Author Topic: The world's worst websites  (Read 2084 times)

23 Daves

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The world's worst websites
« on: June 15, 2004, 10:40:33 AM »
Way back in the mid-nineties there were a lot of links pages online dedicated to the art of bad websites.  The usual suspects dominated - people (literally) outlining the contents of their wardrobes, lunatics with conspiracy theories so outlandish that they shouldn't even have been allowed online without consulting a psychiatrist first, people who think LISTS are fascinating, etc.  These links pages with their witty critiques pointed out long before any of the rest of us had cottoned on that, far from being a major innovation with earth-shattering consequences for the future of writing and journalism, the Internet was mostly full of utter toss.

Trouble is, who these days would you nominate for a "worst website" award? To my mind, there's only one person who can take my nomination, and that's this man:

http://www.garry-bushell.co.uk

Look at it.  You don't know whether to feel sorry for him (read the wounded rants about "the Sun", see the pics of the sad old goat surrounded by naked women) or feel even more repulsed than you already were.  It's a tragic sight, and laughable for all the wrong reasons.  It is, actually, slightly Partridge-esque.

Mildly Diverting

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The world's worst websites
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2004, 10:49:32 AM »
Quote from: "Garry Bushell"
There is a list of News International employees as long as Dion Dublin's dick


Quote from: "Garry Bushell"
It was about as fair as Frank Bruno's arse


Anyone notice a pattern? Some of my best mates etc.

Timmay

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The world's worst websites
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2004, 10:57:48 AM »


Quite clearly he isn't actually there - a round of photoshops was obviously ordered that day. And the pics of "his babes"? Well, we're obviously just seeing a collection of photos from his wank-fodder folders on his hard drive. Lets face it, he's probably never actually been within 5ft of a woman, apart from his mother. During birth.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2004, 11:02:25 AM »
Quote from: "Gary Bushell"
11) Are you still on telly?
I do bits and bobs all the time. I did the last nine months of Big Breakfast until the end of March 2002 which was a blast, and I've just co-written and appeared in a pilot of RUSH which sets out to reinvent Carry On humour for the Blink generation. We are re-shooting the pilot in January 2004.


I can't even bring myself to laugh at the poor sod.  The guy is utterly deluded.

Quote
TO be born English is to have won first prize in the lottery of life.


Yes, I feel so proud to come from a country that produces fine specimens of humanity like Gary Bushell.  Perhaps I don't feel like I've won first prize, but certainly like I got 5 numbers and the bonus ball.

I was going to post a link to another terrible website, but anything else just kind of pales in comparison to Bushell's insane combination of tub-thumping and self-pity.

DrJ

The world's worst websites
« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2004, 11:09:23 AM »


The logo seems to say "Gay Bus Hell"

The world's worst websites
« Reply #5 on: June 15, 2004, 11:10:14 AM »
His Benny Hill Statue campaign made me laugh.

TJ

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Re: The world's worst websites
« Reply #6 on: June 15, 2004, 11:13:56 AM »
Quote from: "23 Daves"
lunatics with conspiracy theories so outlandish that they shouldn't even have been allowed online without consulting a psychiatrist first


Nowadays people don't laugh at those sites, though. They just post a link to them on here and apparently take them entirely seriously.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #7 on: June 15, 2004, 01:51:25 PM »
NME dot com

not for nicking stories from fansites (i emailed them once about that, and exchanged some very pleasant correspondance with the News Editor, and he's a good, honest bloke) and not because they're often behind on much news despite that... i accept it's a tricky job.


but because it looks fucking horrible. like it's been programmed by a small child with no concept of design. also fucking swirly noisy popups that skim past my popup blockers

neveragain

  • like those swamp tar pits that bubble and go Gloop
The world's worst websites
« Reply #8 on: June 15, 2004, 03:04:57 PM »
www.nunsonfire.com

I have absolutely no idea what this is all about.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #9 on: June 15, 2004, 08:11:29 PM »
The Bing Family Photo Album

The Bing's are proud of their kids - even though they are amazingly ugly critters - so much so that they created a Geocities page dedicated to them. Fair enough.

