Websites that need to keep up with the times, grandpa

[Morrison Lard]

http://www.sarahjanenewbury.com/

Excellent website. What a fucking lunatic she is.

Would you ever be Tony Durant's girlfriend ?
...
Tony is llike a brother but 25 Years ago he was tickling us and tickled around my chest

[Dead kate moss]

Do you thinks if two virgins marry and make love 3 or 7 times a day or week that is ok ? or if a virgin marries a divorced or widowed man with no disease.

Yes Doctors say the mixture of two such humans is safe.

[Dark Sky]

I probably learnt of this website via CAB in the first place, but here it is.  One of the strangest websites you'll see today:

www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/

[Dead kate moss]

^ I can't look at that until I'm finished with the fragrant Miss Newbury.

There are hundreds of people in my family and people I went to school with, I am proud of all of them, they are all honest, well respected hardworking people, and if 40 yrs ago someone forgot to return a library ticket or their friends bought a box of crisps they were told was bankrupt stock, or even got caught smoking in the bicycle sheds, what family or group of friends is 100 per cent perfect. However, Sarah Jane always tries to discourage all ages from smoking.  It's pathetic for people to gossip about minor faults of many years ago. I am extremely fond of everyone and only wish there was enough space to mention them all. I have never met any criminals. A friend asked me to mention she has only got 28 days in prison for thumping a man who shot her five year old son's dog dead for crossing a field. Although Sarah has never visited or known anyone in prison she is never not going to be friends with this couple and will visit. Her friend asked her to mention she will campaign for the law to be changed.  This friend now has faith in the law again as she has not had to go to prison and the man who shot her dog has apologised.

[Dark Sky]

But it has a squirrel dressed as Saddam Hussein!

[Dead kate moss]

I CAN'T SEE A SQUIRREL BEHIND SARAH-JANE'S BACK NOW CAN I?

Some of her favourite TV shows are Jim Davidson's Generation Game, Trisha, Kilroy, BBC Watchdog, The Wright Show and Eastenders.  The Carry On film where Kenneth Williams and the Consultant both discover they are in love with the Matron is one of her favourite films.  Some of her favourite radio stations are Wiltshire Sound including the Dave Barret Show and GWR.  Some of her favourite films are The Thornbirds [not a film], The Earl of Greystoke [not a film], Cane and Abel [not a film],  and Forrest Gump.  Sarah Jane has always been a fan of Cliff Richard.

[Hangthebuggers]

That website is a goldmine isn't it?

Glad you like it. I stumbled upon it (christ knows how) about a year or so ago. I occasionally return to cheer myself up.

[Hangthebuggers]

Well, just when you'd seen it all. Grab yourself a cup of tea and prepare yourselves for the delights within.

I won't spoil too much but key features include:

Spoiler alert

Looped sequence of an asian karaoke lady singing 'the hank panky'

gifs to fuck

colours

it 'might' be fake but it's brilliant, I'm not sure..

[close]

http://www.lingscars.com/

[Hangthebuggers]

or this (much, much more dreary than the last two)

http://www.davidmantell.com/

[Clatty McCutcheon]

There's a world of delights here on 'The Happy Fox', including the words 'Blair -War Criminal' flanked by 2 cheerleading smiley faces.

It also features a large and varied scattergun selection of rants against everything and everything, as well as (for some reason) links to webcams at Robin Hood's Bay and Scarborough.  All in no particular order.

http://www.sxolsout.org.uk/titlep.html

[Lfbarfe]

"SARAH HAS NEVER HAD ORAL SEX DONE TO HER EITHER AND SHE HAS NOT DONE ORAL SEX TO ANYONE"

[Small Man Big Horse]

Do you think it could be dangerous doing the Ouija Board and holding séances?

Yes a neighbour called Sheila told us although she has a wonderful husband she was having an affair with a toy boy when he was at work and she tried to call the spirit of her father who had died asking him to do automatic writing though her and something evil got hold of her. She started saying bad bizarre things in a different voice to her husband then didnt know she had said it. She also said she heard voices saying they would get her when she died. Her husband sent her to a psychiatrist who in those circumstances suggested she also spoke to a priest. He told her it was very dangerous having extra marital sex and also calling spirits. Her not walking in the light had left her spiritual door open to evil attaching. He exorcised her and told her to stop being unfaithful to her husband. She stopped saying crazy things and hearing evil voices. She found out years later the man she had an affair with has got aids and is now very worried both for herself and her husband.

I want to marry her, just so I can be a part of her website.

[KLG-7A]

I love how that one was just an excuse to post this "question":

"Has that previously dirty promiscuous woman that became a nasty con woman lying saying she was from offices tyrant in politics who caused havoc in a generally good party and who leeched onto a chap when he was so young, making a meal ticket of him like a parasite, stopped sending you photos with pins. ? When women from council houses start to criticise the disabled and pretend they look down on decent people they are the worse type of upstarts with inferiority complexes."

[Small Man Big Horse]

Fuck me, this is the gift that just keeps on giving:

Do you buy things from charity shops ? and what do you think happens to children who die all around the world without being christened etc ?

Yes of course and boot sales and fetes. I also send things to people in many countries. I am absolutely certain all children of the world go to heaven and also many adults whether they are christened or not. Children when they die are looked after by angels like Mother Teresa, and those wanting children or more children.  Many who die in poverty and squalor will be in paradise and will grow up to be angels.

Despite it all, I do kind of admire her. She seems to have a genuine love for others, and seems very caring.

[KLG-7A]

Yeah, she's a good crank.

[Eis Nein]

http://www.webring.org/hub/mame?w=1024;rh=http%3A%2F%2Fpc2jamma%2Emameworld%2Einfo%2F;rd=1

Another ring post. Linehan was right - I am Frodo.

He's pretty astute for a bog-brained Murphy.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

http://www.sarahjanenewbury.com/

I can't recommend the already recommended above website highly enough.

I think the third-person perspective so relentlessly misused is what makes it all.

[waste of chops]

http://www.josephkeegan.co.uk

GET SHOCKWAVE FLASH ffs

[Custard]

http://setlist.com/

[gmoney]

http://www.kendoddshows.com/

[Old Nehamkin]

Limmy fans might be interested to know that his father is a stage hypnotist and sometime painter who has a hilariously inept web prescence of his own: http://lordofthetrance1.webs.com/ (This is actually real despite seeming like the kind of thing Limmy would make up).

[Gradual Decline]

I'm in love - http://www.chums.co.uk/

[turnstyle]

From the 'stories' section of the Northern Uproar site:

Chris and Leon went for a hike up Ygairne near Tryffyn in Wales, the wind was blowing at 80 mph and they had to crawl and slither to keep from being blown away.
When they got back down to the bottom, Leon slipped and hurt his ankle, but instead of going to the hospital like any mere mortals would do... they went to the pub for some liquid anaesthetic.
Not 'til the next day did Leon find out that he had actually broken his ankle!

This is the only story in the story section, but to be fair it is a corker.

[Milo]

George R R Martin's website is incredibly retro, complete with spinning logos:

http://georgerrmartin.com/

I mean, it's part of a *webring* ffs.