course, I just think it's such a strong concept it would be good to watch the horror unfold without so much tongue in cheek.

[kidsick5000]

Theatre of Blood definitely does not NEED to be remade, but I've still always hankered after a new version, a bit darker and slightly less camp and dated. The bits of the original which are dated are also charming, of course, I just think it's such a strong concept it would be good to watch the horror unfold without so much tongue in cheek.

Funnily enough, after watching the other night I was torn about a remake. It seems so of it's time that for it to work a lot of humour would need to be stripped. Particularly the camp hairdresser. When it comes to horror films particularly, I'd want it to go into a safe auteurs pair of hands rather than a bog standard torture porn rehash.

[Johnny Textface]

I preferred Blair Witch 2 to the original

Are you ok?


How about He-man ?

[Jemble Fred]

Blair Witch is crap. Blair Witch 2 is trash. That's the distinction I'd make – it's easier to enjoy trash than crap.

[BlodwynPig]

Blair Witch is crap. Blair Witch 2 is trash. That's the distinction I'd make – it's easier to enjoy trash than crap.

Explain

[Famous Mortimer]

Explain

Nothing good can come of this.

Blair Witch 1 does inspire a higher proportion of people who don't like it, really not liking it. The Marmite of films, or something. I think it's brilliant.

[BlodwynPig]

I think it's brilliant.

Explain.

just joking. people who didn't have nightmares as a child and think nothing of an odd shadow in the corner of a room, or a bump in the night, probably don't like BW1. People who think that seeing a beast goring several people to death in scene 1 of a horror movie is cowabunga man!, probably don't like BW1.

People who dream of lurkers in silent woodlands, of festering malice beyond dirt stained caravan windows, of the dread that stalks their back in dim lit alleyways - they probably loved BW1.

[Johnny Textface]

Surely BW2 was an uninspired cash-in? Not really trashy - just shit, really.

[Jemble Fred]

people who didn't have nightmares as a child and think nothing of an odd shadow in the corner of a room, or a bump in the night, probably don't like BW1. People who think that seeing a beast goring several people to death in scene 1 of a horror movie is cowabunga man!, probably don't like BW1.

People who dream of lurkers in silent woodlands, of festering malice beyond dirt stained caravan windows, of the dread that stalks their back in dim lit alleyways - they probably loved BW1.

To be fair, I'd say the exact opposite to that. It's my love for nuanced subtlety which makes me rate BW1 so low (throw in the usual 'I saw it on my own before any of the hype kicked in' etc stuff here).

But FM's right, that's a Marmite-flavoured war which has been fought on CaB so many times over the years. It's never about subtlety versus big scares though, more about successful subtlety in horror versus the weak.

[BlodwynPig]

To be fair, I'd say the exact opposite to that. It's my love for nuanced subtlety which makes me rate BW1 so low (throw in the usual 'I saw it on my own before any of the hype kicked in' etc stuff here).

But FM's right, that's a Marmite-flavoured war which has been fought on CaB so many times over the years. It's never about subtlety versus big scares though, more about successful subtlety in horror versus the weak.

OK examples of successful subtlety in horror please.

[Famous Mortimer]

Blair Witch 1 lol

[Jemble Fred]

If I was a richer man I would buy you a Nigel Kneale boxset for Xmas, Blodwyn. Should one exist.

I cannot see the name Blodwyn Pig without hearing it in Mel Smith's voice.

[Tiny Poster]

30 Minutes Or Less. Great premise with excellent set-piece potential, with a completely miscast lead and an undercooked script.

[BlodwynPig]

If I was a richer man I would buy you a Nigel Kneale boxset for Xmas, Blodwyn. Should one exist.

Kavanagh QC?

I cannot see the name Blodwyn Pig without hearing it in Mel Smith's voice.

i am the one and the same.

[VegaLA]

I thought it was common knowledge that Highlander IS being remade?

My call, Zombie Flesheaters. Yes, I love the original but I want more of it please. Unlike Dawn of the Dead there are no extended or alternate scenes, no deleted scenes that can be inserted back in to a special 35TH anniversary BluRay release, so that one photo of the fat balding Zombie walking up on the New York shore from the opening scene had me believing for YEARS that there was more to it then the strong uncut version, but no, there is not.
In order to satisfy this craving a new version should be shot with Peter Davidson as Dr. Menard and additional scenes of Zombies terroizing the residents of Matuul and graphic scenes of them feasting on New York cabbers along the Brooklyn bridge please thanking you very much.

[Jemble Fred]

I'd still like to remake Harold Ramis' 'Bedazzled'. REMAKE IT RIGHT IN THE FUCKING EYE.

[Cohaagen]

I love the original Highlander. I think it gets a rough ride because of its cheesy 80s clothing and lighting – but the film itself is, I think, still a legit classic. As a person who knows nothing about swordfights, I'm also sure that a more realistic fighting style would do absolutely nothing to my enjoyment of it. Also, some of them might just be crap at swordfighting – it's not like you have to practice, being an immortal and all. You're not the first person I've heard criticise it, but I still think you're all wrong.

As an avowed lover of Highlander and someone who believes that any poster who uses the default Christopher Lambert avatar deserves ∞ karma I totally agree. There is though a helicopter shot where McLeod and Ramirez are supposed to be practising on top of some mountain and the stunt doubles and their movements are so visibly fake I double up whenever I see it. That aside, there is plenty to Highlander that is just plain good even when not viewing from a standpoint of 80s appreciation: Clancy Brown is excellent, the Kurgan is a proper baddie, the soundtrack really works, and it is hugely atmospheric. Probably one of the last "sleazy New York" films in fact.

I'd like to direct see a remake of The Quiet Earth. While the central concept is novel and clever the execution - and I say this as someone who loves this film - is frankly ropey as fuck. Bruno Lawrence and that fantastic final shot are about the only parts that stand up as grown-up league filmmaking really. It's pretty obvious they were hampered by the tiny budget - I have heard the novel enjoys a much greater sense of scale. An obvious example of a remake realising the promise of a zero-budget predecessor would be Robert Rodriguez with El Mariachi>Desperado.

[Famous Mortimer]

I'd like to direct see a remake of The Quiet Earth. While the central concept is novel and clever the execution - and I say this as someone who loves this film - is frankly ropey as fuck. Bruno Lawrence and that fantastic final shot are about the only parts that stand up as grown-up league filmmaking really. It's pretty obvious they were hampered by the tiny budget - I have heard the novel enjoys a much greater sense of scale.

I think the tiny budget worked for them, for the most part. Mark me down as another lover of the film who think it's a bit off in places. I just watched the trailer on Youtube, because it's been a while since I saw it and wanted to check it was the right film, and it's really misleading (and gives the ending away). Bad show, makers of the Quiet Earth.