But what's jaw-droppingly freakish is the page dedicated to their youngest kid, "Jayson's page", which not only features a first-person-narrative of his birth and downloadable sound-files of him gurgling for peadophiles to wank off to, but also a charming picture of the sloppy afterbirth.

Puketastic!

(Before you think I'm a weirdo who goes around hunting for people's family web-sites, I actually encountered this monstrosity via a site run by a hate-filled, misanthropic bitch (my kinda woman). This was in her "Sappy Site Of The Week" section.)

gazzyk1ns

  • "I don't give a shit if your dad's dead or anything else"
The world's worst websites
« Reply #10 on: June 15, 2004, 08:16:22 PM »
That page isn't right.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #11 on: June 15, 2004, 08:27:53 PM »

The world's worst websites
« Reply #12 on: June 15, 2004, 08:58:27 PM »
Quote from: "Peking O"

Oh I don't know, you seem to like them quite a bit. ;-)


heh, i'd like it more if it was designed better is my point.

it's horrible to navigate past the "front page" to get to any of the proper news... the ticker is rubbish, and the whole interface is ugly.

also the ads.... when i was on 56K i never went on NME dot com, because the flash heavy, sound heavier ads use to freeze the thing.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #13 on: June 15, 2004, 09:18:17 PM »
Yes, it's horribly lumpen and sluggish. I fear those swirly flash ad's which manage to get past pop up blockers are the future. Sometimes it's really hard to find the 'x' to get out of them, other times you simply have to sit there, wait for it to load and then try to get rid of it. The thing is, does anyone buy those products? It seems a strange way to advertise - we are going to annoy the fuck out of you by not allowing you to do anything else while we shovel our shit onto your screen. Er, thanks, but no thanks.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #14 on: June 15, 2004, 09:48:26 PM »
23 Daves wrote:

Quote
You don't know whether to feel sorry for him


 I can't feel anything but the upmost contempt for someone who cites Jim Davidson as one of his best mates. Sorry, that's totally unfair, since Bushell could be a really nice bloke, but judging from his appearences on TV, he is a cunt.

 He seems to have a bit of a thing against the middle-classes.

Quote
genius writer John Sullivan...Only Fools and Horses is the Holy Grail of British TV


 Sullivan is certainly a genius. He's found a way of being paid vast sums of money for recyclying the same fucking jokes for 20 years, and mistaking a load of saccherine puke for comedy.*

 *adapted from Blackadder Goes Forth, ep.2

Santa's Boyfriend

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The world's worst websites
« Reply #15 on: June 15, 2004, 09:59:27 PM »
Stormfront.org is certainly one of the worst designed sites I've seen - it's quite reassuring that they're so bad in a way  - although the BNP one is annoyingly well designed.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #16 on: June 15, 2004, 10:39:42 PM »
From Bushell's literary debut, The Face:

Quote
"Wot do you fink of Guardian readers?"

"All poofs and gobshite leftie cunts."


 Absolutely not speaking through his characters then?



Quote
"You're all right, my son. You're a good un. Have a drink."

"I'd rather have the barmaid."

"Help yerself."

"Wot are you havin'?" smirked Lesley, the barmaid.

"Your tits, for a start," Harry quipped.

"Fuck me, Johnny, me knob's really sore after that Les."


 I swear the last line has absolutely no relevance to the previous 5 lines. Sounds almost as bad as Littlejohn's debut.

Evil Knevil

  • I refuse to involve myself.
The world's worst websites
« Reply #17 on: June 16, 2004, 10:40:56 AM »
I've met Bushell irl. He's okay, not an utter cunt. Maybe that's just him moderating his personality to not get him in trouble though.

He was right V the Sun in any case.

Bless 'im, the deluded cunt.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #18 on: June 16, 2004, 10:52:33 AM »
Quote from: "Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer"

Quote
"You're all right, my son. You're a good un. Have a drink."
"I'd rather have the barmaid."
"Help yerself."
"Wot are you havin'?" smirked Lesley, the barmaid.
"Your tits, for a start," Harry quipped.
"Fuck me, Johnny, me knob's really sore after that Les."

