Totally legit pop criticisms

[alan nagsworth]

Gary Barlow: if, "a million love songs later," you still find yourself trying to tell your woman that you care, it's probably not the best idea in the world to try to convey your affections with another fucking love song. She's clearly not a big fan of love songs, I thought that would be obvious after a million of the bastards.

Christina Perri: I don't know what fantasy fiction you've been reading to make you think that the villain in your song will "catch a cold from the ice inside [their] soul," but in my experience I've found that the source of the bad guy's malevolence was never a direct cause of their downfall, no matter how slight. You might want to sort that out.

You want more? I GOT NOTHIN. So give me some of yours while I have a think.

[PaulTMA]

That Lemar song 'If There's Any Justice'.  Honestly, as bad as it is when one is romantically rejected, one can't seriously claim it to be an injustice.  Therefore Lemar is basically making a mockery of Hillsborough, Orkney child abuse and Ford Mondeos that veered to the left in the 90s.

[mycroft]

"I've been to the year 3,000. Not much has changed, but they live underwater."

It takes a lot to shock Busted.

[Smeraldina Rima]

In Gary Barlow and Robbie Williams's reunion song Oh What a Shame I find the lyric about childhood abuse a bit strange:

Well there's three versions of this story
Mine and yours and then the truth
And we can put it down to circumstance
Or childhood abuse

It just seems a weird way of explaining why they stopped being friends.

[madhair60]

Everyone: Shut up about going to clubs

[non capisco]

'Alright, stop. Collaborate and listen.'

Sunday 22nd January 2012, 22 years later, Vanilla Ice sits bolt upright in his bed and shouts "SHIT! SHIT! I MEANT 'CONGREGATE'! I BET EVERYONE THINKS I'M AN IDIOT!"

[SavageHedgehog]

"I've been to the year 3,000. Not much has changed, but they live underwater."

It takes a lot to shock Busted.

I would also like to know how technology and medicine has advanced to the point that their friend's relatively close descendant (their "great, great, great granddaughter" if I recall) has lived such a long life and apparently remained very nubile throughout it, but Busted seemed sadly reluctant to divulge these kind of details.

[non capisco]

I like the bit in that Busted song where they get excited about seeing women with three tits and gills. Whatever floats your boat, lads.

[I accept the terms of the]

When Busted was in the room, it was everybody else who could see three tits.

[WesterlyWinds]

"Party rock is in the house tonight
Everybody just have a good time..."

Must... Obey... Song.

[I accept the terms of the]

I'm not entirely sure if I agreed with Liz Frazer's lyrics sometimes.

"Hoca poca donimoca"? Come on Liz, that hasn't been the case since the war ended.

[Dead kate moss]

No matter how much of a stalker Mr Sting is, he couldn't possibly be watching someone 'every breath they take, every step they make'. He'd need to sleep or have a poo sometimes. I think he's exaggerating to be honest.

Also, when faced with the actual choice, I bet Etta James would not rather have gone blind. Again, it's needless exaggeration, which I hate more than the holocaust.

[small_world]

Ha.

My favourite one of these.. Kanye West's Flashing Lights.

And try to hit you with the Ol-Wu-Wopte
Till I got flashed by the paparazzi
Damn, these niggas got me
I hate these niggas more than Nazis

While not being actually factually dubious, actually, fuck it, yeah. Even HE can't be that fucked up.

[The Roofdog]

'You want blood you got it' by AC/DC opens with the assertion "It's criminal - there ought to be a law" - but if there's no legislation in place it can't be criminal can it? HOWLER.

[Oops! Wrong Planet]

Ha.

My favourite one of these.. Kanye West's Flashing Lights.

And try to hit you with the Ol-Wu-Wopte
Till I got flashed by the paparazzi
Damn, these niggas got me
I hate these niggas more than Nazis

While not being actually factually dubious, actually, fuck it, yeah. Even HE can't be that fucked up.

Perhaps it means I hate these niggas more than Nazis [hate them] (fair enough) rather than I hate these niggas more than [I hate] Nazis. #Ambiguous urban ellipses.