 I swear the last line has absolutely no relevance to the previous 5 lines. Sounds almost as bad as Littlejohn's debut.



Oh my I can't stop laughing. I really really want to read this now!

The world's worst websites
« Reply #19 on: June 16, 2004, 11:24:05 AM »
Quote from: "mwude"
Quote
TO be born English is to have won first prize in the lottery of life.


Yes, I feel so proud to come from a country that produces fine specimens of humanity like Gary Bushell.


Is he claiming that phrase as his own?  It was actually said by Sir Cecil Rhodes about a hundred years ago, when being from the UK meant that you could pillage our darker skinned brothers whilst sitting around smoking fat cigars and drinking brandy in a cream suit.  Hardly something to be proud of, but certainly a cushy lifestyle.

I once tried to get a picture of Bushell of his website - I think I wanted it for a mong.  He won't let you cut & paste them - obviously aware that you're going to stick his head on Mussolini or feature him and Jim Davidson being fisted by a muscled-up negro.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #20 on: June 16, 2004, 11:32:26 AM »
Quote from: "Partridge's Love Child"
I once tried to get a picture of Bushell of his website - I think I wanted it for a mong.  He won't let you cut & paste them - obviously aware that you're going to stick his head on Mussolini or feature him and Jim Davidson being fisted by a muscled-up negro.


Just press "Print scrn" on yer keyboard then, and paste it into Photoshop.

That's one in the eye for the swivelly-eyed cunt.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #21 on: June 16, 2004, 11:45:21 AM »
And another in the brown eye.

Fucking hell, sorry.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #22 on: June 16, 2004, 11:57:16 AM »
"Your tits, for a start", Harry quipped.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 'Quipped!'  Yeah, Wildean that.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #23 on: June 16, 2004, 12:20:34 PM »
More of the book, and a review, here.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #24 on: June 16, 2004, 12:24:43 PM »
Have I misunderstood- aren't those quotes from the Guardian piece that "condenses books in the style of the original"?  i.e. takes the piss out of Bushell anyway?

The world's worst websites
« Reply #25 on: June 16, 2004, 12:57:02 PM »
Alas pike is right... those extracts from Bushell's book are a pisstake.

Bugger.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #26 on: June 16, 2004, 01:08:45 PM »
The Guardian review yields this nugget however:

Quote
"That England don't exist any more, Harry. It's been destroyed by the Arabs and the Muslims, Europe and the bogus fucking asylum-seekers taking us for mugs. The way England is going, it's gonna end up the Islamic Republic of North West Europe." Harry felt a shiver down his back. He's right, he thought. He's fucking right.'


Priceless.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #27 on: June 16, 2004, 01:12:31 PM »
Hmm, I guess you're right. I just assumed it was selected quotes from the book, based on what was posted earlier.

The world's worst websites
« Reply #28 on: June 16, 2004, 01:15:35 PM »
Quote from: "Ghost of Troubled Joe"
The Guardian review yields this nugget however:

Quote
"That England don't exist any more, Harry. It's been destroyed by the Arabs and the Muslims, Europe and the bogus fucking asylum-seekers taking us for mugs. The way England is going, it's gonna end up the Islamic Republic of North West Europe." Harry felt a shiver down his back. He's right, he thought. He's fucking right.'


Priceless.



heh.... at least Houllebecq wraps up his intense arab-hatred in fuckscenes, death, misery and great writing.

i'm almost tempted to buy the Bushell book, second hand mind. and i'd have to slip it into a porn mag if i was to read it in public.

Johnny Yesno

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The world's worst websites
« Reply #29 on: June 16, 2004, 02:15:56 PM »
Quote from: "gazzyk1ns"
That page isn't right.


Absolutely. It uses frames. Yuk!

Quote from: "Jayson"
Well, got to go for now - I have a lot of sleeping and sucking to do.


Aah! C'mon now, you can't be that bad when you're awake. Censoring your afterbirth seems a bit pointless, though.