[Utter Shit]

Roses don't actually smell like poo-poo(-ooh-ooh), that's more likely to be the smell of whatever they happen to be covered in - probably poo-poo(-ooh-ooh).

Jimi shouldn't feel the need to beg my pardon while he kisses that guy, live and let live I reckon.

On the topic of Busted, the seminal classic "What I Go To School" includes the lines "Her boyfriends working out of town/I find a reason to go round/I climb a tree outside her home/To make sure she's all alone" - I would suggest that finding a legitimate reason to go round is redundant if you're going to climb up a tree rather than knock on her door. Although maybe they're way ahead of me and they have actually come up with a legitimate reason that they'd be up a tree outside her home at night while she's changing.

[Brundle-Fly]

The lyric I've always had a problem with is in Robbie William's Strong

'I look like Kiss but without the make-up'

Does he mean that in the early morning he looks as dreadful as an ageing member of Kiss without their stage make up on?

Or

Does he mean that in the early morning he has such dark rings around his eyes and such pale skin, he resembles a member of Kiss when they are in full stage make up, except he doesn't actually require the make up to look this bad?

[Crabwalk]

The former.

[Utter Shit]

I took it to mean that he looks as deliberately 'horrific' as Kiss do, except he doesn't have the explanation that he is wearing make-up.

[Beagle 2]

Elton John (well Bernie Taupin I suppose), Your Song.

"If I was a sculptor, but then again, no."

No what? No, you wouldn't be a sculptor? No you'd better not go into it? No that's a shit line, I'll change that later? What? You brought up the sculptor thing. I want to know now, what if you were a sculptor? If you were a sculptor you'd decide a few minutes after starting a sculpture "No" and leave it half finished, that's what. Maybe that's what he means.

"Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show"

A what? No, fuck off you're trying to confuse me, back to this sculptor thing.

[Johnny Textface]

"ohhhh, this sex is on fire !! "

just sounds horrific.

[Utter Shit]

"If I was a sculptor, but then again, no."

No what? No, you wouldn't be a sculptor? No you'd better not go into it? No that's a shit line, I'll change that later? What? You brought up the sculptor thing. I want to know now, what if you were a sculptor? If you were a sculptor you'd decide a few minutes after starting a sculpture "No" and leave it half finished, that's what. Maybe that's what he means.

Ahahaha yes. Brilliant. I like the idea that it's a sort of stream of consciousness. I'm bloody well going to write about being a sculptor, but now I think of it I have very little of interest to say on the subject.

[Oops! Wrong Planet]

I quite like the sculptor line - it's good at showing the writer editing himself for going a bit over the top with his romantic lyricism.
I don't like "Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross" though, even though the bathos of "quite cross" and the repeat of "well" are probably deliberately naive.

[Nobody Soup]

I love that line. I think it's a brilliant bit of stream of conscious writing.

[phantom_power]

Ha.

My favourite one of these.. Kanye West's Flashing Lights.

While not being actually factually dubious, actually, fuck it, yeah. Even HE can't be that fucked up.

Well, as the Nazis are less of a threat to him now it is legitimate to hate something modern more. Hating Nazis doesn't really change anything but hating paps could

[phantom_power]

'You want blood you got it' by AC/DC opens with the assertion "It's criminal - there ought to be a law" - but if there's no legislation in place it can't be criminal can it? HOWLER.

'Criminal' is a common colloqialism for something you think is wrong though and should be allowable on those grounds

[Tiny Poster]

Can we tackle the ambiguity of an animal living in a human zoo next?

[Black Ship]

Katy Perry - How exactly do you make out to Radiohead? Is it even possible?

[non capisco]

PJ and Duncan once boasted of having 'so many lyrics we're frightened to use 'em'. I would have thought not having enough lyrics would be more likely to create nervousness in the performer than the surfeit they were claiming. In fairness, the followup line was 'So many lyrics we keep them in drawers/We've even got them coming out of our pores'. I'd have been frightened to use that, it's fucking shit.

[The Roofdog]

'So many lyrics we keep them in drawers/We've even got them coming out of our paws'

Fixed.